Friday, 31 August 2007

Big Brother 8: Noel Edmonds Rocks/ Ignorance is Bliss

Love it! Oh I do love it. How cool is this, I got a mention on the Times BB Blog... That's what you get for wasting your time in a dedicated manner on Big Brother. Fame, fame, fatal fame.
I am very happy Brian won. He wanted it the most and his interview was great, sprinkled with one-liners 'Shabnam you took my banana!', 'I'm a mackerel', 'I'm going to spend it all dahn Lakeside', 'Noel Edmond rocks!' Correct. He does.
The twins interview was good too, but they wouldn't have made worthy winners. Davina forced Amanda to say she liked Brian which was good enough for me. Brian needed to win with every part of him. 'It's about time a brother won Big Brother' said Ian Wright on Big Mouth. Ha!
I liked the end bit where they played all the highlights over The Fray. I think it's The Fray, I can only get Virgin in the bath and they play a lot of that schlock rock (mainly The Feeling: go fill your own little world right up, buddy).
Ignorance is bliss. For every thing you learn, you trade a piece of your soul. It's great to be thick. Celebrate it.

Big Brother 8: First Show- Jonty, Carole, Ziggy

Davina dressed in red shocker! Oh.
Last day highlights: the speeches were quite moving and I cried when they all cried. There's something heartbreaking about seeing grown men cry. Seeing the ex housemates was hilarious- I loved Charley bigging it up and Chanelle's face like thunder. Also, how did Laura dye her hair from black to white blonde? An impossibility as anyone who's ever tried it and gone ginger can testify! Seany also looked like he'd gone grey. No sign of Emily 'N-Word' or Jonathan 'coke n call girls'. Shame.
Jonty in 6th, Carole 5th. Both interviewed for about 5 seconds. Unfortunately Carole didn't get booed. Davina even missed the opportunity to tell her her snail was dead! It was on a plate. Why Carole came out with that vile bun in her hair was anyone's guess. The twins should have sorted her out and pinked her up.
I was praying it would be Liam out in 4th but no, it was Ziggy. He looked like he was going to the gallows. I liked his 'who me?' shrug as he came out. After calling for his castration earlier in the series, I felt strangely protective of him when he came out. Chanelle just wants to use him for the magazine deals!
So Liam is in third! Shocking! I kind of want Brian to win now just because the twins won't give good interview. But Brian is a bit contrived. Ooh, I'm torn. For some reason the Nirvana lyric 'I think I'm dumb/ I'm maybe just happy' keep popping into my head, and I chucked out that CD long ago.
It must be nice to be dumb and happy. To just bumble along knowing nothing about the news, or the universe, or human suffering. I wish I was brain damaged on occasion.

Big Brother 8: The End is Near

Hey, it's midnight, I can't be arsed to think of an innovative title. Thought Brian was laying on the 'I'm fick like Jade Goody' thing a bit tonight. Snooze. Although he was a bit kinder about Jonty. Good to see Ziggy making amends with the inflatable globe. (We miss you, Gerry.)
Jonty: 'wouldn't it be weird if we all went out and turned into suntan lotion? There wouldn't be much point interviewing us.' Jonty is not on drugs, believe it or not.
It looked like Carole had been self-harming. Either that or the twins have been holding her wrist against the hob.
I'm glad they let Jonty be Big Brother for the day. I liked his chat with Ziggy.
Carole. You can stop tidying now. Let your hair down. You're moving out on Friday, for fuck's sake. Can you imagine if she was the last one standing? She'd be wiping the tables as she left! I hope Brian and the twins trash the fucking place once she skedaddles. Woo! Party!
I can't believe Ziggy thought Chanelle was flirting with Liam! She so wasn't. What a dick. He's so trying to make amends for show.
Brian went all 'American Tail' wooing Amanda with 'that's the same moon our family are looking at.' No it isn't, because they are all indoors watching Big Brother.
Brian: 'the moon is bigger than the universe.'
Amanda: 'What is the universe?'
Brian: 'The stuff we're all in, apparently. Have you ever seen Deal or No Deal? If you ask the universe for something, it comes true.'
Amanda. He is just trying to get in your knickers.
Er... I thought Ziggy looked quite hot in that grey cardigan. Don't tell anyone. It made a nice change from the hoodie of doom anyway.

Wednesday, 29 August 2007

Big Brother 8: Ziggynoia

They always go a bit senile in the final week. I like that. I liked the movie they made and Liam and Ziggy as the twins were ace and the twins acting was good and Ziggy was an amazing Leslie. Brian's impersonation of Charley was bordering on offensive which was highly amusing. It all made me feel quite emotional and I almost liked Carole again. Their little sad faces at the end were heartbreaking.
And I like Jonty's kind, bumbling manner and funny voice and train announcements. I like the fact the twins accept him as he is and aren't creeped out by him.
God if Ziggy's so paranoid about some drunk lardy cake yelling over the fence, wait til he gets out and see what they are saying about him on Digital Spy! I've heard people comment on everything from his hair to his willy. If you care what people think about you, don't go on Big Brother. Your every breath will be dissected. I couldn't stand it. I'd want to rage against it for the rest of eternity and prove that I was alright really, or at least a bit funny, or something.
Carole was looking a bit glam tonight. The other night about about 4am me and my best mate watched the twins straightening and curling Carole's hair on the live feed. Then at about 10am she got up and washed it. Oh well. They tried. I'd just put that bin bag she wears as an apron over her head and have done with it.

Tuesday, 28 August 2007

Big Brother 8: Fake Plastic Women

Ziggy had his hood up so we knew there was trouble ahead (see Grace Dent). Apparently Ziggy was in a mood cos they showed Richard Madeley calling him 'a bastard'. I watched a clip on youtube and actually Richard called Big Brother a bastard. From my lip reading skills, it looked like he called Ziggy a 'cunt'. Ha! He's only taking advantage cos he can't swear on daytime TV Ziggy, don't take it personally.
Carole's whoopie cushion task idea wasn't much cop, was it? Liam's blow up dolls summed him up really. He likes his women vacant and open-mouthed (but not speaking, naturally).
The task was amusing. It's not hard to come up with a good task, although the producers seem to think it is. Reasons not to vote for Brian and the twinzoids: they go whoop-whoop when they play crap music into the house. WHOOP-WHOOP. DIE! DIE!
I enjoyed the twins hysterical screaming over nothing.
The scary Big Brother voice is hilarious. The fake nominations were stupid. Ziggy doing a Gerry was a laugh. It's too late to fall on your sword! We've got your number, hoodie boy. 'We're not nominating!' Two minutes later... 'Oh OK, Ziggy and Carole.' Ha! Why did they tell them it was a lie straight away? They could have strung that out a bit longer.
I was pleased Amanda sussed Carole was being a twonk. Shame that didn't happen three months ago. I'm glad they are all tense and fractured at the moment. I'm glad the twins are trying to find their place in the world as individuals.
God, I hate Ian Wright.

