Friday, 30 October 2009

Fearne and... Peaches Geldof

It appears a bit of the show title is missing, as the beginning of that sentence should obviously be, 'Who's your two least favourite faux-indie hangbag-carrying twonks?' If I sit here for a bit longer I could make that joke work, but I can't be bothered, so just laugh already, thanks!
Fearne (not just as good as Holly Willoughby) at least works for a living, even if she does have an obscene amount of revolting handbags, Peaches, well, with that face, she doesn't have so many options.
So Fearne goes to 'shadow' Peaches going about her business (of being a cunt). What is 'unpresidented' access, Fearne? Only you can tell us. She begins by telling us some 'myths' about Peaches; how about the one where anyone on the planet would find her attractive or funny?
Fearne is intensely irritating, from her stupid bowler hat downwards. Peaches talks like twat, because she is a twat. Why does she always sound like she's got a blocked up nose (ahem). She sounds like she'd say 'charity' 'charidee'. Her flat is fairly horrible. Mentions that Peaches is weird (by herself) so far: 1.
I like, this like, that, like... argh! What with Fearne's insincerity and Peaches' desperation to be cool, it's just unbearable. Oh, there's Peaches' cat which my boyfriend thinks is an aardvark. He's not that into nature.
Fearne: 'what do you think of all the haters out there?' She's no David Dimbleby, but in her defence, Nick Griffin is an easier interview than Peaches.
So is that magazine Peaches 'writes' still going? She mentions 'the British public'. Now SHE'S wearing a stupid bowler hat. Peaches says 'ant-eye' instead of 'anti'. That's New York living for you.
Peaches you can fiddle with your hair as much as you want, it will still look like that. Her and her friends were so cool they refused to have any fun. Fearne tried to make them drink some champagne but instead they sat round looking frumpy and describing things as 'intense'. I can't judge Peaches for finding Fearne 'lame', she is lame. But at least she's not pretending to be anything else. Peaches sits twiddling her hair talking about wormholes, and sounds every inch the student who thinks they're the first person to ever listen to The Orb and chat about aliens. But she doesn't want to talk about her 'spirituality and religion'. Forget the wormholes, she's an idiothole.
She's constantly carping on about being 'exhausted' which I reckon is because she's been out off her head all night. But Fearne was being such a dickhead as well, like your mum trying to force you to eat some toast when you're hungover, then gurning to the camera when Peaches (metaphorically) tells her to go fuck herself.
Next Fearne follows Peaches doing some 'modelling'. Peaches is tired and sulking. She makes Kelly Osbourne circa 2001 look like Taylor Swift. Peaches describes herself as 'nuts' and 'weird'.
She then admits to being a a Scientologist. Peaches, we already thought you were a moron, don't wrap it up in a bow for us. If you really believe it's not something to be ashamed of, back up your beliefs! Then she admitted she basically lucky dipped it.
Amount of times Peaches said 'like' in this documentary: 383228198.
54 minutes in and Peaches smiled for the first time. At the end Fearne concluded that maybe it was 'brave' of Peaches to be rude and difficult and to fall asleep when people are trying to interview her.
What I learnt from this show? Peaches is more boring than Peter fucking Andre, like so chronically dull it could be a medical condition. And Fearne is insufferable. And I knew these things already. Bugger.

