Wednesday, 20 June 2012

Big Brother 13: Lab twats

Lab rat task! Let's rub shampoo in their eyes, please. Pass the electrodes.
'Pick the three most intelligent housemates.' The thickies wont mind, as long as they are voted most beautiful. They didn't pick too badly, actually. Scott looked irked. Benedict is being funny. How can you kick him out? HOW? I still don't believe he'll go. I have FAITH in the British public. Then I remember Denise Welch. Then I sob.
We interrupt this grief for a public service announcement! Scott: maybe people think you're stupid because of the company you keep. An intelligent person wouldn't align themselves with Aunt Sally and Peter Kay's mum, now would they?
Ashleigh will be good at this task as she's already got the genes and the tail. Meal of misfortune! Why are they always having a go at Deana for wanting to be on TV? They're Big Brother contestants! Isn't that the main requirement?
Lydia looks good in those glasses. Luke: not so much. That task wasn't very hard to work out. Lauren: 'I can't swallow bread.' For more of this oratory gold, keep her in.
Lydia's whipped out the birthday card! No not the birthday card, the 'it's my birthday' CARD. It's her birthday tomorrow so everyone do as she says! You can't invoke the birthday card the day before. Mind you, I do, I drag mine out for a good week.
Caroline slagging off her BFF, Becky! I done a sad. The others are moaning about Lydia playing the birthday card. They're bitching about so many people I can't keep track. I can't wait to see those idiots turn on each other. Preferably it will be cannibalism.
Benedict is playing up the cameras. Mind you, who can blame him. He might as well have a stab at it. He's calling out the sheeple. His DR editing comment was spot on, but I laughed so much my cat ran off.
Pizza and pythons. Shev does provide a bit of lightweight comedy, but she's just too fluffy for me. What are her motivations? What's going on in her head? What is her back story? I know NOTHING!
Luke panting during the burlesque task was quite funny. That lady was quite sexy. This isn't what Big Brother is about! Tawdry.
Does Ashleigh actually LIKE Justin Beiber? Is she 12? I find it creepy when grown women like the pop scamp and One Direction. This lookalike is RUBBISH.
Yes, Caroline, you are the token unattractive housemate. As well as the token posh girl, cow and hate figure. Stop going on about a sandwich being manhandled, it makes you sound demented.
What's Lydia's beef with Shev? Fucking hell, Lydia, pick your targets better. Shev isn't aggressive in the slightest, and I've not seen or heard her mention game.You, on the other hand...
Oh Lauren, stop crying, FFS. Do her a favour and evict her! What's the point in her? She's not so much wet blanket, as wet tarpaulin.
What has it got to do with Luke S what Lauren eats and what nutrients she's getting? It's none of your fucking business! Shut your mouth, you bouffant-oon. I can't stand people passing judgement on what other people eat. If it's not affecting you, what business is it of yours what other people shovel in their trap?
Is Ashleigh really going to shag him in there? Is she that desperate? Can't you wait a couple of months? 'Loved up'? You didn't even fancy him a week ago. She wants to see the package because it's all packaging and no substance. Luke S is like an Easter egg with no sweets in the middle: hollow. And she's less than that.
What is this party that Little Lord Fauntleroy has won? It's like some sinister dream.
Conor is quite literally gormless. He has no gorm. I don't want to live in a nation that prefers him over Benedict.
Of COURSE Scott will go along with the group; he's the king of the sheeple! Lydia is loving lording it over them on that task. Deana: acting lessons.
Benedict is doing dirty talk about horses! I want to watch one of his pornos. Links anyone?! He does a better sheep noise than Scott, that's for sure. I like Lydia's crab eyes, she's always scheming, even if she can't quite put the pieces together.
It's quite sad the way Lauren is determined to get in with that nasty gang, when the 'intelligent' gang accepted her anyway. Please don't keep Lauren in! She's such a whiny bitch! She's completely pointless. 
Rat mask sex play! Someone get the arsenic. You're not the one for me, ratty.
Caroline thinks she's got it bad: what about when they stuck Lady Sovereign (where's she these days?) in Basshunter's cabinet drawer and tortured her with his music for an entire evening. That was devilish genius. That was one of the best tasks/ punishments of all time.
Caroline can't bear to be on her own in case she misses out on some 'fun'. Despite all her rage, she is still just a rat in a cage. How can you sleep with the light on like that? I love her being tortured. Next time, dissect her and all who sail in her! Even PETA wouldn't come out to save that toffee-nosed twit.

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