Sunday, 29 April 2012

The Voice: results: Every night, we smash a Mercedes Benz

LOL to making them sing 'You've got the music in you' at the start. Are they advertising a car like on American Idol? Bo looked befuddled, I can only presume she was appalled at being made to sing the most embarrassing song of all time. Sadly they never got to the 'Courtney Love and Marylin Manson, they're all fakes run to your mansions' line. Bet the guy who sung that doesn't have a mansion right now. He's probably sleeping on a friend's sofa whilst Courtney takes a bath in liquid gold. Ooh, medley. Music! Please do stop this music. It's an earsore.
Tom Jones saying 'stepped up to the plate' is all kinds of wrong. Who decided he'd be a good judge for this show? Really? Even Louis Walsh is preferable.
Why are Holly and Reggie wearing the same clothes as they did last night? Did they film this last night? Wouldn't that dress be a bit stinky by now? Holly doesn't really look her usual beautiful self today. I'm not liking that pink dress too much and her hair doesn't look nice either. She looked hot on the front of Cosmo recently (which I only bought cos it had a free Soap and Glory mazzy).
Why did people start clapping before Holly said 'Ruth Brown'? Is she reading it off an autocue?
OMG are you serious they put that Foo Fighter's dude through? Dave Grohl must be turning in his grave.
There's not one cool person on this panel. It's like the bullied kids at school who are trying so hard to please with their zany haircuts and head bobbing. The coolest person on that panel probably IS Tom Jones. Oh my God.
The wait is over. Not such a good line, is it? I guess Big Brother stole all the good ones. I'm surprised Frances got through. She was a bit rub.
Will is doing a p-p-p-p-p-poker face. Either that or his Imodium just kicked in. He's looked a bit crab eyed.
Reggie Yates, do you know my name, oh don't say you don't, please say you do, woah, woah. Isn't Reggie the voice of Rastamouse? He gets all the good gigs, doesn't he? He should dress as Rastamouse backstage. It would give him a sense of gravitas.
My boyfriend just said 'Fana Del Ray' when Lana Del Ray can on cos he thought it was just a lookalike. I think she's just died her hair. I do like three songs off her album and she's cute. Not this one, though.
All the contestants are wearing the same clothes as yesterday, too. This is a swizz. What's going on? I'm not surprised Sam went, he was pretty rubbish. 'I feel like my heart's been ripped out' - that's a bit too much honesty for BBC1 on a Sunday night. Gutterly butterly.
The ghost of Tom Jones looks beleaguered at Sam home. I don't think he's as sad as Sam, though. He has got all those rubbish hits and the knickers and the gold discs and the duet with with Cerys and his own 'Booby' at home. What's Sam got? A rubbish shirt?
I'm not surprised Will sent whatsherface home. She had zip-all star quality. Holly: 'Will needs a hug.' No, Will needs to start dressing his age, whatever that might be. Answers on a postcard.
By the way, Chronicle was fuckin' ace! Recommend!

