Friday, 8 June 2012

Big Brother 13: Migraine skank

Sorry I'm late, I've been in Willesden brokering a cheapo book deal, having my poetry slagged off, and plotting literary world domination. God, getting the tube is so horrible. I am so lucky I don't have to do it anymore. A million more people on during the Olympics? Now THAT's terrorism.
Adult baby Chris is not very photogenic. He looks 'better in real life'. There's only so much different he can look unless that camera is a magic mirror. He also likes 'big dinners'. You don't say.
We need to get this 'outing' out of the way now. Stop pussyfooting around it (!). It says something that no one even noticed Luke's scars as they are so SEVERE! He must have not had the op long. Proves how wrapped up people are in themselves.
I can't stand vain men, or muscly men with their tops off, it makes me feel physically sick. There's nothing worse than a man who looks like he masturbates in the mirror (well, there is, men who boast about masturbating in the mirror, like the Jungle cats) Don't get me wrong, I don't want to go out with Chris either, but just skinny or normal is good for me, thanks. You can keep your abs and your men with moisturiser, ta.
What's that slogan on Benedict's hoodie: 'Racism is...' but you can't see the bottom. What's the last part? ' 80s', '..ace', '..horrid', ' for all the family'?
The reaction to Luke saying he was born female was the most muted reaction I've ever seen. He might as well have said he'd just eaten a cheese sandwich.  
Now Adam's reaction was a bit more like it. He was agoggles. He was eating that shit up with a spoon. I can tell he's going to ask LOTS of inappropriate questions.
Shievonne's impressions were good. I'm not good at impressions. She seems like she's quite fun and genuine. LOL to her describing Arron as 'catalogue hot'. Damning praise. Mayor of the smoking area!
Lydia can do proper stink-eye when she wants. Andy Scott Lee (ASL) has masochistic taste in women: from the control freak propose-to-me-or-else Michelle Heaton to this insecure bag of slop. I can't remember a thing about Andy Scott Lee's personality, but I do remember his lovely smile. Lydia's not really helping herself, is she? 'I literally fucking give up.' There's the door, then, right below the plaque dedicated to John James (crab eyes).
Lydia's like: 'I am much more important than you but I'm only hinting why. I have a famous fiance I've not even mentioned.' Hmm, who could Lydia's famous fiance be? Tom Hardy? Steve Jones? Robert Pattinson? Peter Andre? Frankie Cocozza, even? Wait until they find out, there's going to be less reaction than to the cheese on toast reveal. And I'm not sure that's possible.
Deana: 'Simon Cowell is just perfect.' If you like closet cases who watch cartoons in the bath, listen to Westlife, tablets just to stop the chattering of their own conscience at night, and see women as just body parts, yes, he's perfect.
Deana: 'Hugh Heffner takes a lot of girls and gives them homes.' He's not Shelter, FFS. They still have to fuck him.
Lydia didn't even bring in a photo of ASL for fear that the other girls would be so mad with jealousy they'd tear her limb from limb. What a saint.
I liked the way Shev (that's what I'm calling her) dealt with Luke's reveal, she was just dead cool. Have they put a well-adjusted and non-cliched black woman in there for once? Goodness me.
This is a hella-long coming out episode. I've never seen less people interested in someone being transsexual. Transsexuals are 10 a penny these days. Nadia built a whole winning series on being trans. Nowadays we don't bat an eyelid. 'Having the balls...' lol. 'No fannying around'. It's amazing how many conversations revolve around genitals, isn't it?
Arron is pretty vacant. He's a himbo, bless him. Chris is 'chatting shit'. He's creating an alliance against Arron! Putting ideas in people's heads, like Nick Bateman planting his 'snake in the grass' seeds.
Luke S, Arron and Chris looked so tragic talking about the age of the women they've slept with. Luke S looks a prat in those skinny jeans, and I think he's a bit mealy-mouthed. Jungle prats.
That was a bit of a lacklustre ending. I want to see a bit more of the night vision hi-jinks! It's 12.30am now! You're not even going to read this, are you? And it was a good one, too. *shakes fist*


Laura said...

I live for your BB recaps (not really I'm just hoping hyperbole will ensure you keep writing them for always, no matter how much the show pisses you off).

lightupvirginmary said...

Don't worry I haven't got anything better to do.. Thanks :)

Unknown said...

I was reading this nice and calmly having a relaxed evening when I reached the 'Racism for all the family' bit. Then I spluttered beer out of my nose. Chuckles.

Also I used to think that I was not photogenic - and then I realised that I was just not nearly as pretty as I thought. Somebody should have a word in Chris??'s ear (reading these blogs at the beginning, I always find it a bit tough to remember who's who, because their names dribble out of my ears minutes after I've learnt them - in a similar way to how I forget that a housemate ever existed moments after the eviction episodes).