Wednesday, 27 February 2008

Review: I Was a Cub Scout- I Want You To Know That There Is Always Hope (oh, and Lightspeed Champion)

I knew nothing about the band I Was a Cub Scout except I liked their song 'Pink Squares'. I don't know how old they are, I don't know what 'scene' it is (I gave up on the NME after their latest Morrissey slating), I don't know what they look like.
But they are fucking ace. Their debut album is kind of electroish, poppy, indie. There is something so cool about his voice, slightly northern, and it just sounds like he can't really be arsed. It's like a MUCH more subtle Alex Turner. It is just appealing.
I have no idea what is going on in the songs, what the lyrics are about, except for odd sound bites. It's like an aural equivalent of a Douglas Coupland book, just kind of floating around, and moody, and occasionally making perfect sense.
All the songs are fairly interchangeable. But it's just lovely. There's a xylophone at one point.
This review is in no way good or comprehensive. But you know. I like it. I can't describe why. It's intangible, like all the best things.
Whilst I'm at it, I think I totally forgot to review the Lightspeed Champion album, Falling Off Lavender Bridge. Which was foolish of me, as it's my album of the year thus far. I like the Mike Mogis production. I like Dev's lyrics. I like Emmy the Great's backing vocals. It's very folky and the songs go on a bit too long, and that's a good thing. Everything just fits into place. I can't wait for Emmy's album.

Tuesday, 26 February 2008

Kizzy: Mum at 14

God bless BBC3. I love all this shit. The tale of a 14 year old pregnant girl's video diary. Kizzy! Cool name too.
Her brother: 'are you scared?' Her: 'no.' That's an alarm bell right there. Every pregnant mum should be scared. It's only normal.
Being pregnant scares the shit out of me. You have to rub cream into your bulging stomach. You have to have electrodes strapped to your back to administer 'pain relief'. Your body becomes public property. Then a screaming human is ripped from your insides. This is frightening enough for an adult, let alone a teenage girl.
Lucky Kizzy had a 20 hour labour. You'll never get those 20 hours back. She also had 80 stitches! Yum! Sign me up for some of that shit. She said it was the best moment of her life, but knowing my luck I'd think 'oh my god, what the fuck have I done?'
It's a bit of a design flaw for the human race that the more educated you are, the less likely you are to have a baby. So it's thick genes generally getting spread around.
Talking of thick genes, there was then some well-thought out rhetoric from her dad, so pleased his underage daughter gave birth at 14 and didn't abort. 'It should be against all human feeling to kill an unborn child. We should be ashamed of ourselves.' Oh yes, much better for 14 year olds to give birth, despite having nothing to teach a child, and no 'father figure' (I use that term loosely, what kind of father can a teenage boy be anyway). Much better for women to be forced to give birth against their will. What was I thinking?!
This programme got damn boring towards the end, so I'd give it a miss. But you probably weren't going to watch it anyway.
Oh yeah, Im going to be reading at this event on Thursday, so come on down friendly neighbourhood stalkers. Actually, no don't. I'm scared enough reading in front of a couple of grannies. I didn't even get on the poster this time. Jibbed or what?

