Thursday, 9 January 2014

Celebrity Big Brother 2014: I think everybody outside understands

Ooh, looks like it's going to be a good 'un tonight. We barely need nominations at this rate.
What is the 'personalised promise bible'? Does it say 'Evander' in place of Jesus?
Marcus missed an opportunity to say 'Dappy is taking a nappy' there.
Lee is not being perceived well with the public 'because of what Casey did.' Wow. Oh, so she could have kept her mouth shut? Perhaps you could have KEPT YOUR DICK IN YOUR PANTS. Victim blaming little pipsqueak. 'Too sensitive'! Pull the other one. My boyfriend said he FELT SORRY for Lee during the fake eviction! Should make for a fun podcast on Saturday. It's going to be a long one!
Ha, Lee must be shitting himself that Casey and Jasmine are talking. Casey is quite straight, I like it. She doesn't beat around the bush, she says what she thinks. Lee is twitching! What a prick. He really is a wanker.
Jasmine is not pissed off because JASMINE DOES NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU, Lee. You passed up on a girl who actually seems quite switched on. Lee is griping, bitching and wielding a knife. Health and safety!
Lee, you DID say you really liked Casey AND that you wanted a girlfriend! And then you rubbed your whiny little hard on against her. And she's annoyed! I wonder why. Does he really not get it? I think he does get it. He's just playing dumb. No one is that stupid.
Haha, there's a rat in the kitchen, what am I going to do! Lee is crying by the knives. Dappy is comforting him whilst wearing sunglasses and kissing him on the head. This is TV GOLD. This is 'yes, you are being funny, mummy.' Lee is worried about other people looking 12? Crying over a girl not liking him! What a scrotum. How DARE he say Casey is causing him drama? If he really liked Jasmine I guess he should have held off for one night. Horny little toad. Get Lee out! Shame, shame, we know your name.
He actually seemed mildly considerate to Casey as he went up the stairs. Didn't last long though!
Ha, Lionel is pleased Dappy is saved.
I don't think Lee wanted to go back in the house. I think he just wanted to crawl into a hole and die, perhaps letting out one final squeal like a helium balloon losing air before he collapsed.
Did Jim Davidson actually just say, 'no one likes a fanny rat'?! And Luisa said 'exactly'! I am agog. I really am. FANNY RAT! Dear God. *clutches pearls*
Sam sticking the knife into Lee the second he goes. Faiers enough. (Sorry)
Lee is saying he DID say he liked Casey to her now! I think Lee has got the words 'flirt' and 'jerk' confused. Ha, Lee trying to stop Casey listening to the live feed. At least they got live feed, y'all. More than we got.
Lee: 'I didn't say I loved you.' That was big of you after three days. Oh Lee, just put a sock in it! Butterflies! Send in the fly spray. 'When I was in the alien room...' It's called a spaceship, Lee. A spaceship.
Dappy, just after nominations starts is NOT the right time to pick a fight. Dappy is doing a tally of Luisa's arguments. I hear he's got an A* in English. Not sure he's done so well in maths. Why has Dappy got the hump? Sleeping all day? Poor lamb. No worries, there's no live feed anyway.
Uh oh, Dappy is talking nominations! HAS HE NEVER SEEN BIG BROTHER BEFORE! You're not allowed to influence nom-noms!
Ooh, Lee and Casey get to watch nominations. Cool.
Oh no, Ollie nommed Liz! Liz isn't asking questions - what sort of journalist is she?! Ooh, he's nominated Evander. He must feel the anti-bi vibes. He's nominating him for not cleaning. Not that old schtick! Lamest reason in the book - shouldn't be allowed.
Ooh, Evander nominating Jasmine. No American solidarity here. Lee getting uppity about it. Ha, Evander is nominating Ollie for being 'nice.' Not because he likes snogging blokes, no siree.
Linda is nomming Jim - shocker! And Liz - boo.
Doctor Jim is telling Liz to get some anxiety meds. Followed by 'most men would fuck a frog when it stops hopping.' Seriously, what charm school did he go to? His wife must feel like a very special lady!  Ribbet.
Sam nommed Luisa for bitching. Luisa is a stirrer. She also nominated Jim for bagging on Linda.
Dappy nominated Luisa horizontally. OMG he nominated Liz! Nooooooo! They were buddies! His reason was quite fair, though, because she put him in jeopardy. Even Liz couldn't argue with that.
Lionel nominated Jasmine 'finger bang' Waltz. Lionel also nommed Jim. I thought they were bros. Casey is right about the one upmanship.
Oh Lee, STFU about Jasmine. She's like an anaconda. She doesn't give two fucks if you live or die.
I wish Ollie was stroking my hair. Mmm, Ollie.
Luisa nommed Dappy for keeping his mouth shut. Could be good if he's gonna start spitting everywhere. That is annoying, though, we want Dappy to be Dappy. She also nommed Jim.
Liz nominated Luisa for the shopping list wars. 'If we were at school together she'd probably bully me.' Ha. She also nommed Evander for saying 'animals don't have souls.' Good. He probably thinks gay people don't either.
Jim nominated Linda - shocker (again). He also nommed Liz! Boo. It was the Lauren Harries type nomination because she's fragile. I'm surprised he didn't say Jasmine.
Jasmine nominated Jim. It was big of Casey to say Jasmine was beautiful. But we all know what 'free spirit' meant in that context. Who else did Jasmine nominate?!
They're gonna cancel some of the nominations, aren't they? I hope Evander goes. He adds nothing and he's a homophobe. Ooh, they're putting five up. Good!
I can't stand Linda. Does she ever smile? All I ever hear is negative crap come out of her mouth.
Aw, Casey still likes Lee! Bless. She's a real glutton for punishment.
Casey is right to be wary of Luisa. Who's Lee on the phone to? The Banker? Aw, poor Casey!
What, they didn't cancel any of the noms? Weird.
OOH, it's vote to save! I wonder who will go? I'm gonna vote to save Liz. Luisa could be vulnerable, maybe? I want Evander to go! I hope Jim and Jasmine stay because they create controversy. And what do you want from a Big Brother house, Janice Battersby smoking a fag on a bench? Thought not.

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