Friday, 8 June 2012

Big Brother 13: Victoria Secreted

Indoor live eviction! The baying mob must be thrilled. Gale force winds? It doesn't seem that bad out. I haven't seen any trees going over. A live electrocution would be good for the ratings.
I love Brian having to tell people watching on +1 not to vote. That really is an insult.
It's weird when women look so dramatically different with and without make up on. No names mentioned, obviously, as I'm a feminist.
I wish Conor would go tonight because I can't understand a word he says and he seems dull as fuckery. He should have subtitles like people with regional accents do on my conspiracy shows.
Ashleigh touching people's feet: vile. I'd rather lick someone's armpit. I think she looks like a little rat; like Kelly from Misfits after the (real) community service. Don't worry; in the interests of parity I'll be insulting men's looks, later, too.
My boyfriend is appalled someone is hoovering: 'they only just got there!'
Did you know Luke A was BORN A FEMALE! Oh God, Arron is trying to compute. He is kind of cute. Thick and cute is not a combination I can stick with for too long. I bet that's not the last thing Arron will be the last to know. I think he'd be the last to know if the Apocalypse came, too, he'd probably think it was a new Xbox game.
Salad days. I don't mind if Victoria goes. Anyone but Lydia because her divadom equals good material for me. Salad-gate. Imagine moaning about the amount of salad you get given. It doesn't matter if you eat one leaf or a trough full, it still doesn't fill you up. Come on, Victoria, lettuce be friends.
I don't like Big Brother telling me what to fucking hashtag on Twitter; it's so cynical! It's like when the housemates talk about the public watching or the cameras. Ooh, there's Andy Scott Lee. Nice beanie.
They don't even get to make up their own spin the bottle; Big Brother provides them with a plastic board with it on. Lordy.
Ashleigh's face when Arron said he fancied Sara was reminiscent of when Pete Bennett snogged Ashleeeeeen during BB and Nikki pulled the best gurn eva. Benedict's a right dirty bastard, he's snogging everyone. Arron is making some FRIENDS tonight. he's just saying what he finks, innit.
OMG Chris has got an illuminati tattoo: a pyramid and the evil eye. He'll be winning, then, just watch out for the corpses en route.
Lauren has got a shoe/sock combination that I can relate to; stripey socks and pumps. Ah, she's an intellectual, she doesn't want to talk about boys, make-up or clothes. What does she want to talk about: fractional reserves?
When the cameras cut to Deana it looks like the lights are on but nobody's home half the time. Her coat is also disgusting: rubber ming.
I want to see what Luke A's wife looks like. Not for any nasty reason; I'm just nosy. I like seeing people's partners. Obviously ASL is the pinnacle, nothing compares 2 him.
Victoria sleeping topless; god, it's like Denise Welch all over again. She's like a fucking martyr with bunny ears. Send her home FFS.
I thought Conor said Victoria was a 'fucking slapper' but he actually said he was 'fucking snapping.' Phew. He's wearing that shirt/ vest combo again.
LOL the evictee doesn't even get a proper booing! They gotta leave via the DR. Amazingz. That was the most pitiful bit of booage I've ever heard. How is Emma Willis doing her rehearsals? BOTS is gonna go to shit later, haha, unlike it's usual professional output, snort.
Arron's got a onesie on. Douche! Why did Victoria look so shocked she was leaving? Oh, she always looks like that because of botox. She don't even get a crowd; the indignity.
Last in, first out. She's not bovvered. EVIL EYES. 'Women are going to go for other women' zzzzzz. You're a ageing porn star; people aren't threatened by you, they feel sorry for you. I don't think Brian can be arsed with her, in his little wine-coloured suit. He's plotting his night ahead in G.A.Y. already.
Well done, UK, that was the right result. I don't know why they bothered putting her in anyway. We already had Lea (of Lea and Richard fame). Any of the three wildcards would be better than her.
Best bits 'kind of'! She looked shocked they showed her in the shower. They showed Jay Mclick-me-hoop having a SHIT.
That's cruel making the newbies sit in the DR! Bet it's Becky. Ha, it was. I wanted Guy Fawkes. BUBBLY. Bubbly ALWAYS ALWAYS means fat. If someone calls me bubby, I do a Chloe Sevigny on them, and yes, I did look up how to spell that. She's like the female Peter Kay. She's either team up with Ashleigh or be her mortal enemy. She's a trade up from the dull Victoria, anyway. That dress is a bit old-fashioned (ADTF - a dress too far).
I want to walk through a door to a house full of people I don't know and go, 'COME ON YOU BASTARDS!' Now that's an entrance. I predicted a dunk in the pool before it even happened. She's like a BB-Bot. Doesn't she want to say hello to people? She's going to make Kinga look like chickpea Rachel, winner of BB whatevs. Contrived? This is BB13. If you're still watching, you deserve every fucking thing you get!

1 comment:

Thrill Fiction said...

You know I hardly watch TV anymore? I didn't even know this thing was back on. Hey are you sure this isn't celebrity Big Brother - 'cos I don't recognize anyone. The old blonde was a porno chick? And they voted her out? Her replacement looks like she's creating a rod for her own back. "Come on you bastards!" Someone should tell her she's in the south.

Ah. My virgin. Everyday for the next three months.