Monday, 25 February 2008

Corrie/ Enders- Kill Me Now

God I feel depressed today. And I'm not exactly uplifted by the Corrie/ Eastenders sandwich of meloncholy.
I'm sick of Sean, Violet, Jamie, Carla, her bug-eyed boyfriend, her flat that looks like a brothel. I'm sick of Liam being so damn friendly all the time. I'm sick of Michelle's other son, the weaselly one with the comedy sideburns (I'm not sick of Ryan, of course, he's a hottie).
Enders: I'm sick of Ian, Stephen, Stacey. I'm MURDEROUS about Clare. Her sleazy patter makes me want to hurl. I wouldn't shag Ian Beale for a zillion squid. Harpie. My mate told me she played the exact same character in Hollyoaks. So now Hollyoaks is infiltrating Enders. It's wrong. Hollyoaks should keep it's robotic bimbos and bimboys to itself. Otherwise Eastenders will send Hollyoaks Phil Mitchell and they won't like that, no sir.
The characterisation in Eastenders is poor beyond words. Just look at the minor characters, the chav mum and the homeless girl for example. The homeless girl had neater hair than me. The chav mum was a confused almost-goth.
I guess I have to conclude Eastenders has gone shit again. It kinda sucks.
And back to Corrie again. Violet and Jamie feel about Sean the same way I feel about the rest of the human race. Just get out of my face! Run, run little piggies, run. I got deja vu because Liam had the exact same conversation with Ryan as in the earlier show.
'If you want peace come round.'
'If you want to escape the madness come round.'
'If you want a smug, patronising smarm fest with Maria and that stupid black dog, come on round, Ryan, and we'll pretend to play video games.'
David did NOT snog Tracey, or go out with Maria. Don't believe David's oranged-faced lies. The thought of him shagging in any capacity is just unforgivable before the 9pm watershed.
Finally, what the fuck have they done to the Rovers?! They've given it a gothic makeover. They must have got Carla's decorators in. Urgh.

Thursday, 21 February 2008

Documentary: The Street

I wouldn't have watched this but I saw a bit of it on Richard and Judy (as usual!) and it looked interesting. It is basically a documentary on what goes on in one street in London. The film maker decided to find out what goes on behind closed doors on her street.
It was quite unbelievable how many different interesting things were going on in one street. Every house told a story. The poverty divide seemed the most obvious difference. Considering people are living on the same street, some people were living very affluent lives, quite posh, and owning the whole property; whereas other houses on the street were converted flats, full of Kiwis, or NOT full of lonely old men.
Probably the most striking story was of this poor 25 year old guy with Tourettes who lived all alone, in squalor. His life was an absolute living nightmare. There are no other words for it. He died. I think he probably killed himself.
Similarly the old 91-year-old Polish guy had no one. He'd lived in the street for 50 years and knew no one. So presumably if he died, he'd just rot. It's just awful to be old and to have no one. I's awful to be old and in a home too. Do these health freaks think about that? I'll just keep eating shit and pray for a heart attack at 60.
There was also this drug smuggling schizophrenic. He said the voices in his head were 'tedious'. Haha. I think I fear voices in my head on about the same level as being trampled to death. Which is quite a lot.
The stories of the nuclear families seemed utterly dull in comparison, not really real. he posh family being annoyed by the drunken Kiwis was quite amusing. I'd hate living next to either party, really. Antipodeans who just come here to party are everywhere in London, but really, really dull. How many nights can you get drunk before you start to get bored? Quite a lot, apparently.
I wonder if all the people on the street now say 'hi' now they know loads of stuff about each other. It must be weird, knowing what goes on. I like knowing what goes on, but I kind of like not knowing what's going on too.

Wednesday, 20 February 2008

The Brit Awards 2008- Medleyfest!