Monday, 27 August 2007

Big Brother 8: Kick in the Nuts Day

Quite a good BB tonight. The quiz set the cat amongst the pigeons but unfortunately some people seemed to take a hit and others didn't. Was it really necessary to show Jonty a clip of some people saying they couldn't stand him? He's not exactly got Liam-sized self esteem, has he? However, I particularly enjoyed Amy giving it to Carole. She spoke for an entire nation. You could see Carole was dead riled too. Result. Brian basically got a compliment by Dermot impersonating him.
I had mixed feelings about Chanelle's return. I'm a romantic and I liked Chanelle so I was quite excited, especially when Carole vacated the vestibule. It was a bit unnerving when Chanelle said 'Drop the conversation'- what else did she come in there for, just to show off her Pob? But I thought the killer line of the night was 'my agent wants to sign you'. Ahhh. How romantic. So THAT'S why when she came out the house she was like 'Ziggy is a twat' and then two weeks later said she missed him. It's all about the ching-ching! Dear oh dear, why should I be surprised? Still, a little bit of me wanted it to be real and felt quite sad for Ziggy, all damp-haired and looking like a bedraggled puppy and smelling of smoky-bacon crisps. LET THE LOVE STORY BE REAL!
The last part of the show was weird: Liam, Brian and Ziggy saying how much they loved each other, then ten minutes later fighting over semantics. Liam saying Brian phrased something wrong is a bit cruel: Brian can't exactly argue articulately, can he? It's like arguing with someone who's got their jaw wired. Liam's true side is revealed more and more, and under his cheeky-chappy laydeez man persona lurks a boorish side. The trouble is, the public don't see it. They just think, 'isn't he cute?' which he aint. Why was Amanda crying? Why did she look at Sam so angrily? As usual, the answer probably lies on the cutting room floor.
Ziggy definitely missed a trick at the end when they gave him the photo album, he should have turned to the picture of him and Chanelle and shed a little tear ala Mikey and Grace. God, that was the most romantic thing I've ever seen on Big Brother. Well, either that or Craig trying to rape Antony in that wetsuit.

Review: Fast Food Nation

I watched Fast Food Nation last night which I'd been wanting to see for quite a while. I knew it was based on a factual book about the fast food industry but they could have written some sort of storyline for it. It felt like it'd been thrown together in about five minutes.
It's a shame because the greed and cruelty of the meat industry is obviously something worth highlighting, but it just wasn't done in a very creative way. The storyline about the Mexicans who worked in the meat factory was a bit depressing, to say the least (I know that's the point, but God! There's only so much I can take).
So let's talk cameos. Whilst I don't mind getting a lecture off of Ethan Hawke (he could say anything and I'd just drool gormlessly) I resent getting one off Avril 'rat face' Lavigne. There was something really 'worthy' about the dialogue between the teenage 'eco-activists' that was just wholly unappealing. The characters were so cliched. It's a shame because Richard Linklater films seems to tread a very fine line between moving brilliance (Before Sunrise/ Sunset) and arsey pretension (Waking Life).
Bruce Willis was pretty good, and I liked the pairing of Ethan and Patricia Arquette as brother and sister, but that's juts because they are my favourite actors. There was no resolution to the film either(because there won't be one in reality, yeah, I get it) which was also frustrating.
The scenes in the slaughterhouse were particularly unpalatable (obviously). I could have just about stood them if the storyline had been a bit more satisfying but as it was, I was just mildly horrified.
I wish so much that I could be a vegetarian. But as I only eat ten things in the world (and no vegetables) it's pretty difficult. My vegetarian diet would just consist of chips and bread. Still: I feel very guilty about eating meat. It is morally unjustifiable no matter what way you dress it up.
I think things will change very gradually. Maybe in a thousand years meat-eating will seem as abhorrent as smoking crack. In the meantime, if this film makes one person give up their Maccy D's and KFC, then that's great. Unfortunately, it won't be me.

Sunday, 26 August 2007

Big Brother 8: A Knife in the Back

And so. The last week begins, limping away like a dead dog ready for the knackers yard. I didn't even notice Tracey had gone. She was supremely annoying on BBLB, though. I got the impression Dermot wanted to nut her. She really was as vacuous as we suspected.
What was that all about when Carole told Ziggy she'd nominated him? How weird! You could tell it broke his little heart. She's a ball-crusher, make no mistake. Her paranoid delusions/ crying afterwards was very interesting. The fact is, Ziggy dared to stand up to her and she punished him for it. End of story. She wouldn't accept she was controlling. She really sees herself as Mother Teresa.
I thought it was hilarious when they all got a telling off for talking about nominations. When Carole said 'give me my case to go' they really should have. Her martyrdom is truly sickening. I hope she gets lynched when she comes out, I really do. LYNCH HER!
I loved Brian and the twins duet. It was like a day out from the special needs school. Aren't thick people cute and nonthreatening?
I'm going to vote for Ziggy to win I reckon, cos I cant choose between the twins and Brian and I've enjoyed all of Ziggy's bullshit. Jonty is too dull and I don't want Ziggy to come out before Carole.

Friday, 24 August 2007

Big Brother 8: On the Fence of Love

There is a fly on my screen. I do not have enough breath in me thanks to a combination of vodka, champagne and red bull (they call it Champbull, I call it Redpagne') to blow it off. PS. I don't normally drink champagne. I just wanted to get hammered.
Highlights: seeing the morons dancing to 'Umbrella-ella-uh-uh' made me feel glad to still be the only person in the country (probably) who has never heard this song in it's entirety. Cos it's shit. Ziggy's simpering puppy dog act to Kara didn't really wash; her and Jonty were so marginalised by that point they may as well have been the home help.
So I was dead happy that they booted out Tracey: a woman so irrelevant that shitty rave tune Josh Wink is her top song of all time. I got sick of hearing that when I was around 16. Go and stuff yourself full of E, Tracey. Fuck off. By the way, what the fuck is picallili? I have no fucking clue. I liked the fact 19 year old Brian knew Stefan Dennis's 'don't it make you feel good'. I have fond memories of my brother singing that at me as a child.
At least Jonty staying gave the housemates the slap in the face they needed (even if the percentages were very close). Tracey came across alright in the interview and Kara was short-changed. So what's new? PS. Kara's frumpy dresses were just weird. Where do you get those? Millets?
Now we have to wait til Friday to kick 'em all out. My predictions as follows: Carole, Jonty, Ziggy, Liam, Twins, Brian.
What I want? Oh what does it matter any more. FYI: The fly has now drowned. In the redpagne. :-(

Review: 28 Weeks Later

I'm normally pretty hard, I'm not scared of rollercoasters or hoodies, but I watched 28 Weeks Later last night and was flat out terrified. I'm not really sure how to describe the horror without ruining it, so I won't go into details but BLOODY HELL! Is there any need for such gratuitous horror?
How could a film encompass a character MORE scary than Begbie? This one managed it. I don't think I can look at Robert Carlyle again. Fucking hell. I felt physically sick at some parts of this film. The bit with the wife... the bit where they are all locked up in the basement, the snipers, the tube... (after a tiny slow start) it was just relentless. The music is so creepy as well. The only respite was when they went to Regents Park, which is my local park so I enjoyed that. That is something very cool about watching films set in London when you live in London, and they did a tour of all it's finest landmarks. Don't ask me how they managed to squeeze Wembley Stadium in, it's miles away from the river. But the Yanks won't know, will they? How cool does the Thames look when you can see all its wiggly glory from a helicopter (and not from the Eastenders credits)? I'm not normally very excited about living in London but it when you see it blown to bits and over run by zombies you start to feel a little setimental.
This film was a lot pacier than the first (why is it underlining pacier, that is a fucking word, stupid dictionary from hell) with none of the ridiculous war/Doctor Who crapness. The shaky camera angles when people are getting it are a blessed relief because I don't even want to see. I was hiding behind a cushion. The ending might as well have got on a rooftop and screamed 'SEQUEL!' Oh it's not a sequel if it's the third, is it. What is it? I've forgotten. Anyway. It's all good stuff, so watch it. You probably have already, we're just downloading stuff at the mo so it's a random mixture of old and newness.

