Tuesday, 31 July 2007

Big Brother 8: Where to now?

So finally seeing what happened, I think Chanelle set up the argument with Ziggy so she could split. She started on him over nothing and was mildly hysterical. She was in the wrong there, I can't deny it, but he drove her to it. I have a Ziggy apologist in my house so I have to defend her. It was sad that she didn't say goodbye to the others but I don't blame her. Shame she missed Gerry off the note, though. After seeing her bronzed and blonde on BBLB she seems very happy to be out so good luck to her.
It was sad when the twins found the note and Brian cried. I think Ziggy could have talked her round somehow, but I guess it would have just gone on and on. The crux of it was she wanted undying love and Ziggy has already given that to someone else (his dog).
I can't get into the new housemates, I will always associate them with Chanelle leaving. I didn't give a damn about who got in or who didn't. Worse: if Ziggy goes this week, there will be no show to watch. Much as I loathe his smarminess he is one of the few multi-faceted characters left.
I still hate Carole. It's pretty obvious she's basically in love with Ziggy. Her poor-me act in the diary room when they were fighting, followed by her welling up at the thought of Ziggy moving two feet away.
It's very obvious Ziggy only went next door to appease the baying mob. Unfortunately like everything he does in the house, it's a ruse. If he does get bumped this week it will be interesting to see if he hooks up with Chanelle for the magazine circuit. I would not rule it out. Chiggy may live to fight another day.

Monday, 30 July 2007

Big Brother 8: Our Love Would Never Die (well, ha, ha, ha)

I felt in pain watching BB tonight. I was genuinely moved by Chanelle's departure (because it WAS her goodbye, even if it took another day in reality). I'm glad she had the guts to go, I really am. It was brave of her to just say 'no more'. May Ziggy reap what he has sown. Did anyone see Diary Room Uncut when Carole said 'you came in here like James Bond' and he didn't even argue. One word for the pair of 'em. Cunts. Did you see Carole's face when Chanelle came out the diary room for a second time? I'm so over this Mother Earth mask. The fact Carole backed Charley says it all. She's a wrong 'un: I've been saying it for weeks.
With all the commotion, I forgot to care about the new housemates. Shanessa is clearly a classy bird: massage parlours and chlamydia as hobbies are always good opening gambits, I find. That lapdance made my stomach lurch. How unlucky to be fat and have small breasts, right? The others made zero impact tonight. It was like the boring bits in Eastenders interpersed with some very real drama.
Gerry and the twins sobbing really broke my heart. Yes, I cried, it's not my fault, I've got women's problems, haha. It was so sad when Ziggy was saying 'you look amazing' and cuddling her in the astro-turfed toilet. It felt like proper Romeo and Juliet levels of tragedy. I can't stand unhappy endings. I just wanted them to make it alright somehow. Mind you, I wanted Karl and Susan kennedy and Sonia and Martin to get back together for years. I'm quite an old romantic.
But some things can never be fixed. Shanessa's pride. Ziggy's integrity. Carole's house. And that is the way of the world. Sob!
I think Chanelle will look back and despair at what Ziggy drove her to. Yes she was a brat, but he was worse, because he truly played with her emotions. Ziggy's reputation is beyond saving. He should have forced her to stay, begged her if he had to. By letting her go, he is truly screwed.
Big Brother has lost it's soul now. I can't get into the new people. I feel too sad. It shouldn't have been that way for Chanelle. She should have got her eviction night. Carole and Ziggy: I'm gunning for you. This elephant don't forget.

Sunday, 29 July 2007

Big Brother 8: It's Not You, It's Me

I was away at a friends this weekend, and was jolted from my chips-by-the-seaside reverie by another friends text message saying Chanelle had left BB. Actually she hadn't/ hasn't. But who could really blame her if she does? I hope Ziggles knows that if she does, his name will be dirt FOREVER. I was so glad she called him up on it when he tried to force-feed her a bumper pack of flannels and said 'it's not you it's me'. What a cunt. And what was that whole Chanelle fancying Liam thing about? What rubbish. Ziggy is just playing games now. Chanelle was actually right about Gonky the glamour model, it was a bit strange the way she came in and spent five minutes dissing everyone before saying 'hello.' Where are your manners, love?
David seems OK, even if he's bursting out of his clothes and wearing a scarf in July. Gerry is DESPERATE to keep him in, but will be succeed? Kara Louise- dunno, not seen enough of her yet. Jonty: clearly barking. Do you know ONE grown adult in life who goes to sleep cuddling a teddy bear? Me neither. Gerry was right though, Tracey seemed genuinely fearful of him. Chances of Jonty becoming a housemate? Zero.
And then there is Shanessa. 'How do you get to be Jewish?' Christ. I loved it when she stood there with a hideously saggy tit out, too. She makes Kinga look like Kate Middleton. Chances of her becoming a housemate? Minus zero. Chances of her copping off with Jonty? 50/50?
I'm liking Liam a little more for every pound of muscle of his that turns into flab.

Friday, 27 July 2007

Big Brother 8: Halfway House

Um.. I'm pissed. I kind of wasn't concentrating on Big Bro tonight cos I was making a CD for my friend Kellie and sticking sparkly stickers onto a picture of an anorexic looking Courtney Love. Which proved more scintillating than even Charley Says eviction. OK, the early show. Carole didn't have a leg to stand on, waking Gerry 'I need oral sex/anal sex/ S&M sex' to clean the floor. He has another MONTH to clean the floor Carole! Clean your fucking house, you scummy tramp. Stand-out moment- Liam asking to wipe his arse on Charley's mush. I recall (vaguely) Ziggy being a dick. Oh yes, he said he and Chanelle were 'good friends'. Yes, Ziggy I often dry/ wet hump my 'good friends'. You fore-skinned faced dolt. I enjoyed the angry tension in the caravan when Charlzey were talking and then Chanelle came in and pouted like fuck. I like the fact she doesn't even pretend to like Charley anymore.
But then. Who cares anymore? She's gone. Her interview fogged past in a vodka haze, the only thing that stood out was when she called Chanelle a 'pea-head'. She was unrepentant. Davina couldn't reign in her verbal diarrhea. The booing was pretty good, but not good enough. Only a rifle to the head would have sufficed.
So, new people. I hate it when they put them next door. It's crapola. I'm most interested in the one who 'got the talk of doom' and decided not to go in. He was clearly my pick to win. As it was, they've put in a right assortment of cunts. It's more Fat Camp than Big Bro. One in particular, was pushing the boundaries of revolting, combining a lurid pink dress with acres of back flab, and a face like a run-over Bjork. I was pleased (kind of) that fat gay David went in as he seemed mildly acceptable- well compared to Back Flab, Slaggy and Thicko. I quite liked the old bald virgin teddy-fucker though. They'll never pick him though. Doh!
Why not put in some gorgeous girl? Some bronzed hunk? Why put in the kind of people you'd avoid breathing the same air as on the tube? I want some someone to break up Chziggy or cause a ruck. Instead we've got people who are 'crazy! I'm mad me!' Just fucking die already.