I should be at the pictures right now celebrating my boyfriends birthday but instead I'm coughing up phlegm. Yum! That's pretty shit but then further torture beckons in the form of the Brit awards. Oh Jarvis, how we miss you.
Yegads! Mika kicked of the show with a MEDLEY and the skinniest legs ever. I'm entirely unconvinced by his act. He doesn't look like he enjoys his own music (and why would he?). Bizarrely he was joined by a very pink Beth Ditto and they then sang Standing in The Way Of Control. God I love a medley. But only when it's someone good. Oh no, good people don't do medleys. Scrap that.
They obviously decided Ozzy wasn't fit to present so they roped Jack and Kelly in to help Sharon. Sharon was ridiculously over enthusiastic throughout.
Best Live Act... Take That apparently better than Muse. OK.
Rhianna and the Klaxons! Woo! How ironic! What a mash up of cultures. I'd love to tell you what it was like but I decided to listen to a bit of I Was a Cub Scout instead. I love his lazy way of singing. Oh fucking hell, it's Umbrella again. Get a new trick, pony. She looks ten foot tall. Is she on stilts? Is she shagging Josh Hartnett? Lucky BITCH! Nice lasers though. I miss lasers. Those were the days.
Fearne Cotton- fuck off! We got rid of Cat 'stroke victim' Deeley- you're next! It annoyed me when she called Beth Ditto 'gorgeous' too. Like she'd swap.
Product placement: an advert for Kylie's perfume. Subtle.
Will 'chinny' Young presented an award to Adele (yeah, another one of those dull singer songwriter bints). He was struggling to read off his card. Adele said in a magazine that she was the same dress size as me. If that's true, I need my fucking jaw wired RIGHT NOW. (sorry, that's very anti-women of me- but I've been driven to it by this inanity!) Jonathan Rhys Myers was presented an award with a proper gurn on. To Mika. Next we had a performance by Kylie 'botox' Minogue. Someone should really tell her that someone stapled her eyebrow on too high. She appeared to be dancing with some Asda-brand Daft Punk. Except Daft Punk wouldn't touch her with a bargepole. Oh and miming. Shitly. She's looking almost as past it as Madonna.
Zzzzzz. Sorry fell asleep there for a minute. Mark Ronson won best british male solo artist. Is he even british? I thought he was an American brand of tosser. He came on with a prepared speech! Drop dead you Morrissey-murdering prick. No, really. Urgh, I hate trumpets! Fuck off. Mute! Later he did an awful MEDLEY with all those awful young people you're meant to like but just want to chuck in a pit like they were pigs with foot and mouth. Oh Marky Mark, you're not fit to wipe Morrissey's arse. You look like a dick with that guitar with two fret boards! Do you have three arms? Knob-end!
Kaiser Chiefs! Bet they do a medley. I can't bear to listen though. Leona Lewis- fabulous dress, beautiful, great voice, shame about the personality.
'The Drummer' won best international group (and best album). I love it when Courtney calls him that.
Kate Nash jointly won best stilted singing voice/ Lily Allen bandwagon hopper. And best female. It should've been Emmy The Great! Arctic Monkeys= cocky little shits. Oh and high as kites.
Winehouse does not interest me in any way shape or form. I don't like fake American accent singing voices. I don't like crackheads. She looked less spangled than normal but I wouldn't say entirely sober.
I don't think Sharon quite 'got' Vic Reeves trying to be funny. But then he wasn't that funny. I blame the wife! she sucked the life out of him. There's no going back, he's a husk.
And after not one good act all night, insult gets piled on top of injury, as Paul 'two thumbs up' Mcartney wins the award for Thickest Most Miserable Old Man. That 'Dance The Night Away' song: absolute genius. What a legend. What a hero. What a cunt.

