I'm actually up to date with Big Brother USA, which is good as I'm normally about five behind. As usual Big Brother USA is consistently better than our show; they create drama without shoehorning it in, they shoot it nicely, and the tasks are actually interesting, and mammoth!
The dynamics are peculiar, though, and your favourite can go at any time, as there's no public vote, and the biggest schemers stay in the longest. And the less said about the host, the better.
Each week follows a set format, head of household competition, in which the winner gets to put two people 'on the block'. (The also get a fancy head of household room, which mainly seems to have lots of junk food in it) The nominated housemates get to fight for 'POV' (Power of Veto) and one might get to take themselves off the block. Then finally, the housemates get bullied and cajoled into who to vote for, and someone gets kicked out by a crushing majority. Oh yes, nomination are discussed openly. That's the main difference from our show, and it's great. Throughout the week they cut the show so you think it's going to go in one direction, but you can normally see right through it. Still, at least they make the effort.
My favourite character this year is Rachel, a trashy scientist/stripper, who has sparked up a romance with Disney-beefcake Brendan. This has put noses out of joint throughout the house, and every one has been gunning for them ever since. One of them is looking likely to be out on their ear this week. I'll miss Rachel with her ginormous boobs, red hair extensions and a penchant for going 'don't try to come between me and MY man!' you get the feeling is Brendan actually brought her home to his mum, she'd poison Rachel's lasagne.
Rachel and Brendan's main rivals in the house are the self-styled 'brigade' a bunch of hapless, overgrown teenagers who look like they could barely complete a crossword puzzle between them. There's Enzo, who calls himself 'the meow meow'- presumably because he's such a pussy as all the tasks (nb. I had to be sexist for that joke to work). Hayden is half-vegetable, half-Tyrone off Corrie, and last week his two-timing showmantic relationship with girlfriend Kristen ended when she was shown the door in her hippytard (don't ask); not a moment too soon. She made blocks of ice look friendly. Also in the brigade: Lane, a half-loveable redneck, and Matt, a self-important prick who is pretending his wife has a terminal disease to try and bag the half a million dollars. Matt also has what looks like a girl's suitcase decorated with skulls, and pyjamas that look like a babygro. Rawk. I cannot WAIT until the brigade start picking each other off; that's the best bit about BBUSA; they all have to turn on each other in the end.
The only other person of interest in the house is super bitch-Britney. She looks like she'd bake you an apple pie and water your plants for you whilst you were away; in actual fact I wouldn't be surprised if she shat in your sink. Utterly loathsome, yet she comes out with some viciously good one-liners. I'm torn.
Then there's Kathy, a trembling 'Sheriff' who looks like she's constantly about to cry. I hope she lives somewhere with a low crime rate because I'd have more faith in that detective off Catterick.
Finally, there's a dull gay, which is a shame, as they normally do a good line in gays on this show.
Evicted so far: uptight lesbian Annie, oddball jewish dude Andrew (fantastic leaving speech though), and passive-aggressive, bulldog-chewing-a-wasp Monet. She said she was a model; she must have been modelling muzzles.
The tasks are epic; tense and expensive; they look like movie sets and are actually interesting. And then every so often, they let the housemates watch a movie as a treat, and we watch them laughing so hard at some awful straight-to-dvd comedy. Just gotta love that advertising. Shameless!
So what will happen? Will the brigade break up the power couple? Will Kathy ever win anything? But most importantly, who wants to see my head of household room?