Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Big Brother 2013: They don't understand you, but I do

I am literally exhausted again from explaining to people that a woman flirting does not give a man a green card to physically threaten her. Apparently 50% of the BB watching public need this spelt out to them. And they say the show has dumbed down on C5! Also, I've been out on the woo woos again so am liable to get a bit lairy. But don't worry, I won't threaten to nut you, even if you take my covers.
OMG Jackie and the twins are sooooooooo funny, said no one, ever. Oh, except BOTS. Get them out, please.
Remote control task. So they're just going to pause the girls in positions where they can perv on them? They did a similar task to this on Big Brother Australia and it was really good. They did it on BB Canada, too, actually. Their tasks seem a lot better than ours. Plus the housemates actually behave themselves.
The Weetos are getting a LOT of exposure this week. Did the Weetabix get ejected?
Sheep in the BB house! Cruel. Have the RSPCA sanctioned this task? Gina does NOT look happy, and I'm not sure if it's the sheep or the dog! Ha, DI Dan missed it all. I hope Jackie has to clean up the shit.
Hazel's moaning that no one's talking about Daley. She'd be moaning if they were, too.
Dexter: 'Poo does not belong in the kitchen.' Tell that to Jay McCray.
It's a health and safety issue making Dan walk up the stairs backwards! Get Mario in.
Ah, they're doing the spray tan schtick with Dan. I like Dan lately! I can't help it. Is Sophie shaving twins hair backwards?
How can people drink tea in hot weather? WRONG! Callum perving over Charlie. Also wrong.
Rylan in the BB yard! With Judy James. Look how skinny she is!
How come Rylan didn't mention that TWINNIES were up for eviction! BIASED. Dan is catching flies!
Jackie: 'not going overboard' - ha! Why DOES Jackie hate Callum so much! Dexter said he was just as much of a playa on his audition tape!
OMG Dexter's mum! Aw, 'I know they don't all understand you in here, but I do.' That's too cute. 'I can see your little chest going up and down, I saw your little streak by the way.' She was so sweet! I wish she was in there instead of Jackie! I thought Dexter's mum would be posh. She seems lovely - a bit Dorian from Birds of a Feather - ultra glam but trashy. Aw, when she said 'I wont see you for a long time' was she giving him a message about him being popular? 'Just remember how much I love you.' How wonderful. I was blubbing! I'm so glad Dexter got that moment. He deserved it.
Sophie's realised Dexter's a human! Well done, thicko. Dexter's getting a great edit tonight. NO LIMITS! Dexter gets 90s Eurodance and the others get the can-can. I know what I prefer. TECHNO TECHNO TECHNO TECHNO!
Dexter: 'I've had a lot of people turn me over'. Haha. Dan can't work out slippery Dexter! My favourite sssssssssnake!
Everytime the twins slag off Dexter (specifically Jack, I've noticed) they hammer another nail in their reinforced coffins.
Sophie's boyfriend! Aw, he's cute. He looks young compared to her. Gina is blubbing. Aw, 'I love you more than you will ever understand.' What a wonderful thing to say. Gina wants to see her boyfriend, I reckon BB deliberately won't, to see if she strops.
I don't get this tennis ball thing, because last time it was obvious Big Brother had done it. Surely they wouldn't be crass enough to write one saying 'Daley has slaughtered Hazel on TV'? That's mind games and then some.
Ha, I like the fact Sophie read it out loud straight away! Aw, Dan, 'Don't tell her that.' Bless him. He really cares about her. Ooh, the other one said 'Jackie will 100% go on Friday.'
Hazel: 'what's it say?' Twin: 'Nothing.' Why would someone throw over a tennis ball with no message on? A homage to Wimbledon, maybe? Greetings from Henman Hill?
The silence in the kitchen is eerie. Dan is happy to read out what the Jackie one said.
Dexter: subtle as a brick: 'It's nothing important.' Now I'd REALLY be worried!
I knew Dan would tell her, he can't resist! Took him about ten seconds. 'Didn't want everyone running you in telling you that...' ...because I wanted to tell you.
Just forget about it! Easier said than done. Imagine if all news was delivered by tennis ball over the garden wall, and then hailed as 100% accurate.
Dan is very astute as to what Daley's motives are. Gina is loving this.
Oh, God, they're going to announce what Daley did to the group. Rather, Dan is. Look at the state of that bathroom floor!
NB: Dan is also loving this. 'Can I have a word' times. He's gone into proper politician mode here. Weather man hands!
Sophie still not accepting what Daley did: 'was it completely serious?' Well, he got removed, didn't he? How rude.
Hazel is drama-queening this up, slightly, but I don't really blame her, she's just been slandered by a piece of sports equipment. New balls, please!
Is Jackie FINALLY jumping off the Daley cheer bus?
WTF is Sophie's problem? Hazel could have been sexually abused for all this bitch knows? Why does she have a divine right to gossip about someone else's business?
Dan's got his proper sneer face on looking at her. Dan WAS actually trying to help Hazel, it's just his natural inclination to patronise. It's not about you, Sophie, you dumbass. You saw your boyfriend today, why don't you just chill out.
Dexter is reserving his right to an opinion on Daley until he gets out. Well, I think that's fair enough. Dexter: 'After a few drinks that could have been any of us.' Not so much.
This tennis ball thing is getting on my nerves. It MUST be BB doing it for storylines! I think that's quite damaging to the emotional health of the housemates to play tricks on them like that. Has that been sanctioned by Dr Funke?
Also, I've said this many times today, but how can there be any justice that Daley gets thrown out for aggression, goes 'I was a bit hungry' and gets 'there, there' from Emma, whereas when Hazel comes out, she'll be lucky not to be shot or burnt at the stake. You'll need subtitles for her interview for all the chanting from that scum crowd.
And as for Emma's despicable 'it takes two to tango' and 'it's 50/50' comments: I hope she realises today just how damaging those words are to women trying to escape abusive men and then thinking, am I partly responsible? I hope she realises what she's done. Sick when you think about it, really. I hope she apologises on BOTS tonight but I won't hold my breath. Night.

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