Baby Bible Bashers

I finally watched it! Thanks Red & Asterisk. It's good to have friends who know your taste so well, and it's good to have repeats so you can finally catch this stuff. Thanks Channel 4.
So, Baby Bible Bashers. Oh dear. Two things in one title that I'm frightened of. It's about an appealing a prospect as Monster Dog Shit.
There is something terrifying about religious children. It's bad enough when they do a dance or sing a song or something. But sermons?! One of these kids, Samuel, was described as a seven year old 'evangelist'. He started preaching at 3. About abortion. He's like a walking advert for it. Just put him in front of a Spongebob Squarepants cartoon, you fucking cruel bastards. Make no mistake about it- this is child abuse. I can only imagine what Richard Dawkins would make of it.
It's bad enough when a MAN is preaching about abortion, but a child? What the hell does he know about it? Nothing, obviously. This is some sick shit. Then the dad said 'God uses animals. A donkey spoke and saved a man's life.' What?! Which donkey? Little donkey? Didn't he just go on a backbreaking journey? Fucking hell, man, how can you reason with people who think animals talk!? You'd probably get more sense out of the donkey.
The 'donkey' parents as I like to call them, also enjoyed beating the shit out of their child- but only with the cameras off. Yummy.
Apparently another preaching kiddywink Terry's first word was 'Hallelujah.' Yeah... and mine was Morrissey. He can cure anything from depression to cancer. Cool. Best put him in a lab them. Best string him up.
Ah but then the real truth is revealed. His dad says 'Terry is being groomed to be a man of God.' What he means is, 'we're selling T-shirts with his name on.' As usual it's all about money, money, money. Money and power. That's all it is. It's nothing to do with love. It's nothing to do with 'god'.
The final BBB was a Brazilian girl called Anna. She was just her dad's puppet. They're always shouting aren't they, these God botherers? They never preach quietly and unobtrusively. It's all 'lake of fire' this, and 'worms eating you in hell' that. Why do they care if I go to hell?
Her dad was in prison, and a self-confessed wife beater! It's always the dodgy fuckers isn't it, telling you how to live. Why do people care what other people do? I don't care if you inject heroin into your eyeballs as long as you don't hurt anyone else, or any animals in the process. How people choose to live their lives is their business.
Taking your child to get abused on the streets of New York City is child abuse. Taking a child to watch his father being sworn at on the streets of NYC is child abuse. Forcing your child to give out leaflets about something they don't understand is child abuse. Forcing a child to wear a sign the do not understand is child abuse. Making your child so different no one will ever befriend him at school is child abuse. Indoctrinating your child with religious beliefs is child abuse.
Just one look at his little face was enough to tell a thousand stories. But the donkey dad was too fucking stupid to see it.
Go to hell. Amen.

Monday, 18 February 2008

Kerry Katona: Crazy in Love

Here we go again. Did Kerry not see Jodie Marsh's MTV show? They don't exactly show you in a flattering light, do they? It doesn't make good TV to show you as lovely and kind and sweet, does it?
I used to read OK because I found it mildly amusing, but I've given it up because I hate all that fucking sycophantic 'this is what you should be- a WAG or a fucking glamour model. Happiness lies in diets or handbags.' That's not what girls should aspire to. It's very damaging to females. I will read about celebrities online, where they are treated with the disdain they deserve, but I won't pay to support the likes of Jordan and Katona. Fuck all that 'good businesswoman' bullshit- they are hard-faced nutjobs. They have sold every single part of their lives. It's not a job- it's a pact with the devil (and don't even get me started on those 'novels').
Kerry looked full on retarded at the beginning of the show. I don't buy the whole 'I gurn because I've got bi-polar' thing, she wasn't chewing her face off in the jungle, was she? Something is missing, isn't it? You can see shades of her former persona sometimes, she looks quite vulnerable at times, and really young. But then other times she could be about 45. Oddly, I thought she looked alright in her undies for the shoot- she's got better legs than me.
And as for that man- well he's just exploiting her. He's vile. Their smutty banter is just stomach churning. I can't even look at him and I'm not going to write his name. She had to buy him a Ferrari because he knocked her up? What the fuck? Get him his cards. If he hasn't ditched her and sold a story by 2010 I will eat my words; literally, I'll print off this page of the blog and fucking eat it. The only couple I can think of with less credibility is Britney and Adnan.
I also hate the way Kerry always harps on about drugs and how she hasn't done them in so long, when she lied about doing them in the first place! How can you believe a word she says? And when she says 'I'm always at home' as if a woman who dares go out on the town is automatically cheating or doing drugs. It's not the 50s, Kerry, you are allowed out the front door, you are allowed to go to a nightclub.
And why does she read the papers when they just print lies? Why would you read them and drive yourself mad? It's insanity. Just ignore them.
Bottom line is, take Brian McFadden's cash away and they are just any other chavs off the council estate. The house is horrible in every way too.
PS. Kerry Katona even had THE Ikea lamp! Just like me and all those people on Wife Swap. The glamour!

