Tuesday, 6 November 2018

Goodbye, Big Bro

'I know it's over, still I cling, I don't know where else I can go' as Morrissey once sang, and today, I know the feeling.
I haven't blogged in while but it felt only fitting to use a dying format to say goodbye to a friend of 18 years, Big Brother. I do think BBUK will continue, like Glenn from The Walking Dead coming out from the dumpster 'in one form or another', and it definitely still exists in one form or another internationally, and for that, I'm grateful.
Big Brother has meant so much to me over the years, from making friends, forming relationships, blogging, podcasting, arguing online, arguing in real life, arguing because we care, we fucking care about this thing that yes, IS still on, except now... it isn't.
The ironic part is that it feels like things are just kicking off for our BB on Blast podcast in the past year or so, getting to go to the house, getting invited to talk to the producers, becoming mates with Arisa, host of BB Canada, and it can't all be for nothing, can it? Can it?
Big Brother on C5 is often slated, but thinking back over the moments we've had over the past few years, there's been a lot of really, really good ones. I'll leave it for the other fansites to take you on that trip down memory lane, but from Danny Wisker and his canoe to Kim Woodburn's 'adulterer!' madness, it's been a wild ride, both 'civillian' and celeb. I still don't really understand why C5 is killing the top rated show it has, but they have made a lot of bad decisions recently (removing Lewis, for example). I won't be tuning into whatever brain rot they put on instead. BB is life, C5 is not.
Will it go to Netflix? I feel like there's been a hell of a lot of hints. And I don't even mind it having 'a rest' for six months. But come on. We need UK Big Brother. The audience is there, and on Netflix, the international audience is there also. We could have live feed again! I know, I'm a dreamer. 
Last night was such a (!) blast. We were invited to the house, met in the pub beforehand, and were sent more free drinks from a mystery benefactor than I should have drunk. Trevor Boris, aka Marsha the Moose, came by to say hi! He didn't have to. Paul Osborne got Lewis and Mollie, hardcore BB fans onto the guest list with us, he didn't have to.
We passed Brooke and Tomasz and got smuggled into the camera runs, and saw the four housemates sat on mental chairs up the corner. It didn't feel real. We went in the task room and Gaz stuck his hand in a mystery box full of goo and probably still hasn't washed it. We were given a Big Coin each; what a treat! We didn't expect these things. We were lucky.
Jarrod and Matt held up signs. I held Garry's hand as votes were announced, and Gaz held mine, too. Mollie, Lewis, Gaz and I sipped on contraband vodka from my hipflask (wannabe edgy). Alfie was there, Chris, Jonnie... all friends I didn't have but now have, thanks to Big Brother. We sang to All These Things That I've Done which played over the highlights, my favourite Killers song, and one I'd just put on my Desert Island Discs for work the week before. How did you know, Big Brother? How did you know? It was magic.
The old housemates were all there, right by us, all except Ellis, Isaac (what did he have to do that was better?!) and you know who: the real winner, Lewis.
Emma cried. Half the grown men I was with cried. My eyes were watering all the way home, but I think I was just drunk! That's my story and I'm sticking to it.  
We watched and I booed Cameron and called him a misogynist, but I didn't really care anymore. It was all love and light on the night, probably because I was so hammered. It was about more than who won last night. It was about a story ending.
OK: so now I'm going to watch the episode as it's such a blur when you're there. It was a peculiar final, too short, the wrong finalists (debatably) and little fanfare or nostalgia, really. If I hadn't been there, I'm not sure how it would have felt to watch on TV alone. Looking at Twitter, the overall feeling was rushed, but I've sat through finals that have been too long, too.
OK, so there were some token throwback highlights at the start, including C4 stuff. We were screaming for Kinga! I note the prick in tinfoil also got shown, and even Aaron Allard Morgan!
First up, let me clarify, I have never 'whoop whoop'ed in my life and never will. I feel like that's important to state.
It's mad to think Big Brother started in the year 2000, when I was 20! I remember it like it was yesterday, specifically the Nasty Nick times. We had a Nasty Nick shrine, FFS. It's no wonder I've never grown up, maybe I've just been stuck being 20 since then. It would explain a lot.
Emma IMO did not look that emotional, but I'm not keen on her anyway. I thought her velveteen robe dress made her look a bit Cruella De Ville too. See how she said, 'Quite possibly the last champion'. They have been saying shit like this the whole way.
OMG I totally heard Lewis (my friend Lewis, not Lewis F) shout 'Netflix' as to what the future holds for Big Brother, ha and Emma giggled.
Emma saying 'time is most definitely not on our side' = C5 shade. The eviction outfits aren't great, I must say. We've seen them all before. Zoe looked the best, Akeem just looked like he had his work shirt on. I was surprised they had to do a two by two eviction on the final night but it was the right two to go first. Cian was fourth and Zoe was third. She seemed very happy to be going with Cian. When you're there, you can't hear a word they say in their interviews, so I was interested to see this.
Ugh I hate Emma's hair so much (might as well say it for the last time). Blonde does not suit her and nor does the Donald Trump bouffant. She used to have the coolest short hair when it was dark and slick. FAIL.