Thursday, 23 August 2007

Big Brother 8: If Carole's Happy, Everyone's Happy

Oh, if only it were true, Ziggy. As it is, no one's happy. The rot is setting in now. Liam has turned from a harmless Northern tree surgeon to a smug, cocky boorish twat. Brian has gone from bumbling joker to retarded sex pest. Carole: harmless granny to the devil incarnate. Ziggy: Mr Smooth to twitchy, duplicitous pensioner. Twins: shrieking lolitas to impassive mannequins. Tracey: gargoyled-faced cliche generator to... ah. Kara and Jonty have not been in there long enough to change. But they've always been a one-way ticket to dullsville.
The joke telling thing was shite. Big Brother fake laughed at Liam's rubbish joke. I can't stand jokes or people who tell jokes. It's like magic. Just go away. (I knew Ziggy's handjob joke. It's alright. He didn't tell it very well)
Brian was labouring the whole 'I don't win things' a little too much. What's that you say, Brian? You don't win things! Why then I must crown you the winner of Big Brother! Blah.
Carole shit-stirring about Liam and Sam was gross. The way she did it was sly as fuck. Sam looked completely confused. It's particularly horrible because it will make them paranoid about hanging out/ cuddling etc, when it's obvious it's completely harmless.
Brian to Amanda: 'Is it not hard living with someone you're attracted to?' Yes it probably is, but unfortunately for you, it's not you, Brian. There is NOTHING TO DO in the Big Brother house. If she fancied you she'd be snogging your face off. Just leave it now before she gets a restraining order. Hint: when Amanda says 'Funny!' she means 'Fuck off!' Sam crying was sad, it was like seeing a kitten get run over. When she said 'I miss him dead loads lately' it was heartbreaking! We actually saw a real emotion from her. Carole knew exactly what it was about.
Jonty naked!!! What the hell was that all about? It was like he was gagging Kara-Louise to look at his willy. URGH! No need, Jonty, no need!

Domestic Violence: Apparently Acceptable

On Monday I read in the paper about an 'executive' who beat his wife, slashed her with a knife for not making his sandwiches and then burnt her on the back with an iron because she hadn't ironed his shirt. He told the police she was a self-harmer. That's like Jackass style self-harming to iron your own back, isn't it?
This 25-year-old guy, who claimed he 'couldn't remember doing it' and who earns £90,000 a year was given a £2000 fine and the judge said as she'd left him, he was unlikely to do it again. Yeah, until he meets his next wife.
Today I read about a DOCTOR who punched his wife 24 times. He earns £100,000 a year. His punishment? He had to pay her £500 compensation. Five hundred pounds. The magistrate said this caring GP had no previous convictions and was of 'good character'.
Here's an experiment. Go up to stranger in the street and slash them with a knife. Beat someone to a pulp. Burn them, literally brand them for life. You will be rightly jailed.
But if you 'love' the person you do it to, it's OK. It's perfectly acceptable. This harks back to years gone by when women had to obey and just get raped and beaten by their husbands and had to take it. It wasn't even illegal. I thought we'd moved on.
What sort of magistrate decides a wife-beater has a good character? What sort of character must that judge have to make that call? The sort that is a fucking wife-beating and/ or kiddy-fiddler himself (because they don't like sending perverts down either). That's why they do nothing about violence against women and children, because they ALL have a hand in it. That's the only explanation I can think of. It's either that or women's lives are just considered worthless. Women's pain is just considered a by-product of marriage.
Two women a week are killed by their partner in England and Wales. The message these 'sentences' spell out is that it's tough shit. Some years back they changed the system so the police could press charges against abusive husbands without the wife's consent. This was a positive step as too many wives were too scared to come forward. But what the fuck is the point if magistrates who are so devoid from reality and emotion think a beating from the man you love is worth about five hundred quid?

Wednesday, 22 August 2007

Anne Widdecombe Vs The Benefits Culture

Oh yes I'm a glutton for the weeble of doom. Third blog of the night! I really DONT want to write my story, do I? I'm an apathetic waste of space! Yay.
So Anne W goes to meet 'Shameless' Mick Philpott who has two wives and 18 children (two a year!)! Hilarious. Are you allowed to have 2 wives? Perhaps only if you subject yourself to a verbal drubbing from Anne and her monstrous boobs. Mick takes it in turns to sleep with his wives in the caravan outside. Who said romance was dead? Anne thinks it's too 'disgusting' to stay there though. Snob!
Ah, one wife was a mistress. Let's get to the point here though: it's not dopey Mick and his braindead family to blame is it? It's the pathetic system that supports him and lets him get away with it. It's free money. What's he going to say? No thanks?
Mick has a bunch of cars and a widescreen TV. I work full time and live in a hovel in London. Do I hate Mick for his lifestyle? No. He has 18 kids! Poor bastard. And twice the nagging. We should pity him.
Anne is clearly disgusted at him though and shouts 'Get a job!' Why would he? The government is giving him free cash! Come on. She asks him how people feel who work and have to pay for him. He's not fussed. She gets him a job that will earn him £88 a week on top of his benefits. Really, why would he bother? She went and met some more people who said the same thing.
Anne: you're shouting at the wrong people.
(She did however get 2 chav girls a job painting and decorating for £360 a week! That will keep them in gold hoops for a while.)

Big Brother 8: Dysfunctional Family

I'm meant to be writing my new story but the action packed Big Brother highlights are tempting me from the path of righteousness. NOT. How boring? I could literally cry for what they've done to this series.
Carole shows a 36-year-old how to wash up. Ziggy bitches about Carole but doesn't dare stand up to her. The silence in the house is deathly. It had more life in it when it was just fucking Dean and Elizabeth there in about 1947.
Jonty and Kara get dominated and are expected to 'deal with it'. (I wrote dominated instead of nominated by accident and that's about right) They are treated as sub-human because they weren't there back in the day. It's not exactly their fault is it? Ziggy, Liam and Brian are a bullying bunch. 'There must be something good about them,' says Liam about the newcomers, charm personified. He's looking more like Peter Kay by the day.
Jonty was spot on in the diary room for calling the others out for not nominating people they actually dislike. Very perceptive. How ridiculous. I'd blatantly nominate people who pissed me off.
The dinner was cringeworthy. I have a dysfunctional family of my own, I don't want to watch them bickering over dinner either.
Tracey crying over a cigarette: DEAL WITH IT! They are nominating you because you are a CUNT. Deal. With. It.
Haha, how funny, Ziggy not daring to do the shopping list, but putting Brian up for it. Ooh, I was impressed when he went and told Carole like it was. For like two seconds. Oh, then she blubbed again! Wow! Carole: 'It takes weeks to learn how to do the list..' WEEKS! YEARS OF TRAINING! She put in the hours! Leave her be. Urghhhhhhhhhhh.

