Monday, 19 August 2013

Big Brother 2013 final: The journey ends here

Just rang up for Dexter three times from my mobile and three times from my burger phone. My boyfriend bet on Dexter at 25/1 when he was drunk (my boyfriend) and his name was dirt (Dexter). He gets £500 if Dexter wins! That's not why I want Dexter to win, btw. But it's an added reason! Because it will keep me in finery! 
Where's Sallie! Probably in the tattoo removal parlour. You think Michael would have shown his moley face. I hate his attitude towards the show, and yes, I know he's an ACTOR. I just think he's a DICK, too. Or perhaps he was just playing a dick? No, he was a dick. It would have been cute for him to show up and they could have slipped him a few quid. He just thinks he's above it all. Well guess what, Michael. The crew still saw you on the toilet. Eat that. No, don't eat it. 
Oh, Charlie, stop trying to fuck with Dexter's head on his LAST DAY. 
Ha, they are showing this bit where Sam kind of confessed he loved Gina. It was VERY interesting on the live feed last night. They've not mentioned it, but he was off his face. Loving Gina without her hair extensions! She looks cute. Why is Gina saying 'we might not see each other again' after tomorrow? Because her boyfriend won't let her? She actually dealt with him quite nicely on the live feed. To be fair, he was so sick, he was throwing up. I think he was trying to pay her a compliment. It just went a bit wrong. People going 'he's a game player' because of that are out of their minds. It was probably his most honest and interesting moment.
Slide show! They've really pushed the boat out. Can't they show them some clips instead? UGH, there's moley Michael. 
Oh God, they're kicking someone out already. Please let it be Charlie or Sam (or the twins, to be honest). Gina's roots look a bit orange. If I went to the hairdresser and came out with roots like that I would be BATHING in purple toner. Who did their hair? Is Lee Stafford to blame? Surely not. He has a good range of products for blondes (sponsor my podcast if you like, Lee).Couldn't someone have sorted Charlie's two tone disaster out? It's begging to be one colour! 
Ha, were they chanting 'get Charlie out'! In the final! Cruel. And she's out. Oh I think she HAS had her hair done. But it looks the same?!
Charlie, it was NOT a love triangle. I hate the fact she's slating Dexter at the last minute. Maybe she is right about Dexter, though. I mean, artificial insemination? Maybe he IS gay. Who cares, though! Dexter is entertainmentz. Dexter is Exitainmentz! 
Get off the stage, Charlie. You're boring. Charlie wants to see Sam win. Zzzz. How can she say that when she's spent every second with Dexter lately?! Did Dexter say Charlie was 'stylish' in that clip? That's the funniest thing I've heard all night.
Gina and the twins wedged on that little sofa. LOL.
Oh God, next one out! Jack and Joe! Yes! They didn't look shocked. That cunt crowd shouting 'Get Dexter out.' Boooooo! 
Gina looks like she's pissed herself. She's got a massive stain up the back of her dress. Jack and Joe's pointing pose was the lols. 'You raise me up'? I thought they asked for Jessie J's 'Wild'! (However that goes). Sack someone!  
I just accidentally voted for Dexter another three times. I want him to win it so much! He's clicking his pen, bless him. Hold on, why has Dexter got a pen in there? You're not allowed pens in Big Brother! Gameplanner, etc. Oh, someone said it's a keyring. 
I am sooooooo peed off they're putting on this dome jizz in the middle of BB, even if it does have Hank in it. I do want to watch that show but NOT tonight. I want to watch the BB final and not go to bed at 1am! 
I have warmed to the twins... oh, until they started slagging off Dexter. They've gone all sassy! Boo. I was right about them all along. Not liking 'deep conversations' is PATHETIC. Charlie's conversations are not deep, though. They're just drivel. 
The twins slag off Dexter AGAIN! They are so bugging! Lower your tone and strengthen your comedy routine. It needs a LOT of work. At least they didn't mention food in their interview, or did they? 