Thursday, 29 October 2009

Katie: My Beautiful Face

This is the horrific story of the model who got acid chucked in her face, by a 'friend' of her boyfriend because she dumped him. Blinded in one eye, and scarred for life, she can't even eat because her throat is burnt. She has to get fed through a tube.
To all the people who believe in 'fate' and 'karma': tell me what does someone do to deserve this?
GOD, those first operation pictures were so fucking horrific. I can't believe she looks as good as she does considering those pictures. They rebuilt her face entirely. When she described looking in the mirror for the first time, it was just completely harrowing. Just unimaginable how that must have felt, especially to someone who made her living through her looks.
Watching her parents have to massage her scars four times a day looked hard. Having to move back in with your mum must be hard. Not being able to go out on your own. Hard. Losing your looks AND your independence seems too much to bear.
So she met Danny on Facebook. He raped her after two weeks. Three days later he sent the guy to throw the acid at her. How much must he have paid him? Fucking cunt couldn't even do it himself. The CCTV of that was just terrifying; that's real life horror right there. That's You've Been Framed directed by George A Romero.
29 operations. God. She is one strong woman. 'Brave' is a weird word, because what choice does she have? It's just do or die, isn't it.
I didn't like it when she said she belonged to him now because of what he'd done. Don't admit it, don't let him think he's won. The thought of him watching this show and feeling smug is just unbearable.
That boyfriend cunt got a minimum of 16 years. The other guy got 12 (no minimum mentioned, but the papers say he'll only serve 6). Not long enough. But thank god it wasn't any less.
It was hard to see her suffer and feel so ostracised from society, but a lot of it is in her head (understandably). I think she could easily find love again. I think she needs to get out of her mum and dad's house as soon as she is strong enough.
She was absolutely stunning before, but she's still attractive, and she's got a gorgeous smile, and massive strength. I thought she looked really good at the party; I'd kill to have that figure and hair! I liked her dress as well.
The only way 'justice' can be done in this situation is to stick her ex and his stooge in a vat of acid. I'd enjoy watching. Just lower them in by robot, and then there's no morality issue. Then put it on TV, just to complete the circle.

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

TV: Dating in the Dark

I started blogging a serious documentary, but it was so damn boring, so I'll blog Dating in the Dark instead. Dating in the Dark is a high-quality TV show on Living (!) and each week three boys and three girls (the boys room has a football table! The girls room is pink!) go on dates with each other in 'the specially made' darkroom (I have one of those too, it's called switching off the light and/ or bedtime). There's only SO much you can do in the dark, so it usually descends into them having a cheeky fumble, which is quite amusing when they see exactly whom they've been a-fumbling with!
So they go on a couple of dates before deciding (or rather, the producers deciding) who's their 'best match' and then they... well, go on another date, before they get to see.
The best bit is the 'reveal' when they shine a light on the person they've basically fallen in love with and are imagining is some 6 foot Robert Pattinson clone but better, and reveal them to be a boss-eyed, jug-eared 'bubbly' dwarf. The smart bit is that they keep the OTHER person in darkness whilst the light is on them, so they can't see the other person's crushing disappointment. Then both must decide if they want to meet again for a date in the light, or if they want to escape sharpish via the back entrance. It particularly amusing when the person buggers off, as they have to walk right by the person they've stood up. Harsh.
This programme could be improved massively by not having new contestants each week, but by keeping the same ones for six weeks. Make them REALLY fall for each other, then there's some interesting drama there. At the moment we learn nothing except for what we already know; people are shallow cunts. Put them in there for the long haul, and let's see what they're really made of.
Besides, Dating in the Dark already exists. It's called internet dating. Come on, you don't really think he looks like that, do you?

Sunday, 25 October 2009

The X Factor: Eating a sandwich whilst swimming

It's sunday, so time for me to sit in bed in my nightie catching up on last night's caterwauling- hurrah!
Oh, it's Big Band night. Urgh. Is there anyone on the planet who thinks 'great- big band week!'. I don't have much to say about Olly or Lloyd, except the song was too low for Lloyd. Even if it was Brian Molko doing big band week I'd hate it. It's just against sanity.
Christ that rap by Miss Frank was AWFUL. I liked the red lipstick though. The judges always say the exact opposite of what I think.
Bring back Rachel's quiff! I can't believe Rachel is 18. She looks 30! Did someone put something in her drink, she was so loopy afterwards. I think I preferred her sulky with the quiff.
Is INXS big band? Er, no. Oh, it's U2. Same thing.
Dermot has said 'in your comfort zone' about 30 times so far tonight. It reminds me of the second time that I followed you home...
Stacey did sound out of tune, but who cares? You can't kick her out, it's like drowning a kitten.
I thought Danyl was pretty good- the best so far.
Please get rid of 'little' Joe. I'd rather watch mould grow on my windowsill. I like Lucie though.
John and Edward: still can't sing. Nice balloons. I don't think Ricky Martin is big band, either. I must admit, I did contemplate the John and Edward threesome for the first time tonight, but couldn't take it seriously.
Quite lacklustre tonight. We need a pop or rock week, or one where they choose their own songs.

