Big Brother 11: You got the look

Had a little sift through the live feed last night and fast forwarded any time Govan or Shabby was on. It works fairly well. I wish Mario, Ben, Sunshine, Nathan, Steve and Dave stayed up a bit later. Keever and Ife's conversational topics are somewhat lightweight.
John James has got ripped jeans on. They're probably fashionable in Australia. God, the look, the look, the look! STFU. If you don't like me, don't look at me. Personally, I'd rather have gum on my shoes than John James in my house. 'At the end of the day.. I don't really care. She's ugly.' Classic schoolboy bullying tactics. Why does John James fancy Corin? He must be used to those leathery faces because of all the sunshine down under, mate. She looks like the scrapings off of David Dickinson's vanity table.
LAMINATOR. Begone. John James gave him a look like he was a piece of shit. Oh, he is.
Eww, Rachael being so vile to Ben. Ben is worth 75 of her. It's sad seeing Mario pawing at Ben and Ben pawing at Rachael. Mcdaddy swerve-on! Ben just pretended not to notice the implications of that conversation. Saved by the bogey.
Sunshine looks kinda cute today. Her lipstick is good. I think I'm in love with Ben a bit. He's got a very strange face but he's just so dignified. Marylebone indeed.
Racheal (sorry, FIANCEE) DOES actually have that look on her face all the time, like she's above it all. But even so. You'd have thought she'd murdered Stefan Dennis and hung him off the Sydney Harbour bridge the way John James is going on.
Why don't they ever show Steve or Nathan?! It's rubbish. I probably don't like them, but I'd like some more evidence to go on.
Oh god, not eating tasks. BB is meant to be the trendsetter of reality shows; not leeching off stale I'm a Celebrity ideas.
Josie is kind of cool, I think she's slowly turning into a class act. She never gets involved in the bitching. I think she's cute, too. It's not her fault she's pear-shaped. Her being sick in that bucket was funny (especially after I just called her classy).
Fiancee; you've got zero chance of changing John's opinion of you. Plus, why fancy someone just because they are good looking? His personality is loathsome.
WHAT ABOUT THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE JOHN JAMES YOU REPETITIVE STRAIN INJURY OF A MAN?
You should be glad he leaves the room when you walk in, Rachael. He's a nasty, poisonous bastard. I'd go up to him and tell him to go fuck himself.
That sucks when you're slagging someone off who's in the same room. We've all done it.
Shabby in Nuts with her tits out! Let's guess the headline. 'Not too Shabby?' Lordy. How DARE John James get angry about that, it's none of his fucking business. He is unnerving, he should be on a warning. He puts me on edge.
Good on Corin for speaking out. Don't fucking apologise to him. Shabby: 'I hope someone's speaking out';- why don't you go and fucking speak out? It could save your contrived little arse.
It's a bit rich John James telling people how to make money when he's living off a fucking inheritance. It's none of his business what reason people are in there for, what they do to make money, what they do with their own bodies. Have you ever seen John James have a go at a man in the house? Noooooo! Just the women! Woman-hating misogynistic cunt. Why is he so angry at everything? Did he get his ickle heart broken once? Boo hoo! Tosser. He doesn't want a blowjob in case it degrades you, he'd prefer you slit your wrists to get away from his instead.
Come on Nathan! Get your one line in: 'you've got feelings and stuff'. Brilliant.
Uh oh! Ben- all boys together! The fumble cats. Washer women indeed! Don't back someone up just because he's got a penis. OMG sexism united. And lesbianist too. Feminism is not a dirty word! They were just standing up for their friends. He called Shabby volatile- what does he think John James is? Timid? Mario trying to turn Ben gay at the end of that conversation was funny; it just might work after several weeks. I still love Ben, only slightly less than I used to.
John James: 'guys are different, they just don't bitch.' ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! *speechless*
There's so many people in the wrong here, I barely know where to start. Evict them ALL!