N.B. Lightspeed Champion on BBBM! Genius! LOVE IT!

Thursday, 26 July 2007

Big Brother 8: 10 Reasons Not to Like Carole

ARGHHHH! Carole is so annoying! She is so damn sanctimonious. I was furious when she was giving Chanelle a lecture, yet seemed to have selected hearing when Charley basically said the rest of the house were her slaves, so tough shit. When Ziggy called her up on it (OK, so I may like Ziggy again a bit) Carole missed the point completely by going 'I didn't hear her say it.' It doesn't MATTER if you didn't hear her say it, Carole. If someone calls me a crap writer, or an annoying gimp, it doesn't matter if I didn't hear them. If they said it, I'd be angry. Got it now, Carole? Good. I also liked it when Ziggy called Charley a twat. Sometimes the simple ones are most effective. The twins did actually look a bit distressed by the arguing today. And what was all that group crying about? Weirdness.
Instant gratification for us anti-Caroleites came soon enough, by a quick skirt round Carole's real house as part of the task. What's this?! It's a fucking grot palace! A five star dump. Charley had to put her hand over her mouth to stop the truth coming out. The silence was uncomfortably wonderful. I loved Ziggy getting a sly dig in. What this proves, folks, is cleaning for Carole is about power: nothing more, nothing less. In the real world, she's happy to live in a house Kim and Aggie would probably condemn.
Big Brother! Give the housemates more booze. I liked the twins looking tiddly in the diary room. I liked Brian getting angry about the honour of Basildon and clucking at Charley. And I liked Chanelle and Ziggy pretend romping in the bed.
BYE CHARLEY. Not long now, my pretty.

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

Big Brother 8: Spolit Brat

Chanelle's odds must have dropped faster than Britney's popularity tonight. Having a temper tantrum for five minutes is acceptable, hyperventilating and throwing yourself around the diary room over a violin is just ridiculous.My boyfriend left the room about five minutes in and is still watching the new Die Hard on my laptop as we speak (I've been relagated to the frigging Mac of Doom). Which is Chanelle's fault! Just fucking leave then, you dopey cunt! She DOES talk to Ziganoid like he's a piece of shit. She's dumb because that was what pushed him away last time.
Weirdly though, when Ziggy performed the most badly sung, unsexy (although very funny) performance of 'love on the Northern Line' (er Ziggy, the Northern Line smells like sweaty socks, try the Piccadilly mate) Chanelle suddenly fell in love with him again. 'My boyfriend's a POPSTAR!' Um, no. He was. In 1946. Now he's a wrinkly old fossil.
At one point when Chanelle was wigging out Liam looked at the camera and for just one second, you could read his mind. Perfect.
The Charley trap juggered on like a creaky old train heading for the knackers yard. 'Chanelle's copying me!' Yeah, what a role model you are. Bitch knickers.
Tracey was mildly funny as Cowell and took her sexual assault from Ziggy in good spirits.
I LOVED it when Brain's family told him to 'sort your bloody hair out'. Yay.

Tuesday, 24 July 2007

Big Brother 8: I'm Not Sorry

Nominations were par for the course really. I think Charley's time IS up. BB can't save her again, it's time for her to take the walk of shame. Chavs of Borehamwood, you'd better roll out those billboards of her beautiful, angelic face.
Loved Gerry's mum wanting to take him to an island (hopefully not to leave him there or bury him) and loved the wigs.
I also LOVED Charley and Chanelle's row! 'Fuck off you bitch!' 'You scruffy little slut!' Brilliant. Charley always hits below the belt 'you look fuck all like Posh Spice!' Harsh. But great. If in doubt, just shout 'fuck off!' I also like it when Chanelle copies Nikki in the diary room. It's good to see someone venting. The twins did their thousand-yard stare. Why don't they walk off? Why don't they shout 'stop it!' I have visions of them witnessing the horror of war as children then making a pact to wipe the memory by shouting 'pink!' until they can't remember seeing babies entrails and feet being blasted into the air and onto dead dogs and their raped owners.
Talking of dogs... Ziggy's orgasmic response to his Molly said more about how he relates to humans than anything else. The dog growling at him was inadvertently hilarious. Aw it was nice when it licked his face though, and he cried. I'm a sucker for a happy ending. Chanelle was a little childish to beat him up about it. She's got the power baton again, though, hasn't she? And she's going to wield it. Until it's Ziggy's go again. In the meantime, Charley is missing a trick if she doesn't come up with some barb about Ziggy's dog to Chanelle.
So in summary, vote Charley, and lets hope for some new housemates. We're going to need a new baddie. And they've got a LOT to live up to.

Monday, 23 July 2007

Big Brother 8: Space Isn't Blue

I liked Big Brother tonight. I liked the fact they all got lots of messages from the outside world in the form of the TV task because it made them feel less isolated. I enjoyed the Family Fortunes-style game, especially Charley's protest that she wasn't the been called the most stylish because 'she often wore her pyjamas during the day'. Can you even describe what colour or style Charley's pyjamas are, because I can't.
I loved the news reading task even though it made me think Charley looked cute in her glasses and blonde wig. I'm glad Chanelle knows about the Spice Girls reforming, and I'm glad Ziggy likes her again, even though he was a prize cuntrag.
So was Gerry sad about his mum or being named 'least likely to be recognised'? I think it's probably a close runner. But I was touched at the end when they all tried to cheer him up (even Charley!) Liam in particular often has an uncanny way of saying the right thing at the right time, and seems genuinely kind (he's still dull, but hey ho.)
I like the loved up BB house. I'll enjoy it for one night only.