Saturday, 28 April 2012

The Voice UK (huh!) - Live shows

I've been enjoying The Voice US so much that I just don't think our version can live up to it now. I've seen singers with a million times more talent than that Scotty McCreepy, who won last year's dead duck American Idol, sent home with a flea in their ear. The standard of talent and the song choices have been great, so I really hope our series takes a lead from that. Added love was provided last week in the extra form of of a radioactive Christina Aguilera giving Justin Bieber a screwface. Although they did chuck out all of my favourite people last week, but that's to be expected. And Jessie J appeared going 'huh'! Do we really have to inflict her on the US? I say only if they get to keep her.
Oh OK, it's live shows now. I'm trying to think of something more horrible that the judges tunelessly belting out 'It's a Beautiful Day' by U2. Shoulda done 'Lemon'. Does Willy even sing? I just thought he wore neon and jumped about spouting nonsense. Like me at a rave, in my younger days.
Wot, no Bo Bruce this week. Booo. Oh God, they've got this annoying bit backstage where they try and force you to tweet. I wondered what Reggie Yates was for. Window dressing, apparently. Back room boy.
Looks like they get more song choice than they do on X Factor, or that's what they're trying to convince us. I take that back - this first choice is pure American Idol. ZZZZ. Not interested in Joelle, I'm afraid. Too dated. The fact Jessie J looked so elated when Joelle did that stupid high bit at the end says it all. She really does have a bucket of bullshit instead of a brain.
OOh, someone's doing Erasure. Love this song. Not sure if he's got the hang of the low OR high notes. He sounds out of breath, bless him. Even insincerity android Jessie J looks grim-faced. Sam Buttery coming to a pier near you in 2013.
William has got his next stooge singing 'aint nobody'. What decade was that released in? Are we really that hard up for tunes? All this posturing with the male dancers is stupid and looks completely dated. I don't even think her voice sounds good any more. She's got no chance. LOL to Frances going ' can even sing' as if that's about the 46734 thing on words to describe 'things Will does', probably just below 'Fergie'. 
Uh oh, Foo Fighters karaoke coming up. Doesn't really require much singing. Mark Owen pretending to be Dave Grohl. This is a new low. Is he playing that guitar or is it just a massive necklace? That was truly head-in-hands horrendous. Then he goes 'it's great to come on Saturday night TV and play a rock song' like he's just discovered America. It's the fucking Foo Fighters, dickhead, not Anal Cunt.
Looked like was texting on his phone there when Holly cut to him.
Jaz Ellington is on the wrong show. He should be on American Idol, where they'll approximately catch up with the UK music scene in about 20 years time.
Leanne has got a really strong voice, but Pink didn't suit her, I'm afraid. Song choice fail.
This plain girl singing a song I don't know about metal sounds a bit shaky. She doesn't sound gutsy enough, it's like she's just come in from school and is dancing round her living room.
Jessie J: 'range, technicality, falsetto'. You boring fucking stage school brat. Do you know about music that comes out and grabs you from the guts? Do you know anything?
The girl out of this couple has been given rather a severe fringe. I like a severe fringe. My fringe has lost it's way at the moment and is waiting to regenerate. This band is gash. They would be irrelevant even on the hippy-dippy-dipshit stage at Glastonbury.
Did Tyler mention he was Amy Winehouse's best friend? Did he? I thought I might have heard him mention it once or twice. I don't like his voice, or his face, or anything about him. I'd rather have a go on Blake.
Is Tom Jones choosing all these duff 80s songs? Seriously, the US Voice had me genuinely excited last week. This is turdid. And she's flat. God, I was really flagging towards the end of that, apologies.
Ooh, they let Reggie out of the dungeon for 3 seconds. I couldn't give a fig who goes home out of that lot. But hopefully next week will be better. Huh! Now I'm gonna watch Pointless Celebrities and Chronicle. Then I'm gonna pass out.

