Thursday, 10 June 2010

Big Brother 11: Holes dug by little moles

I like the way they're whizzing through what happened yesterday. Keep it snappy. I picked through the live feed last night and saw Ife and Caoimhe (I need to think of a nickname for her fast) slagging off Sunshine, saying she doesn't look like Lady Gaga. Yes she does. A Gaga/Kate Walsh hybrid. I also learnt that Ben was Raef from The Apprentice's butler on Celebrity Come Dine With Me. Fame, fame, fatal fame.
Fiancee has been hit on twice already. It's hard being good-looking.
John James is annoying in every way; the voice, the highlights, the attitude. Rack off. He's my odds-on favourite to say something racist.
Ben is still giving good value for money; 'If you were French or German we may have a problem'. I just like hearing him talk, he's so gloriously posh.
I could see Josie and monobrow dude getting it on. They're on about the same social scale.
Did Steve just say he had a 'computer knee'? Like Plankton's computer wife in Spongebob Squarepants.
The mole hole is kind of cool. At least he'll get a good night's sleep in there. Mario is so desperate to be in there it hurts. But I really respected him on the live feed last night; the boy's got guts. It's scary to think he's only in there by chance, as he seems so much more intriguing than... er, all the others.
Steve is getting on my wick already. He's going to be the old Mario/ Carole/ Vinnie Jones of the group who no one will want to throw out because of his disability.
Dave is going to be BAD. Dave and Steve are going to be a force (of cunts) to be reckoned with.
Sunshine... medical... tinkerbell... fairy dust. OK.
Corin. Common. Ooh, dead husband and now with a girl. Quite interesting.
Let's guess what Shabby's real name is. Tabitha? Veronica? Philomena?
Aw, Mario had his heart ripped out at Christmas! Perhaps someone thought it was a pressie.
Josie. Why are you there?
Fiancee saying she's not stupid. Defensive!
Ben: it's easy to not work the 9-5 when your parents live in a castle.
JohnJames: PRICK.
I liked the way Mario went for the task so quick, he was straight into those drawers, no messing about.
Ben is seriously paranoid about being booed. He needs to get a grip. And put some trousers on.
OMG Mario is gay! I never knew. I had considered it but my gaydar is fucked. There's his heart dashed against the rocks once more. Ben looked offended, rather unfairly. He's uber-camp.
Mario wrote SO MANY things on that ball. His handwriting was absolutely meticulous. The things he wrote were really clever. It's such a relief to have someone with a brain in the house.
Mario: 'what am I going to do as a mole? Dig up the garden?' LOL. The mole nose looks like a penis. It's unnerving.
Mario's throwing was brilliant- that's like me trying to get a balled-up crisp packet in the bin. Go Mario! Crawl, crawl, crawl!
They didn't even show Ife take her wig off so you might think she shaved her head and no one mentioned it.
So they didn't show the bitching. Obviously doesn't fit into the agenda yet. But it will, and it must.
Woah look at tomorrow's task! Looks like they spent a couple of quid at last. Well done, BB. Just starve them and spend the money on electric shocks.

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