Sunday, 10 June 2012

Big Brother 13: The hunger gripes

Hungry, Chris? Time for some humble pie. Don't change your 'perspection' of Chris, even though it's clear when he drinks he becomes psychotic. Apart from that he's been such a charming housemate. Just look at all the good things he's done like... er...
Adam seems alright - he seems quite chilled out. Chris is continuing his round of shit-eating. Benedict is talking about his schlong.
I quite like Becky's dress, but she is basically just Peter Kay in a drag. She said 'Deana is funny'. Really? She's no Doug Stanhope. Becky is getting on my wick, I must admit. She's just too OTT.
Lydia: 'I'm astute, I'm quite sharp.' You showed otherwise last week. I hate people who are like 'I'm this, I'm that.' I'LL decide what you're are, thanks.
Chris fingering his armpit, then sniffing his finger was a true delight. I hope he goes to make them all a lovely meal now. Arron's middle name is 'I'm not gonna lie'. He's like fucking Robin Hood stealing that banger for Chris. Sausage surprise!
There's a lot of Fair Isle knit in that house. That onesie is really getting on my nerves. It must stink by now. Ooh, Arron baby, you're so hot in your onesie, let me unzip it and get your sweaty, stinky and probably tiny cock out, I don't think. I'd like to see Arron vs Chris. Let's get some boys out for once.
Lauren seems a bit annoying but I can't quite put my finger on why yet.
I hate it when they talk about noms! Conor and Luke are making an alliance! The pastel hoodie alliance. Lydia is shoehorning her way into their gang. Ruthless! The uneasy alliance.
Now Lydia's doing some eavesdropping! I like her style, she's a playing a shrewd game. Lydia was thrilled when she realised they weren't talking about her. I like Lauren just storming in on the toilet tittle-tattle; that takes balls, I might have sat on it. But I can't work out what this argument's about.
'I was going to nominate her over a sausage.' Confront her? About what? Sausages or stroking someone's hair? I can't make head nor tail of it. Oh fuck me, they ARE still arguing about sausages. What sort of sausages were they? They're probably fucking Tesco value ones. Now if we're talking Walls, then it's a different story. I like the e-numbers that make them that unnatural shade of pink. Oink.
Chris: 'I eat an onion like an apple once a month. It keeps me healthy.' I wish I could look that healthy. Don't pigs on a spit roast have an onion in their mouth? Oh no, it's an apple, isn't it. Oh well, the imagery is still the same.
Lauren's having a crack up. To Adam: 'Can you go and stick up for me?' Can't she stick up for her fucking self? 'The sausage incident' is becoming like the Battle of the Somme. 
I don't like that square toilet. Edges frighten me. How come only half of them know that they can talk about nominations? It's a bit of an unfair playing field. Is Lydia playing both sides? She's playing a dangerous game. I think I prefer her group of Adam, Scott etc to the preening men.
Another non-ending. Sort your editing out, BB. PS: SAUSAGES.

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