Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Big Brother 10: Yes Sree Can

I did begin blogging yesterday but it was so tedious I just gave up. Kris was exceptionally nasty to Freddie, I know that much.
Nominations! Time for Charlie to act the goat. Hmm, Siavash; another interesting outsider chosen. It's bland or bugger off in that place.
Halfwit has missed a trick nominating Lisa in my opinion. How can he not have nominated Kris? Still, I'd be happy to see Lisa up.
Here's an aside. McCoys... man's crisps... what a load of bullshit. I've been eating that shit for years, and I aint no geezer. They'll have Danny Dyer advertising them next. 'Here...'
Unimaginative housemates nominating Freddie. Don't they get it yet?
How come Sophie gets drinks for free? It's not because she's a girl, it's because she doesn't wear much. There's a difference.
Sree doesn't even know when to shut up around nomination time. He's relentless.
I'm not even commenting on the Jedi/Phillipines conversation, it's beneath contempt.
Noirin FINALLY nominated Sree! Thank God. Rodrigo's reason for nominating Freddie was rubbish.
YAY Siavash nominated KRIS! Hallelujah! Siavash just pitched his tent on the side of good. He's now in my top three. Yesssssss! Buh bye Sree! Although I'd still rather see six other people go before Sree.
Sree nommed Noirin. Shame he's not going to be around to make that count later.
This programme seemed exceptionally long. The last half an hour was pretty pointless. I feel like the producers have given up, like they've forgotten to put new housemates in, or rejig the noms. There was one year when you couldn't move for nomination 'twists'. Where are they now, to oust the numpties?

Saturday, 27 June 2009

Big Brother 10: He's eating my brain

Shame I was in no state to do a blog yesterday; the eviction night was good TV. Rodrigo finally showed his teeth last night and I saw a glint in his eye that has been absent for the past few weeks. If he keeps getting involved in fights (on the side of good) and Freddie keeps endlessly banging on about how he's safe each week (and pissing off the viewers), we could finally have a race on our hands.
Sad to see Angel go. Did she say she was 'back from the future' in her eviction interview. Cuckoo! Big mistake having her leave; big, big mistake. And I won't forget it!
Siavash went up in my estimation trying to explain to dur-brain Marcus about third world debt. Marcus showed himself to be a moron. If Siavash picks the right side (ie. the individuals) he could go a long way. At the moment he's spreading himself too thinly, and the housemates will eventually turn unless they feel he's loyal.
Kris; 'Freddie wants to get to know me but there's nothing to know.' How true, and what a thing to be proud of. So handsome he never bothered to develop a personality, except one that makes cunty comments all the time. Shame. I think he'll get a shock when he leaves. Does he not get it; the public are voting for Freddie to survive! Do they not see that Freddie being that underdog gives him a position of great power with the viewers? I mean, what reason do we have for voting Kris to win in 2 months time? Cos he had nice hair?
Marcus's slavering over Noirin is actually starting to make me feel physically sick. Cock blocking beats!
Sree and Marcus trying to show off about doing press-ups was fucking dull.
Garlic gate; zzz. Sree is a cunt. His reaction about that garlic thing was pathetic. Freddie needs back up, big time. He aint getting it from those bleating twats. Lisa complained about the food but Freddie still got it in the neck for actually eating it.
I thought Marcus and Freddie's conversation was a bit close to the nomination bone. But I don't think they'd dare stop Freddie and Marcus from voting.
Literally the only interesting thing about Sophie is she gets drunk really quick. I dont think I've ever got that drunk in my life, not even when I was 14.
Charlie isn't as stupid as he acts, ingratiating himself with Freddie, when Kris is too thick to bother. Can the thickies be defeated? Put in a couple of new housemates, and let's see.

Thursday, 25 June 2009

Big Brother 10: I'm a robot, I'm half alien

Is Sree president at his university? He hasn't mentioned it. Getting increasingly fucked off that Angel and Freddie are up; every sane person thinks it's a travesty.
I think Angel was just winding up Noirin, but Noirin has no sense, so she didn't get it.
Marcus, PMT? WTF? What is wrong with him! He does talk a right load of old dross, but at least he had a pop at Noirin. Haha, scouring himself in the shower! By the sounds of things, he needs it, the stinky fucker.
I don't care about this whole pregnancy/fat thing, it's tedious. Noirin is such a cunt. Angel is acting like someone's mad old nan, but it's literally that; acting.
Do carrots grow on trees? No they don't, and Jade is dead in the ground, so let her thick card die with her.
Poor Freddie. No one gave a crap that he was up. No one said sorry to him or Angel. He looks cute with eyeliner on. Ohh Marcus looked pissed off about Freddie being up- good. Sree was right; Freddie is the strongest. Marcus isn't stupid, and I think he has probably twigged he's next on the hitlist; and he's worried.
Maybe in the next 1000 years people will understand Freddie and Angel.
Fuck a duck, I forgot to post this, and now michael jackson has died. If I tag his name, I might get tons of hits *graverobber*
Will they tell the Big Brother contestants?

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

Big Brother 10: Live Nominations

Live noms! Would be better if Charlie had to suffer too.
Typical spineless Kris wanting to quit the task. Lazy bastard. Will this task ever end? I don't want to see them singing! Marcus's recorder playing was unmentionable. I don't know what hey nonny nonny is either, but I do know Rodrigo is a wet fish. Shame, as he could have been great.
Why do they keep saying 'that's what I'm talking about!' Get your own catchphrases.
Sophie caning the drink dregs with one eye open was funny; that was proper wino behaviour. She was smashed!
I hate it when Kris does that Freddie impression, he's such a fucking numpty.
Siavash; 'It's a fucking plastic sword.' I like Siavash a bit more today; and I do find him attractive on occasion, but I could still go either way on him. Bugger; wish he'd saved Freddie from nominations, not Marcus. I've gone off Marcus; he's not made a stupid cat food/hearing aid comment in ages. I'm fickle!
I watched some of the live feed from last night today and Noirin and Sree argued for roughly about three hours, and it was the most boring thing on earth. Sree won't leave; he's all hot air. Noirin was getting off on shooting him down.
Why was Angel gobbing all over her face?! What is wrong with her? Freddie looked quite good in that hat. At least they're having fun.
I don't think Angel fancies Noirin, I think she's said it to deflect attention from Freddie. I hope anyway.
The quick fire nominations made me nervous! But they should show them to the housemates not to us. No, AND us. Actually, this nomination style works well, don't fack abaht as Danny Dyer would say. I liked the table of scores, too.
Sophie, nicking someone's make-up brush is hardly 'sneaky and backstabbing'. It's fairly normal flat-sharing stuff. She nominated the brains! Boo.
Karly looks orange, what happened? Kris, you're not a valid member of the group, you fucking dibby. No one in there is fat, so why are they worried about what Angel says? She clearly has a problem with food.
Motherfuckers, they are all nominating Angel and Freddie! Argh! Are they stupid? They can't survive against Freddie.
ARGH bloody Noirin nominated Angel and Freddie too. Odd seduction technique Angel has, telling the girl she allegedly fancies that they have a fat arse.
I'm fucked off with that result! Why do we get stuck with all the dullards? It's annoying! They can't be trusted to vote. Freddie looked a bit upset. Up against his buddy.
Boo! A plague on all your houses. Cunts!

