Fearne and... Peaches Geldof

It appears a bit of the show title is missing, as the beginning of that sentence should obviously be, 'Who's your two least favourite faux-indie hangbag-carrying twonks?' If I sit here for a bit longer I could make that joke work, but I can't be bothered, so just laugh already, thanks!
Fearne (not just as good as Holly Willoughby) at least works for a living, even if she does have an obscene amount of revolting handbags, Peaches, well, with that face, she doesn't have so many options.
So Fearne goes to 'shadow' Peaches going about her business (of being a cunt). What is 'unpresidented' access, Fearne? Only you can tell us. She begins by telling us some 'myths' about Peaches; how about the one where anyone on the planet would find her attractive or funny?
Fearne is intensely irritating, from her stupid bowler hat downwards. Peaches talks like twat, because she is a twat. Why does she always sound like she's got a blocked up nose (ahem). She sounds like she'd say 'charity' 'charidee'. Her flat is fairly horrible. Mentions that Peaches is weird (by herself) so far: 1.
I like, this like, that, like... argh! What with Fearne's insincerity and Peaches' desperation to be cool, it's just unbearable. Oh, there's Peaches' cat which my boyfriend thinks is an aardvark. He's not that into nature.
Fearne: 'what do you think of all the haters out there?' She's no David Dimbleby, but in her defence, Nick Griffin is an easier interview than Peaches.
So is that magazine Peaches 'writes' still going? She mentions 'the British public'. Now SHE'S wearing a stupid bowler hat. Peaches says 'ant-eye' instead of 'anti'. That's New York living for you.
Peaches you can fiddle with your hair as much as you want, it will still look like that. Her and her friends were so cool they refused to have any fun. Fearne tried to make them drink some champagne but instead they sat round looking frumpy and describing things as 'intense'. I can't judge Peaches for finding Fearne 'lame', she is lame. But at least she's not pretending to be anything else. Peaches sits twiddling her hair talking about wormholes, and sounds every inch the student who thinks they're the first person to ever listen to The Orb and chat about aliens. But she doesn't want to talk about her 'spirituality and religion'. Forget the wormholes, she's an idiothole.
She's constantly carping on about being 'exhausted' which I reckon is because she's been out off her head all night. But Fearne was being such a dickhead as well, like your mum trying to force you to eat some toast when you're hungover, then gurning to the camera when Peaches (metaphorically) tells her to go fuck herself.
Next Fearne follows Peaches doing some 'modelling'. Peaches is tired and sulking. She makes Kelly Osbourne circa 2001 look like Taylor Swift. Peaches describes herself as 'nuts' and 'weird'.
She then admits to being a a Scientologist. Peaches, we already thought you were a moron, don't wrap it up in a bow for us. If you really believe it's not something to be ashamed of, back up your beliefs! Then she admitted she basically lucky dipped it.
Amount of times Peaches said 'like' in this documentary: 383228198.
54 minutes in and Peaches smiled for the first time. At the end Fearne concluded that maybe it was 'brave' of Peaches to be rude and difficult and to fall asleep when people are trying to interview her.
What I learnt from this show? Peaches is more boring than Peter fucking Andre, like so chronically dull it could be a medical condition. And Fearne is insufferable. And I knew these things already. Bugger.

Panorama: Scientology and Me

I read about this in the paper today. In what was simply a brilliant ruse to make people watch, John Sweeney the investigative journalist was in the paper apologising for shouting at what appeared to be Tom Cruise's shorter and angrier brother.
It was a very heavy-handed anti-Scientology investigation, but I don't think I'd take too kindly to being stalked by a sunglasses-clad man in black everywhere I went. I thought his head was going to spin around at an given moment.
In my eyes any religion which seperates family members by 'disconnecting' them and threatening them with harrassment charges if they send them a letter is a cult*, and morally wrong. The whole anti-psychiatry thing is also very dubious and only this week I read that John Revolting's autistic son isn't being treated because Scientologists don't 'believe' in it. They do however, believe they are descended from aliens.
Now why would they deny this part of their religion? This is the good bit! The bit that makes David Icke look sane! I love the alien stuff.
Tom Cruise is clearly a chump and no advert for anything. Of course half the stories about him aren't true, but half probably are. That baby looks like an alien. In fact, is it a requirement you have to look exactly like Tom Cruise to be a Scientologist? OK, I'm not sure how Juliette Lewis got involved but her music makes Jared Leto look like a credible songwriter, so whatever.
It wasn't even that good when the journalist lost it. I wanted him to twat that Tommy guy. Tommy didn't even bat an eyelid when someone was hollering in his face. He's probably used to it.
In conclusion: half an hour isn't long enough for a documentary. It's rubbish. I learnt more from South Park. In fact, everyone knows everything they need about Scientology from that episode of South Park. Case closed.

*I put the word 'cult' in my tags just to annoy the diddy Cruise-meister. I'm proper dastardly.