Sunday, 22 April 2012

The Voice: Giving it both battles

Was out last night so missed the battle rounds- catching up on it now though. Ah they've let Holly and Reggie out of the dungeon. That must be nice for them. I don't mind Reggie that much now, I think Fearne Cotton was dragging him down previously. Don't get me wrong, he's still dull as dishwater.
Just when you thought things couldn't get anymore Welsh, Tom Jones has drafted in Cerys Matthews to help him. What's she going to advise, go on a rubbish reality show and get off with a dead-in-the-water soap star? Road raaaaaaaaaaage!
I'm every woman - spare us, Wills. Even Whitney's had enough of this one. I think the black girl is better by an inch but they were both good. Will someone tell Jessie to stop bobbing her head and singing along. It's like when the guitarist sings when he's not supposed to. Cringeworthy. These two second boys sound really similar. I think the one without the hat who looks like dannii minogue's ex has the edge but they're both pretty good. They're putting on a good performance, too. oh they sent my one home. Boo.
I'm finding it hard to judge who's better in this Tom Jones/Elvis shout off because I don't like Tom Jones, Elvis or shouting. Same goes for the next song that the bald girl sang. It just sounds like a fucking racket. Uh oh they've pitched Bo against Morgan Spurlock. She's gotta win!!! He's so overdone. She's beautiful. Do the right thing, Danny. Bo is something special. I'm actually nervous! Yes! He chose Bo. I'm so happy. She has real talent - I just love her.
So we're giving Chris Brown the BBC seal of approval by forcing the acts (against their will) to sing one of his blood-spattered dance numbers. I'm guessing the guy who threw his toys out of the pram will be going home. I see Jessie J is singing along her support of domestic violence. I better not ever see that bitch calling herself a feminist. Fucking thicko.
I though the two who did Rhianna would be better than they were. I think it's a bit style over substance there.
Sorry I got some dinner at that point so lost it a bit but heard 'soul on a pole'. I don't get the fuss about those two but it could be because I cant stand Heard it through the Grapevine. I'd rather listen to the sound of my own throat being cut and listening to the blood dribble out and my last raspy choking breaths.
OK, onto tonight's show. This turgid version of Beat It has got Jessie J's tasteless fingers all over it. Couldn't care less who won that one. This Lady Gaga song is too shrill.
Oh fucking hell, it's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. This one with the glasses is singing with a faux American accent. I'm surprised Jessie J isn't the mentor. My boyfriend just walked in and said, 'What's this, a noteless off?' It does sound flat, but I can't work out which one is flat. Oh, the other one has a much nicer voice. She deserved to go through.
This Emmy girl is being a bit cocky... she'll probably go home. Stop intimidating Chris Fountain/Deano from Eastenders. Boyfriend: 'what is this, Cunt Academy?' I think he's been working on that one in the kitchen.
Chris Fountain looks like a rabbit in the headlights. It looks like someone's just dragged him in off the street. He's giving up on notes halfway through, not 'giving each note it's due respect' as some idiot said earlier. Bo Bruce is going to eat everyone in this category alive. That girl pulled a screwface when Jessie J said about the kiss and looked smug when Danny said she was further down the line. She looked proper sour when she got sent home. Serves her right. Having said that I can't believe they did put Alex through, he was fucking useless.
Peewee Herman is now doing 'I want to dance with somebody.' Why? Nobody knows. This is U-Glee. They seemed to only sing for about 10 seconds. Did they have to edit the acts down to make room for all Jessie J's posturing and wiffle-waffle.
My boyfriend just said of the male half of this appalling couple, 'Is that Justin Lee Collins fused with Wagbo?' I think he should write this blog for me. Especially today, as I've spent at least 5% of the day puking my guts up. Wagbo and co plus other old woman was rubbish. Next!
OMG I hate this Kids song soooooo much! It's completely tuneless. Robbie Williams and Kylie combined: smug central. I hope she goes through. It seems like this show has been chopped to bits tonight. They're not editing it very well at all.
My boyfriend on Jessie J: 'The only have one woman on the panel so why did they pick the most uninteresting one on the planet? Stop wiggling your shoulders and fuck off and die.' She seems to rub him up the wrong way, a little. I can't imagine why.
Indie and Pixie were giving the other girl the stink-eye when she was singing really well. I thought they were a bit off last time so they'd better be careful. Becky is much, much better than them. I like her voice. The others are off and they look cross. I liked Becky's screwed up face when Jessie was making her decision.
Yay, so glad she won over the Heathers.
The guy is better than the girl singing this Kings of Leon song. He's got a funny neck, though.
Oh, lawks this next two are going to do Firework. Even Katy Perry can't sing this fucker. They both sound off. This song is really hard to sing. I tried it on karaoke. Has anyone on earth ever sang this song on key? It's like aural torture. I bet Russell Brand is glad he doesn't have to pretend to like it anymore.
I don't think anyone should take on Kelly Jones's raspy old voice. It's the only thing the little Welsh prick has got going for him. I'm all Voiced out now. I watched two episodes of The Voice US today, too. Christina and her acrylic hair and the lovely Cee Lo makes me pine for better judges. Even the buffoonery of Adam Levine is more fun than William's nonsense speak.
Battle, battle, battle! Bo Bruce FTW. You know it makes sense.