Eastenders: Aftermath

I want a balloon with Phil Mitchell's face on! NOW!
PS. Bet he didn't do it.
That is all.

Sunday, 22 July 2007

Big Brother 8: A Break From Myself

So Charley did her usual thing of attacking the world because she was hurt. Far from not being 'bovvered' about the crowds chants, she was heartbroken by it. So she started on Gerry, who was wearing a rather fetching pair of rubber boots. Saying he liked 15 -year-old boys was beyond the pale and her saying 'I didn't know it was illegal' thing didn't really wash. What DOES she have to do to get rubber-booted out of there? If I was Gerry I would have been furious. If it was Ziggy she'd said it to, he'd be going bananas. But because it was Gerry, no one really gave a shit. Carole has proved herself a complete coward, telling Gerry to stop fighting because she's too scared to tell Charley. I think Gerry was completely let down, by Big Brother and his housemates alike.
Obviously feeling a little attention-starved, Ziggy chose this time to throw his toys out of the pram and say he wanted to leave. His manipulating of Chanelle's emotions is unforgivable. Big Brother should pack his suitcase and tell him to hop it.
Carole joining Chanelle and Ziggy in the shower was just horrible. There is something a little bit desperate about that. Not cool.
What else? Liam spoke a few words of wisdom. Did not believe Charley's repenting speech for one second. She'll be off again before you know it. Please can we get rid of her this week? Pretty please?

Saturday, 21 July 2007

Big Brother 8: Misery Don't Love Company

'I'm a good writer,' said Charley as I gasped in horror. 'Yeah, I've got really good handwriting.' Oh RIGHT! Loved Chanelle and Gerry dissing her in the diary room.
Loved Ziggy saying 'Do you think she enjoyed it as much as you did?' It spoke VOLUMES.
And so Nicky went. I actually felt a bit sorry for her in the end. I don't think they really needed to drag the Liam thing out so much. Her whinging was quite sufficient. She looked quite sad and embarrassed. It was a shame Nicky was so bitter. She was really beautiful when she smiled. Sadly, nothing made her smile. Shame.
So what did Davina mean at the end, that the house was going to get a taste of the outside world? Them coming out? People coming in?
Just give us what we want, Charley's head on a fucking stick. Surely she heard them chanting tonight? Time for a 'but-when-i-was-aht-there-they-were-booin-Liam-n-Ziggy-
innit?' speech. But she's lost her crowd. They don't believe her anymore. The empire is crumbling around her. And the sooner the better.

Friday, 20 July 2007

Eastenders: Stellar!

Yay a good Eastenders at last. But haven't we waited long enough? And actually, it wasn't all good because there was some unbearable dross with Bert/ Patrick/ Wellard. Normally I forwards through those bits.
So when Ben staggered forwards saying 'can somebody help me?' it was quite harrowing. Bless that little nerd. Phil circling Stella round the pool table was very effective. You knew when she blamed Ian the game was up.
I LOVED it when Peggy said 'Make her pay.' That's the Mitchell way! Phil's acting was brilliant. I was willing him to mush her up with an iron bar. He went all purple! Hurrah. More evil Phil! Sack everyone else, just have Phil going psycho.
So did he push her? Course he did!

Thursday, 19 July 2007

Big Brother (not) 8: Who IS she?

Well, I've just come in and am watching BB but there's little to say about it. Except, why were Chziggy in bed together? It really annoys me the way the show is edited these days, they can't string a storyline together. Seeing the make up would have been nice. That shower scene was a bit raunchy. I'm glad they are back together, despite my Ziggy hate. I'm an old romantic at heart. Aw.
And are they trying to save Nicky by making her funny? I'd literally never heard her laugh before and everyone's incredulous faces were quality. She glows when she smiles. But she's still a cunt sock. The Gerry Grease thing was funny though. And Charley and Liam... interesting!
But enough about that: I have my own BB related tale to tell you...
Tonight I was running the writing group. So far, so boring. Yet there was a girl there who seemed strangely familiar. At first I thought she reminded me of my friend Mel. Then there was something about the way she looked and her voice. Then it dawned on me, this girl looked just like Nikki from BB7. I snuck a look at the register where people sign their name, and there it was. She was NIKKI'S sister!!! I won't say her name because she's entitled to her privacy despite falling into my blogging lair by accident.
I spent the rest of the evening staring incredulously as her commenting on people's writing. How strange was that? She was so similar to Nikki, slight build, long blonde hair, same mannerisms, kind of fidgety and pouty (but with glasses). I loved hearing her talk. Nikki had the best voice ever and made me laugh my arse off. Who would have thought Nikki's sister was an intellectual?
No one else recognised her (because they are intellectuals too, except me). I really wanted her to come to the pub after but she left quite sharpish. I would have probably said something to her, I'd have to really wouldn't I! Hopefully she wouldn't be too embarrassed if I did. I hope she comes next week, she seemed really nice. She took a copy of our anthology with her so who knows, Nikki could be reading my poetry as we speak! And if that aint surreal, I don't know what is...

Wednesday, 18 July 2007

Big Brother 8: My Party Is Better Than Yours

What a hoot. Big Brother torutured them with Aggadoo and Pass the Parcel and locking them in a room with Nicky, who could start a fight with a newborn baby for looking at her funny. I correctly suggested a snake for her face-painting, but I was shocked she agreed to it. Maybe she's more self-aware than I thought.
Of course this wasn't really a hoot, for them or us. Ziggy looked suitably annoyed. I found Chanelle's singing unintentionally very amusing. She looked pretty in her glitzy dress. She has more genuine charm and kindness than the Zigster.
Brian seemed genuinely affected by Emily using the N word (you dumb-ass Charley, as if he's not allowed to have an opinion on that matter.) and I sensed he may have been the victim of racism in the past. Blunderbus Charley didn't seem to cotton onto this and instead tore shreds off him instead. i was impressed she didn't actually shout: I was willing her to. I love Brian and his touching honestly, I loved his anger and his tears and his brave face in the party room.
Charley could learn something from him. But she won't.