Big Brother 11: Hickory Dickory Cock

Nominations announced. Shabby, dear, it's not all about you. If you can't be bothered to save yourself; there's the door.
Ooh, who will be saved? Who will go on the block instead? There's only one way to find out.
CHEESE task. Is the prize a date with Alex James? Or a sculpture of Alex James, made of cheese. Either would be fab. Bored of this task now. Let's have some action.
Dave is off the block. Great, some more homophobic banter to come. Ooh, he has to pick the person to go up. How to make friends and influence people. GOVAN GOVAN GOVAN! Do it, you fucking coward.
Ooh, he picked Rachael! Harsh. What a wasted opportunity. He should have picked Govan. He'd have been a hero. I don't think he dared. Women hate. Vagina hate. You could have said no if you wanted to. You could have walked away... couldn't you. He should have put Steve up. As they say on BB USA; you got a target on your back now.
I know why Shabby's carping about the noms, because she knows she will go over Fiancee. I want the bitch clique to get picked off one by one. Their late night baths are boring. More Ben and Mario, please.
Govan, you survived that by the skin of your teeth! You could at least be gracious, you little troll.
Urgh, Shabby is such a prat. Ben does have a knack for insulting people but they definitely deserve it. Shabby's having a tantrum! That's decided. I'm going to vote her out. I'm done with her bullshit.
OMG did Dave just claim he cured someone's cancer? Crikey.
Ben, stop apologising to that dickhead. 'I'm often accused of being a ham'. Hehe.
Dave's punishment wasn't exactly major, was it? Favouritism. He read that speech in a very sombre tone.
I noticed Fiancee pulls the exact same confused face as John James. that must be why he likes/hates her so much. I think the problem with her is that in real life people are obviously crawling up her arse 24/7, yet in that house no one respects her. (Ah, she just admitted what I just said two seconds later!) I don't like her little girl act either; I find it very cloying.
John James's attitude STINKS. The way he acts and the games he plays is the kind of stuff you think when you're 15. He's not exactly the Pick Up Artist. He goes on and on and on and on. He talks so much about how he knows himself; he doesn't know shit.
Corin acts like her sun-damaged skin is a shock to her. She must have sat on those sunbeds.
OMG what is up John James's arse. He has got ISHHUUUES. Someone must have given him a dirty look at a sensitive time in his life and it's left a mental scar. It's not that he doesn't like you, Rachael, it's just that he fucking hates you/ wants to fuck you.
Some people just naturally look snooty half the time. I've known loads of people with that habit. FACE POLICE. Don't tell him you fancy him. He's an idiot. Her apologising to him made me cringe. He's rude, aggressive, ignorant.
Oh, and you've got a wedgie.