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Documentary: I woke up gay

Sorry I missed The Voice, I was mucking about on rollercoasters at Alton Towers. Revolving chairs and then some; super fun. Such a great weekend.
Yay, another BBC3 documentary! Strap in for some of the good shit. I've read about this story so I'm really looking forward to this. I've also been enjoying The Undateables which is heartbreaking. I hardly think the blonde girl in the 2nd episode was undateable though, just because she was in a wheelchair. She was really pretty and lovely. Let's not go overboard. Some of the cases are very sad, though. But I believe there's someone out there for everyone. I'm a romantic!
Anyway, I digress. Back to the matter at hand. I love the idea of this story, it would make a good film, but it's real. I love things like this that call into question the very idea of 'self', I just find it so, so interesting, as I'm so entrenched in myself and who I am and my personality. I've always been so sure of myself, that to be so dramatically changed would be so weird.
A freak accident made Chris gay. How does THAT happen?! I've never heard of anything like it. He did a wonky forward roll down a hill and had a stroke that turned him gay. Scientists said it was impossible. But he should know whether he was gay or not before! It's an interesting take on it, though.
I love the thought of his old self watching this programme in horror. It's like when someone loses their memory and has to rediscover their personality and they don't like their old one or their old friends or anything.
It's obvious his brain got rewired from the stroke. I believe him. I don't think he was always gay. Weird unexplainable things do happen; look at people who have an organ transplant and start liking chicken nuggets or speaking Spanish.
Oh, he DOES have memory loss. This explains the complete change of personality, then. It must be hard for his friends and family to have a 'new' Chris. Must be sad to lose your memory like that. I have a bad memory. But not that bad.
I like the fact he refers to 'old Chris liking motorbikes, I really don't care anymore.' It's like 'old Chris' is some annoying relative he's chained to.
How weird watching him have those photos developed and not even recognising himself. 'I look chavvy'; how funny! It's like he doesn't even like his old self. He did look like the type of person you'd avoid on a cheap package holiday before.
It's sad that he's not close to his mum anymore. It must have been hard for her to see her son completely change personality, but how can she stop loving him? It's still him. Or is it? I suppose it's like a death of 'old Chris'. But either way, he's still her son. I wonder if it's because of the personality change or the sexuality change? Both, I suppose.
Children shouldn't have to write letters to parents asking them to live up to their fucking responsibilities. It makes me so angry. What part of being a parent don't these people get? Aren't you meant to be a parent no matter what? Thank fuck I'm never having kids but I seriously treat my cats better than some people treat their kids. It's disgraceful.
I thought his boyfriend's dismissal of the situation was quite patronising. I guess it's hard for him to prove he was never closeted if he can't remember. But I believe him. My boyfriend said maybe the stroke gave him to freedom to 'be gay' but maybe his new personality WAS just gay. I don't know, it's a headfuck. Does he even have to justify himself? I think I would in his situation.
That's sad that he lost his friends as they didn't have anything in common anymore. I've seen that before in memory loss cases.
How does this scientific test involving a joystick and listening to Wires by Athlete determine you're gay? I liked the scientist referring to the stroke as a 'neurological insult'. I also liked the boyfriend worrying another stroke might turn him 'straight' again!
I like this guy Chris. He knows his own mind. His mum would surely know if he was gay before, or his brothers. Could he be bisexual? It's not even been mentioned as a possibility. I know people who've 'changed' sexuality, so to speak, ie. a female friend in a straight relationship for many years who's been gay for about ten years and doesn't identify as bi. I also know bi people in 'straight' relationships and vice versa, so it's not always black and white. Bi invisibility!
Could you be so strongly in denial about your sexuality that you fuck millions of girls? I suppose you could. But I believe he believes he was not gay before. Therefore he was not gay before.
I think it's a good idea to track down an ex and find out what she thinks. But even they could only guess, I think, because who knows what goes on in people's heads? But it would be an educated guess, at least.
There's more to the human mind than we know. If you bang that frontal lobe the wrong way, it can turn you into a psychopath. I read about one guy who had an accident and became addicted to porn and gambling. Plus we only use 5% of our brains. We don't understand everything; just ask David Icke.
It must be weird for that ex girlfriend that he doesn't remember that stuff. But I can barely remember some of my exes. I didn't think she was very helpful!
I like that guy he met who had a stroke and went from a builder to an artist. He was cool! His art was nuts, his whole house was covered. It's like some part of his brain has been unlocked. I liked him not remembering getting his tattoos. I want to unlock a weird bit of my brain. Not a bad bit, though. You have to be be careful with that Pandora's box, just ask the Big Brother USA contestants.
I can't fucking BELIEVE his mum didn't reply to his letter! Oh sorry, did you prefer your old homophobic son? I know I'm exaggerating for dramatic effect there, but come on. He's your son! He's alive! Wake up before you regret it. Seriously, anyone who says 'blood is thicker than water' is thicker than pigshit. Blood don't mean dick. It's loyalty that counts.
I found this documentary absolutely fascinating. It's like when someone gets Alzheimers, where does their 'old' self go? Does it lie in wait? Is it annihilated? What is 'identity'? It's almost something close to spirituality, as loathe as I am to use that word. Do we go on? And if we do, what will it look like? Who'd have thought BBC3 could bring up all these questions? Good stuff!