Reviews: Rilo Kiley- Under The Blacklight & Stars- In Our Bedroom After The War

Um.. I hate the new Rilo Kiley album. From what little I've read about it, the feeling is mutual. What a shame. I love Jenny Lewis and her voice, and most importantly, her soul, which seems to be entirely lacking on this new album. I miss the country. I miss the folk. Its not to say their pop is bad, 'Portions for Foxes' was my favourite song for a good few months. But it had a big heart.
What the fuck is this new album? I don't know who they are aiming for, but it's someone, because it's not what they are about. And the fact they are aiming for some audience I don't understand is just horrible. I had to skip the end of Give a Little Love and Close Call because they were completely unbearable. Dreamworld is dross: I hate it when the man sings, he's hopeless. The Money Maker was fucking dreadful, I got less than a minute in. It's kind of jazzy... urgh... I don't know, it pushes bad buttons in me. It reminds me of what Bright Eyes has tried to do to some extent (although they are forgiven anything) in that it's taken away a lot of the raw emotion and replaced it with this empty, slick production. I am genuinely disappointed and glad I didn't go and see them, because it would have pained me to sit through this. Oh my GOD I just heard Dejalo! Fucking Paula Abdul. Did you need the money that much Jenny? Thank fuck I didn't actually pay for this. DELETE.
This band gave us 'Pictures of Success' and 'Plane Crash in C'. Just remember that and wipe this from your brain.
I was expecting less from Stars. I always kind of thought they were a one hit wonder, because apart from the superb 'Your Ex-Lover is Dead' (Morrissey would be proud of those opening lyrics) the rest was just kind of floaty filler. However, I really love the new album. I can't stop listening to The Night Stars Here. It's really exciting and fun. I love the thing they do where the overlap the blokes voice and the girls voice. I'm sure there's a technical word for it, but I don't know it. I could listen to it all day long. I really love Take Me To The Riot (the new single, I believe) and Personal. There is some filler on there, I'm not keen on My Favourite Book, despite the title. but all in all I think Stars have really progressed and found their groove. I love both their voices. Now here's one worth shelling out for.
Rilo Kiley- 0 Stars- 1

Tuesday, 21 August 2007

Big Brother 8: Baldergash

Another crashing bore tonight. Carole's reign of terror continues unabated with not ONE nomination thanks to Gerry's impassioned leaving speech. Even Ziggy bottled it. Only Carole voted tactically, not much caring if the originals survived to the last week. Instead she had her big fat kitchen knife out for the competition. What a sweet old lady. I'd be angry if I wasn't expecting it. Boy is she going to get the shock of her life when she gets BOOOOOOOOOOted out of there. I wouldn't be surpised if BB throws her out the back door to save her from it. I hope Jonty doesn't go. I hope Tracey gets booted. But as the decision is in the hands of the moronic public and their misplaced text messages I've got no hope whatsoever.
I would however like to see the back of Kara-Louise. Whilst I enjoyed her baiting of Goldilocks it is not enough to save the biggest BB dullard since Vanessa (the black one, not the snooty south african one). I did enjoy Brian's continued reminding Ziggy of Kara's mild and unfunny abuse.
Question: why was Kara plucking her armpit hair? That seems like an excruciatingly long-winded method of hair-removal and paticularly horrible to watch on TV. Has she not heard of disposible razors?
Brian is getting on my nerves a little bit now too. Twins or Jonty to win at the mo.
PS. How much of a sexist scumbag is Liam asking Kara-Louise if she's going to do Nuts when she leaves the house? Like that's her only possible course of action as a woman. Flabby prick.

Richard Dawkins: The Enemies of Reason (Mumbo Jumbo)

A hippy says: 'The evidence is, what you know, you know. You can't argue with knowing.'
You wanna bet, love? Richard Dawkins can argue with you. But better than that, he'll just pull this face like you're a drunk uncle at a posh wedding. At EVERYTHING! This is the best thing about this programme. You don't get this with his books.
Dawkins may have poo-poohed the angels on our shoulders but he can't argue with those head massager things that make you feel like you're having an orgasm in public. Those things are great and he had to admit it. I loved hearing various nutters explaining how some super large fairy lights can give you good 'energy' or how quantum theory can help your love-life. I thought Richard Dawkins was properly going to nut them.
The homeopathy guy was pretty funny: he didn't even seem convinced himself. I KNOW it works though as I used to work in a health food shop and people used to come in and get Rescue Remedy for their horses. Horses don't lie!
He basically concluded that alternative medicine only offers a placebo effect because it is carried out by kindly old hippies and they make you feel special. Then he made a meglomaniacal speech at the end, imploring us to 'think for ourselves!' But only if we agree with him. Hurrah!

Monday, 20 August 2007

Big Brother 8: When Scarecrows Cry

Carole saying, 'don't jump on the furniture' at the opener of the show to Sam says it all. Do you remember the twins excitedly clambering into the bath on the first night? Well, that was because they and only they owned the house. Hopefully they will again one day.
I love the way Tracey reacted when Brian told her what Gerry said: nonchalant, 'deal with it' territory, then later she was sobbing like a baby. Ha ha! As Nelson would say. I enjoyed seeing Tracey crumble. DEAL WIV IT! DEAL WIV IT YOU DOPEY BITCH. Cry cry cry cry. Yay! This is your punishment for your unfeeling advice for the past three months. Notice how she cried with her face to the camera, so we could all get a good old gawp at her tears. Boo fucking hoo. It aint exactly an X-Factor stylee dead parent story with heartstringy music is it?
Big Brothers finishing school was dull as shit, they should sack the taskmasters. Ooh, taskmaster. Good word. Tracey treated it with her usual sour-faced aplomb. It was so fucking boring to watch. BORING! I HATE YOU BIG BROTHER!!!
I liked the twins orange cardies though. Did you see how Carole wiped the counter when she got the chance, it was almost erotic. URGH!
Liam and his pearl necklace comment didn't exactly endear me to him. I bet he's so, so, so shit in bed. Tracey backing him up just made her look like the tryhard bozo she is. Tracey, the reason you can't do the task is because all that E has shrivelled your brain, love (oh and your face). Liam asking his bi girlfriend to do a threesome. SIGH!
Were Liam, Brian and Ziggles conspiring to put Carole up? Goddammit I hope so. But I feel like an abused dog scrabbling for a crumb. I get the feeling come nominations it's just going to be another kick in the ribs.
Amanda getting toothpaste in her eye must have been the first genuine laugh I've had via BB in weeks. A definite best bit.

Sunday, 19 August 2007

Big Brother 8: 'The Right Person Stayed'

Literally gobsmacked at how brainwashed the house is now. I can't believe they said it was an easy decision to let Gerry go, and even implied they would have been stuck if it had been Brian Vs Carole! Oh my God, can you imagine if they kicked out Brian for Carole. Fuck a duck! Listening to them all say Carole deserved to win was abuse of the ear. The only reason Tracey disagreed is because she wants to win. Fat chance, love. I'm glad Gerry stuck the knife in the sour-faced crone as he left. I hope they remember that come nominations.
Amanda: if you don't know if you like someone, it means you don't. End of story. You either do or you don't. The break up was quite sad: I was pleased she had the balls to say it, and Brian was brave to ask straight out, 'Do you fancy me?' It was all very sad and innocent. Is Brian a virgin? My money's on yes.
What was that weird conversation with Liam and the twins at the dining table about? Amanda had a face like thunder (which I enjoyed). Was Liam having a go at her because she ditched Brian? Was he testing the water? He's got a cheek calling her naive just because he likes his date to get a few pints down her neck then open her legs. But then Amy virtually put it on a plate for him and he chickened out! It's all front, I tell you. I don't like him one bit.
The whole bread argument was tedious, but then it involved Carole, so it figures.
Two more weeks.

Saturday, 18 August 2007

Film Review: Children of Men

I very much liked the sets in this film despite the extent of future technology seeming to be hovering TV and computer screens and a load of bad cover versions on the radio. Would we really still have the same £5 notes? I predict fivers will be obsolete in 20 years. And the upholstery on the bus! Hopefully they'll change that before the Olympics. Am I being optimistic?
I like Clive Owen always, even though he seems a bit cheap in films, for some reason. He's not A list, is he? The premise of the story was good but the dialogue was a bit ropey 'Walk away! just like you always do!' and 'I think about that baby every day.' Vomit. I've heard all that a zillion times before. Also, 'She's pregnant.' No shit. I thought she was just doing a sultry strip tease for the cows. Patronise us much?
Apaprt from these niggles (and I am pedantic) I enjoyed the hippy Michael Caine (with his 'Dennis Hopper in True Romance' style sacrifice), the slowest car getaway in history and the general feeling of moodiness (very 28 Days Later).
I found the end really draggy though, I can't stand prolonged fight/war scenes and it just made me feel anxious, especially with a bloody baby crying all the way through. A world without children? Sounds alright to me.