Friday, 15 February 2008

Big Brother USA

The don't normally show Big Brother USA as it clashes with our BB but because of the writers strike they pushed it forwards. I have seen the USA BB once before and found it bizarre, it is much less about human relationships, love interests and shopping lists, and much more about climbing over everyone in the house to WIN! It really is a gameshow.
Their Davina is a freakish woman, little sticks for arms, and a ginomous head. She could be any age from 25 to 50. She is in the show a LOT, unfortunately. The twist this year (there's always a bloody twist isn't there?) is that the people in the house have to couple up and compete in pairs- chosen by BB naturally. The other twist is that there is one couple who are already going out with each other but have to keep it a secret... and they have been paired up with other people. The final twist is one couple are ex boyfriend and girlfriend, hate each other and have been paired together. These twist are actually quite interesting, unlike the absolute crap our producers cobble together (women only, anyone?)
Not too sure what to make of the people yet, there are two gay guys who seem OK. The secret couple seem alright as well although it's all a bit temptation island-ish, they have to sleep in the same bed as another person! I think the guy will get super jealous.
There is also this 'older' woman, who looked damn good for her age but turned out to be a completely shallow, mean-spirited bitch. Upon finding out who she'd been paired up with she banged her head on the wall and said 'I wanted tall dark and handsome'. Well he probably wanted pre-menopausal, but hey ho. I think they may have been evicted by now, because there's another episode I haven't seen yet.
All in all, it's pretty much unrecognisable as 'our' big brother, but there is still a little kernel of Big Brotherness in there, and it has it's own merits. The people seem less human, and thinner, but that's just their culture. I'm sure they're alright really.

Tuesday, 12 February 2008

TV Round Up: Bin Raiders!

I've been watching a bit of anything and everything lately but nothing enough to write a whole blog about so I'm just going to do a general mash-up.
Obviously I've been watching Curb Your Enthusiasm, but I already saw them online. Still, a consistent joy. I've also really been enjoying Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares; god knows why, I hate good food so I must just love shouting. I am also alway loving American Idol, Deal or No Deal and Harry Hill's V Burp.
I've also got into watching a zillion episodes of Maury. Bloody hell, are they ever about ANYTHING than paternity tests? Where are the progerianoids when you need them? There was one woman who tested NINE men to be her baby's father and still didn't find him. Nine! It should be two at an absolute MAXIMUM. And even if it's two, just abort for God's sake. Maury's alright though, he's nice and crinkly. On a further talk-show tip, I've watched a couple of Nothing But The Truth's with Jerry Springer. That's kind of stupid and annoying. The lie detector senses you are lying! If lie detectors are so bloody accurate we'd have no need for a court of law.
Today for the first time ever I watched The Real Hustle, which I thought was pretty good in a Derren Brown meets Trigger Happy sort of a way. They are not showing you how to AVOID being conned, they are showing YOU how to con people. Cool.
Wife Swap is just going to drastic levels this year, Sunday's episode saw a millionaire who lived in what looked like a comedy haunted house swap with some Christian Bin Raiders! Yes that is as disgusting as it sounds. They'll never top Lizzie Bardsley so they may as well just forget it.
Soaps! Corrie's been alright, enjoyed the wedding fiasco. He shouldn't have married dopey Maria. I quite fancy Ryan, the school boy, which is a worry. Not so keen on the other son, and he looks about five years older. Stick with Ryan, Michelle. I quite like Hearsay woman. She's alright.
Enderz. Is it just me or has Tanya suddenly got 12 billion times sexier than she used to be? She looks two stone lighter. I still would with Sean. Max= the fatther who must be killed. The following characters need to be sacked: Stephen (in fact all of Ians kids) Yolande, the postman, the postman's nagging bint of a wife, STACEY'S MUM, Gus (wife beater), Chelsea, that bloke with the chav kid, Max's bratty daughter, Mickey and that new girl who keeps gurning over people's shoulders. Thanks.