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Blog fail/ Plug victory - catch Kenelis this Fri at the Barfly.

I've been a total arsehole in that I was meant to blog Kenelis at Indigo2 but I met up with a friend I hadn't seen in a year and got so bloody pissed that I couldn't remember anything that happened at the gig. I do remember a couple of things actually. I remember thinking the set was too short. I also typed these words into my phone 'we could die any minute' so I can presume that was a high point. And they definitely played Jealous. Also the new Kenelis merch is rather good. I overestimated my size somewhat, but my boyfriend has been wearing the T-shirt.
Mel Sanson is my favourite rock frontwoman after Courtney Love, and that is high praise. I find most female rockers quite disingenuous, but Mel means every word, and I just love watching her every time, especially at Indigo2, which is a fantastic venue (but with overpriced drinks, which is why we turned up so drunk, like 12 year olds). She was belting them out as usual, and as usual was better than the rest of the line up. From what I can remember.
The band did a cover of These boots are made for walking by Moz's old buddy Nancy Sinatra, which you should definitely investigate. Now if only I could remember how to embed videos. What sort of blogger am I!?
My evening ended puking outside Morden tube, which I'm sure is how most evenings end outside Morden tube. I did go round the corner a few steps, at least. Bloody good fun, though.
For my proper review of Kenelis's last gig, see here. Or to see for yourself what they're like, cos they are supporting I Am Giant at the Barfly in Camden this Friday 13th April (not sure why it says July on that page, perhaps they're drunk, too?). I Am Giant might be good too, I'm going to check them out. Kenelis are on stage at 7.50pm and apparently it's going to sell out. I can't make it as I have a date with a rollercoaster (well, a train taking me to one) at 7.20am the next morning. But I'm sure Kenelis will be just as loud as Nemesis. Probably louder.

Saturday, 7 April 2012

The Voice UK: Push the button. Don't push the button.