Friday, 17 August 2007

Big Brother 8: Wolves!

And so the spasticated British public put up Gerry: kind, flawed, clever, funny Gerry. I cried! I haven't cried at Big Brother for years. But I almost fainted in Morrissons today so it's not my fault, I'm just feeling weak. It all happened exactly as we'd feared. Because we know them all too well.
And so the house is left with it's 'mother figure' except this mother figure has Munchausen's Syndrome: this mother figure does not throw herself on the sword to save a young man, she sits and weeps and says nothing. This mother figure bullied Gerry relentlessly all week and the rest of the housemates stood by and said nothing. They deserve to starve. The rest of the housemates can kiss my arse frankly. Liam: sexist. Brian: thick. Twins: spineless. Ziggy: useless. Kara-Louise: pointless. Jonty: ineffectual. Tracey: cliche.
And the worst part of it was 49% of the GBP voted for Carole. So Big Brother has pissed off half of it's viewers! Brilliant! What an amazing twist! You stupid thick fuckers. Seriously, let Freddie and Monkety Tunkety produce the show, they could probably do better.
So what did I enjoy tonight? Ziggy, Liam and Brian's conversation was quite funny. I felt for Brian when Amanda said she wanted to 'just be fwends' and Sam looked like she'd heard it a thousand times before. I could have killed Carole when she started a row about... water!
The only thing that can save the show is to put Chanelle back in and lets see Carole really sweat.
I loved Gerry's interview. He was so out of touch defending Carole, and backing her to win. I hope he goes out and gets fucked good and proper. He deserves it. Enjoy your two weeks of fame Gerry. You DID earn it.
And do you know who my pick to win is now... well not my pick, but who I WANT. Jonty! Christ. Says it all, doesn't it.

Thursday, 16 August 2007

Big Brother 8: You don't know what starving is

Like you do, you fat fucking old hag! ARGHHHHHHHHH! I just shouted at the telly so loud my neighbours probably called the police. I haven't been this angry since that hideous, rubber faced toad and those thick slappers abused Shilpa Shetty.
Why are we still watching this? Well I know Red's not. I'm the only person in my house still watching it. It's not fun is it? I look forward to BB every year and every year the producers fuck it up. This week we could have got rid of Carole. But no. We have to put up with another epic row about food and they'll still save her cos they are dumb as shit. It is so uncomfortable to watch it's unbelievable. It actually makes me feel sick. The way she spoke to Brian was disgusting. She is vile. None of them stand up for each other when she goes off though. They all just let each other get bullied.
Carole thinks she is above the other housemates, above Big Brother. What bad timing about the biscuits thing though. Can you imagine if it was someone else who'd hidden them though? She is just beyond belief. 'Supervising and advising?' Oh just FUCK OFF! I can't take it. I just can't take it. 'Big Brother hopes the biscuits were worth it.' Then she says they were. Thick twat. Not even sorry. I hate her more than I ever hated Charley. 'It's alreet,' says Liam. DICK! I am furious no one will take her to task! GET A FUCKING SPINE YOU STUPID FUCKERS!
'It's alright Carole, treat us like babies, tell us off, make us miserable, emotionally blackmail us, make us starve, it's alright Carole...' No it's NOT ALRIGHT! ARGRRHRHRHRHRHRRHHRRGRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
Ziggy should have taken his anger out on the old witch, not Big Brother. Prick. Brian apologising to her just made me hate him. At least the twins don't like her. 'Stop crying every time.' Thank God for Gerry. He finally dared stand up to her. Damn all the others to hell for not backing him up, the pathetic, fence sitting little weasels. 'You moan 24 hours a day.' Correct. Carole was trying to set Gerry up for a fall. Please God don't let them fall for it. The only bit I enjoyed was Gerry pretending to starve in the diary room and Liam and Brian singing in the rain.
PS. Gerry is looking so cute with his 'Something about Mary' hair lately. I want to cuddle him.

Wednesday, 15 August 2007

Anne Widdecombe Vs Prostitution

Christ! Did you see that top she was wearing? I'm a fan of horizontal stripes myself but my boobs don't look like two wonky melons having a streetfight (I hope!)
Anyway. That's not the point. Anne Widdecombe moved in with some people who lived in a prolific area for curb crawling. (Haven't they suffered enough?) I felt sorry for the poor men trying to pick up hookers and coming face to face with Anne Widdecombe. I felt more sorry for the actual prostitutes. Apparently one in twenty men has used a prostitute! YUCK! How revolting. It is men who are to blame for this industry. Not all men, mind, just the horrible pervy ones.
Anne interviewed a 26 year old prostitute called Colette who looked about 40. She got the mother of a murdered prostitute to give her a pep talk. The trouble is, how can you reason with a heroin addict? The only thing they want is more heroin. They'll do anything. It's awful, but what does Widdecombe know about anything? About real life? She bombs round like a weeble getting in people's faces but she understands nothing.
This programme was over in a flash. So did AW solve the problem? Did she clean up the streets? Er... no. That was a waste of time then.

Big Brother 8: Paranoid City

Carole's emotional blackmail was horrible to watch tonight. Liam was fair to confront her and she reacted childishly.
The lie detector task was a farce. Why did Gerry go in the diary room and say he had a gameplan? Why did he say he'd betray someone to win 100K? It was very mysterious. I still love him for it though, and hate Tracey and Carole for their cruelty towards him. Brian was bullying him too, what a prick. Notice when Liam gets accused of fancying Amanda it's immediately 'a set up'. The injustice makes me furious! Jonty is onto them. You could tell by his face.
Ziggy's angry little face when Tracey called Chiggy a sham was good fun to see. Did your feelings get hurt, Ziggy? But Tracey's just keeping it REAL! Like Charley did! Deal with it! You can't handle the truth! And so on. Her shouting 'LIAR!' at Gerry was disgusting. She's ugly inside and out. An aggressive prick. I'm glad Ziggy rounded on her, too. The twins thousand yard stare was back too, which I enjoyed. 'What a shame she's immune this week' was a great one liner from Gerry. I was annoyed Tracey was made a guru,too. Would have liked to have seen the back of her. Brian handled it well though.

Tuesday, 14 August 2007

The Enemies of Reason- Richard Dawkins

I have a particular interest in Dawkins at the moment as I've been reading 'The God Delusion' as Derren Brown recommended it in the book of his I'm (still) reading. I find Dawkins writing style very dogmatic but I quite like that. And what he is saying is true, of course.
I've seen him interviewed since and found him completely humourless, something he is suffering from again during this documentary. Still, he means well. Astrology is a complete load of wank, and the astrologist who said Dawkins was 'creating mischief' by wanting to test them, is clearly a scared charlatan. Things should be tested. Still, I don't agree with Dawkins that astrology is harmful in any way, I think its just a bit of fluff really. I'd have liked the astrologist to explain exactly how the planets tell us if we'll be getting a shag this week, but hey ho.
Now mediums are on slightly more dodgy ground (although I'm not toally adverse- Patricia Arquette for example is great and I used to find Derek Acorah mildly amusing) but people like John Edwards and Colin 'floating teapot' Fry truly are scum-suckers of the highest order. I used to actually believe people could communicate with the dead because I thought 'how else could they know stuff?' But since I saw Derren Brown's Messiah (which they showed a clip of in his show) he blew all that away. I was absolutely stunned that people could be cold-read so easily. I'm not saying that no one has ever seen a ghost or talked to the dead: they might have, I enjoy the Fortean Times, I've dated geeks, but these professional corpse-digger-uppers are worse than used car salesmen.
The dowsing thing was less than interesting and I thought it kind of trailed off towards the end, but still interesting stuff. Now Dawkins, crack a couple of jokes and smile next week please.
I just noticed I called him Dawkins all the way through this blog. I don't normally call people by their surname. See, this is what the man does to you, he's like a headmaster!

