Ultimate Big Brother: Guess who's back?

BETTER NEVER THAN LATE! It's 2.42am. I won't do a tired cry. VICTOR IS GOING IN! Whoop! And Michelle Bass. No naked Jacuzziness.
NB. You could park a bike between Chanelle's boobs. I don't like John's pink baseball cap.
JOHN'S ON STRIKE. It's diet coke-gate again. Can you imagine living with this cunt?
So glad Josie left. Nothing is worth that mental stress.
NOMS. Weird to have nominations and evictions on the same night. PAUL MCKENNA GATE. What is Makosi wearing? Paul McKenna has cost her dear.
Why has Brian got that anorak on?
See Ulrika smirking when Josie bolted! GO JOSIE. I hope you enjoys those pincers.
Darren! Was he that camp in series 1? I feel like he was. They should have brought Craig in for this 'plotting a dirty plan' stuff.
2nd show. Sorry my blog is lacklustre. I'm drunk but on the way down.
Josie smelt crab in the garden!
Seems WAY too early for an eviction. Shame John went. He's better than Coolio although not by much. Get Coolio out next.
Oh well, at least he shook Makosi's faith in God. That's something at least.
Wow, 50.6% of the vote! That's close.
Yeah, bye John, whatevs.
Victor! The slick man. I remember him for making girls cry and weilding a knife! Oh and for having the sniffles after his cold showers. Isn't he an investment banker now? Glad to see Victor in there. Is he only 29? He seems like a relic. But he looks the same!
BASS. Bring Stu in for a task. I liked Stu. Not right the way they kicked him out the diary room door. He didn't deserve that. I DON'T FORGET.
Where's her Geordie accent gone? No love lost between her and Victor, I see.
Reviving the bedsit is a good idea. Victor is doing the doof doofs! Is the smoke alarm going off? It looks like Dot Cotton's house.
I like the 'other' diary room. Nikki would be the funniest to play a trick on. OMG Nikki is going to FREAK.
Nikki: 'it's Rex!' Yeah, all gingers are Rex. Where is Rex?!
Victor FTW. Recognise.