Victoria Beckham: Coming to America

My God! At work this morning people were talking about how bad this was but I had taped it. So I've just watched it. They weren't wrong were they!?
I thought she might actually be mildly misunderstood. I've seen things of her before where she seemed mildly amusing. Instead the failed attempts at humour were utterly cringeworthy. She came across like a right pompous twat. Sarky but with no charm. I don't think she was 'sending herself up'. She was pretending to.
Her commenting on fashion just made her look like a stuck-up cow. All the money in the world can't buy you style and she looks like ET with Elliot's mum's sunglasses on half the time. Bragging about her Bentley was just gross too. All this grooming and spending didn't stop your husband copping off with someone else, did it?
The real clincher was when she called her 'personal assistant' fat! Then she went, 'well you're more normal looking.' Charming!
Posh did actually look pretty in the head shots of her. She has a bambi-esque quality to her. It's a shame she's so uptight. Personally I don't find Beckham in the least bit attractive. I think he's aged badly.
I was also really revolted by all of her hangers on who were probably all paid to be nice to her. I actually nearly turned it off then because it wasn't funny, and it wasn't even interesting. I should have- because the end was just embarrassing.
Soulless, vapid TV. But really: what did we expect?

Tuesday, 17 July 2007

Big Brother 8: Straight up- I'm not being the clown

Oh, but you are. I feel like there's tumbleweed blowing over my blog at the moment but still I soldier on. I'm not a quitter. I will chronicle the adventures in Nobody Land until Davina's last gurn.
Firstly, I really, really HATE Carole. Not dislike; pure hate. She is a fun hater. Admittedly, the twins and Ziggy's fights aren't funny in the slightest but her going 'what was it? what was it?' about the mystery substance smeared over Amanda's face was really disturbing. Who cares what it was? It's not yours. It's not your house. You're not their mum. JUST FUCK OFF! My favour for Ziggy almost wobbled upwardly until he decided to confide in Charley again: if he had any guts he'd say 'I'm not discussing my relationship with Chanelle with you.' Instead he always throws her a fucking bone. It's no wonder Chanelle is going out of her head. I don't buy all this, 'you hate her more than me' stuff. Ziggy used to hate Charley JUST as much as Chanelle. Until Charley lied that she was popular. Then Ziggy was revealed.
Oh and wasn't that interesting, Charley admitting she exaggerated about the Charley-love at the eviction! I thought she may have genuinely believed it, but no, she's fully aware she talks shit. She can't even plead ignorance as a defence.
Talking of ignorant, Brian made me cry with laughter when he talked about Big Brother hitting puberty. I know he's a popular choice, but he might be overtaking Gerry for me as a pick to win. I get annoyed when Gerry can't pronounce his 'h's.
PS. Nicky, you do deserve to be up. PPS: You also deserve a shovel in the face.

Monday, 16 July 2007

Big Brother 8: Naked Nominations

What was that conversation Ziggy had with Nicky about? It was really weird. Were we meant to think, 'Ziggy! I'm impressed by his honesty!' Er...
The frown lines on Nicky's face are getting drastic. Nothing will shift them. Every time she has a go at Gerry it's like a dagger in my heart. What image does she think she portrays? There is nothing to like about her. Except her fringe and red lipstick. And she only brings those bad boys out on Fridays.
What else? Liam's thighs are disgusting. I can't stand flabby men! I like my men breakable (and I WILL break them). However, Charley saying people on the outside had been dissing him was unforgivable. What a bitch.
Tracey nominating Ziggy and Gerry- yawn! You're a cunt scarecrow- deal with it.
Ziggy also made himself look like a prick trying to curry favour with Charley in the bathroom. What a twonk. If he's not careful, she will twist things to her advantage. More so than normal.
So thanks to BB selective punishments Charley escaped again. Sigh. Still, I'd rather she stayed than Nicky. At least she plays the game, and doesn't just try and cause it's death via grating voice.
Something tells me it's not exactly going to be a close run eviction race this week. Big Brother, fetch Nicky's broomstick and get her the fuck out. BYEEEY!

Sunday, 15 July 2007

Big Brother 8: I Know It's Over

Hands up who didn't want to knock Charley's teeth out as she rambled on incessantly about her star treatment at the hands of the Big Brother eviction crowd? Honestly, I would not have been surprised if she'd said that Davina had personally rolled out a red carpet for her and asked her where she got her pants (off Chanelle's arse by the looks of things). Does Charley really believe it? Who knows? I do know you'd have to have the patience of a saint not to shout 'SHUT UP!' in her braying, braggy face.
What about all the horrible things CHARLEY said in the chair with Davina? She dissed Ziggy's highlights. Had a go at Chanelle. But this gets forgotten. The injustice of the whole situation is enough to drive you to distraction. Even Liam was kissing arse a little bit. Notice how when they hear 'get Charley out' shouted over the wall they spare her feelings? She'd be in there with a fucking loudspeaker passing on the news with glee. So well done to Gerry and Chanelle for still daring to hate her even if we, the British public, have decided to crown her as our next monarch.
My congratulations cannot extend to Ziggy, however. Yes, I have a confession to make, my love affair with the Zigster ended tonight. I always took his flakiness and bullshit before as him genuinely wanting to do the right thing, or at least look like he was. And I always thought he had his heart in the right place, despite his vaguely Neanderthal views about women and dating. But I cannot defend his behaviour tonight. When he said 'get over yourself' to Chanelle I actually wanted to throttle the vain, pompous cunt. He wouldn't know how to 'get over himself' if Donny Tourette was there to give him a fucking leg up. Chanelle had every right to be pissed off about that, and he was bang out of order to say that in front of everyone. Kowtowing to Charley now he mistakenly believes she is popular is just sickening, and proves that he will literally say whatever makes him look good at the time. To top this off, he continues to string Chanelle along. Bless her, she is going to be so furious when she leaves the house and realises he isn't the be all and end all, he's just a smarmy user. I felt genuinely sorry for her tonight. I would LOVE a Charley vs Chanelle head to head.


