Tuesday, 13 January 2009

Celebrity Big Brother 2009: The First Noms (This is MY house)

Madonna looks like a bag of crisps?! That's one bag of crisps I wouldn't eat.
So, the first nominations. Ah, Ben of A3 fame hasn't thought of anyone to nominate. Make the following words into one 8-letter-word: shit bull. He didn't exactly hesitate when he got in the diary room, did he?
And so we find out what they are really thinking. Blaming Tina for him being quiet in the house is a bit rich; she didn't form his personality. And voting Mutya over Coolio! Bad boy.
Coolio voted Ulrika 'to take her superior arse home' and Michelle 'because she has a decent body.' Uh?! That's the weirdest nomination ever.
La Toya tried to give some lame reason for nominating Ulrika, but she quickly enough came out with 'she's bossy and has hatred in her face.' Harsh! That's not hatred, it's botox. Besides, I'd rather have hatred in my face than someone else's skin colour on my entire body.
Finally; nominations to agree with! Michelle voted Tina and Coolio. Notice how she said 'something on Ben's side from me.' She is coming off kind of passive-aggressive bunny-boiler-ish.
I like Mutya! Tommy is annoying; why didn't he get more nominations? OMG Mutya nominated Verne!!! Get ready to get blasted on BBLB. You don't fuck with the golden goose, you dwarfist!!! Heads will ROLL. PS. Why the fuck didn't she nominate Coolio?
Terry nominated Michelle for being touchy and then projected over Ulrika. I think Ulrika liked him very much on Day 1. Terry just saw green. He enjoyed those nominations, didn't he? I still want him to be my pick, but he has got a right narky side.
What's with Tina's hat? Is it fetish-wear? Nominating Michelle for being 'shallow' when she actually meant 'thin'. And that aint no lie! And Ben! Poor puppy. He is a boring bastard though. Although I thought his story about the date was fair. I hate gold-diggers.
Tommy nommed Ulrika aka EUREKA (if you're a dumbass). His nomination for her came off very controlling, brother. He also nominated Mutyargh. Why should she break into song for you, you dullard? And as for not cleaning! Put your apron on Mutty, make Tommy a sandwich, there's a good girl.
Er... why aren't more people nominating TINA??? And who's Gay Guevara T-shirt is that? The public needs to know!
Ulrika wreaked her revenge on Ben for being more popular than her in that previous vote, right. Her reasons for nominating him were a bit weird. I would definitely vote out La Toya if she was there. She gives me nightmares.
Verne nominated Ulrika-ka-ka for being controlling. OK, all the Americans hate her, so she must be doing something to rub people up the wrong way. I want to defend her but the evidence mounts up. Shame, really. THANK FUCK VERNE NOMINATED TINA! He could win the show just on that one nomination alone. I love you, Verne. Wanna make a porno?
I can't BELIEVE Coolio didn't get more votes. How bizarre! So; it's all girls up. It's gotta be Tina, RIGHT?
Ben said out of all the women La Toya was the sexiest? I think he should have gone to Specsavers.
Tina's glee at telling people their negatives!!! Imagine calling The Samaritans and getting her on the line. 'Just FOOKIN' kill yourself!'
OH GOD I'M SO BORED OF THE MICHELLE/ BEN/ COOLIO TRIANGLE OF DESPAIR! Ben, grow some balls and stick up for yourself and your 'friend'. Michelle was milking it, but for God's sake, that joke isn't funny anymore. She's not 'playing into his hands' by being pissed off, but I'm sick of the lot of 'em. Coolio is bullying Michelle because he fancies her. It's pathetic. I WOULD walk out if it was me, if she really wants to prove her feelings. But the lure of fame is too much. And Cuntio said as much. Still, the blaming the victim thing is wrong. And why should she leave, really?
Ah, Michelle was doing that crying you do when you're 6 with little gasps in between. Talk of 'MY BOYFRIEND' reminds me of Rex and 'MY GIRLFRIEND'. And we know how happy they were, right? So my solution is let's ship Michelle Heaton's boyfriend in and let's see what REAL love is.
Ben is such a wet rag of a man. His 'I think you need to apologise' line was pathetic. He's the kind of boyfriend you dread getting beaten up on a night out because you suspect he'd cry his eyes out and call up his mummy. (this sounds sexist; but you know it's true, so I may as well say it)
La Toya's genius theory that 'we expect that behaviour out of Coolio, so let's overlook it.' was just perfect. Yeah; I expect a bit of kiddy-fiddling out of Gary Glitter, so I've decided just to overlook it and let him babysit. Lawks!

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