Dear Lord, please save us from the love triangle. It is killing the show. I feel like evicting Dexter after watching an hours live feed of him and Callum wittering on in cliches and riddles. I can't bear it!
I'm tired of Dexter, tired of Charlie going 'yeah, yeah, yeah.' What did Charlie even say last night? I watched two hours of live feed and I still don't know. I almost want Sam and Sophie to take Callum to the safe house, just so we can evict him and end this storyline. And that's not really fair on Callum, but I'm getting really fed up. It's been a fantastic series, and the past few days have been just tedious. This is not how I want to remember this year. If I had any idea what anyone was talking about, it would help. They're all just spouting so much drivel I don't think they even know what they're talking about themselves.
I don't like Dan and Callum getting on! It makes me nervous.
Ugh, all the house slagging off Dexter again - even Charlie! She really is the wooden spoon in that house. This house is just full of arseholes now; twins, Hazel, even Gina is a bitch, and she's the best one in there.
Hazel's looked nice the past couple of days. I wonder how she's feeling inside? I wonder if she gets any support in the Diary Room?
This task is like 'share or shaft.' Or Luke and Conor's 'one Mississippi' car crash moment.
So glad Dexter didn't chose Charlie for the picnic. I just can't bear to listen to anymore bullshit. Plus it was a curveball. Why was Callum so annoyed that Dexter picked Dan? Surely he'd be pleased!
Secrets and lies! Zzzz.
Callum: Charlie DOESN'T FANCY YOU. Get over it! ARGH!
Oh God, Dexter said he's on a journey again. My boyfriend is going to go mad.
Just what the twins don't need - a table full of trans fats. That probably is the sort of party they enjoy; sausage rolls and party rings and singing Abba. On their own.
Dan on Dexter: 'He's quite tragic, really.' Aw, that's mean!
Twins slagging off Dexter as usual. Callum trying to put Charlie off seeing Dexter in the outside world. Even the other housemates are getting pissed off with this bullshit. 'It's boring' is right! Dan is freaking out because there's airtime available he's not getting.
Oh one twin just said he fancied David Beckham. This must be the gay one! So the gay one is the one with the shaved bit in the hair. I've finally sussed it! Now, just his name to work out, ha.
There's more chemistry with Dan and Dexter than Dexter and Charlie. I wonder how long Dexter's longest relationship is? Dexter: 'I like snuggles at the weekend but also someone who can turn heads in a restaurant.' God, he's got such a Hollywood view of relationships; it has no basis in reality AT ALL! Not sure Charlie would turn heads in a restaurant; stomachs, maybe.
Ha, Hazel on Dexter: 'Definitely half.' ie. bi, haha. Dexter: 'I always like to please my partner before I please myself.' Is this during his 45 minute shag playlist I saw him discuss on live feed once?
Dan: 'what does your climax face look like?' PLEASE! There are some things we don't need to know.
Oh, so the twins can't go to the party because they had their DR party, haha. Unlucky.
Gina: 'there's no cloth on the table.' Ha, Ferrero Rocher tantrum. Ferrero Rocher is gross. Gina is actressing right here.
OMG Callum's dancing! Amaze.
The others: 'they're not having fun.' If you say so! Actually, Dan and Sophie do look pissed off. But they are playing Amy Winehouse.
I don't know what pisses me off more about Callum: his naff tattoos, his nipple piercing, his personality or his clothes.
Dan and Sophie calling Callum 'creepy' and 'a cringe bag.' Ooh, looks like Sophie won't be inviting Callum to the safe house, then! Good. Get the twins in there, and ship their arses out.