'Ambulance it costs too much, we'll take a van/ If they can't fix me no one can'- The Faint, Take Me To the Hospital
Did Michael Moore miss a trick or what not having The Faint on his soundtrack? It's his film in song form!
So we watched Sicko last night. I enjoyed it although it was a bit depressing (obviously) and a bit heavy-handed at times (the jump from the French living in bliss to American patients being dumped on the street, for example, it ain't subtle, is it? Having said that, I DO want to go live in France now.)
In some ways Moore is preaching to the converted. We in England already know that free hospitals are a good thing (how could they not be?) But I wonder just how ignorant and kept in the dark the American people are about the benefits? Really, it is an absolute disgrace that the richest country in the world has such a poor record for infant deaths and mortality rates. It is something that the country should be deeply ashamed of.
I felt absolutely horrified that people are essentially left to die because they don't have enough money. It is morally abhorrent. Even seeing George Bush's face on TV makes my stomach churn these days. He is an evil person. How much of a jump is it from denying poor people the right to medicine to being a baby-eating lizard, REALLY? Honestly, I feel like anything is possible. I would never have believed that people could be capable of such mercenary cruelty. It is a simple part of being human to help others. What part of Christianity (which Bush constantly uses as an excuse for dropping bombs left right and centre) says that dying babies should be moved to a different hospital? What part of Christianity says that an inhaler that costs five cents in Cuba should cost a hundred and twenty dollars in America? Seriously, how can these people sleep at night? How?
The fact that Canada, their next door neighbour has free healthcare speaks for itself. The Americian government try and devalue its worth, but how can getting check ups and advice at the very least be a BAD thing? It can't.
When Moore came to the UK to see how the NHS works it was all done through very rose-tinted spectacles (that NHS doctor might live in a posh house in Greenwich but he looked like he might collapse from exhaustion at any given minute), but the facts DO speak for themselves. We take for granted that we can have babies for free. We take for granted that if we get ill, we will be looked after.
The fact is, we DO pay for this, with our compulsory National Insurance. But everyone who can pay pays. And everyone who can't, doesn't. Which means that yes, some undeserving people probably do get medical attention. People probably do abuse the system. Some people will pay their contributions forever and never go to hospital. Some people will never work a day in their life and cost us a fortune. But rather that than get a brain tumour and lose your house. It's right that we should all pay if we can afford to. Because for an ambulance driver to ask for a cheque or a credit card is inhumane. That is not their role. I can't even imagine being out of work and worrying about getting sick because I couldn't afford it. It's just sick.
I thought the whole Guantanamo Bay thing was a bit weird and off and not really in keeping with the whole film. Shouldn't Moore be protesting about Guantanamo, not saying they are treated to better healthcare than the Americans? What treatment should prisoners (who have not had a fair trial) get? Beaten then dumped on the floor to rot? Something tells me the 9/11 rescue workers were best off out of there. Although clearly it is disgusting the government hasn't helped them. But it seems the government isn't really there to help at all, are they?
I enjoyed the little sting in the tail of the guy from the Michael Moore hate-site who was going to have to shut down his website because his wife had to go to hospital (and he had to pay for it). Moore sent him an anonymous cheque for twelve thousand dollars so that the guy could keep spreading the hate and get his wife sorted out! What brilliant revenge. Surely that guy would have to agree with the message behind this film now? Probably not though. Some people are just too damn stubborn.
Will this film change anything? I don't know. The lizards are too powerful. But it should.

Friday, 13 July 2007


I thought I'd hate it but I LOVE Fonejacker. I thought it was going to be quite cruel (the word 'prank' conjures automatic Beadle associations) but actually it's done with a certain charm. The graphics are cleverly done too, simple but effective.
All the characters are pretty good, especially Terry Tibbs, the bank guy and the mouse. Proper laugh out loud funny and mainly due to the weird and wonderful people they ring. They are the true eccentrics. Why DON'T they just hang up? It's brilliant. Now I understand how telesales works, because people will just talk to anyone who rings them. Personally I hang up immediately. It's a bit different if you're at work because you have to humour nutters a bit.
I love the automated flat phone number too, and when he calls people from outside where they are. Excellent, stupid fun. Watch it.

Big Brother 8: Hell Yeah

Well, that was pretty good. That was absolutely fascinating. The interview was unnecessarily weird and the fact that Charley failed to read a hundred signs saying 'this is a fake eviction' was fairly unsurprising.
It was all worth it for Ziggy and Chanelle's face alone. Chanelle looked strangely beautiful in her horror. Charley going from apologetically demure 'I'd fade into the background' to 'do you wanna go back in?' 'HELL, YEAH!' was brilliant. She looked truly evil. When she came in and started running her mouth like a demented chatterbox, it was fucking amazing.
It dawned on me that this whole thing was designed to turn things around for Charley, but Charley is not capable of realising this, and working it to her favour. Instead she is like a demented, wobbly-headed dog, just going on and on and on until oblivion.
The weirdest thing was, she actually looked genuinely embarrassed when they showed clips of her being angry. I actually thought she might change her ways! Silly me.
As for the rest of the show, politicians wearing Lacoste, duvets that can be seen from space, and Chanelle begging Ziggy to come back to bed. All good fun.
I think Charley's return will drive Ziggy and Chanelle back in to eachother's arms.
Beware Sam, Liam, Ziggy, Chanelle.
Thank your lucky stars Brian and Carole.
Everyone else: fucking duck. A war is about to break out.

Thursday, 12 July 2007

Big Brother 8: Interestinger and Interestinger

To quote Charley. Unfortunately she's wrong. Hers and Nicky's poker faces were pretty useless, I must say. What part of 'don't talk about nominations' don't you understand? Really they should have booted them by now. Instead they've got a free reign of terror. Poor Gerry. He also suffered from what looked like the usual hatchet job Big Brother edit. If Charley threw water first, they should really have shown that.
I LOVE the twins staring into space throughout all the fights. If one of them just lost it one day and just screamed the house down, they could win the bloody thing. Sadly, this won't happen.
The plane thing was ill-conceived- it would have been much more effective if just two or three of them had seen it. As it was, even Brian could suss it was an almighty farce.
Ziggy! How naughty is he? I often spend an evening in bed in my underwear with my ex-boyfriend whilst he cuddles me, says it's all off then strokes my hair. Actually, no I don't because that would be INSANE!
A zillion quid says they've shagged (again?) by this time next week.

