Friday 10 January 2014

Celebrity Big Brother 2014: Another vat of wine, dear?

Vodka. Check. Red bull. Check! First eviction? Check!
Who goes? Casey and Lee decide! WHAT?! I didn't vote to save Liz for this shit. They won't save Liz. They'll save the wicked witch Jasmine. Do housemates normally get this much power?! I was gonna vote again but don't think I'm gonna now. I hope it's Evander and Luisa in the bottom two.
Why is Jim getting cheered AGAIN! Bitches in the crowd be crazy.
Casey: 'They're talking about you.' Lee: 'What are they saying?' 'You're a cunt.' OK, she didn't say that. But she should have! She should be winding him up to high heaven. LOL to her laughing at him for crying. She's a good sport, you know.
Jasmine, get your hands off my Ollie!
Poor Liz feels ostracised. 'I'm not the sort of person you'd go on holiday with.' Me either!
Lionel smearing Jim's good name saying he used to be a playa. Don't be a playa hater! I like Casey's peacock leggings.
Dappy is gawping at Luisa. Maybe he's going to stab her. Or spit on her? Jasmine, stop bagging on Liz! Sometimes writers are betting on paper than in person. Me, for example.
Does Dappy have his swag on in a nappy? I'm not sure Dappy has his swag on ever. Fair play to him for putting it on, though.
Lee loves love. I heard that can be catching. BUT FIRST.
What's this witches alliance Luisa and Jasmine have set up? Liz is right, they ARE bullies. Or at the very least, nasties.
I can't believe how much I like Casey now compared to when she went in. Why is Lee talking about 'the worst thing he's ever done'? Is he brain-damaged?
Sliming tasks are a bore. Ollie getting uppity about being called fake. Aww. I don't find Dappy fake. Dappy is 4 realz! You knows it. There's only one slime watch in that house, and that's whenever the camera's on Lee.
Who's safe? 'Get Jasmine out' - ha. Not the homewrecker card. Lee and Casey's home was definitely just a starter home.
'Your fate is sealed' is not as good as 'It's time to go' as they say on BBAU.
LOL Jim is safe. I'm glad, he actually DOES have more to give, unbelievably, even though he's hateful. Who's that chump in the audience who keeps chanting 'Love you Dappy'? Is he 'bent' - to use a Dappyism.
Jasmine safe too! How?!
'Get Luisa out' is a bit of a mouthful to chant. Too many syllables.
Lee, put your belly away. Casey warning Lee off Jasmine. No ulterior motive there. Not at all. Lee is not capable of just being friends with a girl without wanting to waggle his willy on them.
Liz daring to bring up the H word. Where's Dappy? Is Evander bragging that he PUNCHED A HORSE to LIZ JONES? Get a clue, mate! 'I was embarrassed by what the horse did.' Ha. Again, where's Dappy?
Ollie fancies Sam! Why? You might as well fancy a brick wall. I don't watch TOWIE but she's given us NOTHING so far.
Christ, Jim first advocating nuclear war, now armed police! What's up with him!? Oh Linda, STFU. 'Another vat of wine, dear?' They're like real parents who hate each other, ha.
Jim isn't really being aggressive, he's just quite blunt, but so is Linda. Their arguments are quite boring.
Oh, Lee, put that woman down, you freak. Talk about mixed signals! 
Jasmine: 'What did he finger you, who gives a fuck'. Ha, that's the attitude. 'I didn't put that thing in my mouth.' That thing! Hahahahaha!
OMG did he lick Jasmine out?! That's one way to keep his fucking gob shut. On the second night in the house, though! Mother of God.
YES! Liz is safe! That was my money well spent. Liz isn't boring. No more boring than Abz was, and he came second, admittedly to the biggest bunch of pricks on the planet.
Get Evander out! Get Evander out! Will they boot him, though? Will they DARE?
Did the video fuck up or what? Ollie looks scared! At least they're showing the housemates some of what Lee and Casey said, too.
Evander aint looking too happy. I think he knows. Lee was quick to decide. He decided before the 30 seconds even began. Lee is quite brave (ish) because he probably think Evander is actually popular. He isn't.
I would have thought Evander would be happy to go. He's not exactly fitting in, is he? I think he just doesn't like losing.
Lee and Casey, not exactly tactful coming back in whooping with delight. Dappy didn't look too pleased.
Did Lee and Casey even say sorry to Evander? Did Evander just try and leave via the DR door? I don't think anyone said goodbye to him.
I hope he enjoys coming out anyway. I just tweeted that and got the most retweets I think I've ever had.I could be the new Jimmy Carr.
I don't even like horses and I hate Evander, so good riddance. He thought he was the second out. Even if Lee and Casey has been evicted, he would be third.
Did Emma really just say Evander is loved?! This is a woman who roasted Hazel and Courtney for being WOMEN and patted Daley on the back. What a crock.
Evander: mic fail. Emma is tanking this interview. She's not even going to ask him about the homophobia, is she? Nope. Not at all. Honestly, the way she's torn some of the female housemates apart for KISSING and he gets off the hook completely? SHAMEFUL! That interview was a car crash. I don't think Evander knew the name of one of his housemates except Dappy.
Bring on the live feed...! Half an hour, you say? SO GENEROUS!

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