Thursday, 7 February 2008

Film Review: Cloverfield

Going to the cinema these days feels about as relevant setting your video to tape TFI Friday. Like visiting Blockbusters or HMV, you can hear the death knell ringing. Which is sad. I quite like the cinema. Especially on Orange Wednesdays.
Hint- arrive late and you can miss the awful, patronising advert about being respectful on the bus (and telling men to give up their seat for women! Do women not have legs too?) Oh and that advert where it's the woman's fault the bloke crashes his car. No, HE'S the one driving, you sexist pigs so fuck off.
Yes, arrive late for all that, and you might find yourself watching Cloverfield, as I did last night. And it was DAMN good! A proper monster horror. There is just the right amount of getting to know the characters and finding them a bit irritating at the start before the Statue of Liberty gets her head ripped off. And I'm only telling you that bit cos it's in the trailer.
My main worry was that we wouldn't get to see the monster, or the monster would be shit. But the monster was amazing! Really scary and great special effects. I was expecting a godzilla-esque thing, not an alien/spider/dinosaur doodah. The film races along at great pace, but let's you stop for breath on occasion, which is welcomed. Definite shades of 28 Days Later, and all other zombie/ monster/ disaster movies. The hand held camera thing seems annoying at first, but it quite effective as the film progresses, in a Blair Witch style.
Go see this at the cinema, it won't be as good on your laptop. Keep the cinema alive (not Blockbusters though- they're finished).
Oh and there's nothing at the end of the end credits as rumoured- we sat through them. Some hilarious names though. I particularly liked Leffert Lefferts.

Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Horizon: Is alcohol worse than ecstasy?