Monday, 19 October 2009

Age 8 and wanting a sex change

Shouldn't that be 'aged'? That's a clunky title. How about 'My sex change: aged 8'. It's not entirely true, but it's snappier. Anyway...
Background: I think my feelings about transgendered people, and particularly their treatment by the media, (and then society), has definitely got a lot more defined in the past couple of years. It's all about the pro-nouns, isn't it (said in Gok style). It is so sick when the Daily Mail (oh yes, our old friend) insists on calling someone who's had a sex change by their old gender; if someone feels strongly enough to have their sexual organs operated on, and removed, then I'd say they deserve to be called a woman (or man, if it's the other way round), personally. Plus, the kind of agony it must take to come to that sort of decision; I mean, have a heart. Yet still, I barely notice jokes about 'trannies' sometimes, I'm sure I make jokes about them on occasion (yes even me!) They are an easily forgotten minority. Even some feminists seem unsure of where trans people fit in.
This documentary seems quite shocking on the surface; but what choice do the parents have? Let the child 'be themselves' whatever that might be, or suppress them? Isn't it better to let them find their own identity? That seems great in theory but in practice seems like a very difficult and confusing issue (and I'm just watching it!)
Josie is an 8 year old girl who used to be called Joseph and was born a boy. It does feel weird to call her Josie, initially, because can a child make that decision? I mean, they are American, and this is the country that brought you beauty pageants, Balloon Boy and My Monkey Baby. Who's to say a mother who really wanted a girl wouldn't put bows in her boy's hair for long enough until something stuck. But that's not the main reality.
It's interesting the way her mum said Josie ALWAYS wanted to be a girl; that it was just something so inherent inside. Not even that she wanted to be a girl, but that she WAS a girl. Even so, it does seem strangely psychotic to be discussing sex-change surgery with an 8 year old.
The mum said that Josie behaved badly as a boy because she wanted to be a girl so much. She finally found her in the bathroom considering castrating herself with a pair of nail clippers. The doctor diagnosed her with gender dysphoria (sounds like a Placebo song).
After that, the parents didn't seem so rash, they seemed very kind to have let her be herself at that age, rather than trying to fit her in another box. I guess a child who has had that freedom from 8 will be much better equip to deal with her teenage years, in many ways.
Kyla is another 8 year old boy with gender dysphoria (see, she wears pink!) Kyla seemed a little more like a boy in drag to me than Josie (and the voice-over was calling her him!!!) but I trust the parents have the child's best interests at heart. It's hard though; do you really know at 8? It's a scary decision to make, as they have to decide whether to give them hormones to basically change the path of puberty. That's a big one to get right. And I don't think it's patronising to question that; there's a reason why you can't get plastic surgery until you're 18, because your body changes, and your mind changes. But then there's this thing of just 'knowing inherently' and trusting someone to know themselves; I mean, I knew when I was 8 I never wanted to have kids. That hasn't changed. Argh, it's so difficult (see, this is why I don't want kids!).
It was weird to hear Josie at 8 coveting puberty and 'boobs'. That was funny when she said she was 'grumpy' that she had a penis. It seemed poignantly childlike.
Hold on, they just said 'it's been found that most people with gender dysphoria grow out of it.'!!! If that is the case (although they quoted no statistics) then surely letting the kids take the hormones before they hit puberty is pretty dangerous. I thought the doctors point about what if they change their mind about the hormones when the parents are quite fixed on it after so long was a good one. Christ, what a minefield!
Kyla then got highlights. I'm not sure an 8 year old should have highlights whatever the gender. I didn't dye my hair til I was about 13.
Ah, they finally have one the other way round! 12 year old Bailey was a girl who is now living as a boy. It seems more 'normal' that way round, I guess because it's more acceptable for girl's to act masculine. That was jarring when she said 'I don't even have girl thoughts; I think about sports and football'. This strikes me as a little worrying; because it's just this myth of defined gender roles, and they are hard to deconstruct at 18 or 27, let alone 12. Like, does it have to be one or other, or can it just be more fluid than that?
16 year old Chris was born female and now lives as a boy. He did take the drugs to stop him going through puberty as a girl, and now takes testosterone to make him a man. He really looked male too, except with a bit of a girly voice (but then I know many other men like that!).
It was interesting that his aunt said his dad always said he wanted a boy, but god, there's trying to please, and trying to please! Surely that can't have influenced it, it has to be genetic.
It was interesting when they were discussing should 12 year old Bailey tell his 'girlfriends' the truth? What if he does and it destroys his life, as they moved to an area where it wasn't known he was born female? It's a dilemma.
For Chris, aged 16, this was even more pertinent, but his girlfriend knew the truth. I liked his mum saying 'at least we can guarantee he won't get anyone pregnant'. Such a mum comment!
Bailey then had to chose between the testosterone injections and growing any taller, as they stop you growing. What a choice for a 12 year old. It just seems like too much. Testosterone also makes you infertile, so it's like a 12 year old choosing to be sterilised just for good measure. What a lot to take on, that's just mind-boggling.
In a weird twist of fate, Chris had a trangender mentor (FTM) who then fell in love with his mum! It's not the kind of family that Jan Moir would approve of, but it worked for them! I liked Chris, he was really sweet.
It makes you realise that these rigid little pigeon-holes we set up for children really are no good; pink for a girl, blue for a boy. They said Josie still likes cars and dinosaurs, so what? Maybe the little pink ironing board and kitchen set wasn't very much fun, did they think of that? I just feel lucky I never had to question my sexuality or my gender. I had it easy.
And as Brian Molko says, 'Don't forget to be who you are.' He also said 'For the first half of our gigs, there's normally some guy convinced I'm a girl, and a pretty cute one at that. As the gig continues, it begins to dawn on him that I'm a bloke, and suddenly he has to ask himself some serious questions.' and I think that's a good note to end on!