The amazing Bo Bruce is going to be on The Voice tonight so I'm very excited. I have followed her since she was on Orange Unsigned (and would have won had it not been for Tommy, who was also excellent). I even interviewed some of the acts on it for my blogs, but my interview technique was terrible and I don't think she got back to me, but she bigs up my blog and chats to me on Twitter once in blue moon. I never knew she was a Lady until I saw it in the Mail today. Well fuck your inverse snobbery. She's fucking ace. If she doesn't win it I'd be amazed.
First girl on was good. I think I might be starting to fancy The Script a bit. Wasn't Willy wearing that jacket last week? Maybe he's still got it on loan from the fancy dress shop.
I'm at my mums and they just told me they got their dog drunk on whiskey the other week and are now giving the other dog some of my cava out of an ashtray. Is this a matter for the RSPCA? More shockingly my mum and her boyfriend told me they LIKE Will*I*am. What is there to like? Is it his sparkling personality, his pointless boasting, or his overuse of full stops?
I don't think that second guy was much good. They let better people than that go last week. This third girl wasn't much good either. Has someone just died? They all look like they're grieving.
This next girl looks like Chantelle Houghton after a couple too many biccies (ie. a normal sized person). She's got the best voice so far and she's cute.
Tom Jones: 'I'm a married man' - that doesn't normally stop you, you randy old pervert.
'No sob stories in The Voice' said Jessie J. Maybe a dead brother doesn't count? I like the name Cassius but it might just be because of that song.
My mum said The Script is like an 'ugly looking version of Peter Andre.' That's quite insulting. You can see where I get it from.
The bickering between the judges is not as good as it is on the American version. I miss Adam Levine's begging, Christina's cleavage and Cee lo stroking his cat. I forget what the other one does except shamelessly plug his wife every week.
Now I can't stop thinking about Peter Andre. Scrap that thing I said about fancying Danny.
This girl from Wales is cute and she had a really good voice. She reminds me off one I like off America's Next Top Model. No one likes this little fat bloke and they can't even see him. Jessie J's twaddle of the week: 'your lips aren't hugely clean.' You talk fucking bullshit.
They are obviously leaving Bo until last as she's the best (I am biased). I wonder who'll she'll pick?
The guy who did Plan B was good.
I liked the girl who said her mum thought she was overweight, it was quite cute. Willy is playing the mum card. And it worked. Sly old dog. I wonder how old William is, he seems kind of ageless and alien like he could be 30 or 1000.
Random mum comment: 'I don't like dresses at all. I think they're horrible things. I've never worn a dress.' I'm sitting here wearing a dress. And I've seen her in a wedding dress, at the very least.
I thought the girl who did Adele was good enough to go through. She just shouldn't have sung that Adele song as it just draws comparisons. Aw, she was sweet.
Justin Lee Collins (psoriasis) appears to be auditioning next. Ooh he's doing Bon Jovi. Very current. My mum fancies him. His voice was good. No one turned. Rock off.
Amy Winehouse's friend looks like he's been modelling his hair on hers. Sitting on the dock of the bay is like a Olly Murs crab-pinched-my-feet type song. I wish no one had picked him. My mum is particularly unhappy about all the brown trousers people are wearing. She's quite the fashion critic tonight.
Tom Jones, I think you've dropped something. Oh yeah, there it is, another name of some dead or irrelevant person.
Bo was really good. I love listening to her voice so much. Jessie J has got a cheek saying anything about Bo's vocal power, whose voice is about 10 million times better than hers. She's got more passion in her little finger than that stage-school brat. It just proves how thick JJ is by not turning round. I want Bo to win because I really want to buy her album! Plus she might let me write her autobiography, you never know. Bo, give me a call, you've got a phone, don't you? ;)

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Sexism in football

Sexism in football? Whatever next? Next you'll be telling us it's homophobic and racist. I personally don't see why any woman has anything to do with football, but it's like gay marriage, it's the principle of it that we should be allowed 'in'. I didn't understand that for a long time. I still find it odd, though, that any woman wants anything to do with football. It's so hateful.
LOL to some woman sticking up for Andy Grey and Richard Keys and calling 'smash it' banter. You don't 'panic about what you're going to say' Robbie Savage, if you're not the kind of person to say disgusting offensive things in the first place. Nice to hear about women not being allowed into places in the 21st century, isn't it?
Being a female lineswoman shouldn't be 'a hostile place'. Why should women have to put up with being abused from the terraces? Why is everything in football so hostile and horrible? Why is it so nasty? How can anyone enjoy it? It's like a bullfight or something. It's just licensed bullying/ aggression. It's actually grotesque.
Robbie: 'she probably knows more about football than me'. Doesn't he get that even that statement is sexist? I feel so sorry for people who see men and women as alien species who could never begin to understand each other. I barely register which of my friends are male or female. I just like the ones that make me laugh the best.We're not segregated when we go on nights out like it's some 1950s dance.
'Football is the last bastion of men'. What's our last bastion? The kitchen?
My boyfriend just said (uncharacteristically) 'If women work in football what do they expect?' (He hates football) What 'they' should expect is being treated like a human being.
As IF they'll EVER have quotas (ie. positive discrimination) in sport, despite the constant positive discrimination of men by the fact we've lived in a patriarchal society for the past billion years.
Will we ever see a female football manager? Well they couldn't do a worse job than the current lot. Robbie Savage is a sexist prick with a 90s haircut.
I notice women's football barely even got a mention in this show, which is actually quite a huge production but gets zero TV coverage (because we're just women and it's just a mess about, presumably). But I might have missed them mentioning that because I missed half of this show as my boyfriend came in drunk and chatty. Sorry for the lack of bile. Football is sexist. Next up: Earth not flat.