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

Big Brother 10: Angel Cake

Hello, I'm a Big Brother contestant and I can't read. When Kris is correcting your syntax, be very afraid. Bet Siavash is regretting going to the DR now. I just can't warm to him, I don't know why.
I thought Rodrigo didn't want to be a wife?
This Tudor task is so shit, why am I not surprised after I actually enjoyed yesterday's show. The only exciting thing is the sexual tension between Angel and Freddie.
Where are the nominations? Aren't they normally today? I had to forward the chicken plucking, I'm a hypocritical meat-eater but no thanks. The quiz was boring as fuck too; I just want to see the dynamics between people, not all this bullshit.
Angel, eating in the bath is WRONG but somehow, with her, it was right.
Oh, the Freddie bashing has begun again, by the very thickest members of the house.
OMG now Angel fancies Norin! What is it with that girl? I want Angel to fancy Freddie! Sree, Marcus, now Angel... oh christ. Why! She's a right sour thing. Does Angel really believe Noirin might be into it? Fuck, this is going to be a worse car crash than Shreesville. This could get really weird. Then Noirin went and dissed her in the DR. Argh.
Glad Charlie can't nominate after all the fuss he makes about people. Serves him right.
Again Karly's attitude towards men reveals her to be quite a sad figure. I pity her if that's what she really thinks about men.
Angel, put some clothes on! Is she attention seeking? Does she really fancy Noirin? I know one thing, I wouldn't want to go in that swimming pool after her.
(Just saw the ad that said housemates have to nominate live tomorrow; shame Charlie is immune after all! PS: I miss diary room uncut.)

Monday, 22 June 2009

Big Brother 10: We are the music

I had a live feed fest last night and Angel has gone up in my estimation a zillion-fold. I love the fact the matriarchs of the house (Lisa, Angel) are defending Sree against an increasingly arrogant Noirin. She impertinently told Angel last night that she should have children as it was the only way she could be happy, and it was 'meant to be' and 'what was she doing for society'. Idiot. Over-populating the world isn't 'doing something for society'. Don't tell someone how to feel! Angel went 'it's just one more me in the world.' God, then Siavash said, you'd better have children so there's someone to look after you when you're old. Then Marcus went 'wait til you meet someone'. Christ. I've met someone; still hate kids! Now fuck off!
Anyway, on with tonight's show. I'm glad it was Freddie's birthday. He looks WAY older than 24 though; is it all those soundless raves taking their toll. I liked the hippy birthday. Freddie was so happy! It was infectious.
Angel: 'will they give us magic mushrooms?' I wish! That would be amazing.
Not sure how 21 seconds fitted into the hippy theme; it's probably Kris' favourite song. Argh; bongos! It was funny how the atmosphere just soured after about a minute. Christ, that performance they did was terrifying. It was like being at Whirly and the record jumping on that bagpipes track at the same time as you realised the E you took was some nasty acid.
Siavash looked particularly zen as a hippy. He was born in the wrong decade.
Sree runs rings round Marcus in arguments! It was funny when Karly backed Sree up. I think the thing is, people genuinely like Sree. I do, despite him being nutso! He's just an appealing little stalker. Haha, then he started bleating about leaving! There's not been nearly enough fuss about leaving this year.
Oh my god; 'I come from a good university, I have a lot of enhancement skills, communication, vocabulary, interpersonal and engineering skills.' LOL! Really, lol, not just an ironic one.
That was cruel making Freddie do a fifteen minute speech; BB better not influence them nominate him because he's being a dullard. I wanna go to Freddie's special place. Or do I?
I wish he hadn't saved Noirin from permanent graffiti face. Probably the funniest thing about the whole unfunny thing is that I've never once heard Sophie or Freddie moan about being called Dogface or Halfwit, so doesn't that make the 'joke' a bit... pointless?
Liked Marcus explaining to Rodrigo what a crisp sandwich was. Imagine never having known that joy.
Freddie and Angel's dancing was good; they are definitely the hottest couple in the house! Viva la difference! And they had a snog! And they came back for more! Liked seeing Angel loosen up. She's peculiarly sexy in a really weird way.
Sophie's drunkeness was BAD, I don't think I've been that drunk in my life. I think that's a good example of when having sex with a woman would be rape; she was OUT of it. Where did Sophie get the idea Noirin was 'sweet'? She's narky!
The bit where Angel and Sree were talking went on for ages longer than they showed. She was really good with him.
Enjoyed tonight's.

Friday, 19 June 2009

Big Brother 10: Eviction- Boobs for Beer

Freddie must stay! Freddie in the diary room is lush. How can he stay so happy in the face of such adversity? He's ace.
Cider-nipple gate grinds on. The fauxmance drags on. Sophie's hair extensions are on the turn. Karly's attitude towards both men and women seems somewhat unhealthy. Do people like Karly? I don't. She's hard-faced. If the best Sophie can say about Kris is she 'likes his personality' gawd help us. I don't think she's that keen, I really don't.
Liked Freddie bragging about the size of his house, hehe. 'Technically' Marcus still lives with his mum.
Angel is right; Noirin is an empty vessel. Rodrigo: why cant we just be happy in this country without drugs? He says drugs are 'just as good' as going to Blackpool. Freddie is brave to advocate the use of drugs as fun when he wants to be a politician.
Noirin wants to be a housewife! Er... why? I reckon Sree is turning into the Incredible Hulk. He's all dishevelled and swearing worse than Gordon Ramsay.
Liked Angel winding Sree up with her weird noises. She seems back on form after the hunger strike. Sree has a lot of headache, but Angel is unshuttable.
Siavash's hairy arse; TMI! Ciaron is flirting with the bi side. That bum thing was too much. Have they heard of decorum?
Marcus is a perv. What DOES Noirin think of him? God, stuck between Marcus and Sree; what a pair.
I don't like having to wait until 10.30 for the eviction result! They are just trying to up the ratings. Try not tinkering the show to death. Oh, Davina's mic's not working. It's kind of good.
Cairon's gone. To be fair, I wouldn't have minded him sticking around for a bit. But we had a choice to make, and there it was. Ta-ra. Freddie acted very cool about it; he didn't rub it in anyone's face.
Cairon came across as a right little prick in his interview. He might as well have just gone 'am I bothered?' twenty times in a row. I knew he'd have a sense of humour failure about the bromance. Do you know what I'm saying?
I like Iain Lee and Vanessa Feltz but not in this show. I miss them having the live feed in the background when they interview the evictee. I liked seeing their faces then. I miss that part of the live feed most; the bits in between when they are all in shock. I miss them showing the housemate the nominations too, that's a really stupid bit to cut out.
The makers of this show have run it into the ground. Yet still everyone I really care about clings to it's wreckage. It's like Britpop or Eastenders.

Thursday, 18 June 2009

Big Brother 10: Please, save her

Oh I'm tired from writing group, but still I feel the blurge. If I hear the words 'old bamboo' one more time I might kick my TV.
Didn't like Lisa and Noirin calling Angel 'cute' in the negative sense; I don't like that word being commandeered for evil. Angel is strange, and is probably attention seeking in her own way, but she's quite a sad figure. She's clearly a loner. I think they are threatened by her uniqueness.
ARGH KRIS YOU'RE A CUNT! Don't talk to Freddie like that; just don't, you arrogant little cock! I'd rather be a geeky pleb than a vacuous, proud-to-be-thick twatamaboob (tm. Charlie Brooker). Die! You ARE the mighty douche!!! How long before someone sees through this chancer? And Charlie. The pair of them should be sent off to war.
God, Noirin is becoming quite the bitch. She's got Kris disease in that she thinks she's a cut above some of the others. She wouldn't dare talk to Sophie, Karly or Kris like she talks to Sree. She's going to put him off pretty quick. Where's her golden heart? Who cares if Sree is a virgin? Him and his principles! Was Marcus hitting on Noirin? Sree wasn't happy! It was sad when he was imploring her to still be his friend. She's cold!
That task gave new meaning to the word tedium. Angel, please don't refer to yourself in the third person. Bad atmosphere in that house.
Watch them make a zillion allowances for Charlie fluffing the routine. Oh no, they just never mentioned it again.
I don't like the word 'tits'! It makes me grumpy to hear men and women using it. I like good old boobs. I'm not surprised Sree was unsettled; I was unsettled by that conversation. Marcus can be quite crude and trying to barter with Noirin to show her boobs was in bad taste. 'The face and the tits and the arse'- how nice to be reduced to the sum of your parts. What is up with these women? If someone said that about me, I'd knock their fucking teeth out. At least Lisa tried; that was something. I liked her comforting Sree as he sobbed, his heartbreak was real. Marcus was a little callous saying all that in front of him. Lisa's gone up in my estimation, Marcus has gone down.
Noirin is SO hard-hearted! She's cruel. She's dealt with that situation SO badly. Sree is making a complete mess of things, but she is more worldly-wise than him. I bet you a zillion quid she nominates him next week.
Tomorrow, vote to evict Cairon... don't let me down, folks. What do you mean you're not even watching it?!