Sunday, 18 October 2009

The X Factor: Slow motion suicide

I'm enjoying my Saturday nights now, and catching up with X Factor on Sunday afternoon, with no fear of finding out the result. Nice one, Simon.
Christ, where did they dig Whitney Houston up from? Annoying back in the day, and even more annoying now we're expected to forget about the ten year crack-fest. Grr!
And with Louis at Stephen Gately's funeral, the show is looking shakier than ever. Will he have just one single group to come back to? It makes you realise that it's all a load of old rubbish, really. RIP Stephen, and C-U-N-T Jan Moir (yeah, I think everything has been said on that subject already).
Diva week seems a bit unfair on some of the blokes, doesn't it?
Why is Whitney hanging out with Frank Butcher? Why is Simon Cowell bigging up Frank Butcher? 'The most legendary person in music ever...' Frank Butcher? WTF? This a farce! He's not even the best car-lot owner.
I thought Lucie looked good, and she did well to sing such a lightweight song when she probably wanted to do a belter. Thought Cheryl was a bit cruel to her. Cheryl's acts are a load of balls and she's definitely on the defensive. The bigger the hair, the worse the attitude.
I like Dannii's La Foux-style hair. Dannii does seem cooler this year. Is all it takes a haircut? Cheryl, take note.
The song Olly sang was awful but there's just something inherently likeable about him. He can sing, too and he's a bit different.
Christ, they've made the pretty, scraggy-haired black one from Miss Frank very blonde! I like Miss Frank. They are kind of mismatched and came together by accident and there's something good about that, serendipitous. I like the little curvy one, too. Fuck you, Simon. Keep Miss Frank in! He was particularly harsh considering Louis isn't even there to defend them.
I like Rachel's fuschia lipstick! Rachel is super-cool. They made her up like a clown last week and I don't think it helped. Oh dear, they've gone a bit overboard on the blusher again. I agree with Simon's comments- Dannii is getting Rachel's styling/ personality a bit wrong. Nice jacket, though. Does Beyonce have any songs that aren't sexist against either men or women?
I hate Joe, and I hate 'Where do Broken Hearts Go'. Fuck off. I don't get why they all love him so much, he's fucking rubbish from start to finish. Go to your room!
I like Danyl, and I think Cheryl is just being a bi-phobic bint. And yes, I'm still pissed off about Ethan. Oh, he did sound a bit off during that, though. These songs bore the crap out of me. I'm losing the will. How can anyone watch this show live with the adverts too, I'd be self harming by this point?
If I hear Cheryl Cole say 'little popstar' one more time I might punch myself in the face in protest. Lloyd: zzzz. He reminds me of Eoghan Quigg. He sounded flat too.
Simon, control yourself! he 'fell in love with' Olly, and described Lloyd as 'cute'. Hmm.
Cheryl squeezed out some tears to save her little popstar! Sweet (vomit).
Fucking hell, John and Edward were even worse than last week! Even I can sing better than that. What a pair of tools. WTF was that bit in the middle where they did some Titanic ad lib? Fuck a duck. Keep them in! This is amazingly ridiculous.
Oh I forgot about this last guy who did Respect (I wonder why?). Get rid! Oh and Jamie Afro too. I'm flagging badly now. This song is dreadful.
I'm not sure even Stacey can perk me up right now. Oh dear, Cheryl said 'little popstar' again. *breaks own nose*
God, could Simon get his tongue out of Whitney's jacksee? And as for Frank Butcher. Send him back to Pat/ Peggy/ Janine.

