Friday, 16 January 2009

Celebrity Big Brother 2009: Hungry Ass

SO LISTEN. (Davina, please stop saying this, I AM listening)
Show Verne's meltdown! Now on channel 4, an exclusive advert. FUCK OFF! Show Verne's meltdown!
Tina and Mutya; dwarf hating! DON'T KICK THE GOLDEN GOOSE! Give him some champagne!!!
Tommy, bro. Coolio, bro. Ulrika-ka-ka called Coolio an anus!
I'm not being funny, but Tina said 'I'm not being funny...' three times tonight. When I hear the words 'I'm not being funny', I immediately replace it in my head with 'I'm a an utter cunt, so ignore the following statement..' So Tina (bowling ball with legs; Coolio's words, not mine) finally blew, but it was boring (except Michelle smirking). She is just a FISHWIFE. It's not sexism; it's idiocy. TINA was sexist with her 'fucking me and paying me mortgage' comment. Her attitude is disgraceful. Put the bitch in jail. She's the most intimidating person in the house.
Coolio was doing a Rex bigging up his cooking credentials. Coolio should respect Ulrika because 'she's married with four kids.' So what?! You should respect people anyway. I'm not married and I have no kids. Where's my medal?
BEN! Take your scunt off, it's getting BORING. I bet it's all filthy round your neck.
'If you don't moan for an hour; you can have a party'; So they all start arguing and moaning. The only way they can do it is to not speak at all. Shame!
How apt they played a song with the lyrics 'freak out' just before Verne went postal!
We were scared when we saw that smashed glass on the live feed last night! I thought Verne had kicked some arse.
Michelle, here's your letter from home; YOU'RE DUMPED! Haha to Ulrika's 'I think you and Ben could have sex now'; that was really funny.
Did Verne fold because he had a letter from home? He was kind of menacing circling round in his scooter. That was good TV. The silence was deafening. He's a naughty one, chatting up Ben and stuff! Coolio's 'we need to take your keys bro' was brilliant. His one liners are spot on at times.
The tension between La Toya and Verne was really interesting. Him cracking onto her was the best. 'With your smile you can do anything'. They would be the most brilliant couple ever.
I liked him beeping his horn at Mutya. I prefer naughty Verne! He's more well-rounded.
Evictions; the louder the 'YES' the more gutted they are! Haha. There goes your acting career; down the toilet. Coolio was right again.
Interview show; Tina, put your muff away! Why wasn't she booed more! BOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Davina called her Princess Shrek. Hehe! She looked like a bulldog chewing a wasp watching those nominations. YOU DON'T LISTEN!
Tina Bingo:
1. I'm not being funny, but...
2. I'm a fat bird...
3. I'm the sort of person who...
4. Not arsed...
5. Coolio is a twat
6. Ulrika to win
We did a drinking game during this interview; 'fat bird' was a shot, and I had to swallow it. 'That's just the way I am...' was a lucky escape from 'I'm the sort of person who...'
Er, then my freeview fucked up. So I missed it if she said 'Ulrika to win.' But she did, didn't she? Cheers!

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