And of course the answer is, yes and no. But that's the short answer.
On tonight show they compared 20 drugs on the criteria: what the drug does to the person who takes it, addictiveness and consequences to society. Based not on myth, on science! You can't argue with science. Well you can if you're frightened of the tabloids, and there will still be people who will throw their hands in the air.
I didn't know even there were even 20 types of naughty drugs! I thought there were about five. I'm so innocent.
So here's the chart, fact fans. 1. is the most dangerous.
20. The least dangerous drug. Khat. I've never heard of it. Not illegal.
19. Poppers. Anyone who likes doing that should be shot. Absolutely disgusting. The smell of them at festivals or in clubs gives me a headache.
18. Ecstasy! Well, who'd have thought it. Me, actually, as I've read up on it as well as having watched a fair few documentaries about it. There's a lot of mythology surrounding ecstasy (the spinal thing, brain damage etc but it's mostly scare stories). Wow, 27 deaths a year though. That's quite a lot. I think Leah Betts was the 'best' anti-ecstasy advert ever. Because 'it could be you'. But in reality, you're more likely to die angling, and that's a fact. Death is mainly due to dehydration, or mixing it with other drugs. I've heard it's quite good fun and stopped football hooligans beating each other up back in the day. Sounds alright. They gave it to people in a lab! It can't be that bad, can it? The law is a load of rubbish really, it's arbitrary. A class A drug has no lasting effects, is not addictive, and makes people hug each other. It's just got a bad press. Oh and people's brains go back to normal after a year. So that's handy to know, E heads. Go do more E. Just try not to die.
17. GHB. My ex boyfriend got spiked with this when we went to Ibiza when I was 17. He accidentally knocked a drink over and some smirking barmen gave him a freebie drink that nearly crippled him. He was nearly paralysed and laid up in bed for three days but unusually horny. We read a leaflet on it whilst we were still there and realised what had happened. Horrible stuff. Keep an eye on your drinks, folks.
16. Steroids. Gross. Surely they should be higher?
15. Methylphenidate. They give this to kids for ADHD. And it's more harmful than E, according to science. Reassuring, no?
14. LSD. Someone who I hadn't seen for 12 years emailed me today and used to dish out acid like they were lovehearts. The joys of growing up in Northampton. So I don't think you really get acid these days. 83,000 people use it?!!!! Who??? Who is using it?! I don't find melting toilet doors that pleasurable myself. Your hands become fascinating though. So I've heard.
13. 4MTA. I've never heard of it. 33 x more powerful than E, but no eurphoric high. Hmm. Sounds rubbish.
12. Solvents. HOW can that not be higher?! Solvents are manky! 50-60 deaths per year. What a way to go. How depressing. I had an American friend at university who used to do 'whippets' sucking aerosols out of a balloon, I seem to recall. I told her she was insane. I don't know about you, but i wouldn't want my mum to find me dead with a can of Sure in my hand. Absolutely minging.
11. Cannabis. How can cannabis be higher than solvents!? That's crazy. Cannabis grows from the ground and kills no one. Don't get me wrong, I do not smoke dope (or anything) and I find it very dull. Stoned people don't speak very much, which makes socialising more difficult. More than that, I have seen dope destroy people, by just making them apathetic in every area of their life. I think it is highly addictive. But I've never quite believed these 'cannabis made me crazy' stories. I always thought you must have it in you anyway. I think generally, people can smoke dope socially, just like someone who'd have a drink, and just get on with their lives. It definitely shouldn't be illegal, if cigarettes aren't.
10. Buprenorphine. A heroin substitute. Sounds like being between a serious rock and a hard place.
9. Cigarettes. They kill one fifth of the population! Shit! Why don't they ban it? of course I know why, money, money, money. 114,000 deaths a year! Smoking ALONE kills more than suicide, car crashes, drugs, HIV, and homicide COMBINED. The punchline is, it doesn't even GET YOU HIGH! People are INSANE. I remember my friends starting to smoke when we were about 15 and I just pitied them. Unbelievable stupidity. I feel like calling up my mum and screaming at her for starting again.
8. Amphetamines. Do you want to stay up all night, and even when you want to go to sleep, you won't be able to? Also helps you slim, but makes you anxious. Yuck.
7. Benzodiazepine. Valium and stuff. How can this be more dangerous than fags? How can speed be? Fags kill 114,000 people a year! I'm still shocked. I shouldn't be. I work for a cancer charity!
6. Ketamine. Mmm, horse tranquiliser. Tasty! Do you want to go down the rabbit hole? I didn't even know ketamine even killed people. I thought it just made them think everyone was a Pokemon. Luckily, I think people are put off by the whole horse thing. Neigh!
5. Booze. I thought this would be number one. Socially, I think booze has a lot to answer for. Booze can make a normal person aggressive, change people's personality, booze can destroy people's lives. It's only the fact that drink has always been around that we tolerate it. Can you imagine if they tried to ban booze! Haha. Booze causes 40% of casualty admissions. Booze is bad in large doses, but again, it's alright if you're sensible. What can you do? Some people are always going to go too far. Apparently it's better to 'drink constantly' than binge drink! Nuts.
4. Methadone. Another opiate/ heroin replacement. 295 deaths a year. That's a lot.
3. Barbituates. Prescribed drugs, but an OD kills you easily. Treats insomnia (by killing you, by the sounds of things.)
2. Cocaine. Expensive. Addictive. Turns you into a twat. Crack cocaine. Even more addictive. Turns you into a prostitute. Best avoided I think.
1. Heroin. As bad as it gets. How could anyone even ever try it? No high could be worth it. I don't care how comfy and cosy it makes you feel. I feel very sorry for anyone on it. I think it's poverty driven, mainly. It's just very, very sad.
So that's that. Will any laws change? No. So people will just make up their own minds. As per usual, then.