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

Big Brother 10: I have dancing certificates

Angel looked skinny naked. She needs to come off hunger strike. I like her loner tendencies. Could she win it? I think she's too impenetrable.
I thought Sophie took it with good grace when Cairon was insulting her. I wouldn't have been so friendly.
God, everyone hates Sree! I think someone's going to stab him. Why is he not up for nomination? Are they sadists? Even Rodrigo got a bit ruffled today.
I thought Freddie looked mildly sexy today. Not sure why. God Charlie gets on my wick. His haircut does my head in as well, it's so chavvy. Hate him being so chirpy in the DR thinking people can actually tolerate him. I can't stick him.
Liked Marcus getting upset by Sree and then having to go in his group. It's tedious watching them practice a task, especially one relating to Shitty Shitty Bang Bang. I bet I'm the first person EVER to have called it that, right?
Cairon's face when the evictions were announced were a picture. Come on, love, you started on Sree about 5 seconds before he nominated, what do you expect? It annoyed me that everyone was shocked about that and going 'good luck' to him and no one said shit to Freddie. Nasty people. Cairon was 'a bit appalled.' Oh well. Not everyone was shocked when they heard your name, because loads of people voted for you, Cairon. Freddie must stay!
Freddie's random singing was very odd. Are BB trying to make us annoyed with him; it'll take more than that. What does Angel think of him? I'd love to know! Her face gave nothing away! Can you imagine Freddie on coke or on an E? Fucking hell, you'd have to put a muzzle on him.
Sree was playing the nasty Nick game at the end! Freddie is a rose in his garden! Shame everyone can see right through it.
Even though Marcus was begging to be my blog title with his Captain Cool as Fuck bullshit, I'm not convinced he means it, so as usual, Sree wins.
Sree needs to be spayed. It's the only Honest solution.

Rant: The Post Office

My best friend cannot attend the rescheduled Morrissey Troxy gig as she is abroad. So I needed to post her ticket back to See Tickets for a refund. So I posted it recorded delivery a week ago now. But on the Royal Mail website it’s saying Item blah blah has been accepted at Post Office X on 10/06/09. Nothing about it ever leaving again.
Now, don’t bother yourself looking for an email for customer services on the post office site; there isn’t one. There is just some shit-eating section called ‘ask Sarah’ (wonder how long it took to come up with that name? How much of our cash did they spend on that blue sky session?) and you start off typing in ‘where’s my item?’ and end up typing in ‘I hate you!’ and it sends you round in circles for about 3 hours. After much frustration, I finally found out I needed to call them up.
So I do. And it says ‘please read aloud your 13 digit reference number.’ Uh-oh. Now I have quite a loud speaking voice with a non-distinct accent, so god help any the softly spoken Scottish, or stuttering Somalian. Your phone would probably explode in your hand after three goes.
You can guess what happens as I read out the number. And again. And again. Then finally, it gets it right!
‘Sorry we have no information on our system about your item. Would you like to track another item?’
I’m fully expecting it to cut me off, but then it gives me an option to speak to a human- thanks. You know things are bad when you feel like it’s a lucky break to be told they’ve chucked your letter in the bin. She says she has no information either, but I have to wait until the 29th to log it as missing.
I do not have a penny. That refund was my spends for next week.
The post office is so unbelievably shit inside and out that it’s no surprise the website doesn’t work properly, and the phone system is pure evil. When you actually are forced to go in one of the places, they are dark, dingy, and soul destroying. They look like they last had a refit in 1975. Their branding is so rubbish you actually feel embarrassed for them, and the queue is longer than for the cheapest and best rollercoaster on earth. The whole thing is just about as inspirational as an STD clinic.
Just put the dog down. It’s been dying for decades. It’s for the best. Royal Mail? The Queen and corgis better start sorting this shit out fast, because no one else can be arsed, clearly.
And no I don’t want to buy your fucking credit cards, home insurance or anything else, just post my letters, see they get there on time, then fuck off!

Tuesday, 16 June 2009

Big Brother 10: Retardness in the Brain

I liked Angel capturing the buttermoth. It was sweet. But wtf was she wearing in the diary room? She looked like a pimp.
Hmm, noms again and I think I know who's up and I hate it when I know. But I did hear it was Marcus and Freddie initially which would have been a disaster. Now I think it's Cairon and Freddie. Surprised Cairon's pissed that many people off. But he is a bit of a div. I'd rather see a lot of others go over him, but we can only pick from who they put up, unfortunately. Have his PJs got lips on? They're quite cute. Oh God, 'disrespect'. What a dickhead. Bye bye!
Angel nominated the inner circle of Siavash and Cairon. Good. It's a start anyway. I liked the way she was referring to people as 'opponents'. That's the spirit!
Urgh to Charlie going your fanny will close up if you don't have sex for seven months. I wish his mouth would close up. Cairon's chat up of Sophie was useless.
Charlie don't pretend you don't want to nominate, you duplicitous dipshit. You've had nothing but time to think in that place. Put yourself up then! Pathetic. If anyone is actually falling for that shit, they should seek help. He was quick to put Freddie up in the end. Charlie nominated my two favourite people in the house.
Sophie came across thick as shit in the DR. She nominated my two favourite people too. Her reasons for nominating Marcus sounded fair enough, though. He can be a little... blunt.
Sree's (uncooked) bacon and crisp sandwiches were pretty odd. Urgh, Lisa bit into it without looking at it! Sree has never eaten bacon in his life?! So why is he making bacon sarnies?
Weird that Sophie and Karly nominated Freddie for the same reason. I don't like Karly at all now, I think she's a pretty horrible person unless I see a major change in her. She's just vapid.
Shit, how is it going to be Cairon up, he's not got enough votes?! I'm starting to panic now. How did Sree fly under the radar so this week? I thought he was a dead cert! And now his nominations are the decider! Looks like Cairon shouldn't have had that row with him in the kitchen. I'm glad Sree is staying in. He has a good turn of phrase and he creates drama.
How did Siavash know about Sree's declaration of love? Didn't like Sophie saying Noirin was out of Sree's league; who decided on the leagues anyway? Did that boob job bump you up a league? It's just high school snobbery.
Why is Freddie so hated in that house? Is he doing something that isn't being shown? Sree said 'too much education causes retardness in the brain' and he should know. I think the problem with Sree and Freddie is they are too similar, that's why they hate each other. Listen to them when they talk about the other; they might as well be doing a monologue about their own personality defects. Either way, we should keep Freddie in to piss everyone off. But at the same time, I feel sorry for him in that place!
Freddie's caravan horse thing sounds alright. He's a sweetie. Charlie; bullying someone into being happy doesn't quite work. You have the all the subtlety of Sree on a first date.
I'm glad Noirin is under pressure, because she's annoying. She needs to tell Sree she needs some space, not give him the cold shoulder. Siavash was just being mean- well he's going to be sorry when he loses his chum this week.
Aw, Sree even tried to get Big Brother onside. Big Brother can't take your side on that one. Noirin has broken your confidentiality! How did Siavash find out about what you said?
ARGH STOP SAYING 'NIGHT'. Fuck off Cairon! I feel Freddie's pain.
Bad atmosphere tonight. Big Brother is being cruel to them, but they are all being wankers to each other. Something's got to give.

