Wednesday, 11 June 2008

The Apprentice: Final

'I'm not conflicting against you' sounds like the kind of thing Alex from BB would say. i.e. moronspeak!
So Lee and Claire invented a man's scent called 'Roulette' which was the height of tackiness. Apparently it was for the kind of man who 'waxes his balls'. A masochistic knob-end then. For some reason Lee got confused and thought he was making a porno instead of an advert for the perfume, 'Look into his eyes... you've wanted him for years... feel your lips move towards him'. Christ. I felt like I needed a cold shower after all that. So yeah, basically Lee buggered it up royally.
Helene also folded under the pressure, becoming increasingly grumpy and useless. Alex actually did alright despite appearing confused between what a Duel is and what Dual means. For some reason they didn't show Claire for the first half hour then she came out and said her perfume had 'sensual animal notes'. Eh? That can't be a good thing whatever way you look at it.
Alex should have admitted he didn't design the bottle! It made him sound like a right snake when he ducked out of it. But they STILL should have won the task, people were openly laughing at the roulette product. It's a stitch up! STITCH UP! Sugarlumps wanted Claire to win from the start. I wrote this sentence before she even won because it was so BLATANT.
Oh. Ok then, Lee won but he shouldn't have, he sucked! Back to reverse pterodactyl school for him. Booo. I actually warmed to Claire in the end. But she's still smug as a bug in a rug.


Ossian said...

The problem with Claire was in the end she was pretending to be somebody she wasn't, and that's not sustainable. She was also prone to dissolving into tears, which is a bit strange considering how they all go on about being hard as nails. Lee was a sort of white Frank Bruno, likable but not exactly cut out to be a perfume designer. Alex lost because whatshername just didn't do anything. If she'd got out of bed earlier she could have helped to kill the stupid bottle idea. As you say, it wasn't even their idea, it was the bottle-designer's dream (literally). It would have been fun if the other team had gone with Lee's first suggestion, "Piss".

Red said...

The final four were all shite except for Claire, and I think Surallan doesn't want to hire any more women who are going to leave after three months, having been impregnated by some other candidate, like it happened last year.

Lee had it in the bag the moment he said he supports Tottenham Hotspur, but it should have been Raef!!!

lightupvirginmary said...

ossian, how come you like the apprentice but don't like BB? what's the difference?
red... I think we can agree that alan is not much of a new age man. And yeah, the tottenham thing definitely swung it, because Lee is a buffoon.

Ossian said...

The Apprentice is about something real, getting a job. I don't understand why they have to live together in a house during the competition, that strikes me as cruel and unusual torture. I wouldn't share a room with anyone for any money. What is the point of life, if you can't even have a room of your own. I'd be the first entrant to be found hanging in the stairwell. Except I wouldn't because I'd never set foot in the place. I went on a workshop thing to a beautiful place in Wales, walked into my beautiful room, with beautiful peaceful view, quiet and all that, put my bag on one of the beds and started to marvel at how great it was going to be, when some other geezer walks into the room and starts putting his things on the other bed. Woh?! No way. I said, sorry but I'm not sharing with anyone - never heard about that bit in the brochure. I had to create a stink and force some other unfortunate to share before I was given a supposedly non-existent single room. I was ready to go home. There was another poor soul there who had the same shock. She wasn't as bolshy as me and couldn't avoid being stuck with some 90-year-old dear.

* (asterisk) said...

The Apprentice is good, except Sralan has lost his mind. Lee should never have won. But since he did, he should have left the building as a reverse pterodactyl.

BB, on the other hand, is shite.

I know you weren't asking me, but I'm going to join in anyway.

You should come down to our house and watch US Survivor one of these days. When it comes to top TV, that, as Lee might say, is what I'm talking about.

lightupvirginmary said...

Ossian, you're such a writer love it. I feel the same, which is why I'm moving into SELF-CONTAINED studio. i'd rather die than share the bathroom.
But you have basically just admitted you hate big brother because you're scared of being one of the contestants.

Ossian said...

ok, well i don't know why i hate it, but i can confirm that i do indeed hate it. i have seen something horrible that looked like george galloway in a catsuit, compared to which nightmares are daydreams.