Tuesday, 5 January 2010

Celebrity Big Brother 7: My dog has tattoos

If the advert for tonight's BB is anything to go by, we're in for... er, not very much. Those clowns are bad (obviously). I'd put a a pillow over their faces.
I want Sov's sock money hat! I don't like that kitchen because I feel like I'm watching Gordon Ramsay. Except he has better celebs (not really).
Did Vinnie Jones not know Alex was dating Jordan? Alex has lost his mixed-martial arts street cred, such as it is. I like Heidi Fliess's acerbic asides, she's an interesting one.
Stephen Baldwin is patronising! 'Your personality might change'- yeah like yours did, to a total tool by the looks of things. Baldwin, you weren't even recognised by your fellow 'celebrities' let alone 'across the planet'. And if people do recognise you, they're probably just thinking 'which one is it?'
Sov pulled out the whole 'I'm mad, me' defence. You're not quirky because you crimped your hair, sunshine. Your conversation aint that scintillating either.
Sisquo thinks Beacham's dog tattoos are awesome! What are the tattoos of? LOVE/ HATE? I hate cats? Bonio?
WTF! Stephen gets to read the bible? Are they going to give Nicola Heat magazine? Argh! He should not be allowed to read! It's against the rules! God, I thought it was bad when they let Derek Laud wear a watch, that was the start of the decline AND NOW LOOK AT WHAT'S HAPPENED.
Baldwin reminds me of my dad coming out with religious claptrap; I didn't want to hear it when I was 15 and going out in my nightie, and I don't want to fucking hear it now. It makes my skin crawl. Look at the way he lurches up to people telling them how to live their lives (Baldwin, not my dad). And no one is going to tell him to shut it... are they?
My boyfriend liked the Jonah/ Jonas mix-up; if only Basshunter did feature in the Bible, Euro-trancing it up with Jesus.
Alex is like a lamb to the slaughter. Watch Baldwin lead him up the garden path to cuntdom. Is he telling him to dump Jordan? It takes more than a nose job to make someone an actor. It's like Coolio trying to mentor Terry Christian all over again. Their TV show never did materialise, did it?
I need to think up some nicknames for these fuckers, but none are springing to mind. Baldlose?
Stephanie Lemsip? Bane Dowers? This is pathetic. I apologise.
Oh advert! Brian Molko! Ethan Hawke! It's like an indie girl's dream frink. I don't normally get to watch adverts but my TV's broken so I can't forward through them.
Urgh I hate the tasks, they get on my nerves. There has literally been no expense spared.
Heidi has spotted Stephen is just building himself up for a fall. I like her attitude of sitting back and watching the others cook themselves.
If Baldy started saying grace with me there, I'd tell him to wind his neck in. Fuck off Flanders.
Kat does seem to be getting the Hira edit. Surely she must have said something at some point?
Lady Sov: it's your DUTY to find out if Baldy is homophobic. Ask him! Here's a guess: yes.
Vinnie Jones and Baldy discussing premium coffee machines: that's the good stuff!
Nicola is so tactless asking Kat about Ronnie. I liked Alex saying 'are you OK to talk about it?'
Lady SoSo moaning that she's only famous in Japan. At least she admits she's washed up, I suppose.
Dane needs the fire back. There's some on that eye, mate. It was funny when Dane said about that film and Vinnie said he was in it- that's a true Celebrity Big Brother anecdote in action. Lucky Dane didn't slate it!
A flatulent Basshunter talking about his back, sack and crack is not what the laydeez want. Kat or Heidi to win!

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