Monday, 6 January 2014

Celebrity Big Brother 2014: Don't blame nuclear on chickens

This is shaping up to be a legacy season! We've got sex, bondage and rampant homophobes.
Evander still doesn't know what show he's on: 'do people come and clean the house?' No, and there's cameras watching you, too.
OMG what a hypocrite Lionel Blair is with his 'your mouth looks bigger today' comment implying Jasmine sucked Dappy off! So HE'S alright to talk about deep throating first thing in the morning. Grim.
Nature talk with Lee Ryan! Careful, now. LOL to them singing 'All rise' whilst speculating about Lee Ryan's sex life.
Luisa: 'You're such a cool, calm dude' to Evander. Yesterday proved otherwise. Will he redeem himself? Will it be a Conor situation and he'll take the money and run?
Ollie has fallen in love with Lionel. I've fallen in love with Ollie. OMG all Casey talks about is her boobs! It's pathetic. She makes me ashamed to be a woman.
Luisa seems quite proud to call herself a 'coke-taking sex addict.' I'm surprised she's having this sex party talk in front of Evander. I wouldn't dare. Dappy: 'What does that [women having sex] consist of?' Evander doesn't seem that bothered about the 'double-ended dildo' talk! Are girls being gay OK? Is that not like having your foot on wonky? Hypocrite!
Ha, we've seen this rope untangling game on BBUS. Do you think some are more tangled than others? I'm inclined to think everything's a fix.
So up are Liz, Dappy, Evander, Luisa, Casey and Lee. All depends if it's vote to save or vote to evict.
I think the handcuff task is good because it makes them appreciate their time in the house, rather than whinging like they did last year. Now they can run wild!
Ollie is doing some good strategy in the DR here. Crying and theatrics.
I like the fact this Luisa is quite a bitch. I'm not sure the lesbian gameplan is going to pay off, though. I think it might just be an excuse to you know, be a slut (I'm saying that in the sex positive sense, ha!) Casey is just like a cardboard cut out off Babestation. I don't find her attractive. She's making me feel sexist against MY OWN SEX by mentioning her boobs all the time. Women are more than just body parts! 
Luisa: 'are you gay or straight?' to Ollie. Have you heard of BISEXUALS? You ARE ONE! These people are so weird. Why does it have to be one or the other?
Why is Liz wearing that drab tracksuit? 'I'm not used to people being nice to me.' Aw. Keep her in!
Linda telling off the girls for being bitchy; spoilsport! Luisa: 'I say it as I see it.' She'd be good on Catchphrase. I quite like her, in a way. At least she's 'being herself'. Ha!
Liz: 'I don't read the Bible cos it's nonsense.' Jim: 'Don't blame nuclear on chickens.' WTF. How do nuclear weapons keep the peace! If no one had any, wouldn't it be more peaceful? Aw, it's too deep for Lee Ryan. Tell that to the victims of 9/11. I like it when they talk politics in the BB house! It's so rare.
Why is Linda always trying to prove herself to Jim!
Lee Ryan is keeping his options open. 'Playing the fuck out of all these hoes' as Jasmine so eloquently put it.
Oh dear, Lee Ryan going all 'tings' and 'bruv' with Dappy, fo' shame. Shut it, Granddad.
Jim Davidson is horrible but he IS funny sometimes! Cruel, but funny. Liz Jones is so fragile! She's like a little sparrow. I want her to have a 'journey' lol.
Don't pillow fight, Lee and Casey, that's how the Daley/Hazel war began.
Dappy makes me feel physically sick, but you can't deny he's entertaining. Why has he got his cap on in the bath! This hot tub scene is soooo childish!
Does Lee even fancy that boring pair of boobs he was chained to? It seems like a relationship of convenience to me. I think he'd rather be with Dappy in the hot tub.
OMG Dappy is like the pimp daddy in there! This is worse than when George Galloway was the cat. It's making my vagina curl up and die. Is this motorboat thing really happening? How did Dappy pull this shit off?! This is the rudest Big Brother EVER!  I'm actually quite shocked, we're normally quite stuck up and prim.
Jim's 'get the taste out of your mouth' comment - gag! Imagine what noise Lee Ryan makes when he orgasms! Waaaaaaaa!
At least Evander is keeping it holy and civillised - apart from his raging homophobia, obviously.
Luisa calling Dappy cringe! That's rich. She is shameless. What must Alan Sugar think? I'm glad Margaret isn't still around to witness this.
Thought Dappy was going to pull the covers off Lee Ryan's bare arse there. Fucking hell, man, this is like Holland's Big Brother. OMG I thought Casey was going to go in the toilet with him then. But he just jerked himself off! Groo.
Wow it's a fake eviction! Cool! There's too much going on to kick two out at this stage. The 'bolt hole'! Is that a cleaned up version of the rape suite, I mean, the safe house? Yes! I'm loving this BB! Whoop.

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