HA, Emma saying 'they are really nice boys.' Put a sock in it, Emma. 
None of the three finalists sitting together! Shocking. Can't believe the negative chants for Dexter. Arseholes.
OM-Gina! Gina is third! Gina didn't look shocked to leave, either. It was Hazel that did for her and it serves her right. Calling Hazel a 'whore' was the last straw. She was swanning round like she owns the place. Gina is getting boos, too. 
Gina was so lucky to survive that first week. Ha, Emma mentioned her washing up a cup. I'm glad Gina didn't win. But I wish she'd come second. She deserves it over Sam and then some. Still slating Hazel! Tragic. I hope Hazel gives her a slap at the after party. You could have been one of the best winners, ever, Gina.  
I can't see Dexter and Sam holding hands in the final minutes, can you? 
Ha, Gina 'everyone knew' about Sam saying he had a crush on her. I thought she was quite dismissive of him.
I think it's so cruel to make Sam and Dexter sit there waiting for an hour whilst they show some Stephen King drama. It's like putting on the Langoliers in the middle of a football match. I mean, I will watch the show, but I'm not going to be forced to watch it now. Motherfuckers. 
God, we really need this £500, you know, we're brass. (Notice I've claimed half already) If Sam wins, I'm probably going to cry.
Honestly, it is virtually IMPOSSIBLE trying to avoid spoilers! So many people are going to have this ruined for them. I think it's especially ironic after a couple of years ago they dumped the live feed and said people preferred to get updates via social media. Well if people prefer to get updates via social media tonight then the show is going to be ruined for them. It shows a complete lack of respect for the fans and for the show. I find it offensive. Also, by the time they get on BOTS they'll have been chilling for half an hour. I prefer my housemates like rabbits in the headlights, don't know about you.
And we're back. I've got a really bad feeling about this. Really bad. As they say in the Big Brother house, I'm not gonna lie. I'm shitting myself. The public have made the wrong decision so many times. Denise. Ulrika. Paddy. And that's just the celeb series. 
I can't believe they're plugging their hashtag. Arseholes! Do not type that hashtag into Twitter. I bet literally thousands of people were spoilerised tonight. Thanks C5. It's a shame as it's been a great series, and it's a cheap and tacky way to end it.
Dexter vs Sam. Damn. Why do I feel like I'm going to be saying that in a minute?
I feel sick. Dexter's not got his Tuco shoes on. Boo! They both look like they're gonna crap themselves. 
Oh no. Oh no, Sam did it. FUCK! I'm so sad. I am seriously so sad. And not just about the money. It's just an injustice. 
Aw, Dexter was too cute going 'thank you so much.' The twins sour faces! Fuck them. I wonder how close it was. Ha to people going ssssssss at Dexter.
Look at the way he's sitting in that chair. Such a badass. This is SUCH a disappointment. Probably the most disappointing winner ever. 
We missed out on Dexter's face. I missed out on champagne. This is just the worst. My boyfriend is going to kick something! So much for the journey! Dexter missed his stop. 
I feel like I'm going to puke. I honestly don't want to watch this. Sucks soooooo bad. I don't know how Emma can maintain the rictus grin. 
I can't even understand what he's fucking SAYING! Did Sam's rubbish jokes win it for him? Or was it his casual sexism? They didn't mention Jemima in his interview, I notice. 
I just broke the news to my boyfriend over the phone that he lost his bet. His response? 'We'll have to go and do some crime instead.' I actually cried as I was telling him. So close. Sooooo close. That was like telling him someone had died. Someone we weren't that close to, but even so. 
I'm going to think of Sam when on my days off this week and I'm drinking own brand redbull and Glenn's vodka instead of CHAMPAGNE. You BASTARD! 
PS: No podcast tonight as he's working, but we'll do a sad little wrap up along with the CBB launch show. See you then! It's been emotional. 

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