Monday, 15 June 2009

Big Brother 10: Your laugh makes me sunshine

Nice to see Lisa and Marcus make up; I won't forget her behaviour though.
Thought, 'ah the nice people' when Freddie, Rodrigo and Angel were in the kitchen and then they started squabbling! Rodrigo is kind of a little baby, isn't he? He can't keep that goody two-shoes act up for three months. It's tedious.
That Noirin glasses thing is just BB bullying Noirin now. But I don't feel very sorry for her, she's unlikeable.
Angel has got body dysmorphia or something. I wouldn't be surprised if she murdered them all in their beds one night, she's a mentalist.
The dancing flowers outfits were cute; quite hard to dance with no music or singing though. They did well in that task, it was hard!
Kris, you're a cock. Freddie is sweet. You're an ignorant, vapid, dull, shallow piece of crap. You're virtually proud of being thick. Charlie if you really think you're the public's winner by picking on someone you're an even bigger twonk than I first though. Can they not see that it makes them look cruel? It makes them look bad, not Freddie. Aw. poor Freddie.
Sree's courting of Noirin was tragic, especially after she said 'I wish he'd just fuck off.' God, he said he was in love with her! That's a bit much. He's smitten! How long before she tells someone? I give it five seconds. Keep Sree in, he's TV gold.
Cairon; please don't say 'pussy'. Gross. Too many bad eggs in that house. And I don't hold out much hope for nominations tomorrow; what's the betting Freddie is up?

Sunday, 14 June 2009

Big Brother 10: Step up to the Marcus

Sree wants a wife with a golden heart. He needs one with a hearing problem. Stop going on about your mum and dad, you dolt! You're twenty fucking five.
All of 'em are getting on my nerves right now; mainly the shallowness.
Liked Big Brother calling time on romance! That was cruel. Kris wanting more 'banter'. Sophie: 'what does banter mean?' Lord. Banter means you actually have something to say and some semblance of a sense of humour. Argh, stop saying 'banter'. And stop going on about what your mates with say, you pathetic prat. Aw his screensaver in his phone is 'him and the lads'. Get a life, you donkey.
That bull in a china shop task seemed like a bit of a health and safety issssssue. Quite funny, though.
I'm not surprised Noireen got pissed off about the marker pen thing; that joke is stale! Thought Sree dealt with her quite nicely. The stupid glasses and moustache give her an identity though; she doesn't appear to have one otherwise.
Kris looking daggers at Freddie because he actually thinks about things, rather than just looks pretty was sad.
I watched some of the argument on the live feed and they edited it to bits (I know they have to cut some out). Lisa's attitude is disgusting. The way she was tearing into everyone was unforgivable. What did she have a bee in her bonnet about the hunger strike for? It was hardly the last stand at Guantanemo Bay. Lisa responding 'ner ner ner' to Marcus just sums her up. 41 years old and still such a fucking loser. Tragic. Freddie was so bullied in that situation, it was horrible. And who told Freddie to shut the fuck up? Was it Kris? Grr! Injustice, so unfair.
I can't believe they genuinely think Charlie is going to win. He's useless! He thinks he's going to win too. Why? He's a shallow piece of shit. Noirin can fuck off as well insulting Freddie, he's worth about a zillion of her.
Feel the rage! This is what BB is about.
Marcus to win; he's got them pegged and he stands up for himself. OK, he's confused about his own sex appeal, but he'll soon wake up to that once he leaves the house.

Saturday, 13 June 2009

Big Brother 10: Pieces of Meat

Bless Sree. If he's not up for eviction next week I'll be agog. His attitude stinks! He truly believes he's the only person ever in the right, and no matter who talks to him or tries to tell him what's what, the boy just does not listenings.
Was Angel shaving her forehead?! Why?
Siavash; no one fancies you, you look like like you did some acid, went down Scope and forgot what size clothes you wore. Does he really believe he's as attractive as he makes out? Can he? The outfit BB made him wear could easily have been one of his own creations, it's equally silly.
The Kris/ Sophie fauxmance is tedious already. He seems more into her than she's into him, but it's all much of a muchness. Either of them might as well be doing their hair in front of the mirror for all the chemistry that's being generated.
Ciaron looks about 5 years old in his little drummer boy hat. Liked Sophie asking how many girls Kris had slept with. I've been trying to think of an insulting nickname for Kris and my boyfriend suggested 'The Mighty Douche' as he looks like the one who isn't Noel Fielding. But I'm not convinced he does? Still, if the cap fits... *cliche alert*
I didn't think much of the way Karly dealt with Sophie in the shower, saying The Mighty Douche is a jack the lad and he'll have girls throwing themselves at him. So what, they are in there for 3 months, they can have fun whilst it lasts. Her nose is just out of joint cos no one fancies her. She does have a boyfriend though, so what does she expect?
Did not like Lisa's bullying of Freddie, because that's what it was. Going 'don't speak to me like that' whilst talking to him like he's a piece of shit was not cool. I was open to going either way on her; well it's just gone the other. I'm glad Freddie was still being happy in the face of adversity. He could win it if the others keep turning on him.
Marcus summed everyone up very nicely. It took me a minute to clock he was calling himself a prize bit of beef, the male equivalent of Sophie, and not just a body in that 'bit of meat' speech. He rates himself spectacularly high. Where is he from? Oh god, he called Sree the 'underdog': wait for a 'that is an insult in my culture' drama.
I'm glad Karly is annoyed by Marcus. Marcus rules! He didn't quite call her a piece of meat in the sense she thought; he was actually right for the most part. She is just totty, really, I've not seen anything of substance yet.
Handjob at the end? Honestly, Maxwell and Saskia were more convincing than this pair.
'Kind of person' count: 12 billion.

Friday, 12 June 2009

Big Brother 10: Keep Trotting On

Suffia (Saffia? I've been spelling it wrong haven't I) left the house: a) because she missed her babies, b) Kris getting off with Sophie or c) Sophia calling her out? Here's a clue; it wasn't a).
Let's play cliche bingo! Can I just say something? Check! I'm the sort of person... check! At the end of the day... check! End of... check! 120%... check! Like I said.. check!We're just waiting for I'm not being funny, but... and then I'm done.
Freddie is learning self-mastery. Whatever that is. Help ever, hurt never, yeah good luck with that Sree. I like looking at Siavash, he's dramatic. He's an idiot, but at least he's a bit different.
Ciaron: 'Say it to to my motherfucking face' is aggressive. Don't like his style. He WAS saying it to your face, idiot box.
'I thought 'something was going to go amiss in my insides' is a great line, thanks Marcus.
What is with that McCoys advert? Man crisps! Yorkie gave up that schtick time ago. Yawn.
Sree is really scared of Cairon! As if. Nicely played. There were some good verbal linguistics in that diary room chair. The unremarkable golden person representing his university... what?!
Ciaron, do you know what I'm saying, innit?
Hurrah, Freddie survived. Stop calling him Halfwit, now, that joke isn't funny anymore...
Wtf was Siavash wearing? He looked like a demonic gnome.
Sophia got mega boos. I'd just go boo right back at 'em. I don't think she got one cheer. Wonder what her percentages were?
What the HELL has happened to the eviction interview? Dom Joly? Judi James? Noooo. Weird. Wrong, wrong, wrong. What's the point in analysing the housemate that's leaving? Misjudged as usual. Dom Joly must just be at a loose end.
It was rubbish that they cut the bit out of the interview where they show the person the nominations and stuff. All the juicy stuff was gone. This is a major fuck up, it was better off on the bus.
Sophia fears God! When animals attack... lol. Yap, yap, yap. Put the dog down. And Davina. And Big Brother. No! Not Big Brother. Just give it CPR.

