Thursday, 12 July 2012

Big Brother 13: See how your rules spoil the game

Want some entertainment? Listen to Harry from last years Big Brother talk shit in the freezer, sneaking mobile phones into BB and 500 bananas etc on the Big Brother gossip podcast. I think I enjoyed it more than the Benedict interview even. Very, very funny, cool and insightful. When you're pining for the antics of Jay McCray, you know you're in the (frozen) shit. Harry basically said that men in boiler suits had to come and decontaminate the fridge and they were all told to shut their mouths about it! They thought it was the biggest storyline ever and we didn't even get to see it. WTF. That is NOT how you make an entertaining TV show.
Meanwhile, back in the real world we're having to deal with this old poop, still. Bossiest housemates would include Shev and Caroline. Adam as a warden: 'this is why cops are out of control.' Power goes to people's heads, as anyone who remembers Dustin from BBUSA could confirm.
I don't think I'd ever seen Lauren's body before; it looks good, why does she always cover up in hoodies? 'You're not my friend anymore,' reminds me of that Emmy the Great song. Shall I include some relevant references in my blog? Nah! Why change the habit of a lifetime?
Everyone looks a bit over-tanned today, like stewed tea. Caroline, task overreaction much? She's not even got her hand in. This is how men feel sticking their hand down their knickers. Can you imagine what she's like when she gets cum in her hair? Look at Luke, so calm in the face of it all. How can he not be pissing himself? Don't ask, don't tell. She was the perfect person for that task. The more I see her suffer, the better.
I'm surprised Ashleigh's not stirring the pot about Lauren walking round in her undies. Lauren's having one of her moments. LOL at the juxtaposition of almost seeing Lauren's boobs spliced with Conor having a good root up his nose. Oh well, you can't win 'em all. I don't even know what she's upset about. Is it something to do with smoking? It normally is.
They should make housemates 'stand up and not complain' in the middle of the night. Saying 'this absolutely sucks' is complaining. This task is OK because it's pissing the housemates off.
Luke S would make a great security guard. He'd also have gone down well at Auschwitz. He just loves following orders. Stop talking like the unfunniest guy on Facejacker. Give someone a megaphone and they always become a cock; remember that religious dude who used to condemn us all to Hell outside Topshop at Oxford Circus before they gave him an ASBO? He looked a bit like Ian Beale.
Shev should become a puppeteer with those hands. I liked her using up her last bit of hand energy in the DR. Just tie your hands together. Put them in your pockets. Adam, you meanie! I'd throw that orange at him.
Conor's body's not bad; he must have been queuing for that when the brains and manners were being handed out. He actually seemed quite good at that task for the most part and was mildly amusing. I HATE YOU BIG BROTHER. DON'T MAKE ME AMUSED BY CONOR. Oh it's OK, give him 5 minutes and he'll be back on the twat-track. That megaphone thing certainly wouldn't be annoying if you were in there and trying to sleep, would it?
Now, I'm off to a three day conference in the middle of nowhere tomorrow (I know, I love working the weekend!) but I'll try and be a bit of a rapscallion and blog BB if I can get on the net; I managed it in January so it's 50/50. The main thing I'm gutted about is BBUSA starts tonight and I'm not going to get to watch that until Sunday! How rubbish is that?!  
Conor got a reasonable edit tonight so it's pretty obvious they want him to stay; if they got the exterminators in to save Jay McCray's arse, then they'll happily sacrifice Shev and her flappy arms to save this Irish charm-void. I don't think we could stop it now if we tried. We can merely sit back, watch, and despair. See you tomorrow, chocolate teapot-willing. Goodnight.

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