Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Big Brother 13: Rebel Bell-end

First nominations! As usual I've spoilerised myself with BOTS. But if it's not BOTS it's Digital Spy and if it's not Digital Spy it's a friend on Facebook, so what can you do except stop watching Big Brother because you're now 32 and it's got shoddy production values? Not on your nelly.
Phil Collins wake up music! That's a bit unnecessary.
Chris has got no game. He's got zip strategy. He's got less strategy than the dude on BBUSA one year who had his strategy drawn in crayons on a bit of paper and then got voted out the first week.
I think you'll find it IS all about Lydia, Becky. And rather her than your unfunny Peter Kay schtick. If we do have to have a female version of a male comedian in there, lets have Morgana off Very Important People doing Russell Brand. Much more pleasing to the eye and ear.
Shev thinks Chris would buy you lobster and venison on a date. I think you'd be more likely to get a KFC bucket. Do they think he's got cash or something? He does dogshit jobs and dogshit jobs pay dogshit money. And he eats dogshit food that have made him look like a fat piece of shit, so let's not beat around the bush (I had a KFC tonight, btw, fucking lush).
Deana, stop thinking too much! It's not allowed in there. I don't blame Pastel Luke for nominating Chris; he behaved appallingly to him. Those chairs that Chris and Luke A are sitting on look nice and comfy.
Caroline, YOU look unhygienic. TMI about Chris on the loo. I can't stand this dick. Snooty scarecrow slug. Her, Scott and Becky don't have a braincell between them.
Benedict is such an exhibitionist pretending to have a wank in the bath. He's all talk, though, bet he's got a little one.
Adam nominated Ashleigh for making a mess. He's the Vinnie Jones of the house, but nice.I couldn't be less interested in anything Conor says or does. He's just an accent.
This religious chat is amaze. 'Who did God have sex with?' Fucking dimlo. That's bollocks that no one can be called Jesus, I used to know someone who's real name was Jesus Jones (and he wasn't the singer) so stop talking rot, Conor.
Benedict does this thing with his jaw that reminds me of Morrissey, it's like a combined chin jut/ teeth clench. I think he talks a little like Morrissey, too. I like Benedict calling Scott a 'pompous idiot'. I'm glad he nominated Sara for her royal family nonsense.
Scott did quite a good impression of Benedict. Quite interesting that they hate each other. Could be fun. I hate the way Scott talks; like a Bond villain.
Chris: 'all muscle'? God, I know he's good value because he just talks such crap but I can't help wanting him out. I just can't BEAR him.
Arron has principles? I'm glad Arron is coming unstuck. I never thought he'd be such a big target this early. So Lauren just nominated Luke S because she fancies him. Then she comes out and is all over him. She's flakier than a dandruff ad.
I wish we could have a double eviction this week, Arron: pack up your pastel hoodies and get to fuck! Then they should get someone in to hoof Chris out, like he does people's belongings out of their tiny homes.
These Royal family nominations might just be the stupidest thing I've ever seen on BB. I think Sara might be clinically insane.
Luke is nominating Luke. Yeah, he don't want to be Luke A no more. Oust Luke and he can be King of the Lukes. Bhahaha.
I like whoever called Arron a 'little rascal'. He's a little scamp, isn't he. Look at him do his rubbish Justin Beiber hair before he goes in the DR. HARDCORE, you know the score.
Sara got quite a lot of nominations, really. Arron is not interested in getting to know a FTM transsexual. He's got a fringe to rearrange and pastel hoodies to put on and take off again (leaving enough time for you to admire his youthful torso in between). Don't you get it?
So happy to see two boys up. I'm fed up of all the girls getting the push early.
I like BB fucking with Arron for his staircase 'rebellion'. Lightgate. Arron is the anti-Belinda Carlisle. Leave a light off for me! I couldn't cope with someone controlling my lighting. I'm VERY particular about lighting. I need lighting to my exact requirements at all times. I also need the remote control at all times. I even start messing with the lighting and remote control in other people's houses. Bad guest.
Shev: 'this is involved shit.' Why does she like Chris so much? What's to like? Adam is huffing about the lights. Let there be night!
Arron looks like he's got rouge on. Not blusher; ROUGE. He's SO HAPPY to be nominated. He can go up them stairs legit on Friday. Arron: 'if I stay the public love me.' Hardly. They just hate Chris.
I'm not going to nominate this week. Let the chips fall where they may. Either result is a winner.
AD BREAK: The ironic part of that sexist Yorkie ad is that it is WOMEN who have to carry ten million bags back from the shops, not men. Choco-fail. And that's not sexist of me to say that; it's just plain FACT.
Arron's having a crack up. The only thing I will say in his defence is he is about 12. And boys are immature at that age. Give him five years and wait for his balls to drop and he might be Ok. He's just a typical big-headed teenager right now.
Luke, you creep. Feeling boobs and promising to show someone your one massive ball. What a smoothie.
Why don't they show more BENEDICT? Is that Just for Men shampoo in the shower?
Arron and Chris: you have reaped exactly what you've sewn. Now take it like a MAN. Go eat a fucking Yorkie or something, you pricks.

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