Totally Jodie Marsh: The Wedding

Oh how we have waited for this hallowed day. Even the presenter was taking the mick. How could you get married to someone you don't love, argue with, and who tells you what to wear and that you shouldn't wear so much make-up as you look like a clown, and have the presenter take the piss out of you too? Dear oh dear. Worse, no one is even watching this (except me).
So in the end the plush venue was... Jodie's parents house. What happened to the circus and the bondage? I feel cheated!
Jodie's dad said arguing is all part and parcel of married life. True, but not part and parcel of your courtship! Call me an old cynic.
I did feel a bit sorry for her that everyone was taking the piss out of her celebrity guests for being too z-list. It's a fucking wedding, not a movie premiere. Should she just invite celebrities for the sake of it? (Oh God, why am i standing up for her?)
The highlight of the show was probably Jodie's cleaners saying the husband was a good choice 'as he doesn't leave skid marks in the loo' and then finding her 12 inch (!) vibrator in her bed whilst they were changing it. Then picking it up. They need danger money.
Then the happy couple argued some more. Then the groom had her name tattooed on his arm. Then Jodie had his name tattooed on her arm. Because we all know that makes a love last forever, right?
Then Matt asked his mum, 'so how do you feel about Jodie becoming Mrs Peacock?' Silence.
Her actual wedding dress was nice although too big for her to actually walk straight in. It was bright red which I quite liked. She walked down the aisle to 'can you feel the love tonight'. Vomit. Ahh it was nice when they kissed though. I'm easily swayed!
Then... she gave him the deeds to her house. Er...
For an 'intelligent person' Jodie should have made sure she had some say about what the final show looked like as everything from the credits to the edit just sent her up. I wish her all the best but by God, is she going to need it.

Totally Jodie Marsh: Who'll take her up the Aisle?

Oh yes. You didn't think I'd be anything less than glued to this classy piece of entertainment, did you? Three episodes in and what can I say? I kind of like Jodie Marsh's boorish, pig-thick arrogance. I sort of like her ratty blonde extensions, orange face and Simon Cowell teeth. There is something endearingly horrific about her. The opening credits are grotesque, by the way. I don't know why she agreed to that, or the insulting programme title. Except... I do know why she agreed. Despite the protestations about her massive IQ, she is a severely damaged and desperate individual. Still, I quite like her.
Tonight on being told they were giving tickets to her 'wedding' to competition winners, she said 'What if we get a hater turned up and I get shot? Look at what happened to John Lennon.' As if comparing herself to the hallowed Saint Lennon wasn't funny enough, she then went 'he did get shot, didn't he?' Genius. She later compared her wedding to Princess Diana and Prince Charles. Ego!
Jodie trying to explain what she was famous to an unsuspecting foreign victim was pretty funny. Luckily I don't think he quite understood she was after a husband. I think he just wanted to get his cock temporarily tangoed.
Then she went to some chav bar with some chav child and danced like a twat. All the while she was still texting this guy Matt who did want to marry her, but they couldn't stop arguing (mainly because she wanted to date other blokes before she decided to marry him). But also he said 'when I marry you you can stop wearing all that make up'. LOVELY! Alarm bells, control freak. Sounds like a match made in Heaven, right? But then she decided 'she's not over him' so he came back to see her again. Christ. I wasn't this stupid when I was 16.