Wednesday, 11 July 2007

Big Brother 8: Pointless Pauline

So what exactly was the point of Pauline? They didn't suss her anyway, BB TOLD Brian she was fake. They could have kept her in a bit longer. She didn't do anything of note: chanting- woo! So what? She should have fucked someone! Still it's a shame she's gone. She was actually quite pleasant.
Brian was on fire tonight, absolutely hilarious and adorable. I felt for Gerry as he stropped over Kylie dance moves. The caravan of cunts should be blown up immediately.
When are Zigs and Chanelle going to get back together? I kind of miss the romance already.

Big Brother 8: Land of Oz

I enjoyed the soap opera task yesterday and thought Ziggy was well suited to the surfer role. Nicky and Chanelle both looked pretty unhappy with the whole situation, but what's new? Ziggy DID chat up Pauline a little bit, didn't he? Naughty!
Finally the house nominated correctly (on the week we get rid of no one!) In some ways I think Nicky would be better for the fake eviction. She consistently hates all the nicest people in the house (Ziggy, Gerry, Liam) and just comes across like a poisoned crone. Tracey nominated exactly the same way because she's been singing from the same hymn sheet. The trouble is, Tracey thinks she's going to win it. You aint. Deal with it.
Charley may actually kill someone if she goes back in. Whilst I'd love to see it, it might get the show cancelled.
Brian is consistenly dumb and completely lovable. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a joy, and I'd MUCH rather he won it than blokey Liam. However, my heart is still with Gerry who looked pretty cool with his grey hair. I even love Charley when she's being kind to Brian or dressed as a dog.
Pauline is pretty cool, her accent is shaky, but she seems to be doing OK. What she should really do is hack someone off big time (Charley) or snog someone (Ziggy?) Otherwise, what's the point?

Monday, 9 July 2007

Big Brother 8: I'm Just a Girl

'you're a girl, you don't know what you get yourself into'.
When Ziggy puts it to us girlies straight, what else is there left to say?

Sunday, 8 July 2007

Big Brother 8: Fake Week

OK, let's see how much information I have retained about tonights Big Brother considering I had a VERY late night. I think simple bullet points might be the easiest option:

1. Nicky is evil and there's no saving her. Her cruelty towards Gerry is unforgivable, and that Liam sussed her arguing tactics is to his credit. As if demoralising him via the double pronged attacked of the whiney voice and 'don't shout at me!' wasn't enough she topped it off with butchering his hairdo. Gerry's 'it's very nice- it will grow back- it's horrible' summed him up as a true gentleman. If someone had done that to her hair I can only imagine the fuss.

2. Charley and Brian make a great double act with the thick leading the thick. But we even caught Charley in reflective mode again today, contemplating why she is so angry.

3. It was interesting that the only people who contemplated the new housemate was fake were Charley (shrewd) and Carole (pessimist). I hope it doesn't hurt Gerry too much when the truth comes out.

4. Carole is a twat. Her pretending she knew all about the Australian 'delicacies' just showed that you can bullshit for Britain as long as you do it to someone stupider than you, and with an air of authority. Her nagging about the housework is beyond a joke. At least you love your own mum when she nagged you as a kid, they ow nothing to Carole. You appointed herself house drudge so no shit they all abuse you. Just stop doing it, you control freak.

5. Ziggy/ Chanelle- I think she really has fallen for him, and he is cruel to her in sending such mixed messages. What I wanna know is, did Ziggy know she had a boyfriend?

Friday, 6 July 2007

Big Brother 8: The Fat Lady Leaves

I can't even be bothered to comment on the Ziggy/ Chanelle smoking palava, or the Gerry/ Charely clash (except to say- go Gerry). It's more of the same rubbish really, with Brian offering the odd, unexpected nugget of insight.
Let's talk about tonight. And so the spiteful toad was ejected from the house. Ziggy's open mouth was a picture. It was a triumph for good against evil. A slap in the face for Nicky, Charley and Tracey, as they realised we were on Ziggy's side, not theirs. Laura came out in her manky dressing gown and now can go back to Welsh obscurity. She can shit stir people in her home town instead of on TV. Good riddance. 'It's not a relationship!' Who are YOU to judge that? Even if it's the most dysfunctional relationship on earth, it's still a relationship, so get your beak out.
We sussed the twist immediately when my boyfriend recognised the 'Australian' housemate as the obsessive stalker woman from Balls of Steel (we watch all the classy TV here). Both hers and Big Brother's appalling Australian accents didn't help. A zillion quid says them rumble her in five seconds flat.
The twist NEXT week sounds hilarious! Eviciting someone, giving them an interview, then putting them back in! I love it. That is genuinely creative. And obviously just to save Charley. But what's new? Get used to it, she's going nowhere. One day you'll pull back the curtains and find her barking angrily behind it and going 'Stop shouting! How dare you!' and you'll just have to let her stay because this bitch won't die. She's a robotic zombie from hell. God love her.

Big Brother 8: Paint it Black

I only got the chance to watch this today but it was a return to form actually.
Why do they all like Laura so much in the house? She'd better go tonight. She never even said sorry when they told her off for saying 'poof'. Unless they edited it out. either way, she's a miserable fucker.
Charley painting her naked body was a pure wind-up for Chanelle and therefore a desperate work of genius. Ziggy pretending not to look was funny.
'Let's stay in here tonight and have a bit of fun...' was pure sleaze. Bring on that fabled Big Brother pre-eviction last-ditch nominations-grab shag. Woo!
Brian's hypnosis of 'you'd be a lot more fun if you worked in McDonalds' Gerry and Amanda was odd. I wouldn't trust someone so stupid to fetch me a cuppa let alone put me in a trance. 'Big Brother can't take away my brain!' No, he certainly can't.
The Animal Alphabet was fun. Why WAS Gerry going to buy a ferret? Is the ferret a natural enemy of the rat? The mind boggles. The Xyloclitorsaurus was pretty good- a Jurassic Fanny, no less. I like the double act of Gerry and Brian.
Tracey, Charley and Nicky bitching about the twins was like watching a hoodie kick a kitten. Not becoming. It really annoys me the way they all presume Chanelle is going. I hope they get a nasty shock tomorrow. If Chanelle does say, it will be interesting to see if Ziggy starts worshipping Chanelle more. But what does he know, he's just a failed pop star. Ha!