Big Brother 11: First blood

I saw them get called for nominations on the live feed and Shabby actually cheered. Let's see if she'll be cheering afterwards (clue: she won't).
Mario is in the closet. Bless. Corin does look sun-damaged (ie. 40). She seems quite nice, though.
Verruca talk! Are they trying to evoke the spirit of Jade? Sunshine isn't exactly going to have the streets lined with chavs when she drops dead. I don't think David Cameron would give a word of appreciation either.
Sunshine is really abrupt! Can't she take a joke? She's so fucking po-faced, dreary, joyless. Woah, check out Ben's hair. That is a fantastic comb-over. It reminds me of Rex's ice-cream do. STOP WHINING, SUNSHINE.
I watched a bunch of live feed today as I was off work and it was just hours and hours of Govan shit-stirring. I really don't want to hear his voice any more. Big Brother should tape up his gob for a task. I do agree with him that Sunshine acts hard done by. Still, I think I'd rather be stuck in a lift with Sunshine than him.
I see Big Brother is giving them the washing tablets I've got; £1.25 from Somerfield. Score.
I seriously think John James fancies Josie. He goes a bit coy around her. I think she thinks he's out of her league.
Govan spouts bullshit at about 15 words per second. I'm just mentally switching off now.
Mario wringing his hands whilst perving over Ben is slightly disturbing. Nathan just said his one line per show.
Dave; oh dear oh dear. If your opinion is against same sex marriage, then fucking spit out what your problem is. Don't backtrack and shy away saying it's controversial whilst sitting next to Mario. Arsehole. You've got about as much chance of winning this as I have.
Nominations! At last. Finally we get to see where the loyalties lie. Ben's cake shorts rule, btw. Ooh, they are counting the nominations for us. Normally I have to try and work it out. It's like Deal or No Deal when they put up the past offers. I don't blame Ben for nomming Sunshine over Verruca Gate #2. Keever's nominations seemed pretty agreeable. Corin's voice made me glad she's generally not getting shown. I'm surprised Dave didn't nominate Mario for being a fag.
Ife nominating Steve; a waste of a vote. But why did she vote him? She was being coy. I reckon she don't want to look at his metal legs no more.
John James either HATES Fiancee or is in love with her, he was sticking it to her so bad last night. He's got some serious issues with women.
Josie nominated Dave for being a homophobe. Good. I like Josie more lately.
Nathan nominated Ben! Classist. I'm not surprised he doesn't give a shit about you, you look like a (half) shaved chimp.
Wow, these nominations are endless. Shabby is wack. Whack. Wack. Whatever. Shabby, man, she's such an urchin. She blows my mind with her maverick ways. LOL to Steve calling her fake. Correct.
I wonder who will go home this week? I think it might be Shabby. I could imagine her inspiring more motivation in voters than Sunshine.
Onion gate. It really does makes me want to cry. Ben discussing 'dobbing' was hilarious. The way he talks is so great.
Govan: 'can I just finish?' NO! STFU! Vicky Pollard on speed is not an acceptable role model. He's such a prink. He gets off on confrontation. When John James started bitching about Fiancee on the live feed, Govan was virtually jumping up and down with joy. Wrong 'un. Please stop giving him such a long edit, he's really off-putting.
Argh look at Sunshine's FACE. Listen to her voice! WHINE WHINE WHINE. SHUT UP.
Ah, here's the short version of what I saw. John hates Fiancee because she's not into him! Simple. She wouldn't inspire so much rage otherwise. He's deeply misogynistic. I'm scared Josie is going to end up with her heart broken.
OK, here's my plan: let's take Govan and Sunshine down to the river, tape them together, put them in a bag, and see if they float. They don't? Whoops.

Big Brother 11: Watch out for cornflakes

My boyf is already bored of BB. Appreciate it! It's our last one. I do agree though that the engineering of storylines so early on is tiring. I wish they'd let them bed in a bit.
Mario does seem to like Sunshiiiiiiiine. Why?
Apparently John James is favourite to win! WTF.
They didn't put Steve in because he snores, folks. That's just an added bonus.
I want to see Mario's clown painting. It sounds DEEP, dude. You can't stop growing old, Mario. Brian Molko taught us that.
Steve! Blew him up and then set a dog on him. Glorious war. Ben: 'your mother must have just been beside herself.' LOL. Why has Ben got his tongue so far up Steve's arse? I think it's a bit patronising. What choice does he have but to live and go on with life?
I don't think I've ever seen any of those girls speak to Sunshine. I have heard them say shit about her late into the night though. It's weird that the girls are the ones staying up this year. I don't think I've ever seen that before.
I'd rather be Lady Gargoyle than Fiancee. Fiancee is always spewing bile, backed up by her little impy henchman. That's Govan and Shabby both talked about nominations so far.
Corin and Nathan are flying so far under the radar, they're burrowing underground.
Ben liasing with the common people! Discussing sandwiches and Corrie. I like it.
I can feel a Shabby strop coming on! She's gonna Veruca Salt you up. Do you not understand English, Shabby? You broke the rules. Now if you don't like it, you know where the door is.
I'm surprised the It girls (Fiancee, Ife & Keeva) put up with Shabby 'what can I say, I get a lot of poontang' and her bullshit. She's one spoilt cunt. Go sit on the naughty step. Imagine if Shabby had her legs blown off? No, let's imagine her having her head blown off. It's more fun.
OMG Is Fiancee serious? She fancies Nathan? He looks like a shrivelled up Noel Gallagher (who looks like a shrivelled up Liam Gallagher). With a bit of Jack Branning icing. Blergh. Behold him lying starfish-style in the garden, his hairy chest exposed. Yuck.
Shabby: 'I'm such a fucking bell-end'. A fitting epitaph, I'm sure you'll agree. She's writing this blog for me. She didn't confess that essentially she fingered Steve. Her confession was very self-serving.
Why is John always frowning? Oh, because he's thick as pig shit.
Why do they need to wear the safety glasses for the brain freeze task? Just to make them look silly! I thought Nathan might win it. He looks competitive.
When is Dave going to start speaking in tongues? Before or after his eviction?
Govan reminds me of Gok Wan; 100% insincere. Fiancee is just a spiteful dullard.
Ben; here's why Shabby won't speak to you; you're too common for her! Not rich enough!
Are those diary room wings made out of Fiancee's hair extensions? Acrylic afternoons indeed.
Is John James chatting up Josie? I thought he just stood and waiting for the Sheilas to come to him. Do you think he's going to get to touch up his highlights in the house?
That's so cruel that BB won't give them earplugs! I would smother Steve in his sleep. I couldn't sleep in that room. They must be barred from the nest too.
My boyfriend has decided Govan talks like Vicky Pollard. He certainly talks enough bullshit.
Right, I'm off to get intoxicated on the holy ghost.