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

4OD: Joe Millionaire UK

I LOVED the American version of Joe Millionaire, it was the ultimate in schmaltz. This Disney prince of a guy (I think he was a farmer, it was a while back) pretended to be rich, and wined and dined all these gold-digging bints before finally revealing he was brass. Did they end up together? I doubt it, but at least she was gracious, and they airbrushed things a bit.
I have no idea when the UK Joe Millionaire screened, but I just watched the whole series of it on 4OD. And boy, was it cut price. Instead of a square-jawed, charming hunk, we get Dominic, a bouncer from Bournemouth. He was so fucking boring that even with his faux-villa in Ibiza, you would have taken your chances in San Antonio at 3am rather than put up with this dude's smooth talk. Joe Millionaire US had a butler, Dominic UK had a producer who came on and said 'put your flip flops on girls, we're going to dinner.' There wasn't even a presenter! Come on, they could have got Michael Underwood to do it, surely.
Cheap! Some of the girls were actually OK, but why they put themselves up for this sexist bullshit, god alone knows. I don't see Joanna Millionaire anywhere, do you?
*spoiler- in the unlikely event that my blog post has so moved you, you are going to watch this series, stop reading now*
So genius boy turns down the lovely Welsh Jane who you could tell actually really liked him, and ended up picking probably the only girl who WAS bothered that he didn't have any £££, a complete crab-cunt called Amanda. Watching her face when he told her he didn't have the cash almost made it worth sitting through the other seven tedious episodes. Then she saw his 'no fear' tattoo and virtually ran up that hill in a different direction. There was one more scene where the producers forced her to go visit him in his normal house where she passed snotty comments on his clothes, his friends car, and finally, his job. I hope she's found her footballer by now; because her grasping outlook on relationships surely points to a destiny of hard-faced unhappiness.
Dominic, not only are you a dullard, you're a sucker. And Amanda, you're an arsehole. Should have picked Jane. Hey ho.
If you have any suggestions of good stuff to watch, on 4OD, or torrents, do let me know, as the TV schedulers seem to have given up. I've got Curb and Medium on the go, but could do with some more lightweight stuff. Thanks Exitainmentites.

Monday, 12 October 2009

Exitainment Heroine: Vanessa Feltz

Female columnists: Bashing Vanessa Feltz for being fat and wearing garish clothes is so BORING and too EASY. Don't you think she doesn't know that she's fat? Don't you think she doesn't know that her dress is rather pink? Do you think she gives a fuck? Noooooo! (I can't excuse the shoes, but hey ho)
I have always had a weird admiration for Vanessa Feltz, I like the way she sticks two fingers up at convention, I like the way she stands up for herself, I like the fact she's got strong opinions, and she's generally smiling.
Personally, I'd rather be Vanessa Feltz looking like that and having a laugh with that Turnaround twit than be Cheryl Cole, too afraid to trust her own husband. Because you get the feeling if Turnaround dude did the dirty on Vanessa, she'd just pick herself back up again, like she did after that douchebag husband left her. Vanessa has grit!
Say what you like about her, but she's got a younger man, she always looks happy, and she's pretty successful in various fields. I personally preferred her talk show to Trisha's load of old gubbins.
Wow, I just noticed those gloves. She has got some balls! Gok, keep your distance.

