Film: Attack the Block

Wow, what a disappointment. I've been waiting to watch this film all year, and really had to twist my boyfriend's arm as he hates Nick Frost. As it is, Nick Frost isn't in it that much. And he's not even part of the problem.
I can't understand how this film got so many good reviews. Where do I start listing the things that were wrong with it? How about with the two dimensional female 'character' who we're meant to believe lives on a council estate, even though she talks like she's the romantic lead in a Richard Curtis film. She's meant to be a nurse, she talks like Pippa fucking Middleton (not that you ever hear that cunt talk - except out of her arse). She has no personality whatsoever; she's just fucking wet. It's really, really disappointing. Aren't we a bit beyond that kind of characterisation for women now? I suppose I should count myself lucky there's even a girl in it. They could have had someone really quirky or cool in it and made you really get behind them.
It is kind of annoying that we're expected to be on the side of this imbecilic group of chavs who talk like posh white people think chavs talk. 'Allow it'? It really is bare mockeries. Why are there no girls in the gang? The girlfriends of the gang are barely featured, and are sitting in a pink room when it does cut to them. Fucking hell.
Some of the gang are quite good actors, and seem almost realistic, and the main gang has some quirky characters at least, but I just didn't really like them. But Nick Frost is impotent, the posh student bloke is just cliched, and the police all talk like... well, like police talk in films, but not in real life.
I didn't think the script was much good either, it wasn't funny, or scary enough. In fact it made me think of Misfits, and how witty and intelligently written it is, and how non-patronisingly it treats youth culture. And also a lesson in how important it is to really love and care for your characters. Look at the way Kelly in Misfits is written compared to the female in this film. I was personally hoping she'd die.
The aliens themselves make the langoliers look progressively animated. It's literally a dude in a gorilla suit with some glow in the dark fangs on. Very disappointing.
This film has got to be one of the biggest anti-climaxes of the year. There's really no excuse. I love Adam and Joe so much, and with Joe Cornish's blatant film snobbery, I expected this to be top quality. I know I'm fussy, but this just didn't do it for me. I like films set in London, and films on a budget, but I think the characters just weren't up to scratch.
Super 8 was also a major disappointment. I need a decent alien movie in my life, fast.

Five: The Bachelor

What a night for Channel 5. I mean who wouldn't want to snog Gavin Henson's giant orange face that looks like it's been painted on the front of a shovel? Surely it's every woman's dream.
As it happens, the women didn't even know it was Gavin they were signing up to... gold dig. Let's hope they like orange shovels. Welsh ones.
I wonder if Charlotte Church is watching this, crying. Oh no, she's too busy fucking her new boyfriend behind a bush and getting caught with her knickers round her ankles. At least she looks like she has a laugh, though. This prick looks like his favourite hobby is masturbating into a mirror.
It comes as scant surprise that Henson has a personality vacuum. He must be desperate to be doing this show. How much are they paying him? Surely he doesn't need the money. The voice of an angel must have given him a few quid to send him on his way. I'm sure he doesn't have any trouble getting women interested in him, I mean women will put up with a lot for money. What is in it for him to do this show?!
WTF he has 25 women to choose from? This is worse than Take Me Out. You and me... equality!
Imagine being the last out of the cab as he's stood there meeting 24 girls before you. I'd just be like 'you must be bored shitless!'
LOL at that girl making him give her a twirl. Smooth.
You haven't been scouring the country for a man for 23 years, Laura. Unless you came out of the womb checking out the doctor. If so, gross.
What is with this girl telling him to carry her up the stairs? What a weirdo! He should have told her to fuck off.
The middle section was pretty much just your standard Joe Millionaire fayre. Except Joe Millionaire (the original USA one) was a hottie.
OMG I can't believe he picked that Laura at the end. She was utterly odious to the core. I think the producers told him to pick that cuntrag. You can't keep a personality like that at bay with a cheeky Vimto.
Next week. More sexism. Enjoy.

The Bottom Pincher (continued): A Bit of 'Fun'

Richard and Judy did a piece on the bottom pinching story tonight. Surprise, surprise, it annoyed me. He was described as 'cheeky' and Judy also said 'she (the newsreader) couldn't stop and giggle as she was doing the news report.' Giggle? Do you mean stop and give him a right hook? For God's sake Judy. You muppet. Richard also sagely said the newsreader thought people might think her 'prudish' for complaining. How prudish to not want strangers to touch intimate areas of your body! Gosh, what a prude.
So they had a former Sun editor on who called her 'po-faced'. He called it 'fun'. Some people find peering up women's skirts fun. Some people find violent crime fun! let's all have fun! He said 'this woman has done herself a disservice by not laughing it off.' No, she would have done women a disservice by not complaining about it, you sexist fucking pig.
In the defense (God help us) was half-arsed Lowri Turner who pointed out she didn't want someone touching her body. Richard tried to say there was a diference between someone pinching your bum, and someone fondling you. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE? If pinching someone's bum isn't sexual, then would you be happy to 'affectionately' pinch a child's bum? Er- NO. These excuses don't WASH.
Then they had that fucking scummy Daily mail journalist who said it was a compliment and 'It's better to be looked at than overlooked.' Fucking LOOK then! Don't touch!
Then she said 'it is dangerous to call it sexual assault.' But where do you draw the line? I'll say it again. My body. Don't fucking touch it. End of story.
Then she went onto say 'he was just trying to cheer everyone up'. Oh, haha! What a card. I must be a po-faced feminist for not finding a public groping hilarious.
Richard then called us 'uptight in this country'. This is why we have such poor rape conviction statistics in this country. Because men like to have fun and women are a bit uptight aren't they?
Then Richard wheels out the whole 'men get their bottoms pinched too' argument. No shit. Men also get raped. But very, very few compared to women. Women are the victims of sexual discrimination and sexual violence in far greater numbers than men. It's not a fucking joke. If you're too stupid to make the connection between objectifying women, and then abusing them, that's your loss.
A bit of 'fun'. Yeah just like Bernard Manning used to be a bit of fun. Just like Benny Hill was. In the fucking dark ages, you thickos.
At the end Judy says, 'Sue we still think you were really professional.' Can you hear the 'but'? But you shouldn't have taken it further. (just like you shouldn't bother taking your rape complaint further, because your skirt was too short, or you were drunk or you walked through that park, so it's your fault) Not one bad word said against the sexist prick who did it. Just the newsreader told off for daring complain.
It's a sick world. But only a few people have their eyes open to see it.