Book review: What We Were Thinking Just Before The End

Is is it fair to review a book that I'm in? Probably not, but it's my blog and you know, it's more highbrow that Big Brother.
This is the second book published by the Willesden Green Writer's Group (which I'm the chair of; just don't ask what THAT involves), the first of which won the Raymond Williams prize of five grand. Not bad, hey?
And the good news is, this book is even better. No, you won't remember the title, yes, you will get bored typing it out again and again if you're me, and you might even have not liked it very much in the first place, but majority rules, democracy is king and all that rubbish (for now; it'll be a different story when it's my own novel, obv). Actually, the cover and the title actually work very well, and the book looks bloody marvellous, and was the result of many hours of hard work, so a lot of respect to all those who put the work in, and respect to all the writers within who just bathed in the glory.
But what's in this bloody book? Well there's loads of totally different stuff, which reflects the many personalities (and egos) at WGWG. There's some damn good writers too, and I'm really proud to be a part of the group.
There's some really funny stuff in there; a story about a Scrabble game gone wrong by Clare Sandling, an amazing story called Piano Smashing Blues by the brilliant writer Steve Moran, and Stephan by Brian Curran which has a brilliant twist at the end. There's some moody haikus from Lee Webber, tales from McDonalds (a subject close to my own heart) by Jeff Achampong, and a really evocative snapshot of Pakistan from Bilal Ghafoor. I can't mention absolutely everything in it or I'd be here all day (so don't shoot me, the rest of you) but the standard is really high. Oh, and there's an extract from a novel called First Aid Kit Girl by Lynsey Rose, about a misanthropic self-harmer (it's funny, honest!) as well as four of her poems (all genius, obviously, even the cucumber one).
Anyway, the group will be doing various readings in and around London over the summer and I'm involved in one on Monday night (which I think we're just cameoing at) at the Pulp Net short story cafe which is at Costa Coffee (just as good as Wembley).
And you can buy What We Were Thinking Just Before The End just here. It's honestly really good, I wouldn't try and plug it if it wasn't. I don't get a penny from it either, it all goes back into the group!
Thanks for humouring me. I'll remember you if I ever get my own theme park.

Thursday, 11 June 2009

Big Brother 10: Zero Tolerance

I heard on the Exitainment bat-phone that Suffia has walked out, but the eviction is still on for tomorrow. See you! I hope you're ready to face a load of sexist wrath about being a bad mother- zzzz.
Anyway, on with the show, as Patrick Wolf would say. Banter. Birds. Poke? 'My mates thought I'd poke someone in here.' Lovely! That Kris is a real charmer, isn't he? I wouldn't trust him with that task. He'll be too busy trying to do his hair or something in the mirror.
It's funny that Charlie fancies Freddie, they are quite an unlikely pair. That task was weird; I didn't understand it. It was like he was watering plants in the Crystal Maze. He looked alright in the little outfit but I don't like him now he's a sexist, so it takes the shine off.
Was sad when Freddie found out he'd been nominated. It wasn't for his brain though! Sophia, you weren't 'made to look like a bitch' you are just a total dickhead. The public will not be saving you. Nice try pleading for the public's support in the DR.
Bean-gate. Boring again. Angel's lost her balls a bit. I remember her bossing them about on the first night. When Noireen's telling you what's what you know you've come down in the world.
Rodrigo's keeping a low profile a bit. My boyfriend hates him, but I kind of like him shedding a tear at the nominations and wanting everyone to just get along whilst wearing the same style shirt in various different colours.
Did the others know it was Angel's birthday? I like Russian dolls. What was in them? Milk?!
Lisa bragging about how many people she'd slept with was tragic. Sophia going round blustering about the nominations was just her digging her own grave.
What's with these Max Factor adverts?! Don't infomercial me into submission!
Has there ever been such a gaudily dressed selection of housemates? They make me look reserved. It's like there's been an explosion in Cyberdog.
I think people should let others sleep in the bedroom; if you want to natter go and chat on the couches. 'He's got work in the morning' was a good line though. I felt for Freddie, though, bless, he's already at the bottom of the rung as far as housemate status go. Sree shouldn't have told him about the bed thing, he was trying to curry favour by putting the others down.
They cut out a row I saw last night between Angel and Lisa, where Angel claimed to be 'a professional doctor' when actually she'd just done a first aid course and Lisa called her up on it. That was quite good, not sure why they didn't show that, as it was quite interesting.
Not sure why Sree was calling Freddie Halfwit in the diary room?! Is that strictly necessary? Weird.
And finally, I'd like to give a shout out to Siavash's trousers. Word.

Wednesday, 10 June 2009

Big Brother 10: Sophia & Suffia get my vote

Noms! Yay, THAT'S what I'm talking about. Time to find out who hates who. Who's going to be the Victor of the group, giving it large in the DRC? And who's going to be a whiney cry-baby going 'I don't wanna do it... I like them all!' Spare us.
Did you clock Freddie touching Sophie up? Subtle.
Angel voted Sophie because she doesn't provide entertainment (i.e. because she's good-looking). And Sophia because she's an idiot or something. Her reasons were crap.
We didn't get to see Cairon's. Why! Oh God, Charlie's stepped up to the 'I don't want to do it' mark. Zzzz. Don't nominate Freddie!
Suffia; Charlie is NOT going to win this show, especially not with you on his tails.
When is that dog face thing going to end, it's tedium beyond words. It wasn't even funny three days ago. Interesting that Sophie doesn't like Charlie; good.
Also interesting that Freddie nominated Lisa; I find her a little dominating too. There's parts of her I like but parts that are quite annoying, like she knows it all at 35 or whatever she is. Sree is racking up the votes; that's going to make him even more schizo than normal.
She nominated him right back as well (apparently for thinking about what he says). And Karly for having tits and arse! Hold on, you're a lesbian, isn't that alright? Apparently not. Was quite funny when she called him Dip-Shit instead of Half-Wit though.
Sad to hear Sophie going on about the plastic surgery she wants and botox at 21. What a prick.
LOVED Marcus saying 'Sree hasn't been in an environment where there's lots of beautiful women around him getting ready... for me, it happens, I see it all the time.' Where?! Does Marcus have some secret hobbies we don't know about? Actually...! Oh my God, is he serious? 'The last thing I want is for any of the girls to fall for me,' Marcus. Stop worrying. I think you're safe. He's as deluded as Sree!
Please arrange for the immediate shooting of the next person who says 'It is what it is.' It means NOTHING. It is PATHETIC! ARGHHHHHHHH.
Hmm, bit disappointed with the noms, they are going for some of the most entertaining people. Surprised Siavash and Marcus didn't get more, though.
Angel is negative, but Rodrigo is positive to the point of being a Stepford Wife. I think Angel might be mildly mentally ill. She seems depressed.
Could Freddie's arm have looked any more awkward around Sophie? I feel sorry for him though; he's as hopeless as Sree in his own way. Strokey! She didn't look disgusted. I wonder if she was, or if in that house even a perv off a twat in a hat seems quite nice.
Sree's reaction to being called a motherfucker was a masterclass in manipulation, but I'm not sorry to see Sophia getting hers. Boo hoo. Look at Siavash with his hairy chest out! Blergh. Then later his look was peculiar, too. But fair enough to him for telling Sree to chill out. But he won't. And it will be his undoing.
Kris! Do something, you boring bastard. You're no better than Jack Tweed right now. He's a pretty ornament too, but I have no truck with that in a BB contestant. Oh, and then he said 'bird'. I prefer semi-racist grief-merchant Tweed to a sexist.
Urgh, and then his and Sophie's little feel up sesh. Bet she didn't tell him about the one with Freddie earlier. But is what she really wants Cairon? All will be revealed.