Monday, 2 April 2012

Rant: Chris Brown is Number 1 in the UK. Pleased with yourselves?

I have to write this blog because I am so fucking incensed and if I don’t get it out I might have to go outside and scream. Chris Brown’s latest song is number one in the UK which can only mean the idiots are out in force. I am honestly ashamed of my country, as if there’s ever been much to be proud of. This is it’s lowest point. After he beat the shit out of Rhianna, we banned him from the UK. No doubt now we’ll be rolling out the red carpet (as they did at the Grammys, which he gloated about) for the pop-prick scumbag. Every time I see his face it makes me want to smash my TV screen/ computer (but even I don’t do that because inanimate objects are worth something… more than women, apparently).
For every accolade you give this guy, another woman is suffering in silence. Another woman or young girl gets the message that it’s OK to be hit, and a guy gets the message that if you do hit a woman, give it a year, and it will all be forgotten. Hit the bitch. Do it.
And don’t accuse me of saying people can’t change. I know more than most that people can. People can change after they’ve taken a long hard look at their life and repented. But I’ve never once seen this piece of shit say sorry, all I’ve seen is his self-aggrandising, gloating and general aggression and bullying.
Maybe if he considered giving a slice (no, all) of the profits of his single to Refuge or Women’s Aid (or the American equivalent) we could imagine he’d taken one single step on the road to retribution. This joker isn’t even on the path to it. I don’t think he knows it exists.
The most disgusting thing about the whole sorry tale is that people (and specifically) women are defending him. I got into an argument with someone claiming to be a foster mother on Digital Spy defending him and saying ‘Rhianna probably provoked him.’ That woman is presumably fostering children from abusive backgrounds and proudly says she’s buying them the Chris Brown record. Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire.
And it’s not like these comments are even 50/50. I’d say about 70% are defending this man and calling me crazy. Has the world gone completely insane? I was called a troll for standing up for women’s rights. Are women just too scared to speak up? It's like trying to talk sense into a hamster or a box of cereal these people are so willfully stupid.
Someone else said, ‘who are we to judge?’ Sentient humans, that’s who. I can look at the picture of Rhianna’s battered face after he threw her out of a car and judge quite easily, thank you very much. It’s not very difficult at all.
Others are saying, ‘What's his past got to do with his ‘talent’? Well I haven't seen Gary Glitter on TV lately, have you? Or is punching women more acceptable than abusing children? Well, that goes without saying, we’re just women, and we push those buttons and we ask for it, don’t we? Just ask Dennis Waterman.
‘Your personal life has nothing to do with your job’ – really? Tell that to doctors who sleep with patients, teachers who sleep with their pupils. It’s worse if you’re famous in a way because it doesn’t just affect you, the whole world is being given the message: ‘violence is OK’.
The people on Digital Spy (which should be renamed Digital Spite) are so pig thick, they can’t see what’s in front of their own faces. So I’m bitter and I should get a life. I’m stupid. Funny, because it’s that sort of language that’s how the whole thing starts, isn’t it?
Some other dickhead said ‘it takes two to tango’. I’ve never heard of a tango being done in the front of a moving car and ending with one person being chucked out of it and left with black eyes, and a swollen face, have you? Never seen that one on Strictly yet. Maybe next year.
The defence that ‘well Rhianna has forgiven him’ is paper-thin. Rhianna can do whatever she likes, including be an appalling example if she wants, that’s up to her and she’s young and from what I’ve seen in interviews, quite stupid. I’m not going to victim-blame. Whether she has forgiven him is neither here nor there. He should be made an example of. He should never be let on a TV screen or a stage ever again.
But 300 women a day are being turned away from refuges because of Tory cuts and they have to go home and face their 'Chris Brown' because they don't have Rhianna's money or status. She has set an appalling example by ever even speaking to him again, in my opinion, but that’s up to her. But think of those other women who plucked up the courage to leave, possibly with their kids, and got sent away from that refuge. Sent back home to that man. No wonder two women are dying at their partner’s hand a week: David Cameron is virtually beating them to death himself.
If you want to see what society is really like, click here. But they’ll probably lock that topic or delete my posts soon. Because women should just put up and shut up. Give Chris Brown another gong. Do a collaboration with him. Fucking disgusting.
PS: I listened to the song. It’s rubbish.

Sunday, 1 April 2012

The Voice UK: I'm going to make you sang

Why the fuck am I bothering to watch this again? And more pertinently, why am I blogging it at 2am? The first contestant was quite good, he sung a proper chirpy little song, but I didn't think his voice was that good.
The way Wills sits there in that throne he reminds me of one of those boring ones in Star Wars that sit round talking about what biscuits they need on the Death Star to appease the Emporor.
My TV is strobing like an epileptic lava lamp. Perhaps I should by one that isn't circa 1987.
Tom Jones sleazily picked Barbara Streisand. It's like the judges are having an odium-off tonight. I literally don't know which one to despise first.
Some joker came on and was forced to do a Script song so at least I've actually heard one now. And I actually know it! Still it's no Sex Bomb, is it. My boyfriend told me the Eurythmics have a song called Sex Crime (which I didn't believe) and ever since we've been singing 'sex crime, sex crime, you're my sex crime.' I need to check out those lyrics, I bet they're amazing.
Wee Willy Winkie is like a little owl peeking out of a nook and/ or cranny, peering over his zany spectacles and promising that by this time next year he'll have your face painted on the side of moon and gigs lined up for you from everywhere to the Central African Republic to Kazikstan and the Grenadines.
It's soooooo cringy when the judges sing along. I feel embarrassed for Jessie J, she acts like she's about 14 and she's just drunk her first bottle of Hooch. She's one of those people who if you were friends with her you'd never go round her house because it would be full of toadying twats in pork pie hats and girls talking about organic muesli and pilaties whilst mainlining cocaine and talking drivel.
Son of a Preacher man girl can fuck off, too. She was quite ungracious in defeat, too. Yeah, get back on that horse and trot along.
The next contestant is passing himself off as 'crazy' because he's dressed like a teen Billy Idol. I didnt even know it was Like a Virgin he was singing. He gave it the full Darius treatment. I think this dipshit is going to go with Willy because they're both accountant types who've decided that wearing jewellery that comes out of those 20p egg machines is 'so hot right now'.
Mr Adams looked like he's just found out he's not got a cut of Fergie's Avon perfume deal when he didn't choose the cheeky opera girl. I love the fact she found out she could sing like that by taking the piss, that's kind of cool.
I wonder what chief Pea chats about with Cheryl Cole when they meet up for a knob-twiddling session? I bet they blow so much smoke up each other's arses about what unique and talented artists' they are, little knowing that aged over 40 you should probably shelve the neon baseball jackets, and that only doing tweets to make nasty little digs at people makes you look like the hateful cow you really are.
They should use that 'sex on fire' song on a cystitis advert. That guy's voice was quite good though. And playing barefoot, too? It's simply GROUNDBREAKING! Whatever next?
Oh God, does the world need another Olly Murs? We've already fucked him off to America, although what the fuck they'd want with him one can only imagine. They obviously haven't heard the one about the crab pinching his feet.
I think Holly Willoughby has been in this show for about 4 seconds so far.
This couple are an interesting mixture. I think they're a bit folky. They're trying to do the Darius treatment on the Beautiful South. I think Jessie J was pleased when she lost the coin toss because she was narked they weren't fussed which one they had.
Oh god, a precoscious 16-year-old goth cheeky girl. Stand out from the crowd? She's obviously never been to Northampton. There's about 10 of her on every corner. I thought she was quite good, though, shame they didn't pick her.
Jessie J can stick her stage-school diction comments up her arse. Diction is not what I want from a song. I want pain, truth and bits I can tunelessly bellow along to, not vocal acrobatics and someone going 'huh'! Tom jones has been doing that 'huh!' bullshit since before the dinosaurs got nuked.
I thought the last two were rubbish. But I do like Scripty dude a bit more now. He seems like you could take him home to your mum. Not sure that's what I want from a popstar, though.
Right, I've done my bit. Off to beddybyes. x