Saturday, 9 June 2012

Big Brother 13: Arse to the glass

This is Big Brother. Expect flashing images, nudity and endless recaps over really bad dance music.
Arron is just coming off as a bit of a nasty prick. And he's says 'banter'. We all know 'banter' is another word for moronic sexism. Girls aren't allowed to 'banter'. We just have conversations which don't qualify as banter. 'Just a bit of banter about birds, love, get a sense of humour.' Yeah, gtf.
God, does Chris EVER stop talking? It's just verbal manure. Yeah he's looking for girls with personality in there... because no one attractive would look twice at him. SHUT UP already, pigglesticks.
Stop having a conversation with toothbrushes in your mouth, you fucking heathens. Bad mannerz.
Scott isn't quite delivering as much as I'd like him to. Fancying Arron; roll eyes. Is it going to turn into a Craig and Antony situation? Is he really the most entertaining gay man that auditioned for Big Brother this year? Arron in his onesie and his sunglasses indoors. He might as well have a tattoo saying 'cunt'.
Is that Lydia's happy face? Fuck me, I'll hate to see her face when she's evicted (in about a week).
I don't think I've ever seen anyone already less missed than Victoria. It seems like no one whatsoever could be arsed with her.
Ah... here's the Becky-bot 2000. Lydia looked THRILLED. Quick, drown Becky in the pool whilst you have the chance. Probably one of the rudest entrances to the BB house EVER. She wasn't interested in meeting or saying hello to one single person, she just wanted to show off.
Adam: 'do you like eggs?' WTF. I guess he's hoping she doesn't. She downed that champagne in one!
I don't buy this Ashleigh and Luke S 'fauxmance'. He's not interested in her, he just likes the attention.
Food wars. Everyone's going to eat what Chris likes, or else. Chris is trying to pick a fight with Luke for no apparent reason. All Luke said was that there's 16 people in the house and they should all have a say. Is Chris drunk? It's weak gameplay that's for sure. Good: I hope he gets nominated so I don't have to listen to his ridiculous babble anymore.
Chris is acting completely mental. Luke is acting very cool indeed in the face of extreme provocation. Luke's gone up on my estimation. It's none of Chris's business why Luke is going in the DR. What's wrong with him!?
'Am I angry? How long have you know me?' I could know someone about three seconds and still know if they're angry or not. Ah, now here's the real story: he's irked because Becky thought he was a binman. Well, here's the news, a bailiff aint much better, and if you don't want to know the answer to questions like that, DONT FUCKING ASK STUPID QUESTIONS LIKE THAT, YOU PENIS.
Good for Becky standing her ground. Chris people think you're a prick because you're ACTING A PRICK. It's her first night in there, way to make her feel welcome. Total douchery.
Chris is clearly jealous of Luke's looks, muscles and 'white teeth'. Alpha male? Fucking shaved ape, more like. Chris has all the self awareness of a banana. Conversations aren't about 'winning'. But still he can't shut up, even when he's on his own. 'You haven't seen me aggressive.' Great; so he's going to punch someone at some point. I hate it when they talk to camera on their own, it's so contrived.They should never show those bits on the highlights, in my opinion.
Shev's got her eye on the prize: the first mention of the £100,000! Keep it cute and keep it mute. Indeed. She's one to watch.

1 comment:

Gorilla Bananas said...

I suspect the programme would be less entertaining if they all kept it mute, although probably more educational.