Saturday, 14 January 2012

Celebrity Big Brother 2012: You've not seen my body of work

Hashtag #killmenow. Please stop them saying fucking 'hashtag'. Twitter has already fallen out of fashion in my opinion: this is just rubbing salt in the wound. All these no-marks going 'hashtag this' and 'hashtag that' is the worst bit of advertising since John McCruick became the poster-pig for Diet Coke.
Sonia to Michael: 'you've not seen my body of work.' Yes, Michael, check her out her giving birth noisily (is there any other way?) and mourning Jamie Mitchell on UK Gold - actually, I don't think this channel even exists anymore.
Why is Nicola retching at Frankie's wank story? She should go see a doctor, I think she's got something stuck in her throat.
Why is Michael shaving Frankie? Ha, is his face all cut up now.
The way Denise talks to Michael is so rude! Why is she being so blunt with him? I feel sorry for her husband if she's talking to a stranger like that. I liked his pisstake of her afterwards.
Nicola going on about Giggs-gate again? Never! What a 'friend' she is.
Michael: 'is Denise an actress?' How long has he been in there? Loose Women is not QUITE like The View. And he's asking what's she doing in there: what's HE doing in there? He's a movie star! He cut off that ear and everything.
I don't get this date thing, is Frankie deliberately being an idiot? Is it that he's got to do it bad the first time and then improve? Ah, yes. They're not very well dressed for this date, they both look like they've got their pyjamas on.
Where's Kirk? I've not seen him all episode. He's probably gone back to TOWIE for the day.
Frankie's got Michael's pyjamas on for the second date. Better already!
Romeo has a very sexy voice. I'd much rather be on the date with him. Kristina seems much nicer than the other one. Mind you, Frankie seems more bearable this time. WTF is 'squim'?
Frankie went from zero on one date to ten on the other!
They should show more of the photo of Romeo smouldering, too! I'd give him 21 seconds to go.
Nicola is soooooo pious! Honestly, you'd think she was Mother Teresa the way she goes on, and not some 2-bit reality show bint with a Deirdre Barlow neck.
I can see why men go for Natasha. I think she's got a sexy vibe about her. She's got a magnetism that Nicola would kill for.
The twins are doing some alliance play. Nicola STFU about Natasha! We KNOW what you think about it already. Put a sock in it.
Is Denise trying to drive MM out of the house? She's like a dog with a fucking Bonio. Can you imagine trying to argue with that? She's a complete psycho! I'd hide under the covers until she'd gone away.
It is literally hot with embarrassment in that hot tub. Things are getting rather... desperate! It's like watching your mum getting amorous. I wish Romeo would come carry me to bed.
MM is putting hairspray on before bed. Very weird.
Sadly I lost the end of this blog as my computer got a virus, told me I'd been downloading child porn (I hadn't!) but if I paid £75 the police would say no more about it! Amazing. Imagine if this system were true. Actually, with our courts, it probably is.
My netbook is still infected and I've been trying to fix it for two hours. I am very, very, very STRESSED. I can't even remember what happened at the end of BB! This is not exactly how I envisaged my Saturday night.
I might get a Mac. I think I might be done with PCs.

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