Friday, 5 January 2007

Celebrity Big Brother 2007: The 'Twist'

When is a twist not a twist? When every fucker on earth knew about it a week ago. It's day 3 of Celeb BB. I don't even know all the names yet, and still they insist on yanking the people apart, messing with the budding relationships and generally proving they don't have a fucking CLUE what makes Big Brother successful. What's good about Big Brother? Romance. Fights. What's bad about Big Brother? The time they split in in half.
Just let things develop naturally, goddamit. Fucking IDIOTS.
Davina's mind-boggling excitement like a joke email that says at the top 'This is REALLY funny!' and makes you hate it immediately, says 'ooh, just imagine Jermaine slumming it in here...' then they let the fucking muppet contestants pick who goes in. Not that I even care about that stupid twist anyway. Jermaine's child is called Jermajesty. How the FUCK did they not laugh when he told them that?
So it's half time at the moment and despite almost being forced Clockwork orange stylee by C4 to watch Ugly Betty I'm waiting for Jade and co to meet... Ken, Bollywood, and Mr. Spray-On Hair. That's not a fireworks explosion, that's a wet sparkler. Seriously, shoot the producers. Just get some TV columnists and internet forum members to run the show. It would cause the Earth to shudder on it's axis.
Dear God, please make Jade's stupid boyfriend flirt with Shilpa. I would LOVE to see Jade's empire fall to bits around her. I bet I'm not the only one.
Ooh. Round two.
Well the best bit was Jade unintentionally calling the others 'cold' on the big screen. See, BB, you can't engineer cock-ups like that. BB dropped the ball again by not even letting us see the 'servants' meeting the Goodys. Dur?
I felt warm to Jade, even though she is a hateful moron. She will put her foot in it and provide some accidental comedy. She will get jealous and rub some of the more stuck-up ones up the wrong way.
A final word: Davina dressing up as Ugly Betty in the ad break. Is there nothing you won't do, woman? Jade has more fucking integrity than this woman. Sack Davina and Dermot. Let Russell do the lot.

No comments: