Totally Jodie Marsh: Aftermath

Ahhh... so THIS is why they stitched her up so bad on the wedding day. It came to light that she WAS dating Matt Peacock before the 'search for a husband' even started. In fact her PA's PA said they were ENGAGED before the auditions even started. So that's why he didn't show up on the day. It's literally as heartbreaking as when Prince Charles said 'whatever love is' after he married Lady Di (ie. not very). Jodie! We trusted you!
They also showed us Jodie en route to the registery office part of the ceremony in the back of a white van. She looked a bit like a stripper in a silly hat. They showed the PA dude saying the whole thing was just a farce for them to get free stuff. Isn't that what z-list celebrities do? Marry, have babies, get divorced, for the STUFF? And us mugs do all that kind of crap for FREE (well I don't- I'm waiting for my free stuff).
Observations from the day: Jodie's brother looked like he wanted to stab the groom. I can't believe Jodie wore black eyeshadow to get married in (he'll scrub that off once you're married, remember). Everyone looked very sombre during the ceremony.
Finally they showed her PA (or was it the PA's PA? I don't fucking know) packing his stuff and leaving.
Tune in next month for Jodie's new husband packing his stuff and leaving. Oh go on then, give it two.

Totally Jodie Marsh: The Wedding

Oh how we have waited for this hallowed day. Even the presenter was taking the mick. How could you get married to someone you don't love, argue with, and who tells you what to wear and that you shouldn't wear so much make-up as you look like a clown, and have the presenter take the piss out of you too? Dear oh dear. Worse, no one is even watching this (except me).
So in the end the plush venue was... Jodie's parents house. What happened to the circus and the bondage? I feel cheated!
Jodie's dad said arguing is all part and parcel of married life. True, but not part and parcel of your courtship! Call me an old cynic.
I did feel a bit sorry for her that everyone was taking the piss out of her celebrity guests for being too z-list. It's a fucking wedding, not a movie premiere. Should she just invite celebrities for the sake of it? (Oh God, why am i standing up for her?)
The highlight of the show was probably Jodie's cleaners saying the husband was a good choice 'as he doesn't leave skid marks in the loo' and then finding her 12 inch (!) vibrator in her bed whilst they were changing it. Then picking it up. They need danger money.
Then the happy couple argued some more. Then the groom had her name tattooed on his arm. Then Jodie had his name tattooed on her arm. Because we all know that makes a love last forever, right?
Then Matt asked his mum, 'so how do you feel about Jodie becoming Mrs Peacock?' Silence.
Her actual wedding dress was nice although too big for her to actually walk straight in. It was bright red which I quite liked. She walked down the aisle to 'can you feel the love tonight'. Vomit. Ahh it was nice when they kissed though. I'm easily swayed!
Then... she gave him the deeds to her house. Er...
For an 'intelligent person' Jodie should have made sure she had some say about what the final show looked like as everything from the credits to the edit just sent her up. I wish her all the best but by God, is she going to need it.