Tuesday, 9 June 2009

Big Brother 10: Sound like a pound

Urgh what's with that couch? The colour is vile. Did they get a discount round the back of DFS?
Someone tell Sree 'honest' is pronounced with a silent 'h'. Quick. It's only a matter of time before he's the new Stephan Capegoat in that house, I can see them pouring petrol over him and dancing round the garden. He's someone who has no awareness whatsoever of how he comes across. He'll get a good idea when he comes out though.
Freddie, you're not an anarchist, and neither do you know what an anarchist is. Oh god, a Tory anarchist. Brilliant. Rodrigo wants to meet the Queen. Why? She's not friendly. She's weird. A nice figure? Does Rodrigo know who the Queen is? Perhaps he's got her confused with John Barrowman.
Salad gate! Who gives a fuck? Freddie cares WAY too much what people think. He'll be next on the cull list after Sree. That singing doesn't help either.
Interesting when Sree was talking about an arranged marriage, shouldn't he have been married off by now at 25? I suspect he knows it might be his best option- I can't see any of the Big Brother lot falling for his charms. Still seemed sad, though. He's a mass of contradictions.
What is it with people giving out advice on this show? Angel has been pumping Rodrigo full of crap since day one, yesterdays lesson was 'avoid love and drugs'. Surely not.
Gurn Cotton's knowledge of the Nazis is worse than mine.
Surely Kris isn't going to go for Suffia? He's way out of her league, and I'm not just talking looks-wise either. Mind you, he seems fairly vacant so far. Maybe they can be cut-price Michelle Bass and Chicken Stu.
Why WAS Cairon washing Siavash's hair? I thought he was so anti-gay he didn't even like wiping his own bum. Oh, he's one of THOSE homophobes.
Lisa way to ruin the party, moaning at everyone for having a drink. Fuck off! I can't stand people who don't drink. I don't drink much, but I understand people would need to drink in that environment.
Oh dear; Marcus calling Sophie a 'tit-bird'. Disappointing. Lisa's face when Sree told her her heart was like a big tree was a picture. Sound like a pound! Ha.
I thought the girls looked good dressed up; Gurn Cotton is quite cute with all the black eyeliner and Sophie is generically pretty. Noireen I'm finding a little dull.
I don't like the way Cairon talked about the women, it was horrid. I thought Freddie was uncomfortable with it, too. Sree is too much the other way though; there's no room for a prude in the Big Brother house. I'd like to have seen more of that conversation; he has no right to tell someone what to wear, or call her naive, what an idiot. I didn't know Karly had a boyfriend. I couldn't personally be away from my boyfriend for that long, I'd shrivel up a bit. I'm glad Karly told Cairon about that. But if she really 'knows who she is' she wouldn't let a comment like that get to her.
Then Sree has his arm round Noireen, he takes the mick! He's WAY too touchy-feely.
Oh god, the dreaded age conversation... I'm 18, I'm 25, I'm 35, I'm older than you.. well I'm 105 and I've been around the block, and I know a thing or two about life. At the end of the day, that's just the kind of person I am.

Monday, 8 June 2009

Big Brother 10: That's the sort of person I am

Suffia, Sophia, Sophie, fuck off! Too many Sssss, kick one out.
I can't believe they are arguing so much already. 'This is what I'm saying... at the end of the day... this is the kind of person I am..' ARGH!!!
How did Sophia stay in?! She's like a little fly buzzing around spreading cliches and pain in equal measure. Stamp on the fucker! She is VERY argumentative.
DOG EAT DOG. Viewer kill housemate, more like. 'It is what it is... people are people.' Could anyone in that house say something that isn't glib upon glib?
I'm not sure about Sree at the mo. He's obviously a complete geek, but is he a bit dodgy as well? He's definitely a bit touchy-feely and quite demanding. But he's also amusing.
I don't think Suffia gets that Freddie is mostly straight. I don't think she can understand the concept. Angel moaning at Siavash for swearing 'in front of the ladies'- spare me.
Bienazir barely even get featured in this episode! Cruel. Are Siavash and Ciaron the new jungle cats? Jungle kitties, more like. It's kind of cute they have got close so quick, though. Bromance!
Was Angel eating a raw egg? No wonder she looks like that. She is seriously paranoid about her appearance. I saw her on the live feed the other night mithering about how old and past it she was.
God, Sophia is SO annoying. 'My fun doesn't offend anyone.' Really. I beg to differ. Bring on the new spitgate, racism/homophobic gate, pow-pow-pow gate, an atomic bomb, something, anything, just to get rid of her. Oh god, now she's saying 'click'. It's CLIQUE!
Can Sophie really fancy Cairon?! He's a little boy! Oh dear, that's tragic.
I will say about BB I feel straight into it this year, I feel like I've got the measure of nearly everyone already. Which could be because there's not much to know. But you never know. (Except you do)

Celebrity Wife Swap

Wife Swap is back! Woo. Except the format is so tired. Even the stereotypes are repeating themselves. Oh yes, it's Jim Davidson all over again! Sexist racist comedian Stan Boardman wife-swaps with annoying, mouthy lesbian Rhona Cameron. It's going to be a good one, at least we know that much.
Oh Christ, she likes football, too. Ha, even her girlfriend admitted she was annoying. Hmm, fussy about eating, lighting, heating... sounds like me!
Stan's house is enormous so there must be money in chauvinism. He has a Nazi uniform in his wardrobe! Lovely.
How stupid is Stan Boardman's wife, Viv.. 'will she expect me to sleep with her?' Would you have slept with the husband if it was a man? Ninny. Stan was taken aback that Rhona was a lesbian 'as she is a lovely looking girl and lots of fellas would fancy her.' Oh dear.
Then Viv dropped two clangers in a row: 'I don't think a normal girl would be as strong as you.' and 'I'd find it more repulsive to see two men kissing.' Nice. Keep digging!
Oh God. Viv is more of a chauvinist than Stan. She compared gay people to paedophiles! Christ. How thick is she? She's ten times as bad as him. At least she appeared to learn her lesson though. He didn't really seem that bad at all.
That was weird when Rhona and her girlfriend met back up; they looked all awkward together. You can tell a lot about those reunions, y'know.
Aw it all worked out quite nicely in the end. Rubbish! Bring back Lizzie Bardsley.

Mary Queen of Shops

I finally got round to watching this from last week; sorry I'm so slow, there's been a ton of TV on this week.
I admit I have a vested interest as I work for a charity myself (which one?! Oh you know, animals, disabilities, minorities, illness, one or none of the above) This show follows Mary Portas taking over a charity shop and trying to give charity shopping a new image. There ARE some good charity shops though; Traid in Holloway Road is excellent, they actually pick out the decent stuff and even colour-code it- woo! (And the shop assistants are good-looking, skinny young teenagers) I just think charity shops in general are horrifically overpriced. Every time I go in one, I see Primark stuff in there for twice what it costs in Primark. Dur. Oh and most of them stink. There's one near where I work on Leather Lane market and it has the mankiest stuff in. It's really grim beyond words.
So Mary Portas arrived and shook up all the old grannies who'd worked there for 30, 40 years! I bet they LOVED that. I thought it was sweet that one of the old dears said 'If it helps make change for children I'll do it.' Aww. That's more than head office think, as was evidenced by that shop manager, who seemed to just want an easy life. He didn't put across a very good image. It's nice to see the volunteers who really, really care. It's humbling, actually, when you work in a head office yourself. Not that we waste money; we are actually quite good where I work (I'm in charge of the budget for my team, and I'm strict!) My old charity job? Money was splashed around there, and it was criminal. The money spent on branding alone was just obscene.
I can't believe the absolute grossness people donate to charity shops; I always donate half-reasonable stuff. Ergh, dirty rugby boots! Dirty undies! Nappies!!! Disgusting. People are truly animals. That jacket that had gone all hard was beyond a joke.
It all went a bit Apprentice-y when Mary took them out to sell cupcakes on the market. They were not happy! It's hard to get out of your comfort zone when you're over 65- it's hard enough when you're 29!
I thought her idea of rebranding donations by not putting them in bin bags as bin bags make people think of rubbish was inspired. I liked her doorstopping people and basically rummaging through their cupboards herself.
The head office at Save should pay for shop managers; we ran a zillion shops in my old job and they all had paid shop managers and they made tons of money. They just aren't thinking outside the box.
More of this show on tomorrow. Interesting stuff.