Sunday, 3 February 2008

Film Review: Juno

A good friend of mine recommended Juno to me, so I gave it a whirl today. Mixed feelings really. The cast is good, the girl from Hard Candy and the geeky one from Superbad. But I think I was expecting more, and occasionally I felt like it was just bordering on romantic comedy territory.
I was told the soundtrack was great (John!) but I found it very tweetronising (coined by Charlie Brooker- a cross between twee and patronising). It was bordering on annoying at times. But then I've always hated Belle and Sebastian and that sort of stuff. I need a bit more grit, otherwise it just sounds like a theme tune for a cartoon. Not good.
Soundtrack aside, the film is about a 16 year old who gets pregnant and decides to give the baby up for adoption. I thought the film was a bit slow to start and that the dialogue was trying a bit too hard at first. I felt like it kind of wasn't a quirky enough story to get away with how quirky the script was at times. But I got into it, and I quite enjoyed it. I thought it was quite moving in parts, and I liked Juno's stepmum telling off the ultrasound technician and when Juno called the potential adoptive father of her baby a 'sell-out'.
If all pregnant 16 year olds wrestling with adoption issues had as idyllic a time and as understanding parents as Juno, I think the world would be a better place. Unfortunately, this is just a film. Your parents would throw you out in a second, so use a condom, dammit.

Vanity Lair

To be honest I'm not normally awake for the Hollyoaks overdose on T4, thank fuck. But today I was, and decided to watch Vanity Lair, presented by 'oh isn't she ironic' Alexa Chung. The premise seems to be putting 'beautiful people' in a house and exposing them for being utter cunts. Too easy, I feel.
Slight flaw to begin with in that there wasn't one contestant who was actually beautiful. There was a black girl with the blondest hair I'd ever seen and a glamour model with a face like a bloke. There was a horsey looking blonde girl and some guys who you wouldn't look twice at if you were stuck in an office with them every day for the next 25 years.
I mean, a couple were pretty, but most were average, with a couple bordering on ugly. They were all well turned out by Topman or whatever, but so what? That doesn't make you good-looking, it just makes you look like a prick in a cardigan.
I haven't bothered to learn the names, but needless to say, the high point of the show was one stuck-up, bent-nosed, stupidly-haired boy who said 'I don't associate with people who are fat and ugly' and 'I'd dump my girlfriend if she was a size 14' literally THROWING UP when faced with a picture of himself with his hair scraped back. He cried, then threw up! Definitely TV moment of the year thus far.
Then the next day he was going 'I don't think so and so is very good looking' and not one person took the opportunity to say, 'you're so fucking ugly, you made yourself throw up, mate.' Shame on them.
There was a fair bit of nudity on the show for midday on a Sunday (now I sound like a granny, but there was!) But the most worrying thing about this show, which is, let's face it, aimed at kids and teenagers, was the adverts in between. I'd never seen so many naked people in my entire life. Adverts for perfume and body wash showing impossibly toned torsos and sultry naked women. You don't get adverts like this in between Corrie, or even late at night. It's pretty clear that kids are just being aggressively indoctrinated into feeling insecure about themselves, so they buy the latest that or that.
Sad, really.

Saturday, 2 February 2008

Derren Brown: The System

Really enjoyed Derren last night as he explained he had a foolproof way to predict which horse will win, every time. He convinced an unsuspecting woman to put four grand on a horse, only telling her once the money was on that his system was... well, bullshit.
I guessed what the system was a minute before he explained it, but even so, it was good stuff and an entertaining romp. Also, how did he do that thing in the middle with the sums and the photos? That was super-impressive.
I can't believe he stood flipping a coin all day until he got ten heads in a row, that sounds like pure pain. He could have easily just edited it.
I guessed that he hadn't really put the cash on the horse (as if any betting track would take a bet off Derren Brown) but the fact he predicted the real winner was a nice finishing touch.
Derren was looking a bit weird, but I like his pointy beard. He does look like a Victorian/ Mr Tumnus/ gypsy at times. But as always, I bow down to Derren. Come back soon.