Wednesday, 4 July 2007

Big Brother 8: Sin City

Super big brother fatigue. Laura and Chanelle are horrible. Ziggy is horrible. Charley is horrible. Nicky is horrible. Who is there to support? Why didn't they show the chat they had ALL NIGHT? Surely something interesting must have been said. There is literally no humour in the house.
Chanelle particularly annoyed me when she said 'what you sitting in the shower for? That's a bit weird.' to Ziggy. He pissed me off further when he said 'I'm not being told what to do by a 19-year-old girl.' And then 'I want to leave!' Kill them both! It's boring.
It was good to see Liam taking on Charley. My respect went up for him a little bit. It's good they punished her too. I just wish they'd stop punishing us viewers and do something drastic.

Bright Eyes- Shepherds Bush Empire 3rd July

In a ridiculous but pleasant turn of events I went to see Bright Eyes again, having already seen them twice in the past two weeks. However, you cannot ever have too many chips or too much Bright Eyes, right? Well I can't. I have about four bands whom I'm obsessive about and the rest of music I couldn't really care less for. And Bright Eyes is (sorry Morrissey) numero uno, at least for this year. I do have some pics but haven't uploaded yet.
As usual the queue was full of kids and we were the second oldest people I could see there (ooh I sound like someone of Big Brother now). There were a few more grannies in there but on the whole it was pretty teenage girls and boys with ridiculously overstyled hair.
We hurried in and got one row back from the front, doing our usual 'no drinks, no wee' policy.
I noticed the support band were Lightspeed Champion (awful name) whom I'd seen on MTV2 the previous day and quite liked. The lead singer was the guy from the Test Icicles (not good at this band name thing, is he?) whom I'd had a passing interest in, so I was quite pleased.
I thought a couple of their songs were really, really good (namely the two singles). The one they did at the end in particular was excellent. The weirdest part was I (eventually) recognised Emmy the Great doing the backing vocals! I'm a massive fan of hers, so no wonder I like the band. I really like the lead singer's vocals too, they remind me a lot of The Dears (NOT for obvious reasons) but the exchange between the male and female vocals and the variety of intruments. I am quite liking violins lately, I used to hate them but Patrick Wolf and Bright Eyes both have good violinists so I have warmed to them.
Lightspeed Champion did appear to have a few comedy songs, with silly lyrics, but it was pretty good fun for a support act. I think I shall download their album (if it's out).
And then onto the main event. It was a similar set up to Glastonbury, all white suits and flowers. Conor is more of a showman than I've ever seen him. They opened with Clairaudients and then did Hot Knives. The set was quite Cassadaga heavy (Four Winds/ Soul Singer- yawn), but I expected that.
About quarter of an hour into this gig I thought 'God, this is a bit different to the last time I saw them here, when he sat down and didn't look up once'. About half an hour into the gig Conor said, 'I really like this theatre, it's is a bit different to the last time I was here, when I sat on a stool and didn't look up once'. I remember it well, it was 2004 and we were right at the back, it didn't even look like the same venue to me. The stage looked forty times bigger. Back then Conor played literally two songs that I knew, one of them being Lover I Don't Have To Love. The rest I didn't know, and I was heavily into Bright Eyes then, so I don't know what the hell he played or was thinking.
This was quite different. I would say Conor picks a crowd-friendly setlist but now he puts on a fantastic show. There was a lot less twiddling with guitars and the mic and stressing over the sound. It was much better than when we saw them at Koko a few months back (sorry Red and Asterisk!) when they were looking dangerously countryfied.
I quite like the jazzed up version of First Day Of My Life (I used to find it a real drag). I LOVE the live version of The Calendar Hung Itself that they do. I thought they could have cut Make a Plan To Love Me (makes me cringe) and although I like Lime Tree it's not exactly rip-roaring live.
Highlights were No One Would Riot for Less which is beautiful (it's all building up to the 'just you' at the end- absolutely love it) and he threw in oldie I Wont Ever Be Happy Again which I'd not heard him do live before. They also did Southern State which brought back memories of the amazing Guardian lounge gig at Glastonbury. But the REAL highlights for my boyfriend and I who are Digital Ash lovers were I Believe in Symmetry and Gold Mine Gutted. I Believe in Symmetry is probably one of my top three favourite Bright Eyes songs ever (and there's some stiff competition) and it was mind-blowing to hear it live. I felt like I was going to cry or be sick. I even didn't mind that his guitar fucked up and he stomped off after kicking the amp over. At least he finished the song. I can die happy now I've heard that live. When they came back after the encore and did Gold Mine Gutted it was just an added bonus. I loved him playing the keyboard and doing some crazy dance moves- it was nice to see him loosen up a bit.
I've forgotten what they did in between that but they finished with At The Bottom of Everything which weirdly seemed to get the biggest cheer of the night- God knows why as I've always seen it as basic filler. Who listens to this tracks with all the babble at the start anyway?! I think people were gagging to hear stuff off I'm Wide Awake... so I was quite pleased he didn't play much off it. That will teach them for not liking Digital Ash more! Having said that, I wouldn't have minded hearing 'Old Soul Song' agai, that is excellent live.
All in all we left with big smiles on our faces but I heard a few people whining. I don't think Conor's ever going to do the Bright Eyes jukebox set that people want from him. You just have to take the bits of magic where you can. As it is, the band have come on a long way and we even got a little bit of screaming. Yay. I would do it all again next week if I could.

Big Brother 8: Kitchen Police

I just got back from Bright Eyes at Shepherds Bush and squeezed in BB on Sky Plus! What a trouper. Bright Eyes review to follow tomorrow.
A very strange BB tonight. It was quite sad to see Jonathan break down over his dead 104 year old grandma. I didn't expect that. He seems quite a tough guy. And no one can now diss him for his welching earlier in the week. So, bye Jonathan. You did the right thing to leave. Nicky looked absolutely THRILLED to be offering a comforting hug. It was touching when he left.
So Laura and Chanelle are up for the chop. I loved Brian's nominations: 'It's like Sunhill in here, the kitchen police'. Not as stupid as he looks at all. The rest of the nominations were pretty predictable. The knives seem well out for Ziggy and Chanelle.
I think Laura will go. She's an awful woman and has no sense of her own persona outside the house, if she truly thinks she's going to win it, she's deranged. I think she will be expecting Chanelle to go having labelled her a bunny boiler, but if anyone's got the rabbits on the gas it's Ziggy. Chanelle is cool and moody with him. Their row was vaguely amusing and Chanelle is very immature at times. I can't wait to see Laura's face drop on Friday. I don't think Chanelle will take being nominated well at all either.
I am a bit worried about Gerry. He seems to have no allies in the house without Seany. Now Jonathan has gone I hope BB put in a sexy gay man for him.