Sunday, 7 June 2009

Big Brother 10: It should have been Sophia

God how tedious was that Special Forces task yesterday? It told us nothing about the housemates. Please let Marcus stay in tonight! His cat biscuit liking was brilliant; 'not the tuna ones though' as is that absolved him.
Half-wit/ Dog-face; whatever. It's really juvenile. I actually find them calling her 'dog face' a bit offensive. Did you notice some of them didn't appear to know what a half-wit was? That's just terrifying.
The biscuit task made me laugh a little bit, espeically Angel saying she'd never done it before. How?!
What is with Sophia? Admittedly Suffia is a dick, but how did it start in the first place? Was it an argument about having virtually the same name? (Haha, she admitted this later)
Freddie is such an idiot, but there is something endearing about his dopey smile. Discussion of bi boyfriends- pros; at least threesomes wouldn't involve women! (that was my own, not theirs)
Ahhh it's a vote to SAVE the non-housemates on BB. Interesting. I hope Sophia goes (the little black girl who keeps bitching and because of the poor editing I can't work out why!) Sree; good time to start crying as the public vote begins!
Angel gets on my nerves. I saw her on live feed going on and on at Rodriges about girls; he's not straight, you idiot. Plus she keeps exercising. Stop! It doesn't make good TV.
Lisa; I think Jesus has better things to do than guide you towards becoming a millionaire; like not existing.
Urgh to people with plastic breasts letting people touch them! Well done, you're just a spectacle now, just a person full of plastic. That's the opposite of sexy.
Urgh to Sophia becoming a housemate! Did you hear that noise she made? Fuck you, British public! You're the same drones who voted Ulrika to win, no doubt. Boo!
Glad Bienazir went over Siavash as I haven't heard her say a single word yet. She took it well, though. Why did Davina interview her in a bus? Quite tragic that she was so interested in having a cup of tea over anything else. Plus talking about washing her hair... zzz. See ya.
Well, that's it. The first week is over. Now bring on the rucks!

Album Review: Patrick Wolf: The Bachelor

Woo, I finally have it! My signed copy of The Bachelor. And I'm thanked in very small writing in the credits, as I bought a Bandstock. Glory is mine.
The Bachelor starts (after a small intro) with Hard Times, which is the catchiest song ever, that hook is right up there with the Magic Position (and done on a violin, who'd have thought violins could be so good?) Patrick's voice sounds so bloody strong, I could just eat it. I believe in the revolution listening to this. This song makes me want to dance round the room, and it's the next single, too. Here's the vid.
That scary woman from The Beach, Tilda Swinton, does some guest talking (it's not really rapping, is it?) on the album, which is nicely sinister and not too overdone. Oblivion is really good, loads of energy, fast-paced and nice use of strings. I'm a sucker for strings sometimes.
The Bachelor has some guest vocals I'm not overly keen on (a bit like on Magpie on the last album), but I enjoyed it live. Could be a grower.
Damaris is another one I heard live; it's very dramatic and atmospheric. I like.
Thickets is one of his ones about frolicking in a field and liking the countryside. You have to have one of these on each PW album. Are those pan pipes?
Count of Casualty brings on the drum machine, another PW favourite. I love his techno leanings and it's mixed nicely in this song with some yelps and lyrics ordering you to stop going on Facebook.
I think Who Will might be my favourite off the album, a church organ, a church choir, it comes on like some emo romantic soundtrack. I could see it being played at my funeral.
Vulture, I obviously know, I didn't like it that much at first, but it's has grown on me loads. 80s disco stylings and stuttering lyrics, you can't really go wrong.
Blackdown is a bit dreary. The Sun is often out is dedicated to a dead friend, and it suitably sad. Thesus is a nice contrast, as it is is really upbeat and singalong.
Battle is a bit of an anomoly on the album, as it's a punky rock song. It's a bit silly, but good fun and I enjoyed it live. The Messenger is a nice punchy, positive end to the album. I only wish that he had released it as a double with the album due out next year; I love double albums!
Was really pleased with this record, as I knew I would be. Beautiful artwork, great songs, and original as ever. Patrick Wolf is a hidden gem, a genius, and just a joy. He really is.

Saturday, 6 June 2009

Big Brother 10: 'I never get colds, I never get headaches'

Day one. Entrances revisited. Freddie aka Mr Tumnus meets Derren Brown wants a love-in. Good luck. Lisa is coming off a little scary, but only a little. Sophie: 'Your boobs are huge.' Great; that's all you are to people.
Kris, the visual merchandiser. Concerned about his hair. Noirin has nice dimples. Kris; scrunches his hair.
Cairon. Is it? Angel: her accent was driving me round the bend on the live feed last night, plus she was bossy as fuck. Did you see Fearne Polyester (tm: Nic) look him up and down TWICE when he came in. I love catching all the sneaky glances on the first night. Charlie seems dumb.
'This is Sree.' Hello to you, too. He seemed like he was being a bit frosty when he first came in; not very good.
Siavash. I'm struggling to spell these names. I'm a bit wary of him, and it's not just the 'tache. He has an abrasive manner.
I'm liking Freddie for coming out with really silly things and just being the kind of person who would drive you to distraction if you were only out for the night with him. I think he'll be good value as a housemate. Sree looked totally comfortable with that 'hypothetical' affair with Wolverine, didn't he *cough*? Sree is starting to look like the fall guy already.
Why are they exercising on the first night? That's just sick. Boo to the Russian!
Suffia declared she was a beautiful person. Oh dear, it's not so good if you have to say it yourself, is it?
Glad Lisa got made a 'ousemate and glad she chose Kris too. Wise move. I liked her declaring she could pull those blondes if she really worked on it- you've got time!
Whilst I like the Diary Room chair a lot, it's a little on the small side. How are six of them going to pile into it?
Freddie, the jazz was bad enough, but a bisexual if he has enough drinks... don't tell us that on the first night. I suspect Sree will be giving him a wide berth when the drinking games begin.
Marcus made a statement along these lines: 'I'm very fast and strong, I never get headaches, I never get colds and no hearing aids or anything like that' at 35 (!); keep your ambitions high! Hope he stays in, he's great.
Liking BB so far... remember when they put all girls in on the first night, that was so badly misjudged. They seem to know their demographic now. Me!

