The Apprentice: When I hit the bottle

I couldn't be less interested in a final that contains Stella and Chris, but obviously Stella to win, because Chris is a snotty-nosed little prick. Still, Lord Sugar has thrown us some curveballs this season, so anything could happen. Except something interesting.
Why do they do that thing where they pick the team like at school! Cruel. I was always second-last to be picked (luckily there was a fat girl with a limp who suffered the final indignity).
Alcohol task! My boyfriend just suggested 'red bull, vodka and tequila and stick in in a great big can'.
Blue bourbon. Blue is gay? No, pink is gay. 'I don't like carrying around drinks that are brightly coloured.' Oh, how macho of you.
Honey and spice drink should be called 'Buzzing'. WHERE IS BAGGSY? Can't believe he's not on it. ANGRY.
Urban bourbon. Apparently a 'genius' suggestion. My friend has suggested 'turban bourbon' instead. Not sure why. We think the bottle should be in the shape of a shopping trolley, a gun or a skyscraper.
I didn't know blokes were so touchy about the colour of the drink they drink. Drinkist! Is Liz sabotaging Chris? Good! URBON!
Immoderate drinking! What's that, getting sloshed? Buzzkill.
Why are they always trying to make their adverts like soft porn? No sex! No smoking! Man, why are they trying to fence him in like that? Wankers. Just let Chris make that advert a big drug orgy.
LOL to the Prism bottle! It looks like deodorant. Should have thought inside that box instead. It looks like robot deodorant from 80s sci-fi film.
They didn't even seem to taste either of them- is it all about how it looks? Oh no, that guy just tasted it and didn't look too impressed.
I think they should rename Prism 'Jizzum'. That advert for Urbon was the lolz.
Stella's voice is like nails down a blackboard. She's still got more charm than Chris could ever dream of. And she's got none.
The new Apprentice's job will be to invent something to taste over the phone. It'd save pizza delivery drivers going out in the snow, anyway.
Here's how the new apprentice should be decided. Stella and Chris should go outside, down their own bottles, and see who's the last one standing. I think that would be a fair fight.
Chris always sounds like he's about to go 'it's not fair!' Stell, you're hired. Chris: 'It's not fair!' Go tidy your room, Chris.
I'm not watching that bit after presented by sub-Adrian Chiles. You can't make me! Goodbye.

The Apprentice: You're full of shit

Interviews. I don't like this round, I want to kick those interviewers in the head. Makes me feel uncomfortable. Oh fuck off Margaret, you pompous old crone. I don't mind the nipple joke, it's pretty stupid, but it got him on the show, so shut it.
Baggsy; 'we're all young once'. Isn't he 21? I know it's easy to forget.
Did Joanna not know the name of Amstrad? Hehe. Oh, dear. Chris was held in revered respect... at his school! Bless.
OMG did that guy just say 'ice to Eskimos'? Fuck off.
I just got the word 'drivel' on Scrabble as Baggs was speaking. I must stand up for him, though! He IS a brand. He is now, anyway. Don't like this guy being mean to him.
This whole thing is making me cringe. No interviewer makes you feel like this; and if they did, you'd never want to work there in the first place.
Why is Margaret up Joanna's arse? Joanne has a bad attitude. I'll never forget the way she spoke to Jamie (mind you, I think it was only last week).
Alan Sugar SHOULD say thank you to his staff, the curmudgeonly old grinch.
Oooh Karrrrrrren didn't like it when beardy dude said 'even YOU could get that licence.' Sexist!
LOL to Alan saying Stuart is full of shit. Has he only just noticed? Pining over Liz now! It's a bit late. You should be annoyed with yourself, Sugar-tits. Liz was a worthy winner.
OMG! He fired Baggsy just like that. Hardcore! Don't lie to Tiggy. That was much better than normal, because there's normally a really dull build-up. That felt like a genuine shock.
Wow, two more are going today, too! Cool.
Jamie does talk such a lot of crap. I think Stella's going to win, now.
Aw. Was quite sad when Joanna went. He didn't even point the finger at her. I think Stella's going to win EVEN MORE now Jamie's gone. Chris is too posh.
Ha, Alan said 'well done' for getting to the final! In your face, sucker!

Eastenders: Aftermath

I want a balloon with Phil Mitchell's face on! NOW!
PS. Bet he didn't do it.
That is all.

Eastenders: Stellar!

Yay a good Eastenders at last. But haven't we waited long enough? And actually, it wasn't all good because there was some unbearable dross with Bert/ Patrick/ Wellard. Normally I forwards through those bits.
So when Ben staggered forwards saying 'can somebody help me?' it was quite harrowing. Bless that little nerd. Phil circling Stella round the pool table was very effective. You knew when she blamed Ian the game was up.
I LOVED it when Peggy said 'Make her pay.' That's the Mitchell way! Phil's acting was brilliant. I was willing him to mush her up with an iron bar. He went all purple! Hurrah. More evil Phil! Sack everyone else, just have Phil going psycho.
So did he push her? Course he did!