Saturday, 3 September 2011

Celebrity Big Brother - Lucien, leave it out (!)

We actually went to Lidl today, so who's to say advertising doesn't work? Instead of seeing Jedward going wild in the aisles, there were the dregs of society shuffling around like zombies. And that was just me and my boyfriend (this is the sort of joke Ian Hyland used to get paid for writing). My favourite bit of Lidl is the section where they have what I like to call 'odds and sods'. Who hasn't been tempted by that crap? I nearly came home with a cat activity centre but bought some Prosecco and a giant bag of marshmallows. I haven't tried the Prosecco yet, but the champagne in there has never let me down.
Anyway, enough about Lidl. I like the fact they've got a zillion bananas but no loo roll. Just use Darryn's dressing gown. At least they won't run short of tryptophan.
I can't believe Tara's gone. That house is packed full of cunts.
Darryn is incenced by the Trolli jelly hamburgers. He should be glad they didn't get any meat. They did try and get bread. At least they've got white Magnums.
I approve of Jedward in their pants. I like that pre-pubescent look (over 18s- I'm not a pervert).
Pejazzle?! I've heard it all now. I'm not sure I want to see all the housemates inner thighs. I liked Amy's stupid dog, he was mega cute. I wouldn't tongue a dog, personally, though.
Were Jedward checking Tara out in her bikini? I couldn't tell. Are they going to write a song called 'Vajazzle' to rival Peter Andre's Insania? Shouldn't vajazzle be spelt 'vagazzle'? Not as sexy that way, is it.
I can confirm every man's fantasy is NOT to vajazzle Amy Childs. Although it might be Darryn's by the look on his slobbery old face.
I still don't get how Tara left. It makes no sense.
Paddy going crazy with the champs! I'd be annoyed, I'd want to drink it. I wonder if it is the Lidl one?
Bobby talks so much trash. So annoyed he's still there. are we that gullible?
I wish I could be in Darryn's '4 real crew'. That's gotta be the hottest ticket in town.
I like Amy's dress, it shows off her figure well. Her hair is a bit straggly, though. Have Kerry and Lucien gone for a snog in the loo? I hate the way he's strutting around, flitting from girl to girl, he just gets on my wick.
Lucien: 'bad vibes'. He's the only one putting out bad vibes. Amy telling Darryn not to go to bed was very telling. She doesn't want to be left on her own with him.
Lucien is SUCH a player! Glad Amy called him out. It rather took the shine off when she went and laid in his lap, though. She's not the kind of girl you want as a best friend.
This is sooo childish. I don't think she fancies him at all. I hope they are all really drunk, because that's the only way any of this is forgivable.
WTF is going on? This is either edited badly or just a mess. Kerry is going to find all those pink crystals stuck to Lucien and it's going to be a dead give away. God, this 'showmance' makes Chanel and Ziggy look like love's young dream (I'm showing my age there).
I felt like that whole thing in the bedroom was just a performance put on for Kerry's benefit. I think the thing with Amy is she doesn't fancy Lucien but she wants to prove she's top dog in the house. She's that sort of girl. Lucien is just behaving like a 16-year-old at a school disco. Well, it's time his mummy came and picked him up.
This could win it for Kerry, because the way he's been leading her on is cruel. But really, she should know better.
PS: I wonder if Jedward could feel it if someone put a pea under their mattress?

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