Monday, 21 June 2010

Big Brother 11: Crisps come from an animal

I realised today that I'm not actually digging this big brother either. There's none of the personalities of last year (Freddie, Marcus) and too many non-entities. Nathan, Ife, Dave, Steve; would you notice if they evaporated over night? The only think I saw of any interest on live feed was when Steve announced what his kids were called: Pinky Precious (sounds like one of jordan's), Tiger, Chico and Ike. Sweet.
Govan wants to leave. There's the door, m'dear. He's gone into a hole made of his own bullshit. Aw, he's too scared to admit he's gay. Just admit it, we might like you more and stop seeing you as just a little tittle-tattle.
I can't decide who's haircut I like more, Govan's or Ife's. There's only one way to find out. FIGHT! Hmm, if that's as good as the jokes are getting, might as well quit whilst we're ahead.
Here's my names for the groups: 'the misogynist pricks', 'the boring cunts' and 'the thick wankers.' The only people I barely like are Ben, Mario, Corin and Josie and the latter three are fundamentally boring.
Crisps come from an animal? Quick, someone tell Morrissey.
Beware anyone who starts a sentence with 'I'm the type of person..' They're right up there with 'I'm not being funny, but..'
Govan fears the 'black community'. Don't worry, the white community hates you too. And the orange community. I actually felt for him a little then; he's so in denial. Let's be honest, no straight person is ever ambiguous about their sexuality. It's as simple as that. That was the most 'real' he'd seemed the whole time, he seemed almost human.
It's funny that during that whole conversation that Govan forgot Corin was in a same-sex relationship. She's a very straight-forward person. I think you'd appreciate having her in the house as a friendly ear.
Oh is Josie next in the firing line for John James' small dick complex? You know where the door is too, JJ. Just keep digging and eventually you'll end up in Australia, I saw it in a cartoon.
Can John James escape nomination this week? Rex survived by whipping up a reign of terror. Is the house pushing his buttons? It's not his fault, the house was asking for it.
JOSIE FTW. SHUT UP. Exactly! What is he even going on about anyway? Jog on! Lol. She's probably your best friend in the house. Fake packing of bags is so lame, but we've all done it.
Aw he's got a headache, poor little lamb. TWAT. TWAT. TWAT. I wish one of the blokes in that house would stand up and tell him he's out of order, because he doesn't listen to women. Come on Nathan, show us what a man you are.
Thank God for Josie! He was cracking when she said she wouldn't stand for it, he visibly blanched. He didn't know how to deal with it when someone stood up to him. That's all it takes, girls! That's all it takes to stick one to little nasty men like that, just stand up and say 'that's not OK'. I wish women knew that; you don't have to stand for that shit, you don't have to pussyfoot round people like that. Just say no and they are deflated.
Aw and now he's crying like a little bitch. What a fucking baby. Bullying didn't work, so he crumbled. Not since Nasty Nick bawled under the covers has someone else's misery filled me with such joy. He is so transparent. Argh! Rage.
Ugh I really don't want to think about Shabby cracking one off, if that's even physically possible.
Ben is treading a fine line with the nomination talk; he's lording it over Mario like some evil king. He's making his enemies too obvious. Sausage roll gate! Formal dinners and functions! Normal rules don't apply when jelly is served, apparently.
Nathan's one line for the night: 'I was a bit scared' when Shabby went 'boo'. I hope those 70 people who didn't get in are impressed with that. It's more than Ife got tonight.
Shabby has such an ANNOYING turn of phrase. Ooh, see Keever getting jealous at the thought of Sunshine's boobies.
John James is a hoodie menace! EJECT him. Pack up your old kit bag and skidaddle. Another argument and I don't have a CLUE what's going on. Good editing.
Eek I don't like the plotting against Ben! Ben could go if he's up and I wouldn't like that. That was Govan and John plotting, not anyone else. John has dropped Ben in it.
Shabby vs Ben! Ding ding! Ben DOES hate Shabby. But she is a total wanker. It's funny when people go 'you're 30 years old!' as if you're different at 24 to 30, like you're suddenly an adult. Dur.
Aw, Mario trying to save Ben's skin. Cute.
John you have fucked up more than once today. OMG, Shabby is such an arsehole. John is being super quiet right now.
Shabby you're such a boring cliche, you sicken me. Ben is a shitstirrer, but so what, at least he's interesting.
Ben didn't look weak and pathetic. Shabby looked pathetic. The Dave, Mario, Ben love-triangle is mildly disturbing.
Housemates! Here's a tip: try not to have arguments just before nominations. You might survive longer.

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