Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Celebrity Big Brother 2013: A mystery favour... but a boring eviction

So an eviction already. Funny how fast Celeb BB goes. It's such a boring three up, though, I can barely be bothered to care. It's like an old people's home in there at the moment. I like the older housemates, but not OAPs sitting on the smoking bench carping and killing time. It's dull, dull, dull, especially after the razzle dazzle of Dexter and Gina. And this lot are meant to be the celebs.
Loving Emma's lipstick. She's obsessed with monochrome right now, though. She's going to struggle to make this eviction seem interesting. Wish I had a drink. Who would vote to save Danielle? I'd rather vote to save a poke in the eye.
Ugh I forgot about this monster weeing the bed. She's so disgusting she makes me feel physically sick. Why is Courtney sitting on the bed that Charlotte has pissed in? 'Do you want to see?' No, I don't. Why aren't the people in the house more disgusted? This woman is an animal. I don't watch those shows for a reason; they're base and puerile. Do you think they have spare mattresses or they just flip it? Get Very on the phone.
Fucking hell, man, what's Lauren been smoking? Those are some bloodshot eyes. You don't see much interaction between Charlotte and Lauren, do you? They're probably both horrified by each other.
Sophie: 'Abz is very insightful.' Abz is about as insightful as a magic 8 ball.
Another shit stirring task! Well, I never. Sophie didn't look too impressed with the age comment. I'd be too afraid to say anything in there in case it got repeated back. Luckily these people are too drunk half the time to zip up their mouths.
Shopping list woes. Egg gate. I don't like eggs. I've not eaten one in my whole life. I would still punch Carol in the face if she told me to shut up like that, though. Is Danielle trying to act up to stay in the house? It's not exactly Science vs Derek, is it? 'Are yer mad?' etc. What's the point? Your ship has sailed, I'm afraid, Danielle. Right back to Ireland.
Louis: 'What's her name again, the one who's going?' Ha. Danielle has double denim on. It must be an Irish thing.
Courtney is going to give Lauren her email. Not her phone number, note. There's something very tragic about Lauren. Is it a winning tragedy? I don't know. But my boyfriend put a fiver on her.
Oh, is it the eviction already? That wasn't much of a build up of suspense. Well, Danielle was guaranteed to go over actual famous people. What is Janice wearing? She looks like a bolero dancer. This is going to be the most boring interview of all time. Even more boring than Sam's.
She has a kid? I didn't even know that. Why did they even put her in the house when her stupid show hasn't even been aired over here? I'd understand it if they stuck Gary from BB Canada in there or Rachel from BBUS, because they're massive personalities and they're part of Big Brother. This thing is just a drip. She's just a stuck up, boring cow.
Hold on, what's this mystery thing Danielle did for Sophie in Dublin, as if we don't know, sniff sniff? Haha, no wonder Sophie wanted her out! What 'FREEBIE'? Perhaps botox is a code word for charlie in Ireland. Come into my botox clinic, you'll come out with a numb face and an empty wallet.
I really don't like this Danielle and I'm glad she's gone. She's not down to earth, and she seems to have a nasty streak. Where did they dredge these 'best bits' up from? At least she said she wanted Lauren to win. Bye bye. I'll miss your onesie. That's about it.
Oh, a twist. Sigh. Ron is being a bit of a big head. He would have been happy to be voted out!? Stop talking.
Oh God, now they get to nominate. Boo. Why is Louie saying 'you know'? I hope it's him.
Ron wants to put Lauren, the only transsexual housemate, up! Surprise, surprise. I'm glad Janice is arguing with him! She wants to put Louie up! Haha, he must be shocked. Oh no, not the 'vote me out' spiel. I hate it the most. Go if you want to go! No one's forcing you to stay!
Phew, glad Lauren got saved by a whisker there. Aren't we going to see the reaction after? Ah, Ron looks embarrassed. He must know they know. What the fuck is that scrunchie in Sophie's hair? I mean, a scrunchie?! Really?
Get Louie out! I want to see him do an Andrew Stone. No, not punch a woman he's pretending to fuck. Skedaddle.

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