Wow, there was 1% between Zoe and Cian! Not surprising, they are replacement level housemates. He is bit fake and a bit of a buttkiss, whereas she's real, but a misery guts.
Not much of interest in their interview, Cian was a bad friend, Zoe has periods.
Was interesting when Emma told them it was the last ever series and Zoe went 'flipping heck.' That made me sad.
Ooh the housemates going in to The Killers. How GOOD does Lewis look giving that peace sign, DAMN. Btw, shout out to Sian's red hair, it looked fabulous. Nice to see all these clips of Lewis. Criminal he wasn't there because of a joke (admittedly a really bad taste joke). Still gutted we were denied his best bits and interview. I paid good money to keep him in this house. Mind you, this highlights package is pretty Lewis heavy. At this point in the crowd we were SCREAMING 'I've got soul but I'm not a soldier!' (Ooh, I just found a good fanmade Lewis best bits on YouTube)
That was actually a really good clips package of the entire series Big Brother did there.
Why they gave Lewis G the airtime to promote his single, I don't know, but I enjoyed chanting 'off' and 'who are ya.' Disgusting to see Hussain there and not have Lewis there. Yuck. The only clothing line Hussain will be bringing out is in his mum's back garden (sorry if someone already did that joke on Twitter, I haven't looked that far down yet!)
Cameron was shaking like a shitting dog waiting for that announcement. Well done mate, great gameplan. Now fix up your YouTube if you've learnt anything in the house. Hopefully it's that equality isn't being allowed to punch women in the face and coming out (one of the times) by calling yourself 'bent' isn't a great look. 
I voted for Akeem to win, but I wasn't bothered about him coming second. He was a nice guy but he's no Lewis. His best bit was probably when his dog went in. Doing the two thumbs up for the photographers too, dearie me. That is so Akeem.
Lol at Emma saying Akeem gave it 110%. Emma: 'You have been phenomenal' to Akeem and him going 'I have.' Ha! Bold.
Ah, Akeem seems quite emotional in his interview! Emma telling him his parents are on holiday, ha.
Akeem: 'I do a lot of training and delivery for my job.' No shit!
The most exciting thing about Cameron winning was seeing Tony Dadley walk right by me in the audience. I booed and tried to get me giving him the thumbs down on camera but I'm too short! Haha.
Tony Dadley going, 'Do you know what you've done?' If the answer is, 'Played the idiot general public?' The answer, I'm pretty sure is, yes.
Cameron: 'I thought I was going to be irritating, annoying, I moan a lot..' Weeellll. Emma right up his arse. Well, we know she's a misogynist too (just ask Hazel). It's just 'his storm'. Like going 'Kill all Jews' was just Lewis's storm another year. Funny how it works, isn't it.
Don't get me wrong, I actually think Cameron was a good housemate, and an interesting and entertaining one. The only downside is his previous behaviour, blatant gameplaying (coming out three times, please) and fake storylining (seeing a ghost, for example). But he was good to watch and bitch about. There, I said it. I hope he has learnt something, I really do and I hope he doesn't spend 100 grand on Brexit stickers and Trump colouring books.
I'm glad Emma actually ackknowledged Lewis's existence in Cameron's interview and the importance of their friendship.
Emma going 'You have won Big Brother not Lewis'. Yet he would have had he been there.
Cameron had only come out to five people before (and Twitter). This crap that he never planned to come out in the house is one of the most bullshit things I've ever heard. Don't insult my intelligence.
Emma telling Cameron he won the last Big Brother. He genuinely looked upset. Yes, genuine emotion at last !
Was amazed Emma mentioned Davina and Brian at the end. Brian! First bit of respect he's been shown in a while.
Oh Emma did actually look upset at the end there. When she said 'it's time for this house to find a new home' you can hear Gaz scream, haha. Apparently they're demolishing it this week. Rubbish.
I feel they could have done more with the end. The voices bit is a good call back but could have gone on for a few more minutes.
'Big Brother will get back to you' - well, you'd better. I had to cuddle several weeping grown men at that point, you don't know what you've done, Big Brother!
I just watched a BBBOTS too and Emma and Rylan's emotions seemed very real. I actually blubbed. They are right that it seemed like the most Big Brother series for ages. The production values were on point, and the tasks were fantastic.
I think you'll find BBBOTS was Russell Brand's baby though, let's be real. Big Mouth was so fucking good.
Cameron in his BBBOTS interview on coming out: 'I couldn't have written it any better.' That's because you did write it, duh.
Wow to Rylan saying 'Me, Marcus and Emma will make sure Big Brother will get back to you.' Strong words! Yet why all the tears then? It's hell to hope. 
So will I do with my evenings now? Wait for CBBUS? Watch old BBUKs (must be time to do a new 'Blast from the past' episode... even if it is BBUK4, eek)? Have a social life?
To all my BB fam, I know we'll stay talking. I've genuinely made some of the best friends I have from people I've met, to people I haven't, who live an ocean away. It's the way we met and our common connection, but we will be friends regardless. We've been lucky to have the show for 18 years, nearly half my life. We'll be lucky if it comes back. And if it doesn't? We've got each other.


PS: Keep listening to BB on Blast! We'll cover US and Canada. Send in any bbuk finale feedback to bbonblastpod@gmail.com before Friday. Love you!