Big Brother 11: John James, so dumb they named him twice

Obviously we already know Mario passed the task; and it would have been mental torture to throw him out after all that. Still, I've seen bigger miscarriages of justice on BB.
Here's the problem with Sunshine. She doesn't 'know herself', as Ashleeeeen used to say. Her personality is contrived, therefore you can't relate to her.
Nathan has only said one line in four days, and they got subtitled. I see why they're not showing much of him, he needs his own full-time translator.
Steve's snoring is grotesque. It's a good reason to nominate him without seeming like an arse though.
Ben has dabbled with blokes! Aw he doesn't fancy Mario, though. Sob. How could he like Fiancee more? She's a zzz factory.
I watched a bit of this quiz task on the live feed and Mario was actually replying back to the tree. It was so obvious! Mario is hamming it up too much. He needs to work on his faux-crying.
John James is so desperate to win its unreal, cobber. So much of what he says is unbridled bullshit.
Is Sunshine wearing that outfit/ lipstick for a joke?
I don't think I'd like to eat anything John cooked. He doesn't even know how to grate cheese. I don't think Mario could even fuck it up more, that pizza looks so gross. Mario's messing up of the task was fun; at least he got to trash something at last. I would have wrecked the joint.
It was quite a lark seeing John James get screwed. 'I don't eat cooking!' He's a gold-plated div. I think he might be inspired casting.
PIZZA RESISTANCE! Nice.
Mario: 'I wouldn't go in there because I've just had a big shit.' Class.
John laughing at the mess in the kitchen was good. I warmed to him then. The others still eating the dregs! Desperate.
Mario swore on Steve's life! Just as deadly as a roadside bomb. Sunshine is always trying to out him. I wish she'd wrap up.
This mole task thing ended up with people just voting for who they wanted to get evicted. Which was bad news for Sunshine. Unless they all just copied each other. But good news for Mario. Hurrah.
Why DID everyone vote Sunshine? Just because she's annoying, I guess. If I was in that house I'd be sure to vote for her first nominations, in the assurance I would survive the cut.
Sunshine is too earnest. I haven't got the measure of Govan yet but I think he might be a shit-stirrer.
Nice to see Mario out of the mole hole. He needs to get over the Ben thing though.
Shabby and Govan's conversation might as well have been subtitled with 'vote Sunshine out'. Subtle it wasn't.