Thursday, 4 June 2009

Big Brother 10: Launch Night: Smells Like Allied Carpets

I went to a Big Brother party tonight and brought my laptop! That's the kind of guest I am. We are drinking Corkys courtesy of JOTV, there's Haribo courtesy of Adam, and some other goodies, too.
Welcome to the Big Brother house. Modelled on the Countdown set. I don't care about the crates or the lack of furniture or the twists or Davina's gross outfit. Just give us the peoples! Strangely short lack of pre-amble at the beginning. Normally you have to suffer a good fifteen minutes of Davina going on about how amazing the house is.
1st in is Freddie who actually looks alright, I like the posh wankers, they are always good for a giggle. He wasn't as posh as Davina made out anyway.
Lisa, unemployed. Makes straight girls go gay! Hmm, not so much. At least the first two housemates look slightly interesting and like they might start a bit of a ruck. Reminds me of Pete but must just be the mohawk. Remnants of Tracey? Deal with it (urgh).
Sophie. Paris Hilton! She's quite cute. Will Lisa turn her gay? Hmm.
RIP Jade Goody sign! Tasteful.
Kris. Quite good looking, but bound to be a twat, so I'll reserve judgement for now. It's quite an indie crowd so far- I quite like them! Give me someone to hate!
Noirin. A Christian? Is she a Kenyan from Ireland? She's pretty.
Cairon. Science! I like his attitude, he'll either be pure evil or gold. James is calling him Fizzy Rascal. Is that racist?
Very impressed with the housemates so far.
Ahhhhh the first prick. Is that a woman? Fuck me. Dressed as a mime artist. Nice. At least we have someone to hate now.
Karly. Fearne Cotton! She looked better brunette. Crapper than Sophie! She likes footballers. Thought uni was full of weirdos. Good luck in Big Brother.
Marcus. Comic book geek. Set fire to his own face. Good! Nice ponytail. Lovely 2-bar fire.
Beinazir. Narinda! Kinga! Lipliner! I think I might be drunk.
Sophia. Lupus! None of us know what lupus is. Shrieky! Go away!
Rodrigo. pocket-sized gay! He's not gay? Are you sure?
Charlie! Actual gay. Chav. I'm struggling, I have to admit.
Saffia. Instant dislikings to her! Dental nurse/ independant mum. 120%! Lolz.
Sree! Virgin? Union jack shirt! When Morrissey does that, he's called a racist! When Geri Halliwell does that it's just plain bad taste.
Siavash. Nice tash! I made that Salvador Dali joke before Pete Burns.
Our picks to win: Adam: Marcus. Nic: Rodrigo. James: Marcus. JOTV: Rodrigo. Me: Rodrigo. Not much variety.
No disabled people... my friend Adam thinks a disabled person is someone who wears glasses!
I've eaten far too many Skips now. Help!
I like the Diary Room chair! It's lush. Rodrigo is cute! He's not straight. Is he? That first task is hard. Good on Noireen for going for it. Have you ever see so much faffing in all your life.
I thought Davina was amazingly restrained tonight. But then she was being a cock on BBBM. Bring back Jack Whitehall! Kill George Lamb!
So we have to vote the housemates in? Whatevers.
This blog was rubbish; but I took my laptop all the way to Bounds Green for it. I did my best, but the drinks were just too strong. If I get robbed on the way home, I blame you.

Wednesday, 3 June 2009

Placebo- Battle For The Sun

I've got weirdly into Placebo again lately; like rekindling an old forgotten relationship I left back in the Irish Centre in Northampton in 1995. I thought Black Market Music was distinctly patchy, but I've fallen head over heels for Meds in the past few months. It's CATCHY! The greatest hits is sublime, too. I was so into them around the time of Without You I'm Nothing, and they always do good singles. I'd really like to see them live, actually. I have never seen them, which is just weird. It makes me laugh when people call them a 'British' band. He doesn't sound very British, does he, our Brian?
So, the new album. I thought on Kitty Litter, the first track, Brian's voice didn't sound whiney enough. It's all about the twang. Ashtray Heart is just a Placebo title by numbers, even Brett Anderson would turn his nose up at that one.
'Brother... mother... lover' rhyming on title track Battle for the Sun. His voice sounds just a little too polished. I wanna go into the Matrax! Actually this is the best track yet; it has a bit of melodrama to it.
For What Its Worth has an infuriating computer game sample in it- what is it? Hold up, lover doesn't rhyme with gutter.
I liked the song The Neverending Why, mainly because I thought he was singing 'whine'.
Overall I thought this album was good; perhaps a little too slickly produced, trying to be a little overblown, but I'm sure it'll be a grower anyway.
I thought the last song on the album was probably the best, but nothing grabbed me round the throat on first listen.
I like Placebo though; I like their tenacity; I feel sentimental towards them, how they never really fitted in and were much maligned, but still just produced great pop songs, despite everything.
Except you know, Special Needs.

Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Album Review: Doll and the Kicks

Where did Morrissey dig up unsigned band Doll and the Kicks from? I'd love to know. Perhaps he got a fax about them. Normally I trust his taste about as much as I trust his originally scheduled gig dates, so we weren't exactly looking forward to them at the (looking back on it, extremely flukey) Yarmouth gig a couple of weeks back.
But I was happily surprised. As the only Morrissey support band I have EVER enjoyed (even if it was once rather than the three times it should have been) I bought the Doll and the Kicks album. Really enjoyed their energy live and the lead singer (whom I suspect wasn't christened 'Doll') has a big old voice on her. She's a tiny little thing, and you don't really expect it out of her. Her voice is a bit Karen O-ish. The rest of the band looked very cool, too, and showed a very funny sense of humour with that golliwog pic in Yarmouth (why WAS Yarmouth awash with golliwogs?! Get Carol Thatcher down there, quick smart.)
The album is really catchy, total indie pop. I'd say potential singles were probably 'He's a Believer' or 'You Turn Up' but I like the more emotional 'If you Care.' and 'Cry in the Kitchen.' I guess it's a bit samey in parts, but I think it's pretty enjoyable. Easier on the ear than Kristeen Young, easier on the eye than any Moz support band you could mention. I always enjoy getting into bands with decent frontwomen, too.
(JOTV, I think you'd like these, they have handclaps on the last song, too!)

Live: Patrick Wolf at the Electric Ballroom

Sorry I've been absent; my birthday celebrations went on slightly longer than expected!
And topped off in no finer way than going to see the glorious Patrick Wolf again last night, this time at the Electric Ballroom on the last night of his UK tour. I think I also saw him on the first night of it; at Heaven, so I did well, really. His costumes weren't QUITE as elaborate this time (what no cape?), but you have to give him credit, the boy sure does know how to put on a show. I liked him in that vest, but not sure about his bouffant. Still, frankly, he can do what he damn well likes.
I'm still bloody waiting for my super-delux copy of the album from Bandstocks and I haven't downloaded the album yet (I'm a good girl!) but just as last time, the new album sounds amazing; epic, theatrical, dramatic, loud, exciting! I want to revel in it.
The support band Yacht were a bit of a worry, crap but fun. I liked it when they put their address up on a big screen and said 'come visit us'!
The Electric Ballroom is a decent venue, it has good views and air-conditioning, which was much appreciated yesterday. We got a pretty good spot, too.
Patrick was charming as ever; especially when he realised his flies were undone (twice). The setlist was different from the last time I saw him (no Bloodbeat but Accident and Emergency instead) and a different order, too. I liked his dealing with some dullard in the crowd bellowing 'play Wolf Song', (why?!) he replied 'we've prepared a show for you, and that's what we're going to do.' But really nicely. He wasn't playing too many acoustic numbers, which I think is better live.
The song Battle is really like a scream; it's almost cheesy, but falls just on the right side of good taste, as you can tell he really means it. Vulture sounded ace even without green lasers, and Hard Times has the catchiest violin part I think I've ever heard. Tristan is continually delightful, as was The Libertine. He did rocky versions of The Magic Position and Accident and Emergency, and whilst I missed the footstomping a little, I love him so much for just mixing things up, but in a good way. Thank fuck he told Universal to fuck off when they suggested Mark Ronson produce his next album.
My friend took some really great pictures, but she's not sent them yet, when she does, I will post a few.
Now I just need to hang out by my letterbox for the album... I genuinely can't wait. I am certain it will be my album of the year.