Thursday, 21 January 2010

Celebrity Big Brother 7: I can grab a man's balls and still be straight

'Previously on Big Brother'! It's not 24!
Oh Stephen. The emperor's new clothes look fab on you. 'Take the bible in there and give it the old...'!
The is some demonic activity in that house, but it aint paranormal. I truly believe that they will turn on Dane when they find out the truth. Although it will make him popular with us, being a good liar won't make him popular in that house.
I feel too cold, and now I feel too warm again! It's like a torture camp in there. I'm sick of trying to spell Guantanemo. Oops.
So Dane's not allowed to tell them about the task? I think that's a good thing for him, to be honest.
Why wouldn't Simon (Nicola's bloke) be worried about Dane? I think he should be, a little, those two are quite close, in a subtle way.
Stephanie complaining of 'sex in the dormitory'. You're not at boarding school, love, you're 50 years too old.
Nice of BB to cook for them! Vinnie was probably jealous.
Alex coming on hard man stylee in the diary room! Don't fuck with him! He'll whoop your arse.
Bisexual talk! Jonas wants to be part of the 'have your cake and eat it society' (tm. Russell Brand). Don't trust those bisexuals, I say. Just look at Brian Molko. No, really, though, I liked what Jonas said about people being uncomfortable with their own sexuality being scared by bisexuality. It's true. And Sisqo DID look a bit shifty!
Meat is murder! Bisexuality, dead animals, it's like a Morrissey Big Brother special. What is WRONG with these tasks? It's grotesque. Weaving offal in and out of holes- yummy!
The Wonderstuff! Miles Hunt! They need those royalties, believe me. Oh my god, this is disgusting, I can barely look. I would vomit. There's no way I could do that task in a billion years. It looked very Damien Hurst.
The Sov hate train rumbles on! Stephanie, she has really been the undoing of your character. Your hate for her says more about you and your fear than it does about Sov.
Nicola is complaining about that picture again! Yes they are sending you a hateful message via the photo of the snowman! Look at that snowman's beady eyes, he's trying to nick your man, love. Ungrateful idiot.
Poor Jonas, he's a broken man these days.
Vinnie is more nosy than Dot Cotton. He's got an opinion on EVERYTHING! Let's see how you react when you get nominated. The Sisqo hate is unbecoming. Sisqo is bland but harmless.
I liked Alex's tales from the mental asylum. Stephen didn't, though!
Stephen, my dear, you do not get to call people from the Big Brother house. But don't worry, you'll be out of there on Friday. And it's pronounced WROTH.
Don't threaten Big Brother, Stephen! They'll take away your Bible! He's sending the BB staff to Hell. I heard a funny conversation between Sisqo and Stephen the other day where Sisqo said, 'You know when you burn yourself on the oven? Imagine that ALL DAY LONG in Hell! Damn!' LOL!
Sisqo, we don't talk about winning BB in this country. And we don't vote for 'role models'. I think you're not quite understanding the demographic of the BB viewer. Don't mention you want to win- ever.
Amazing Grace as sung by the undead!
Vinnie was actually giving Alex some quite good advice in the bedroom. I don't think Peter Andre is going to start hanging with Alex somehow.
Oh lawks, Stephen has converted Basshunter too!
The Vinnie fanclub is so cloying. Jonas is drunk. Vinnie doesn't want those compliments! He's 45! He knows the score! Fuck me, Stephanie is like Vinnie's moll. Vinnie is one manipulative motherfucker. He reminds me of Carol who was in there one year; she set herself up as indispensible to the housemates, turned on the waterworks and survived eviction until the very end. The viewers saw right through it.
I still like Stephen. I like his tattle-tailing. I'm upset it's a double eviction. Keep Sisqo in, vote Ivana out.
This is Vinnie's house! Let's burn the mother-fucker down.

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