Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Big Brother 2011 - Nice one, dickhead

Sad song on the wakey-upey montage today, serious times. Let's all bow our heads.
Does Alex SERIOUSLY think that's a real gorilla? It's made of fucking acrylic! It's just that dude off those Cadburys adverts dullards like. They've spent a few quid on that cage, why not stick Mark in there?
Also it would be extremely cruel to have a real gorilla in there. They had to take the chickens away after the first year because they couldn't look after them - they couldn't even be trusted with a pot plant. What is 'the end game' they're going on about?
I wonder why Aaron thinks Faye doesn't fancy him when she says things like 'if you do that again I'll elbow you in the face.' Passive aggressive, much?
Phil Collins! They're trying to subliminally sell us Cadburys. This gorilla shit is boring. Should have got a Zingbot instead.
Maisy doesn't give head? That's a sure fire way to make your boyfriend go fuck a prostitute. Plus, how selfish. I like that toothy bitch less every day *sexist*. Oh Anton, you desperate little child. Louise isn't 'wild in bed'- she's just normal, and she's never going to fuck you. Ever. Birthday or leap year or five minutes before the nuclear winter.
I like those cuddly monkeys- want one! They're probably trying to sell us them, too. (Where can I get one?)
I'd go fucking nuts if Harry sprayed that garlic on my bed. R-Pattz would go fucking garrity, also. Bed is a sacred place; not to be fucked with. Oh, they're all doing it. Gross!
Why does Aaron look all golden? And more to the point, is he still leaving? Oh no, he's just leading everyone on again.
Louise is sooooo far out of Jay's league it's untrue. Look at his little side parting today. He looks like a right plank.
Willy willy willy! The greatest song ever written on Big Brother, even better than Aden's raps and (Triple) Spiral's ditties.
Harry's getting a bit overexcited! It's all going to end in tears. There's no Carole or Kerry Katona to get them in line. They need a mummy or daddy to point at the rule book and raise an eyebrow. Oh, Heaven's having a go. Why has Harry turned sick? Be aggressive, be-eee aggressive. Heaven didn't do anything that bad. That's the day to kick off anyway, way after nominations, not the day before (take note, Aaron).
Faye is looking increasingly desperate, and I'm starting to think Aaron will get off with anything. His Mr Innocent act is wearing ever thinner. 'You take a chance if you're given it, and you fall in love with anything' as Roddy Woomble once sang.
Why DID Harry snap? I think they must have cut that a bit strangely, as it didn't seem to make sense.
How often is there a naked man standing in the middle of the room as you have a big row? Well, depends where you live, I suppose.

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