Saturday, 28 April 2012

The Voice UK (huh!) - Live shows

I've been enjoying The Voice US so much that I just don't think our version can live up to it now. I've seen singers with a million times more talent than that Scotty McCreepy, who won last year's dead duck American Idol, sent home with a flea in their ear. The standard of talent and the song choices have been great, so I really hope our series takes a lead from that. Added love was provided last week in the extra form of of a radioactive Christina Aguilera giving Justin Bieber a screwface. Although they did chuck out all of my favourite people last week, but that's to be expected. And Jessie J appeared going 'huh'! Do we really have to inflict her on the US? I say only if they get to keep her.
Oh OK, it's live shows now. I'm trying to think of something more horrible that the judges tunelessly belting out 'It's a Beautiful Day' by U2. Shoulda done 'Lemon'. Does Willy even sing? I just thought he wore neon and jumped about spouting nonsense. Like me at a rave, in my younger days.
Wot, no Bo Bruce this week. Booo. Oh God, they've got this annoying bit backstage where they try and force you to tweet. I wondered what Reggie Yates was for. Window dressing, apparently. Back room boy.
Looks like they get more song choice than they do on X Factor, or that's what they're trying to convince us. I take that back - this first choice is pure American Idol. ZZZZ. Not interested in Joelle, I'm afraid. Too dated. The fact Jessie J looked so elated when Joelle did that stupid high bit at the end says it all. She really does have a bucket of bullshit instead of a brain.
OOh, someone's doing Erasure. Love this song. Not sure if he's got the hang of the low OR high notes. He sounds out of breath, bless him. Even insincerity android Jessie J looks grim-faced. Sam Buttery coming to a pier near you in 2013.
William has got his next stooge singing 'aint nobody'. What decade was that released in? Are we really that hard up for tunes? All this posturing with the male dancers is stupid and looks completely dated. I don't even think her voice sounds good any more. She's got no chance. LOL to Frances going ' can even sing' as if that's about the 46734 thing on words to describe 'things Will does', probably just below 'Fergie'. 
Uh oh, Foo Fighters karaoke coming up. Doesn't really require much singing. Mark Owen pretending to be Dave Grohl. This is a new low. Is he playing that guitar or is it just a massive necklace? That was truly head-in-hands horrendous. Then he goes 'it's great to come on Saturday night TV and play a rock song' like he's just discovered America. It's the fucking Foo Fighters, dickhead, not Anal Cunt.
Looked like was texting on his phone there when Holly cut to him.
Jaz Ellington is on the wrong show. He should be on American Idol, where they'll approximately catch up with the UK music scene in about 20 years time.
Leanne has got a really strong voice, but Pink didn't suit her, I'm afraid. Song choice fail.
This plain girl singing a song I don't know about metal sounds a bit shaky. She doesn't sound gutsy enough, it's like she's just come in from school and is dancing round her living room.
Jessie J: 'range, technicality, falsetto'. You boring fucking stage school brat. Do you know about music that comes out and grabs you from the guts? Do you know anything?
The girl out of this couple has been given rather a severe fringe. I like a severe fringe. My fringe has lost it's way at the moment and is waiting to regenerate. This band is gash. They would be irrelevant even on the hippy-dippy-dipshit stage at Glastonbury.
Did Tyler mention he was Amy Winehouse's best friend? Did he? I thought I might have heard him mention it once or twice. I don't like his voice, or his face, or anything about him. I'd rather have a go on Blake.
Is Tom Jones choosing all these duff 80s songs? Seriously, the US Voice had me genuinely excited last week. This is turdid. And she's flat. God, I was really flagging towards the end of that, apologies.
Ooh, they let Reggie out of the dungeon for 3 seconds. I couldn't give a fig who goes home out of that lot. But hopefully next week will be better. Huh! Now I'm gonna watch Pointless Celebrities and Chronicle. Then I'm gonna pass out.

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