Big Brother 11: Pure slamming

I watched some more live feed tonight and saw Mario going through murders carrying out his tasks! It's really mental torture for him. Naughty BB.
Sunshine, stop grilling Mario, you arsehole. I feel so sorry for him. He looks shattered, pasty, sad... it's just not fair.
Task: they didn't look like they were putting their clothes on very fast to me. I'd have been quicker.
Mario giving Ben a sly pat. Aw. He's born to lose at the moment. No love for the mole.
Look at John James, with his diamanté earrings glinting in the sun. Why would you say on TV you're a 30-second man? Pure slamming! Lovely.
Not many girls in Australia like giving blowjobs, or just to the 30-second man? He finds it demeaning! His personality is demeaning. I couldn't work out if he was serious or not.
OMG they've permitted Dave access to the Bible! This is bullshit. If he can get 'possessed' by God, why does he need to read it? Boo to religion.
Dave, you might as well say 'what goes around comes around'; it's quicker.
Handwash-gate. Zzz. Fiancee getting bugged by Sunshine; inevitable.
Mario's 'poker face' whilst stealing those fags was one of pure panic.
'Mario, show me how to use the toilet'- fuck off Sunshine. 'Why were you in your room?' Is he not allowed to go in his own room now? Maybe he wanted to get away from your Lady Gargoyle mush.
Shabby's idea of winding the other housemates up seems deranged, given she's in a popularity contest. Still, good news for Mario.

Big Brother 11: Big-titted pig

Previously on Exitainment! I only like Mario. End.
Looking at Corin, Ife, Steve, Dave and John makes me want to lose the will to live.
Look at Ben in his silk gown! He's working those wings. I do still like Ben, too. But as a character, not a friend.
Why has Fiancee got comedy glasses on? Sunshine is grating a bit. Cloudy, more like.
Who's cooking the food on that table in the sky? I don't think I'd want to eat up there. I'd feel unsettled.
That task was hard! The phrases were stupid. Word association: Spice girls... prostitutes.. hookers. I could say more, but I'm a feminist. Ha.
Shopping list. 'Let's do the alcohol first.' I see.
Fiancee doesn't know the difference between being a beautician and a vegan. You don't get a packet of fake nails for every pack of tofu Sunshine eats. Not exactly very understanding to others beliefs.
If there was a woman in there with 8 kids by various different fathers; woe betide! Steve is just a massive chav.
Fiancee is getting on my wick. Thanks for giving Shabby your seal of approval 'despite how she looks'. Never mind she's a massive cunt. As are you.
Nathan is getting the Hira edit. I'm guessing he's just a dullard. I see he's just calling Mario 'mole.' Let's just call him 'eyebrow'. Govan is straight? No fucking way. Not possible.
Hair straightener-gate could not have been more dull. Fiancee is vapid.
Shabby and Ife are in the kitchen. Where's Dodgy?
'Let's get fucked on carbs and potatoes'! That's pretty much my motto.
The Tree of Temptation has got a bit of Charlie Brooker about him. Poor Mario! He can't even get a good night's sleep.
Why does everyone look so stooped in that diary room chair?! Sit up straight.
STEVE! Nice snoring. Big-titted pig indeed.
Aw Mario has little boy pants on. Cute. I think I'm falling for him. Squeaky door! Come on, chicken, you can do it.
I don't like that brand of bread Mario is putting in the pool! DROWN IT. This is tense. MARIO you're my hero. HE MUST STAY.