Big Brother 8: Gerrymandering

Fuck all is happening in the house again so they spice things up by making them insult each other, and by making Gerry look like a dick (not hard at the moment, as he is going on, but he's still got a good heart). Brian was nasty to him and I didn't like it. Ziggy doesn't care cos he's immune from eviction.
The obstacle course was SO boring. I honestly could not give a toss, as long as Carole goes.
It was interesting hearing them all plotting to overthrow Carole in the caravan. Why can't one of them just stand up to her? The way she spoke to Gerry was disgusting as well, what a vile person. And defying Big Brother too! Who does she think she is?
'Let's all go to bed and be quiet now.'
THAT'S entertainment.

Monday, 13 August 2007

Big Brother 8: Totally Zen

The house is getting on too well, so giving them a task where they are all hippies is pretty dumb. Nothing to report at all tonight, but I admit I have been VERY distracted by Scrabulous online. Even though I'm shit at it.
So... Ziggy is a smug twat. I feel sorry for Gerry even though his rampant ego is probably annoying everyone else. I'm a bit of a smart arse myself so I can relate to his need to prove himself brainy. Ziggy wasn't proved smart though, he proved inconsistent.
I literally can't remember anything that happened. Brian seemed down. Liam was a dick. Were those really the highlights of 24 hours? Christ!
I read Chanelle has decided to go meet Posh Spice instead of returning to the house. Good choice probably. So we're just stuck with the sickening love-in for the next THREE weeks.
Three... weeks... nooooooo!

Sunday, 12 August 2007

Totally Jodie Marsh: Who'll take her up the Aisle?

Oh yes. You didn't think I'd be anything less than glued to this classy piece of entertainment, did you? Three episodes in and what can I say? I kind of like Jodie Marsh's boorish, pig-thick arrogance. I sort of like her ratty blonde extensions, orange face and Simon Cowell teeth. There is something endearingly horrific about her. The opening credits are grotesque, by the way. I don't know why she agreed to that, or the insulting programme title. Except... I do know why she agreed. Despite the protestations about her massive IQ, she is a severely damaged and desperate individual. Still, I quite like her.
Tonight on being told they were giving tickets to her 'wedding' to competition winners, she said 'What if we get a hater turned up and I get shot? Look at what happened to John Lennon.' As if comparing herself to the hallowed Saint Lennon wasn't funny enough, she then went 'he did get shot, didn't he?' Genius. She later compared her wedding to Princess Diana and Prince Charles. Ego!
Jodie trying to explain what she was famous to an unsuspecting foreign victim was pretty funny. Luckily I don't think he quite understood she was after a husband. I think he just wanted to get his cock temporarily tangoed.
Then she went to some chav bar with some chav child and danced like a twat. All the while she was still texting this guy Matt who did want to marry her, but they couldn't stop arguing (mainly because she wanted to date other blokes before she decided to marry him). But also he said 'when I marry you you can stop wearing all that make up'. LOVELY! Alarm bells, control freak. Sounds like a match made in Heaven, right? But then she decided 'she's not over him' so he came back to see her again. Christ. I wasn't this stupid when I was 16.

Big Brother 8: Womb People

I enjoyed BB tonight. Big Brother contstantly plying them with drink is effective as it makes for more horniness, more drama and more laughs. Tracey even seems to be becoming mildly human, but only mildly mind. Still, I enjoyed her jumping into bed with Ziggy, giving Amanda advice and drunkenly falling over.
Brian trying to go be on his own to cry was heartbreaking as he was accosted by Ziggy and then Sam. What had upset him, I'm not sure. Amanda sure does give him mixed signals though. Kara-Louise really fucked me off by telling him he was favourite to win. It ruins the whole show as part of it is the surprise at the end. Kick the boring, insipid skunk out. Encouraging Jonty's spanking sessions isn't wise either. I do like Jonty, he seems very kind. I wish the others would include him a bit more.
PS. Carole to go this week. Or else!

Friday, 10 August 2007

Big Brother 8: Too Sexy

I thought Chanelle was going back in? Booo. Wish she had. I wanna see her kick Carole! I want to see Ziggy's tongue fall out. My boyfriend says Ziggy is better since Chanelle left but I don't think he is. He, Liam and Tracey are smug as fuck.
So the eviction was a bit dull but I enjoyed the fashion show tonight. I thought Gerry looked amazing and the girls looked very sexy.
It was gross to see the way Liam treated Amy: giving her the brush off, slagging her to Tracey then beckoning her into bed. Proper teenage stuff and completely vile. He is scum. He's not even good-looking and his northern dialect is getting ridiculous. Alreet-canny-lass-hooose! DICKHEAD!
It would have been better to lose Kara-Louise. Why did they put her in? think of five of your mates. They are more interesting than her, aren't they?

Britains Youngest Brides

Oh my! I haven't watched much reality TV crap lately (except the obvious) but this show was great! Only one in a thousand teenagers marries. Thank fuck, right.
The first girl was an Irish traveller, and her dress made Jordan's look modest, and I'm not exaggerating. It was like a car crash involving a fairy, a christmas tree, a cake and a ballerina. The guests were beyond belief too- children done up like burlesque dancers, and the men in white suits with bright pink ties. The bridesmaids were in bright fuchsia with what looked like pink baseball caps on. It really had to be seen to be believed. She looked absolutely pig sick when she kissed the groom, too. Brilliant!
The second girl was an 18 year old who married a 50 year old second hand car salesman. Nice! They met at church. I'm not against age gaps, but it's quite a big one. Still, they seemed well-matched.
The third girl was chavtastic, 17 and expecting twins. They both seemed thick as pigshit. A lot of them talked about 'showing' other people that they loved each other. What a childish reason to marry. It's not about other people. She looked about 45 on the wedding day. The guy got rat arsed on the stag night and was barely conscious for the ceremony. True love!
The fourth girl was just 17 so her mum had to agree to her getting married. Her mum looked extremely young too. They did seem a happy couple though- but bloody hell, seventeen!? She looked like a baby.
The fifth girl was just 16 when she married! She looked the youngest of the lot, completely like a child. She had an arranged marriage with a guy from Pakistan. He was 28 and they got engaged when she was 10!!! Is that allowed? Still, they seemed happy too, so who am I to judge?

Thursday, 9 August 2007

Big Brother 8: I thought that she thought...

I HATE them all talking about nominations! I just want to go, 'No! Don't!' Ziggy stabbed Gerry in the back, just admit it. Carole'll be for it next week now he knows she nominated him. He'll be quick to sell her down the river.
Bit gutted that Amanda loves Liam, not Brian. BAD judgement! Is she so dense she didn't realise what BB was getting at?
Carole 'can you go and ask?' about the cheese. Wtf is her problem? Get off your fat arse and go and ask. She is getting worse. She needs putting out of her misery like the dead old dog she is.
Liam guessed the dream involved white masks!? How odd. Perhaps he's psychopathic.
'I thought that she thought...' was the only precursor to that sentence required, Amanda. Christ!
Liam and Amy's 'romance' is just creepy. Pain threshold? Ergh. Then Liam goes to the diary room and slates Brian. Gross. Knocking out the competition. 'Put the bite on her'? Just what exactly is Liam's sex life like? Perhaps he has more in common with Jonty than he thought. Slagging off Brian- not good for your odds, mate. Lost his virginity at 12? Can you IMAGINE if Amy said that? Go on. Just sit and imagine it for a while. Then tell me men and women are equal these days.
I'm glad the house has been shaken up and team smug is disintegrating. They should bung Chanelle back in. Fuck it.