Monday, 2 July 2007

Big Brother 8: What's Gluttony?

How can you go through life not knowing basic English? I really do despair. The seven deadly sins task was quite good but I was waiting for them to wake Laura from her sleep and poke her with a cattle prod. Maybe tomorrow.
I thought Carole picked the right people for the sins in the most part. Nicky and Laura are utterly miserable; do they ever laugh? Just treat it as a joke, it's just a game, for God's sake. Tracey's face said it all and her 'it's phat' thing said in a menacing tone really didn't fly with me. You're greedy. Deal with it.
Carole dealt with the jelly bean situation with all the tact and maturity I've come to expect from her: i.e. none. What a muppet. I also thought she should keep her nose out about Laura's dressing gown. Who cares if she hasn't washed it. It's her body. if she stinks, just don't go near her.
Amanda handled the hotdog thing very well- I wouldn't have lasted five seconds in that outfit. The clip of Sam pushing her over and abandoning her on BBLB was genius, there was a genuine look of hatred in her eyes, hahaha. Ziggy handled the gluttony thing with class- no need for the sixhead and the demon twins to torture him further by singing inane ditties outside the window. Give the poor man a break!
Charley dealt with her task better than I expected, and I felt her pain as she hid in the bedroom from all the awful singing. She did look quite cool with her cap at a jaunty angle and an orange vest. I bought an orange vest today, though, so I may be biased.
And did my ears deceive me or did Ziggy say 'I love you' to Chanelle at the end? I rewound it four times on Sky and I can't work out what else it could have been. Shock horror. I do feel he is too good for her, even though her is flaky and manipulative at times. I can't quite wipe that 'I wanna be a WAG' speech she made out of my head. If he'd been around to see that, maybe things would have been a bit different.

The Smoking Ban- Britain Goes Smoke Free

I know I'm a day late but I read about this in asterisk's blog and wanted to chip in. Firstly, I do not smoke, and never have done. Even as a teenager I thought it was stupid, and I remember feeling very disappointed in two friends who took it up. I wouldn't mind the unhealthy aspect if it actually gave you a decent rush, but it doesn't, it gives you nothing, but a gnawing need to do it again. Plus it's extortionate. Why would anyone ever start? So I never took it up. But a lot of people I know smoke. I grew up in a house filled with smoke. My mum smoked when I was in the womb. My best friend and brothers smoke. So I have an affection for smokers.
'Smoke free' is a misnomer, of course. There is still smoke everywhere, from cars, buildings, and even cigarettes. I walked past a pub today and got a lungful of smoke from the builder smoking outside it. Normally, I wouldn't go in a pub at lunch. So the smoking ban has already passively attacked me, the non-smoker. OK I'm being petty. But it did happen.
Apparently 8 out of 10 people support the smoking ban. Fine. But do 8 out of 10 people like being criminalised and made to feel guilty for doing something legal? If smoking is that bad, ban it. But they won't. It IS that bad, and they won't ban it because they are making billions. So instead of banning it, they make you feel guilty for doing it, they fine you for doing it. But they sell it to you. So it's somewhat of a mixed message.
I think the solution should have been to make certain pubs non-smoking and others smoking, thus allowing freedom of choice. You could have smoking nights at clubs. The outright ban does not allow for freedom of choice, and is a direct attack on our civil liberties. I hope profits do plunge. If I was a smoker, I'd certainly be tempted to stay in than forced onto the pavement every hour. As it is, I've never understood why people go to pubs in the first place, you can drink at home cheaper and you get to choose the music.
'But people will give up.' Even my best friend, a croupier who is not allowed to go outside of the casino for the duration of a 12 hour shift to smoke, said this. Fine, if people WANT to give up. I just resent them being told to give up. Why can't places keep designated smoking rooms? Why would a non-smoker go in a smoking room anyway? We have to take responsibility for our own actions.
My boyfriend is very anti-smoking and will not let people smoke in our house, a stark contrast to the family home I grew up in, where the carpet seemed laced with tobacco. He thinks the ban is great and looks forward to coming home 'not stinking of smoke.' But you'll still stink of sweat. You'll still need a bath. What's the difference?
I personally think the risk from passive smoking is negligable. I've never woken up from a night out coughing my guts up like I've heard smokers do. It just doesn't happen. I think this ban is just to put us little people in our place. My main gripe of course, is that when I go to a club with my best friend this weekend, I'll be forced outside in the cold with her at regular intervals. And I'll still be passive smoking. Nothing will change. I suspect a lot of places will turn a blind eye. Who's going to enforce it? The smoking police?
I feel sad that I will never go to another smoky gig. I feel sad that people will not be able to relax and have a beer and a smoke if they want to. The erosion of freedom and the criminalising of people, in my eyes, is a bigger danger than passive smoking. It's the end of an era. And it will be something else next, so watch out. It might be something you really enjoy.

Sunday, 1 July 2007

Big Brother 8: Unhappy Birthday

Another Big Brother episode that is intangible and unmemorable floats by. The nomination thing was funny and embarrassing for some, I always like it when they show them up like that.
I shared Brian's frustration that there were no fun girls in there. No fun guys either. When Gerry pretending to talk to his mum in Greek on the fish phone is a highlight, you know something is amiss.
And how much more of this Chanelle/ Ziggy situation can we take? He never stops needling her for reassurance. I swear I would have punched him in the face by now. She doesn't help though, she encourages it if anything. His patronising 'I'm so proud of you' speech had me gagging too. What a tosser. And still he's about my third favourite in the house.
The party was funny, but I feel like they edit out half the good bits sometimes, especially this series. However, Charley's drunk ramble at the end was particularly good- how hung up on Ziggy is she still? They should definitely give them more booze and more parties as it makes for a more entertaining housemate.
I think Big Brother fatigue is setting in now, and they need to do something drastic. Unfortunately, the producers seem completely out of ideas too. It's a shame: there's a long way to go, and a ratings disaster could spell the end for Big Brother- no matter how much money they throw at it.