Sunday, 11 October 2009

New: X Factor results show

Gately is dead, no Louis but the show must go on, because ching ching, there's cash to made. So they've made it like American Idol and made them sing a really shit song at the start to make us all cringe. 'Tonight's going to be a good night' was perhaps not that suitable an opening song in light of a tragic death, but there you go. Dermot'll give us a cud and make it all better.
I kind of hope the twins don't go out a bit, because watching them dig their own hole is quite funny.
Ah, this is the reason for the 2nd live show! More voting, more money for Cowell's coffers.
Alexandra Burke; not just as good as Leona Lewis. Nice try though, love. Her hair looks good, so that's the main thing. Hold on, is she miming? Surely not!
Haha, Dannii had to apologise for her bi-bashing last night! Don't diss the bi's Dannii, they are a much maligned minority. It cant be easy for them, all that choice.
Robbie William's 'performance' was like watching a knackered old car-horn that had grown an ego farting round a stage for five minutes. Awful. He looked a bit 'twinkly eyed' to me as well. Sniff!
Haha, that's funny they put John and Edward through first. LOL! More rubbishness to come. I reckon it might be Kandy Rain at the bottom.
Christ, look at Rachel's blusher! The make-up artist really hates her. Fuck, she better not be in the bottom two. Shit, she is.
All women in the bottom two, and a black woman at that. Good old GBP.
At least they sing a different song, I couldn't suffer through those same ones again.
Aw Rachel looks crushed. This isn't fair. I thought both performances were quite good. At least they gave Louis a vote by proxy.
OMG deadlock! Those racy clothes paid off after all. I'm glad it went to the viewers vote. I'm glad Rachel stayed too, although I thought Kandy Rain were good. That's sexism for you.
I can tell X Factor is going to go badly this year from the championing of Jamie and John. Zzzzzz. I'd rather watch Dating in the Dark.

The X Factor: 1st Live Show (without Ethan!)

