Sunday, 29 January 2012

The Jeremy Kyle Show USA

I've been trying to watch this for ages! We thought it might be a myth. But no, here he is, and they're showing this at 4am. Primetimez.
First things first, they've jazzed up the them tune like when they do the Eastenders theme tune on BBC three spin-off shows and put a bit of a drum machine behind it. You know, like when Blue Peter tried to go a bit cool.
Second things second, Jezza's got a wig on. His hair is exactly twice as thick as it normally is. Either he just stepped out of a salon, or he just stepped out of the clinic. How can he keep a straight face? Well, for starters, I think he's also had some fillers, as his skin looks suspiciously plump.
I'm placing my bets now that he goes 'where I come from...' Bonus points if he says 'sidewalk or cellphone'.
They've made the set look on a par with the UK version for cheapiness. What channel did this go out on in the US? It looks rather cheap and nasty. If any Americans are reading, can you let us know the channel and the viewing figures as unless we hear different we're going to assume it only went out on the elevator news network.
Are these the best guests he could get? Where's the lie detector? Where's the Genius?
There's some dude on called 'Millage'. Jeremy Kyle just said something about someone's 'bird'. Is he bringing a new breed of sexism to America? This storyline is whack. I hate the long lost kids ones. Bring on the violent boyfriends and jobless junkies with tattooed faces. I'm sure they have some in the US.
Jeremy Kyle just said 'called the cops'. COPS! Come and try and steal my crops etc.
The second story is a mother/daughter row. Zzzz. LIE DETECTOR! Fights! The Genius. How are the Americans going to get better without Graham's kind-hearted warmth, empathy and expertise?
Ah, this woman is a racist. Jeremy Kyle is talking about 'disrespect'. I can't take him seriously with those luscious locks. I'm not sure if he has had botox or if it's just the Home and Away style lighting. His suits look as cheap as ever. They're straight outta Burton.
The backstage area looks like an abortion clinic, all shiny brown sofas and McDonalds style art.
The daughter waiting for an abor- sorry, waiting to go onstage - is called Berkeley. Isn't that a brand of fags? Classy. It's not good when the shortened version of your name is 'Berk' is it?
This show needs a shake-up. They should be casting their guests from more of the Maury end of the spectrum, ie. who's the father out of seven men, my 99-year-old toddler, or my teenager is sleeping with half the neighbourhood (or neighborhood, if you will.)
Jeremy Kyle just said 'pin back these' instead of 'pin back your lugholes.' Guess they don't have lugholes in America.
This racist woman just called Jeremy Kyle 'condescending and belittling'. No, he just sounds that way because he's English. Well, ish.
Oh, it's over.
PS, America: Can you keep him? We'll take Montel as a replacement. I miss his salmony, mustachioed misogynistic charms.


Anonymous said...

Jeremy kyle USA is syndicated...which means it is produced by ITV america and distributed (sold) to like 200 different TV stations...So he could be on any of the stations really (Fox, ABC, etc) I live in Chicago and he is on the FOX network..but in other areas he is on a different network.

I love him and think he is a breath of fresh air for Americans. I think once people find him they will really like him.

Anonymous said...

Oh and also the viewing figures are like 800,000 per day...Which isnt that good..but since he is so well known in your part they are able to sell the USA version oversees which makes up for the poor ratings...

Maury povich gets like 3 million per day
Jerry Springer is like 2 million
and steve wilkos is like 1.8 million

lightupvirginmary said...

I used to like Maury. Hey, do you know whatever happened to Montel?

Anonymous said...

I dont know much about his show...I never was into Montel...But I know he has multiple sclerosis and is pretty sick....

codeye said...

Montel is the best ,he also had an amazing naval career