Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Big Brother 2013: Water guns - that would piss me off

Dear Big Brother, just show Dexter's face when he picks up that phone for an hour, it's preferable to Wolfy gobbing on the floor. Does a someone really sleep with this girl? And why haven't we seen Wolfy's girlfriend on anything? I can only assume it's because she's too ashamed to show her face.
Of course Hazel's being nice to Callum, he's powering the straighteners for her with his bike.
Sheep and lemmings is right. Dexter is trying to work out what the moral of him and Gina being put in the safe house is. I think it's just to make them look like pricks, isn't it? I don't really care what they say or do. They rule!
Oh, shut up, Jackie, you old cow. You don't care what anyone thinks but you won't say shit to Callum's face. Jackie: 'was I bad last night?' Charlie: 'Well...' Jackie: 'Oh, what are you talking about?' You asked!!! Did Callum hear what they said?
Jackie's true self is coming out now, a meddling mess. Bottle, bottle, bottle, bottle, bang is right. Hazel smirking at Jackie and Charlie arguing.
Marcus Bentley: 'Jack and Joe are interminable.' He didn't say it, but that's what I like to imagine he was thinking.
Dexter is feeling stronger in himself now. Good, they did grind him down. They had a go!
Daley: 'the next person I'm with, that's it.' You girlfriend will be pleased to hear the news. I don't know what either of them see in him, he's so nothingy and entitled. Total dog.
Callum is being creepy to Hazel. Look at his body! Groo. Charlie's finally had enough of her mum. I was fed up with her from launch night. Both of them, actually.
Callum is wearing Mr Byrite's 1993 summer collection. I think he thinks he's on holiday in Magaluf. He probably wishes he'd booked that ticket instead.
You HAVE crossed the line, Hazel. Several times. I wish it was a double eviction and we could get rid of hippy knickers and the SKET this week, although I don't know what that is, but Gina just spelt it. I'm guessing it's a slut? I don't use the word slut to describe women personally, but Gina know the girl code, so it must be OK (!).
Ahhhhh, another shit stirring task. I thought we hadn't had one for a while. Dexter and Gina have to insert housemates names into pre-written headlines. As if any real tabloids are writing about Big Brother (except the Daily Star's stream of salacious nonsense).
Dexter just used the word 'manhood' in a sentence. I know it's a tabloid task, but still. Ha, good choice making Daley paranoid. Hazel is a ssssssssssssnake.
Gina: 'that's wonky.' WOLFY is the biggest BB fake ever! Haha. JUDAS.
Why are they giving Sophie an indication she's going to the final? Aw, poor Callum being labelled the dullest. Actually, he's NOT dull! I find the unraveling of his polyester-clad facade quite tragic and definitely watchable. Sam is WAY duller.
If I stood in Wolfy's spit or worse still sat in it, I would go postal. Surely her spitting is a health and safety issue?! Can't she get a warning for it? Dennis got removed for it!
Dexter should have given a couple of nasty headlines to the twins, Jackie and Charlie.
Gina laughing at 'Hazel's too obvious' for the naughty pics, ha! Ha, Dan admitting he's sent them in the past.
Callum on the 'Dexter thinks Hazel's a snake' comment; 'it's just an opinion.' Well ANYTHING is just an opinion, isn't it? Dexter put those legs away. Ooh, Hazel looks furious.
See how quickly Twinny said 'Callum' to 'blank is biggest BB fake ever'? The sentence was barely finished! Everything Wolfy says is sarcastic and defensive. It's so tiring. Yes Wolfy, the 'public' thinks you're fake because 'you don't dress like a hippy every day' not because of your pretending to talk to animals and all the other bullshit things you do. Get a grip, girl! Reality check required in aisle one.
I hope Sophie doesn't think she's going win now. We wouldn't want another Wolfy situation on our hands. She didn't look very comfortable with the compliment anyway.
OMG Dexter and Gina laughing at Wolfy's squint! It's true, she does visibly twitch, though! That is NOT going to go down well with the haters. Never mind.
Hazel has got the proper hump about this task. I hope she gets really paranoid now, not that we'll be able to tell the difference.
I bet the housemates who didn't get headlines aren't really relieved; and I thought it was better to be talked about than not, Wolfy? Contradicting yourself again? Never!
Wolfy vs Charlie, ding ding! If I was Jackie I'd tell Wolfy to STFU.
More noms talk! Zzz. They need to give them a real punishment, not this jail crap.
I don't consider water guns a treat, either. I used to use a water pistol to chase away a cat that used to come through my cat flap. It wasn't fun; it was warfare.
Ha, Gina does snore! Sam's jokes: fail.
Wolfy's not going to stop spitting, cos she doesn't give a fuck what the public think about that. Charming. You're right, you do need to step up your game. She's like a football hooligan in that Diary Room. Blah, blah, she doesn't like Charlie. Charlie isn't even interesting enough to have a war with. Wolfy: 'it aint over yet.' Let's hope it is on Friday.
Dexter on killing a fly: 'sorry Wolfy.' I killed a fly at work the other day just cos someone sent me a shitty email. I did feel bad about it afterwards, though. Sometimes you gotta vent your spleeeeeeeeeen.
UGH why is Daley ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HIS WILLY? He's worse than Sam! I thought 'you make my willy expand' (which my boyfriend keeps quoting!) was a low point, little did we know we were just touching the tip of the... I'm going to end that sentence right there.
Is Hazel licking her lips at Daley? She only wants what she can't have! The minute she gets him she'll be bored out of her brain. She's like a praying mantis right now. Let's not dwell on Daley's 'area'.
Callum: sponsored by Lacoste. I remember thinking Lacoste was naff when my brother's friend used to wear it when I was about 13. The brand hasn't exactly moved on.
Jackie's shocked face when Charlie was up. Ha. Hazel; you should be worried, especially if Dexter and Gina save Wolfy. You'll be fucked. Because of course, that would be the strategic move. Save Wolfy, watch Hazel get the boot, and have Wolfy as the sitting duck next week. But do these two have the nous to work it out? I think Dexter does, but I don't think Gina's gonna go for saving Wolfy.
Charlie: 'it is what it is, it is what it is, it is what it is.' I hate this statement - which means NOTHING - enough when someone says it once. Three times is just aggravating.
Jack and Joe are such hypocrites pretending to be friends with Wolfbag even though they nominated her.
Callum's leg is going like the clappers. He's doing that one expression he does. 'Weeeeeeeeellll....' You never see Charlie and Callum talk anymore.
Jackie, wouldn't you walk with your daughter? Course she wouldn't; she's desperate for the limelight.
Dexter is life-coaching Gina. Gina is humouring him. Ha, he's telling her not to be so vain. I want them to start bickering. 'Slum yourself down.'
Gina is explaining what it is to be a woman to Dexter. Well, he had the stockings.
Dexter is very smart saying 'we shouldn't use this power irresponsibly.' Gina is going to go back in and do whatever the hell she likes, let's be honest.
Oh, is this one of those conversations where you use the word 'cuddle' to mean 'sex' (Hazel and Daley, not Dexter and Gina). How could you ever trust that slimebag Daley? I wouldn't trust him as far as I can throw him!
Charley; who's hat are you wearing, Freddie Krueger's? Wolfy, why don't you tell Charlie what you said in the DR? Oh I know! Cos you're about as real as the Easter Bunny. You haven't got the guts to say it to her face.
PS: Firefox is a bag of shit. Goodbye.

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