Friday, 5 September 2014

Celebrity Big Brother 2014 Redux: Pratt's all, folks

Oh, hiya. You still watching? After the amazing Frenchy has gone? Me, too! What a waste, though. What a great housemate she was. I thought vote to save was meant to kill off the deadwood? I don't understand the voting public anymore, I really don't. I am out of touch with popular opinion, thank fuck.
On the subject of deadwood, anyone voting for Ricci and Lauren should have their fingers removed for their own good. But I see they've got 600K followers and 1.2m followers respectively and my heart sinks. Will someone I enjoy ever win Big Brother again?
Beware the unofficial apps! Makes a change from 'Beware the ides of Nicola T', I suppose (Stephen Baldwin reference for you, there, oldies).
Ooh a house divide! About time. How entitled of Edele to go 'the same amount of people voted for me as Gary'. Fuck off! But don't fuck off as much as Dee. Like a less cute Jabba the Hutt on 20 Superkings a day, barking in Gary's face for no particular reason. Seriously, what have we done to deserve her? And she's third favourite to win? Sign me up to Dignitas, pronto. I'll walk there if I have to.
Audley sticking up for Gary for being 'old' and 'set in his ways'. So what's everyone else's excuse for being such a dick in there?
OMG why are Dee and Lauren talking about Gary when he's sitting right there?! Rude fuckers. I wish they'd both drop dead, to be honest. Rotten people. Make Gary a sandwich! Would it really kill you? It's not like you've got anything better to do in there.
They're evicting someone quickly into the show! James and Kellie picking up some boos. Stephanie getting mixed boos. Bewitched: deathly silent. Haha, James was one of two with the most votes. Hilarity. What wags are voting for him?!
Gary is drinking tea while waiting to find out if he's safe. Better than eating an apple, right?
Ha, Kellie went 'Being the bad guy has paid off.' to James. She's not wrong actually. I must admit, I've been warming to James a little this week, he makes me laugh calling out Kellie and Audley, but I think it's just because everyone else is SO deathly dull. At least James owns being an arsehole. He doesn't pretend he's some salt of the earth bullshit like Fake Dee.
Ah a classic shitstir task. They have to fill in a survey slagging each other off. Good stuff!
James is calling Audley out for the cooking strategy ie. doing a Vinnie Jones. LOL James is trying to pin insulting Audley on George. Funny.
Frenchy was right, George and James ARE ganging up on Audley! Audley declaring George has a drinking problem. Ace.
James being mean about Lauren's drinking! 'Popping tits out by mistake'. But he wouldn't admit to it! Coward.
Sweet, Gary is putting Dee on blast! 'A world of anger'. Gary not admitting to his feedback. See, he DOES know what goes on. I'm glad he called her out. Says a lot that he doesn't dare say it to her directly because she's so rude, though. Mother figure indeed!
I'm tired of James vs Kellie and James vs Audley, to be honest. James just wants a row all the time, and he gets the airtime. 'I have friends and a family who care about me' to Kellie is a low blow, I'm sure she does, too. I think James's strategy is to get either Audley or Kellie to knock him clean out, and to be honest, I wouldn't mind watching that.
Oh, now James is coming clean to Lauren, after the fact. He's basically slut-shaming Lauren, saying she can't get her body out 'in case they edit it' to make him look bad to his wife. Dumb. He's just the morality police, the sex police.
I don't think I've seen Geordie Shore once this episode. Good job keeping him over Frenchy, bitches. Monster fail.
James, you don't need an education to be good at arguing. That's a street skill.
I like Audley calling James out for not standing up and admitting his comments to Lauren. James: 'Are you trying to be more interesting now?' Rude cunt. Arguing and disagreeing with everyone isn't interesting. It's tiring. What is James's problem with Audley? Why is he always needling him? God, I hope Audley doesn't go now, or James will be insufferably smug.
Eviction time! OMG, Stephanie is out. Oh well, I do think we'd seen all were going to get out of her. But another American evicted! What gives? Also, she's more interesting than either Edele or Kellie.
Stephanie is beautiful (before and after surgery) but rotten on the inside. You will never be clean, Stephanie. That dirt is in your black heart. At least James will be pissed off she's gone.
Stephanie saying Gary is really mean! Noooo. We've never seen it. She likes George 'as a friend'. No kidding.
Emma getting off the fence there and calling James out a bit to Stephanie, interesting. She obviously hates him, then.
I don't remember Stephanie saying 'we're sick of seeing your cock and balls' in her nomination to Gary, lol.
Emma: 'Would you like to know a secret?' Is it that you can't deviate from the autocue even when Stephanie's already told you she thinks it's a double? If so, that's not a secret.
Ooh just noticed Edele's dress, it looks rather nice. Can someone get Gary a new coat, please? That one is getting more wear than Kevin Webster's.
Oh, Kellie's out! Can't say I'm sorry. Except it's more grist to James's mill of bolshiness. Oh, nice of James to say she looked amazing, like when he called her babe one time, I thought that was decent of him. Aw, that was sweet, the goodbye with Kellie and Audley. Very classy all round. I like her exit music too, and she does look nice. She was just a bit of a draining housemate but I'll put it down to hormones and having to live with James, it can't be easy. I'm glad Kellie didn't get too badly booed, she's fragile.
Kellie: 'I went into the house drunk.' Fair play. She's raising awareness of the transgender community... is Nadia forgotten so quickly? She was a trailblazer for trans people over a decade ago. Luke A won the show with a dual strategy of smoking and not being Conor. Big Brother is very trans-friendly and always has been (except when Coolio's around), it's actually one place we don't need the education.
Surprise surprise, James is sensitive about being perceived as gay.  Kellie going on about Gary being nasty, too. Why are we not being shown it? Kellie has forgotten what happened yesterday. This interview is DRY. Zzzz.
Ugh, a pro Dee question. Yeah, even Jabba the Hutt was nice to people when he wanted a hit on his bong.
I was glad Kellie said she would have been better going in six months down the road, because I think that was apparent. 
Fuck me, did Edele dodge a bullet there, or what? Gary for the win! He needs the money for a new coat! Do they even get anything for winning?! There must be a bonus or something... or is just the faulty fireworks display and bus fare home? Night!