Big Brother 11: Holes dug by little moles

I like the way they're whizzing through what happened yesterday. Keep it snappy. I picked through the live feed last night and saw Ife and Caoimhe (I need to think of a nickname for her fast) slagging off Sunshine, saying she doesn't look like Lady Gaga. Yes she does. A Gaga/Kate Walsh hybrid. I also learnt that Ben was Raef from The Apprentice's butler on Celebrity Come Dine With Me. Fame, fame, fatal fame.
Fiancee has been hit on twice already. It's hard being good-looking.
John James is annoying in every way; the voice, the highlights, the attitude. Rack off. He's my odds-on favourite to say something racist.
Ben is still giving good value for money; 'If you were French or German we may have a problem'. I just like hearing him talk, he's so gloriously posh.
I could see Josie and monobrow dude getting it on. They're on about the same social scale.
Did Steve just say he had a 'computer knee'? Like Plankton's computer wife in Spongebob Squarepants.
The mole hole is kind of cool. At least he'll get a good night's sleep in there. Mario is so desperate to be in there it hurts. But I really respected him on the live feed last night; the boy's got guts. It's scary to think he's only in there by chance, as he seems so much more intriguing than... er, all the others.
Steve is getting on my wick already. He's going to be the old Mario/ Carole/ Vinnie Jones of the group who no one will want to throw out because of his disability.
Dave is going to be BAD. Dave and Steve are going to be a force (of cunts) to be reckoned with.
Sunshine... medical... tinkerbell... fairy dust. OK.
Corin. Common. Ooh, dead husband and now with a girl. Quite interesting.
Let's guess what Shabby's real name is. Tabitha? Veronica? Philomena?
Aw, Mario had his heart ripped out at Christmas! Perhaps someone thought it was a pressie.
Josie. Why are you there?
Fiancee saying she's not stupid. Defensive!
Ben: it's easy to not work the 9-5 when your parents live in a castle.
JohnJames: PRICK.
I liked the way Mario went for the task so quick, he was straight into those drawers, no messing about.
Ben is seriously paranoid about being booed. He needs to get a grip. And put some trousers on.
OMG Mario is gay! I never knew. I had considered it but my gaydar is fucked. There's his heart dashed against the rocks once more. Ben looked offended, rather unfairly. He's uber-camp.
Mario wrote SO MANY things on that ball. His handwriting was absolutely meticulous. The things he wrote were really clever. It's such a relief to have someone with a brain in the house.
Mario: 'what am I going to do as a mole? Dig up the garden?' LOL. The mole nose looks like a penis. It's unnerving.
Mario's throwing was brilliant- that's like me trying to get a balled-up crisp packet in the bin. Go Mario! Crawl, crawl, crawl!
They didn't even show Ife take her wig off so you might think she shaved her head and no one mentioned it.
So they didn't show the bitching. Obviously doesn't fit into the agenda yet. But it will, and it must.
Woah look at tomorrow's task! Looks like they spent a couple of quid at last. Well done, BB. Just starve them and spend the money on electric shocks.

Big Brother 11: Launch Night (before your very eyes)