Gawd, watching Saturday night's X factor on a Sunday is a tyranny; can't leave the house and get a paper in case I see the results. Oh hold on, the results are tomorrow now! Fuck this, I'm going out to get a sausage sandwich.
(disclaimer, I still think splitting it into two shows is utterly unnecessary.)
Wow that sandwich was good. I'm ready to bitch. Yes, I'm still mega smarting about Ethan and Daniel Fox. I reckon Simon would have chosen them. Cheryl needs to change her taste in men (in more than one area).
Hmm, they've put Rachel on first, not that pleased about that. She's brilliant so hope she doesn't crack under pressure! Oh fuck, Robbie Williams. WHY? He looks about 50. He makes me feel sick to my stomach. I could write 5000 words on why I hate Robbie Williams. If I could have him airbrushed from the planet, I would. Or machine-gunned even.
'Let me entertain you' doesn't have a tune, so Rachel was at a disadvantage from the start. Too much make up, too shreiky, too many 'wooos'! Too much dancing. Oh dear. Simon: 'I have mis-underestimated you.' Ahem.
Kandy Rain aka the Pussykat Trolls. Nah not really, I just wanted to do a Sun-style pun. They're good, good-looking and they can sing. A lot of leg boob on show though; why should men get to ogle when I don't get to perve over Ethan? Not fair.
Fuck off Cheryl; I've seen Girls Aloud wearing equally slutty (I'm using this word for men and women) things, and you're meant to comment on their voices, not their clothes. I hate Cheryl, she's being sexist; you can wear sexy things once you're established? This is bigger bullshit than Beyonce and her Sasha 'character'. They can wear what they fucking want, but it's not like they chose those clothes, the stylists did! Stick your demure up your old rotten fanny, Cheryl.
Next up is Deal or No Deal fella, Olly. He sang a Robbie Williams song, and sounded exactly like Robbie Williams. What's the point?
Ricky has basically stolen Ethan's spot as far as I'm concerned. Take your flat-cap and shove it up your arse. His voice sounded quite feminie singing Amy Winehouse but maybe that's just because of the song. I didn't mind it actually. *pines for Ethan*
I like Stacey, she's so dopey! She's like a comedy character. WOW, she was really fucking good! That actually moved me (I do like a bit of a cry-up to Coldplay). She can really sing. Dannii has got the strongest category by a MILE.
I like Miss Frank! I like the fact they came together by accident. They are a bit loud, but they're cool. And they're cute.
I found Jamie a bit tedious. Simon said that was the best thing he's seen so far? Shoulda gone to Specsavers.
Lloyd 'my little popstar tm.'; another dull foetus I have to look at instead of Ethan. Great, he can't sing high notes. Fuck off, then! Yuck, he's doing 'cry me, cry me!' I hate Timberlake almost as much as Williams (but not quite). I don't think this kid's voice is any cop whatsoever. To quote Courtney 'oh just shut up, you're only 16'.
Shit, I just saw on Strike Gently that Stephen Gately was dead (I was asleep for most of yesterday). Nuts. I know of someone who just went to sleep and never woke up, but who knows if there's more to it than that.
I think Lucie is very good. Dannii's category is seriously hot.
Next up is the distinctly non-psychic John and Edward. Oh they're irish! So THAT'S why. Robbie described them as 'endearing'. I think he meant 'arseholes'.
OMG Rock DJ; the worst song EVER EVER EVER written. At least there's barely any singing in it. The pair of them looked utterly embarrassed, and so they should be, the cocky little chancers. They make Same Difference look polished and likeable. Cheryl's backhanded insulting of them was good.
Little Joe whatever he's called doesn't do it for me, and that song was too low for him. I thought it was rubbish.
God this X Factor is sucking the life out of me, and I can fast-forward the adverts. It's too long, and tomorrow too? It's too much.
I like Danyl, but I hate that fucking song more than I hate Robbie Williams- FACT. Dannii outed Danyl as a bi! Hehe. Go on Danyl, squeeze out a tear.
Christ I need a stiff vodka and a lie down after all that.

Thursday, 8 October 2009

Rant Blog: No TV so why not get sexually harrassed playing scrabble?

Wednesday night is clearly the death of TV; with no soaps to fill the hole, I am left floundering, twiddling my thumbs. So I turn to downloading some dreadful Placebo b-sides (I love you, Brian) and playing Facebook Scrabble.
If you're a girl; just don't play a man. Every. single. time. Where you from? How old are you? What you doing tonight? How does Scrabble and sex go together? It DOESN'T!!!
I actually vowed not to play men any more, but sometimes those pics move fast and you click in the wrong one, so I give the poor bloke a chance. Big mistake. 99% of the time if I play a woman they won't speak. If it's a man, they always do. They just have to try their luck.
Tonight's guy was holding a baby, seems harmless enough. Silly me.
Do you have a boyfriend? Yes. Then he says he has a partner and a baby. Good, I think, no sex chat here. Then; 'do you live with him/ you look about 18/ are you alone tonight?' He fired so many questions at me! Who asks for that when they play Scrabble? But I feel rude when I turn the chat off and someone is just being friendly and not creepy.
This is a man holding his child in his profile pic. Then I said 'this isn't the site for that' and that was the end of the game.
It's not actually FAIR that women have to put up with that, when just wanting to play a stupid game. There's enough sites out there for that stuff; they aint that hard to find. There's even specialist ones for cheating bastards; so go join one of them, you creepy fucker.
No more men! It shouldn't be this way. I wish men knew just how much low level harrassment women have to put up with daily. Just comments and looks and bloody patronising, sleazy bullshit, and it's not fair, because they don't have to put up with it, we don't encroach on their personal space in this insidious way.
Thanks, I needed to get this off my chest! The silly part is, on Friday when you want to have a drink and could live without the soaps, they force hours of them onto you.

