Sunday, 18 October 2009

The X Factor: Slow motion suicide

I'm enjoying my Saturday nights now, and catching up with X Factor on Sunday afternoon, with no fear of finding out the result. Nice one, Simon.
Christ, where did they dig Whitney Houston up from? Annoying back in the day, and even more annoying now we're expected to forget about the ten year crack-fest. Grr!
And with Louis at Stephen Gately's funeral, the show is looking shakier than ever. Will he have just one single group to come back to? It makes you realise that it's all a load of old rubbish, really. RIP Stephen, and C-U-N-T Jan Moir (yeah, I think everything has been said on that subject already).
Diva week seems a bit unfair on some of the blokes, doesn't it?
Why is Whitney hanging out with Frank Butcher? Why is Simon Cowell bigging up Frank Butcher? 'The most legendary person in music ever...' Frank Butcher? WTF? This a farce! He's not even the best car-lot owner.
I thought Lucie looked good, and she did well to sing such a lightweight song when she probably wanted to do a belter. Thought Cheryl was a bit cruel to her. Cheryl's acts are a load of balls and she's definitely on the defensive. The bigger the hair, the worse the attitude.
I like Dannii's La Foux-style hair. Dannii does seem cooler this year. Is all it takes a haircut? Cheryl, take note.
The song Olly sang was awful but there's just something inherently likeable about him. He can sing, too and he's a bit different.
Christ, they've made the pretty, scraggy-haired black one from Miss Frank very blonde! I like Miss Frank. They are kind of mismatched and came together by accident and there's something good about that, serendipitous. I like the little curvy one, too. Fuck you, Simon. Keep Miss Frank in! He was particularly harsh considering Louis isn't even there to defend them.
I like Rachel's fuschia lipstick! Rachel is super-cool. They made her up like a clown last week and I don't think it helped. Oh dear, they've gone a bit overboard on the blusher again. I agree with Simon's comments- Dannii is getting Rachel's styling/ personality a bit wrong. Nice jacket, though. Does Beyonce have any songs that aren't sexist against either men or women?
I hate Joe, and I hate 'Where do Broken Hearts Go'. Fuck off. I don't get why they all love him so much, he's fucking rubbish from start to finish. Go to your room!
I like Danyl, and I think Cheryl is just being a bi-phobic bint. And yes, I'm still pissed off about Ethan. Oh, he did sound a bit off during that, though. These songs bore the crap out of me. I'm losing the will. How can anyone watch this show live with the adverts too, I'd be self harming by this point?
If I hear Cheryl Cole say 'little popstar' one more time I might punch myself in the face in protest. Lloyd: zzzz. He reminds me of Eoghan Quigg. He sounded flat too.
Simon, control yourself! he 'fell in love with' Olly, and described Lloyd as 'cute'. Hmm.
Cheryl squeezed out some tears to save her little popstar! Sweet (vomit).
Fucking hell, John and Edward were even worse than last week! Even I can sing better than that. What a pair of tools. WTF was that bit in the middle where they did some Titanic ad lib? Fuck a duck. Keep them in! This is amazingly ridiculous.
Oh I forgot about this last guy who did Respect (I wonder why?). Get rid! Oh and Jamie Afro too. I'm flagging badly now. This song is dreadful.
I'm not sure even Stacey can perk me up right now. Oh dear, Cheryl said 'little popstar' again. *breaks own nose*
God, could Simon get his tongue out of Whitney's jacksee? And as for Frank Butcher. Send him back to Pat/ Peggy/ Janine.


Ossian said...

i thought frank butcher was dead. it's ok, don't explain. i'm sure it's some neo frank.

lightupvirginmary said...

it was a supremely orange, american frank.