Friday, 24 January 2014

Celebrity Big Brother 2014: I don't want to spend my whole interview talking about Jim Davidson

I just voted to save Lee Ryan. What you gonna do about it? Nothing now, cos the whole sorry mess will be over by the time you read this. Lee Ryan has entertained me pretty well, apart from the interminable love triangle, and even that has given us some classic quotes. Waaaaaa!
It's weird the way Dappy is always so keen to make up, and his mood changes so much. I think Luisa is right, Dappy does really care what people think. But I think Dappy's more worried about shifting units and if his mum's gonna ground him when he gets out.
So my mum rang tonight and asked me who I liked in Big Brother. Well, I liked Liz Jones. I like Casey. Who do I want to be at the end? Lee. Dappy. Luisa. The rest you can work out, two times nothing, and two old whingebags.
Dappy says, 'You don't go around calling people sexist if you don't know nothing about them.' I know plenty about you, Dappy - 'slags, loose, fucking hoes', etc. But at least he admits he's a mummy's boy at last.
I think I like grumbling Ollie less than mute Ollie. He's coming across like a right whiner. I prefered him silent but moody.
Lee and Dappy discussing Twitter followers is pathetic. Dappy: 'Tarzan freestyle, some clever mad bars.' What language is he speaking? Lee Ryan seems to know. Mind you, he can speak to dolphins.
Luisa is apologising to Ollie. Ollie is wetter than Lee Ryan's knickers, for real. I can't bear it.
Oh God, friends and family makes me cringe. At least they're not nominating. Ollie's sister appears to be Nadia Sawalha. I didn't pay attention to the rest cos I was BLOCKING some bitches (non gender specific) on Twitter.
A smear campaign task should be good. LOL to Luisa having her eyes closed when Jim's talking. She's a piece of work. And I kind of like it. I do like her, I don't like her. Either way, she's a good character.
Lee is pulling out the 'sang with Elton John card.' Fair dos. I like Lee! I can't help it. I enjoyed his speech!
Linda's comments about Jim being up Evander's arse were gross. She is really horrid and that was just nasty.
Luisa: 'I'm only being honest' t.m. Jeremy Kyle. She tells it like it is. She's black and white. All these things mean: 'I'm rude.' Might as well just say, 'I'm rude' if you're really that straight up.
Don't start an argument you can't put out, Ollie. He felt like Luisa was pissing on his WHAT at university? His car? Oh he was saying she bullied him. Did someone bully him by pissing on his car? It was probably a Merc.
Luisa: 'how long can you play the victim for?' Probably quite a while. You made him the victim by being a bitch to him, and I was on her side your until then. Ollie looks so serious. I wonder if Ollie might leave tonight? Squeaky pig jumpers at the ready.
Did Luisa just try to hold Jim's hand and he recoiled?! Ha. I like Luisa's glittery jumper. Jim 'don't do the holding hands.' Or the shirtlifting.
Get Lee out, or get Luisa out, or get Linda out? I can't tell from the chant. Too many Ls. Ooh, Ollie is safe. Those rich people got money to vote, right? Oh and Jim. Sigh. I wouldn't have minded either of them going.
Casey is whipping out the BOOBS strategy. It's all she's got left, bless her.
Jim in his Y-fronts! My eyes.
Luisa is stirring the pot again. I thought she was Jasmine's BFF. LOL to her calling Jasmine 'a good time girl'. Time to wheel Dappy out as if he were Hector in Breaking Bad, ringing his 'LOOSE' bell. Dappy will tell you who's a 'free spirit', a 'stud', a 'good time girl', or a 'fucking hoe.' Perhaps they could do a quiz, and he could come 'a close second.'
Oh God, what's going on with Boobs and Lee! He's getting her hopes up again. 'FRIENDS CUDDLES.' Those 'friends cuddles' didn't work out so well for Tully in Big Brother Australia. Oh, who am I kidding, she got to fuck Drew. He'd be enough to turn any lesbian straight. But I digress. *thinks about getting off with Drew*
'Get Linda out!' I bet Lee, Casey, Luisa and Dappy wish they'd held hands away from Jim, now.
Linda's out! Good. I suppose that's Dappy's fault. Jim was gracious, actually. He actually has manners sometimes, something that appears defunct in her. It's raining again! That dress is doing NOTHING for Linda. She looks like a tube. She's getting some booage. Idiot crowd are chanting 'we love Jim.' It is possible to hate both Linda AND Jim. I have firsthand experience of this.
Linda says the housemates liked her. I'm glad someone did. I feel a bit sorry for her in a way, as if Jim hadn't been in there, she probably wouldn't have been so sour. She has lovely blue eyes. She's like a mum, even though she isn't. I'm not sure she deserves this level of spite.
Wow, when Linda said 'I don't want to spend my whole interview talking about Jim Davidson' she sounded fucking PISSED. She seems mad as hell. Ooh, she's taking it out on Emma! I love it. No one ever starts on Emma. Punch Emma! Unfortunately, Emma can only talk about what's on the cue cards in front of her. And someone has just scrawled 'JIM' in crayon.
OMG the crowd are all chanting Jim. Linda is RANTING. Off, off, off, off. Ha. And this is what we call civilisation.
Linda's trying to defend Luisa to no avail. Linda is sure going on about Jim a lot for someone who didn't want to talk about Jim.
But be reassured, Linda has loved it. She's loved every minute of being handcuffed to Jim, having her dead husband's name dragged through the mud and getting yelled at by a the crowd. Best three weeks of her life.
WHAT, how many in the final!? That's way too many. They're gonna do a backdoor eviction, aren't they? I hope they do. Ah, yeah, they are. Give them the old Jade Goody no crowd treatment. I hope it's not Casey! SOB! Save our boobs!

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