Saturday, 3 October 2009

The X Factor: Final Cut

Saturday night on my own! Quick, start drinking. They keep saying 'it's crunch time' and weirdly, I just opened a giant bar of Crunch chocolate. Nice! I am a female cliche. Ooh Harry Hill's back next week. Score.
Urgh, Ronan 'you nearly got me punched in a fight' Keating. You say it best when you say noth... oh I've definitely done that joke before.
Mmm Ethan. Drool. Urgh, Will Young, the chinny, lisping closet-case-til-just-after-he-won-Pop-Idol. Yeah, I don't like him much.
Simon has Sinitta helping him, who came out covered in leaves. Quick, pop her in the oven. Dannii went slightly more A-list with her sister, who is going for the preserved in formaldehyde look. Lush.
The boyz, the boyz. I can't be fugged with Joe, he looks like a foetus. His voice is quite good, but I can't be bothered with him. The same with Lloyd. It's obviously going to be him or Joe going through, battling for the jail-bait vote. His voice isn't as good.
I like Daniel. He's all emotional and loud. Perhaps Will will give him the gay vote. Ha, Will did like him.
Mm, Ethan. Hot. I could look at him all day long. If he doesn't go through I'll doubt Cheryl's heterosexuality. I like his voice a lot, too! He's the FULL PACKAGE (tm). Them going 'oh he's too good looking' that's not a PROBLEM, dope-bags.
Ooh Duane's voice was quite good as well. Shit. This is quite hard to call. I don't mind Ricky, but I can't be arsed with his cheeky chappie/ hat schtick. So my picks are Daniel, Ethan and Duane.
The groups. Project A. One of them looks like Suffia off BB. I think they're alright, like a hen-night out down Wetherspoons.
Kandy Rain used to be strippers. Well, the name was a giveaway. But at the same time, who cares- what century is it?! Sexist tabloid scum. The little blonde one is cute. I'm going for Project A over them, though, for the 'likeability factor' *shoots self*.
I don't remember ever seeing the appallingly named De-Tour ever before so I guess they aren't going through as they're about as charismatic as Ronan. Oh, scratch that then.
Clamouring for the worst band name is Harmony Hood, a ragtag brood but I kind of like them a bit, like mismatched socks.
Miss Frank are kind of cool, like the Fugababes, you suspect they are just being forced to pretend they like each other. They are good, I liked their performance! They're quirky.
Urgh, the Fylight twins. Get rid. They are shit! Louis, just take them to bed if you fancy them that much, but don't inflict them on us, for fuck's sake. He's DEFINITELY going to put them through.
My pick for the groups are Miss Frank, Project A and Kandy Rain. Which aint gonna happen.
The over 25s... Olly! Deal or No Deal! You gotta love him just for that. He's a bit dull, though.
I like Treyc (yes that is how you spell it). But she's a bit lacklustre, too.
Daniel 'One True Voice' has a mohican now, so we must take him seriously. He has a 'look'. Zzzzz. What, he's got backing singers?! Cheat. He bores me to tears.
Nicole (dead dad 2) I can't stand. She sang that song I hate and I can't get over it. She's too shrieky. I'm not very impressed with this over 25 category.
Oh I do like Danyl. So that's something. Oh and Jamie. I hope they don't only put one of them through. So my picks out of this lot are them and Olly. But Nicole's definitely going through.
And lastly, the girls. The girls are GOOD. Stacey, the people's chav. I like her a lot, actually. She's sweet. Good voice.
Does Kylie have it in her contract that they can't film her up close?
The next Stacey is OK but lacks charisma I think. And her voice is a little shrill. Plus, two Stacey's? I don't think so.
I love, love, love Rachel. I think she's great. She seems like she really NEEDS it, and she's cool, too. I hope she goes through.
I don't remember ever seeing Despina before, so I guess she's not going through. She was a bit shrieky for my liking.
Lucie is excellent. She's super-talented. Nicole is boring. Even her messing it up was boring.
It has to be Stacey the mum, Rachel and Lucie.
Oh it's over. I hate this 'over two nights' thing. It's too much. I can't blog it tomorrow either. BOO!
Over and out.