I was 19 years old when Big Brother first started; almost a child. My twenties just finished, and aptly, Big Brother is folding now, too. It's time to move onto adult things. It's time to grow up.
Ha, fuck that! I read an interview in Heat where Davina said 'never say never' about moving to a different channel to present BB, which made me feel oddly hopeful. Five must be scouting for it. They aren't afraid to churn out a tired old formula; they show Home and Away every day.
So here it is, our last stand. Let's meet our new friends and enemies. I am watching this on the PLUS ONE! Unacceptable, I know.
What's all this about 80 people or so waiting to be picked? Doesn't that guarantee a few duds? Couldn't they pick 12 decent people themselves?
It's weird seeing the house in daylight! BB launches should take place under the cover of darkness.
Ooh the house looks really nice. I like the swirliness of the walls and the bedroom looks really plush. ZOLTAR. PARROT. Ooh, look at the whirlpool and the nest. The nest looks super comfy. They've spent a few quid on it this year. Why have they made the tree of temptation into a chest of drawers, but they are still calling it the tree of temptation? They should call it the chest of coercion. The diary room chair is pretty but too small. I prefer the ones where they can have a pile up in it.
1st in. Josie. Mrs. Justin Lee Collins. 25? She looks frumpy. She looks like she's wearing her mum's dress. I said to my boyfriend 'is that dress unflattering or has she got a huge arse?' and he said 'both'.
2nd. Steve, one of those soldiers the BB producers mawkishly recruited. Looks like England fan. Did he just say he had eight kids? 'What you see is what you get'. Well, in that case, can I have my money back? He's just Mario with a limp.
I don't understand this format. Is the live crowd not being shown the footage of the housemates going in (because the new housemates aren't allowed to see it?) I'd feel pretty jibbed if I'd gone down for that.
I don't get this 81 people thing at all. If they're already chosen, what's the point? There better be a twist, but BB just probably just got confused. I HATE the fact they all know each other, it's not 'quite nice'; Davina. it's rubbish. The whole point is WE watch them getting to know each other, idiot. The producers still don't fucking know their arse from their elbow.
Ben. 'Welcome to my lair'. AT LAST a good housemate. DOSS PAD. Mannequins! Is he 4 realz? He's got to be gay. 'Some sort of prison designed by Boy George'! Boy George has had the inspiration, anyway. My boyfriend said 'he obviously had that written down weeks ago'. Who cares? I LIKE BEN. BEN FTW. Mind you, his competition is dreadful so far.
Next: Rachael. I said 'Fiona Lewis' and my boyfriend said 'Feyonce' so I'll leave you to work that one out. She just seems like a dullard.
That fairground music does not have the required gravitas. Next in Nathan. Jack Branning on the Slim Fast diet. A lad's lad. I look forward to him missing the World Cup. Are we going to get anyone good looking in there?
Ad break! Cheryl Cole and that lipgloss advert. There's not a lip gloss on the planet you could bite on your lips and not come away with it on your teeth, you lying harpy. I recognise all this advert music, that car music and that hair gel advert. Peculiar.
The house isn't in the same place as normal, is it? I see trees, I see grass.
Next: Dave. Oh God, not more Christians. Heavenly intoxication and bliss bashes; sounds like a gay hardcore night. BOO to the God botherer.
Caohme. (I think I misspelt this) She looks cool in her sunglasses. Urgh, I don't like these names I can't spell and that you pronounce differently. She seems like more of a normal person and not an airhead. She's quite attractive.
Govan. Gay? I liked the way he said 'funny'. He seems quite sweet but I think he could go either way; he'll either be dead cool or a total nightmare.
I like the carpet. I like all the house. The Davina wallpaper is a nice touch, too. Shame about the housemates.
Shabby is in next. I thought she was a bloke. She's a Kitten type. I preferred her when I thought she was a boy. She's a lesbian. SHOCKING. (as Dr Drew would say). Oh God, I'm getting shades of Shabnam. And that's not a good thing. Just pure fakery.
Next: Ife! My friend saw someone with a bag that was masquerading as Miffy the bunny rabbit and called it 'Iffy'. That's a good joke. I wonder who she's not going to get on with. FIANCEE, is my bet. Borin'. Ben looked how I felt.
John. Looks like a boil-in-the-bag boyband member. Australian. Does he like Neighbours? His clothes look BRAND NEW. Zzzz.
Sunshiiiiiiiiiine! She looks like Lady Gaga crossed with Kate Walsh. Beware the person who says they like having intellectual conversations. She was trying overly hard to be kooky but there's something I like about her. It was weird the way she just sat down and shook hands with people, like she didn't know where to put herself.
Corin is next. FJORDAN. Corin/Fjordan is really ORANGE. I couldn't hear anything she said because they obviously fucked up the mikes and all you could hear was Davina going 'does anyone have a tissue?' Corin could have said she was a child molester for all I know.
Adverts. IAN WRIGHT WRIGHT WRIGHT! God this football thing is INTERMINABLE. DROP DEAD ALL WHO SAIL IN IT!
Last time they picked a housemate at random we got that dreary old cunt Suzie, so not holding out much hope for this wildcard. Mini Mario! He looks very happy at least. I like him, he looks geeky and green. Mario can't read! Aw, I want to see his entrance video.
There was literally an advert break about 10 seconds ago. GUESS WHAT CUNTS NOT EVERYONE LIKES FOOTBALL! DIE. Oh and now for a perfume ad. That's OK then. I don't think I want to smell like Fergie. The smell of the crack den! YUM.
The first night tasks really suck shit. Davina's jokes are dreadful. It feels arduous. Yet still we cling.
I don't think the people they've chosen are as good as last year. We just have to hope the interesting people don't get binned first. Stay tuned.