Sunday, 3 February 2008

Vanity Lair

To be honest I'm not normally awake for the Hollyoaks overdose on T4, thank fuck. But today I was, and decided to watch Vanity Lair, presented by 'oh isn't she ironic' Alexa Chung. The premise seems to be putting 'beautiful people' in a house and exposing them for being utter cunts. Too easy, I feel.
Slight flaw to begin with in that there wasn't one contestant who was actually beautiful. There was a black girl with the blondest hair I'd ever seen and a glamour model with a face like a bloke. There was a horsey looking blonde girl and some guys who you wouldn't look twice at if you were stuck in an office with them every day for the next 25 years.
I mean, a couple were pretty, but most were average, with a couple bordering on ugly. They were all well turned out by Topman or whatever, but so what? That doesn't make you good-looking, it just makes you look like a prick in a cardigan.
I haven't bothered to learn the names, but needless to say, the high point of the show was one stuck-up, bent-nosed, stupidly-haired boy who said 'I don't associate with people who are fat and ugly' and 'I'd dump my girlfriend if she was a size 14' literally THROWING UP when faced with a picture of himself with his hair scraped back. He cried, then threw up! Definitely TV moment of the year thus far.
Then the next day he was going 'I don't think so and so is very good looking' and not one person took the opportunity to say, 'you're so fucking ugly, you made yourself throw up, mate.' Shame on them.
There was a fair bit of nudity on the show for midday on a Sunday (now I sound like a granny, but there was!) But the most worrying thing about this show, which is, let's face it, aimed at kids and teenagers, was the adverts in between. I'd never seen so many naked people in my entire life. Adverts for perfume and body wash showing impossibly toned torsos and sultry naked women. You don't get adverts like this in between Corrie, or even late at night. It's pretty clear that kids are just being aggressively indoctrinated into feeling insecure about themselves, so they buy the latest that or that.
Sad, really.

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