Wednesday, 8 August 2007

Big Brother 8: More than one way to skin a rabbit

Tonight was annoying because it was an uber cuntfest again. 'I don't care that you heard me nominate!' declared Carole and Tracey. What, you don't care that you hurt people's feelings? Nice character trait. I hope that Amy does punch Carole in the face. Sadly, it's not gonna happen.
I liked them being forced to watch the nominations. It was cruel but entertaining. I DIDN'T like them dissing Gerry in the garden. Liam: cunt. Ziggy: knob. Brian: enabler. Tracey: no redeeming features whatsoever.
Gerry is flawed, but he means well. He has a kind heart even if he is quite pompous and vain. You could tell he was really hurt by Ziggy's nomination. Gerry is spot on Ziggy won't be there on the last day. Prick. is it just me, or when Ziggy says 'I apologise' does it sound like he may as well be saying, 'go fuck yourself'?
PS: making the twins skin rabbits was unnecessary. I'm amazed they did it though.

Tuesday, 7 August 2007

Big Brother 8: I thought you was one of them Museum People

Aww! I loved the second half of BB tonight, (i.e. the part when Carole wasn't whizzing round on her broomstick) it was like old skool romance time! Brian and Amanda are the like best big brother couple eva, woo! I'm pleased she likes him, I hope she didn't give him the cold shoulder this morning. I loved EVEN MORE Liam sitting outside, cursing the fact he hooked up with Amy and her boobs. No more twin-throwing for you! Hehe! And him listening in the dark! Hahaha! Muppet.
What else? Alex and Adele. I couldn't remember who Adele was either. Alex doing his stupid behind the door thing was like Ricky Gervais doing 'the dance' or Nikki rehashing her strops. Somewhat stale. Loved Brian's excitement though.
Nominations were annoying because they didn't oust the bearded lady. Gerry: she basically got in your face two seconds before nominations and you still didn't take the bait. I'm ashamed of you. You're past 30 and being bitch-whipped. Grow a spine. I suspect Amy will go rather than Kryton which is boring as it will make Liam 'canny lass' The Lad think he was right to treat her like a piece of crap.
I'm actually fast forwarding Carole now. I thought Nicky's voice was bad, but Carole's has usurped it.

Monday, 6 August 2007

Big Brother 8: The Fall and Fall of Liam

So Liam has turned from cheeky chappie with an eye for the 'canny lasses' (vomit) to full-on wanker who snogs you then never speaks to you again. What a spineless, flabby, squinty-eyed, yellow baseball-capped, tree-hugging chav. He's not even good-looking, or smart, or even fit anymore. Amy: you're best off out of it, he's probably got a STD. When he was cuddling and caressing the do-no-wrong-twins it made me feel sick. Let this be a lesson to you, BIRDS, act angelic because if you dare show a bit of sexuality or have something to say, you're going to be flushed down the can sharpish. Unfortunately for Sam n Amanda, it will be the Amy's of this world their creepy laddish boyfriends go off and shag behind their backs. Thank God I like men with brains, who can actually see women as more than just two-dimensional creatures.
As for Carole: did she REALLY touch that chicken with those grubby hands? URGH! I watched some of this on the live feed and you didn't really get the creeping sense of terror from the highlights as she was unleashed from the diary room and emotionally blackmailed them all for several hours for... cooking dinner! How dare they cook dinner at 9.30 at night? I actually heard her say on the live feed 'they should have come to the diary room and got big brother to ask me'. For fuck's sake. Please, please, please fuck off. I hated it when Ziggy said 'she's just looking after us.' She's looking after you like Kathy Bates in Misery looks after the injured writer, you dopey twat. You'll wake up with a pillow over your face eventually. Will anyone EVER stand up to her? My cash is on Jonty! Go Jonty! Go Jonty!
I enjoyed the twins becoming one (was it just me or did Sam seem hesitant?) but this is bad news for the fun-lovers amongst us, as this is one less nomination for Carole.
GET HER OUT! I can't take it anymore.

Should men be present at the birth of their babies?

It's that Daily Mail/ Richard and Judy double whammy again of sexist debate. They had this journalist Tom Sykes on who after witnessing the birth of his first child decided not to be present at the second. Charming. She has to be there still, though, right? You know, for twelve, or twenty hours or so. Bad luck, love.
Firstly, I have no intention of having children. Secondly, if I did, I certainly would not let the man look at that side of the action. I've heard horror stories of people never having sex again as a result, so best not to tempt fate. But can't the man even be in the same room? You know, holding your hand, giving you moral support? Well? What century is this?
This guy said 'oh it's squishy and gory'. Oh, poor thing. Women have to have their fannies RIPPED OPEN. No shit it's gory. You only looked, you weren't on the receiving end, mate!
The idea that then man was there for the fun bit so should be there for the screamy bit was met with ridicule. Judy actually said a few words of sense then took them back. This guy was like, 'you want him to share the pain'. Too fucking right I do! I'd want him to hurt like hell. Why not?
The poor men are traumatised! Poor things. Honestly. It's bloody sickening. Thank God I never have to even contemplate this crap. People literally deserve all they get.

Sunday, 5 August 2007

Big Brother 8: The Originals

Firstly a brief note about 'On the Couch.' WHAT a hatchet job on Amy. As if it's not bad enough she's been ostracised in the house, Davina's stringing her up too. Poor show.
So, the originals. And what an unfriendly bunch they've proven to be. Closed ranks, or what? Ziggy and Tracey, thick as thieves. Flabby chauvanist Liam lording it up (although I'm pleased he pissed off 'here's the fucking storm-off' Carole). They are so fucking smug now I just want to punch them all.
Amy didn't help herself when she made that comment about 'wet knickers'- I always feel let down when women sink to the lowest common denominator, but she is a glamour model, for fuck's sake. So she likes having sex. So does Liam. It doesn't make her a bad person. It doesn't make her evil. She just has a strange way of relating to people. So do a LOT of other people in that house. I feel sorry for her that she so undervalues herself that 'fun' with Liam is worth him treating her like that. Tracey and Brian pouring the poison in was horrid. Brian- be careful. Your crown could slip easy. How pathetic that Liam dumped her because of that. It makes you realise how playground bullying works. What was that 'shiny marbles' bullshit about? I thought Amy remained dignified in the face of his extreme cowardice. I loved her 'hardly' comment.
Was Ziggy stroking his willy to make it appear larger? It didn't look that small at first but then compared to all the other bloke's it did. Still, it's how you use it. Nice touch BB making them wear lycra.
I liked the extra bit on the pool, they could've let them have it a bit earlier. Gerry was being mildly unreasonable (at first) about the map thing (I've gone off him a bit lately) but Liam and Ziggy were being total wankers. I hated it when Liam laughed in Gerry's face. You could amuse yourself with geography in the house, let's be honest, there aint much to read.
My Carole rage continues. Her whispers in people's ears is frustrating beyond words. Emotional blackmail. Manipulating. ARGHHHH!

Friday, 3 August 2007

Big Brother 8: What an Atmosphere

Massively bad atmosphere in the house tonight. Hate the Amy scapegoating. I've finally realised Kryton has something up with her face. I feel a bit guilty for calling her Kryton now. Shannessa: Rough spice, see ya. No loss. So much for David having it out with Amy. Spineless twonk. Jonty was only not the villian because he's a man. And Liam and Ziggy are untouchable, of course.
Found the interview very boring, but what would you expect of people we've only known a week? I'm sure Shanessa and David would have entertained more than Amy and Jonty in the long run. Next year can we PLEASE have a vote to save instead of evict, Endemol, you thick wankers?
Brian's willy was worth a look. That's about it. It's going to take a miracle to drag this series out of the doldrums now.

