Thursday, 29 August 2013

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: There is a pecking order

I HATE ALL THESE PEOPLE. I've never seen such a self-centred, poisonous house. I also hated the way Danielle kept going 'you'll see that on tomorrow's show' about boring stuff she did that won't get shown today. She won't be missed!
Louie is so rude. Danielle is rude too, but she's gone, so who cares? He's earning money by being in Big Brother, you dickhead.
Abz is a waste of space as a housemate. They should have sent any other member of Five in there. The gay one. Billie Piper's ex. The missing one. The cardboard cut out one. The psycho one. Any one but this one.
What's Carol, the fucking food police? I'd tell her to get to fuck if she was telling me what to eat. How does her boyfriend put up with her?
Courtney's body is so weird! She's like an alien. She's like a human cartoon. She must weigh about three stone and two stone of that is her boobs.
Louie: 'She's gone to me already' about Danielle. He's nasty but I have to agree.
How much is Lauren's evil eye ring worth, that's what I want to know! What the hell was the point in that antiques task? No one knows.
Danielle doesn't deserve The Killers to be played over her eviction.
Louie: 'There is a pecking order. I've been on Jonathan Ross twice.' Don't get me wrong, it's funny, but the ego of the man! Is that really why he took against Danielle? Pathetic.
Why did Ron get to make all the big decisions in the DR, or almost, anyway? Lauren's pink fluff is divine. She's like part burlesque, part grandma, part corpse.
Take that pecking order, Louie. Pretend you don't mind. He'll be safe anyway. What's Sophie 'so happy' about?
Ron, that was not a compliment to Lauren and she knows it. Don't play the doddery old bloke card.
Nominations! Louie put Janice up. Is he confident to go up against her? Remember the pecking order, Louie! Ooh, Ron, too. Ron will never go.
Lauren having a go at Ron. She's so strange! She really is. And it's not about her being transgender. She's just very eccentric.
Bruce put up Charlotte - he didn't even know her name! He's right about her being rude, though, that's for sure. He also put Lauren up! Why is he worrying about her? She's a grown woman!
Why is Mario nominating Courtney cos he can't fuck her and Lauren cos he doesn't want to fuck her. 'It's not a care home.' Are you sure?
Why is Charlotte nominating Dustin?! The most inoffensive man ever. And Lauren for being messy! AT LEAST SHE DOESN'T PISS THE FUCKING BED, YOU HYPOCRITE. What a joke.
Sophie has clearly got a grudge against Courtney. Aw, poor Lauren. The messy excuse is a cop out.
Dustin nominated Courtney! Where's the USA solidarity?! Boo. He also put Charlotte up. Good. She won't go though. I hope it's not Lauren vs Charlotte vs Courtney, though.
Lauren's pink nightie is proper granny. Where does she get her clothes? The votes are quite split, aren't they? No votes for Carol yet! You've got to be shitting me.
Ooh, Abz did Carol. Abz, that's not an accent you've got, it's an affectation. Why is everyone nominating Courtney?
Courtney nommed Charlotte for being lairy and Sophie for giving her intimidating looks.
Ron is giving Dustin a football manager roasting. Well, ish.
Carol nommed Lauren. Is everyone really nominating Lauren for being untidy? She also nommed Ron, too. Good. 'Since he was saved by the public for the first time...' Wasn't that about five minutes ago?
Charlotte is upset about the noms. Lauren is like an emotionally blackmailing mum who you've told to stop ringing you one time too many.
How is Sophie not up? She dodged a bullet there. Yeah, Charlotte, this isn't Geordie Shore, and we don't appreciate your scatological behaviour in the BB house.
How is Carol not up? 'She's just a Geordie slag' is such a horrible and unkind thing to say. Carol doesn't see any of her own faults. She's just a poisonous person and an old dog. She makes Denise Welch look jovial and friendly.
Screech: 'There's a storm coming.' Yeah, it's on your t-shirt. Save Lauren and Courtney!

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