The Bottom Pincher (continued): A Bit of 'Fun'

Richard and Judy did a piece on the bottom pinching story tonight. Surprise, surprise, it annoyed me. He was described as 'cheeky' and Judy also said 'she (the newsreader) couldn't stop and giggle as she was doing the news report.' Giggle? Do you mean stop and give him a right hook? For God's sake Judy. You muppet. Richard also sagely said the newsreader thought people might think her 'prudish' for complaining. How prudish to not want strangers to touch intimate areas of your body! Gosh, what a prude.
So they had a former Sun editor on who called her 'po-faced'. He called it 'fun'. Some people find peering up women's skirts fun. Some people find violent crime fun! let's all have fun! He said 'this woman has done herself a disservice by not laughing it off.' No, she would have done women a disservice by not complaining about it, you sexist fucking pig.
In the defense (God help us) was half-arsed Lowri Turner who pointed out she didn't want someone touching her body. Richard tried to say there was a diference between someone pinching your bum, and someone fondling you. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE? If pinching someone's bum isn't sexual, then would you be happy to 'affectionately' pinch a child's bum? Er- NO. These excuses don't WASH.
Then they had that fucking scummy Daily mail journalist who said it was a compliment and 'It's better to be looked at than overlooked.' Fucking LOOK then! Don't touch!
Then she said 'it is dangerous to call it sexual assault.' But where do you draw the line? I'll say it again. My body. Don't fucking touch it. End of story.
Then she went onto say 'he was just trying to cheer everyone up'. Oh, haha! What a card. I must be a po-faced feminist for not finding a public groping hilarious.
Richard then called us 'uptight in this country'. This is why we have such poor rape conviction statistics in this country. Because men like to have fun and women are a bit uptight aren't they?
Then Richard wheels out the whole 'men get their bottoms pinched too' argument. No shit. Men also get raped. But very, very few compared to women. Women are the victims of sexual discrimination and sexual violence in far greater numbers than men. It's not a fucking joke. If you're too stupid to make the connection between objectifying women, and then abusing them, that's your loss.
A bit of 'fun'. Yeah just like Bernard Manning used to be a bit of fun. Just like Benny Hill was. In the fucking dark ages, you thickos.
At the end Judy says, 'Sue we still think you were really professional.' Can you hear the 'but'? But you shouldn't have taken it further. (just like you shouldn't bother taking your rape complaint further, because your skirt was too short, or you were drunk or you walked through that park, so it's your fault) Not one bad word said against the sexist prick who did it. Just the newsreader told off for daring complain.
It's a sick world. But only a few people have their eyes open to see it.

Big Brother 8: Fame Hungry Slags

So I already knew Liam, Ziggy, Jonty and Amy went back in. But why all the vitriol towards Amy? Ziggy made the decisions too.
Carole (and her beard) was pouring the poison in big time. When will they see through her? Never. 'She's only after Liam for his money'- so is Liam not allowed a girlfriend ever again now? Is Carole his bouncer? Does she own him because she, Seany and Jonathan (by accident) gave Liam 100K?
Really hate that David calling Amy 'a fame hungry slag.' He and Tracey's slating of her was gross. He's a bad influence on Gerry too. I felt sorry for Amy when she went back in after Liam's 'we should cool it' speech. She did nothing really, they all just projected their anger onto her because they didn't want to blame 'the originals'. It felt a bit like bullying, to be honest, and I don't bandy that word around lightly. The new housemates are pretty gross, but they are bringing out a pack mentality in the old lot.
How wet is Kara-Louise/Kryton/Skunk? They should drop the bomb on the halfway house now. Go on! Drop it!

Thursday, 2 August 2007

Should men be allowed to pinch women's bottoms?

Apparently so, according to the Daily Mail. You've probably read that newsreader Sue Turton was doing a report about the flooding when a charming man Rufus Burdett walked past and pinched her arse on camera. I was already annoyed when I read this story yesterday and the whole tone of the article was that it was funny and that it wasn't really a big deal.
Well today they've gone one better and basically written an article saying she should be flattered! Seriously, how disgusting is that? So any man has a right to touch any woman as long as they do it in a 'jokey' way? Well, ha, ha. If he'd done it to me, he's have ended up with a broken nose. Still funny?
I think the newsreader did very well to carry on with her report. I would have been livid. Seriously, where do the draw the line with what's funny, is someone pinching your bum OK, but grabbing your crotch or groping your boobs a no no? HERE'S where the line is drawn: NO ONE has a right to touch you, ever, without your say so. So dressing it up as a hilarious prank just doesn't wash. Calling it 'goosing' annoys me too, as it makes it all a bit of a laugh, a harmless goosing. No. It is a minor assault, I don't care what way you dress it up. I'm not saying lock him up, but make clear it's totally unnaceptable. As a grown man, he should know that anyway.
I was also bemused by the wife of the guy who seemed to think it was a bit of fun, too. What a strange woman. If I thought my boyfriend was groping other women when I was out of sight, I'd be pretty revolted myself.
The longer society thinks it is acceptable to make a joke out of demeaning women, the longer sexist morons like this guy will keep pushing their luck. I repeat: what makes touching someone's bum acceptable, but touching their boobs isn't?
Wake up. Rant over.

Wednesday, 1 August 2007

Big Brother 8: Jump Ziggy Jump

Yeah into the fucking river. But then again no. Because I kind of love Ziggy again (i.e. I'd rather he stayed than the newbies). They definitely just put these new people in to make us appreciate that despite their inadequacies, we truly love our old housemates.
There was definitely some tension between Ziggles and Shanessa tonight, what with the willy crack (SOMEONE'S been reading the News Of The World) and then singing the Spice Girls. Evil mind games! She's not as stupid as she looks.
Brian was brilliant tonight, the most multi-faceted moron on earth, touching, funny, kind, beautiful. Describing shagging Amanda as harps and angels and Shanessa as being sucked through a hosepipe was class. He, Gerry and the twins sobbing in the toilet was emotional 'It's too much!' cried Gerry. It's true. It just makes you hate the new housemates. Brian said 'they aren't great replacements for Chanelle and Ziggy' and summed up the thoughts of the nation.
I don't know how Ziggy didn't realise they were cheering for him to jump out the box. I loved it when Shanessa jumped out and the twins looked stony-faced and Gerry went 'fuck'. Ziggy looked funny in his fairy outfit.
I LOVED Ziggy and Liam getting all terrotorial in the halfway house 'they are chucking my twins around the pool!' but the conversation went too laddy for me when Liam commented on Amy's spotty chin. Yuck. Not very chivalrous. He didn't mind rubbing his on hers later. I also expected him to give the thumbs up to the camera when they got into bed. There's something about that overtly laddish behaviour I just find unnerving. It was interesting watching his seduction technique though.
I hate David. I hate Kryton forehead girl. I still hate Carole. I do know from live feedage that Liam, Ziggy, Jonty and Amy are back in the big house, and that Tracey, Shanessa, David and Kryton are back in the halfway house. Good. Drop the bomb, I don't care who bites the bullet there. I'm glad Zigs is safe. I know I'm a turncoat, but it's who you hate the least at this stage, let's be honest.
However, it does make the picking of the housemates, and the various tasks completely pointless, and a bit unfair. But that's Big Brother to a tee, isn't it? I'd be annoyed if I was a newbie. They are blatantly making it up as they go. Anyway. I feel it may be time for Tracey to 'deal with it'. What do you reckon?