Big Brother UK 2016: Just stop dogging me around

Hello! We did a podcast last night for those with ears and dexterous volume control.
Aw, I hope Chelthea doesn't go tonight. I will mith his lithp. They're going to want Charlie and Jason to face off if anything.
Ooh the housemates are being told Emma has gone. Big Brother has got the rulebook out. The girls 'conspired not to nominate each other.' GIRLS ALLIANCE. Like they do in #bb18 But this is #bbuk. OK, so they've switched off the hot water, appliances, took away their shopping and booted Emma out. Fair enough. Andy is rulebooking. Do-gooder! Chelsea didn't know he wasn't allowed to talk about 'nominathions' after the fact. The boys are annoyed that the girls' pact will still stand. Oh well.
Lateysha cannot live off rice and peas, she lives off chocolate digestives.
I don't think anyone's even noticed Emma has gone. Lateysha is going on about biscuits and it's not even interesting. Chocolate digestives aren't even tasty. She should get thrown out for shoving one in her gob at the end.
I only just noticed Emma Willis's hair. Shite as usual.
Oh THAT'S why they didn't react to Emma going because Big Brother only just told them, lol. I thought no one gave a shit.
Sam says, 'Emma taught me positions I never thought I could get into.' Well, at least she was good for something.
OOH Jason is getting lots of airtime. Maybe there is a hope of him going. Now we're discussing the definition of the word 'conspiring.' Jason is being a dick. Let's conspire to evict Jason. Ha, now he's saying 'who nominated me and Charlie' and why. YOU FUCKING DID, mate. Bit rich. Get him out!
Evelyn thinks Alex is 'so grounded and his morals are so strong.' Alex replied: 'I don't know how to answer your question.' There wasn't a question. Alex: 'Every day I wonder what people would say at my funeral.' Hahaahhhaaaaa. You'd open the memorial service booklet and there would just be a picture of his arse.
Andy is stabbing Jason in the back in the diary room. Straight under the bus for you! Hahahaaa. Andy doesn't like the way you reacted to being nominated. Why don't you react to things like Andy? Why don't you behave like Andy in any given situation? Waaaaaa.
Emma just said 'Like Evelyn's camel toe, we've got so much more house action... sorry, we're bulging at the seams.'
ANNIHILATION is coming. Hopefully we can lose Jayne then.
Chelsea is doing another one of his stellar DR speeches: 'Through thick and thin... I'll take it like a man.'
I like Jayne giving advice to Charlie. It was good advice. 'It's always the woman who gets the blame.' Too true. I hope Charlie listens.
Andy is on a secret mission to stop acting like a douche for a day... sorry, to make up some historical facts. 'These people don't even know who Francis Drake is.' I don't even know if you spell that Francis or Frances and I'm not looking it up for this prick. I like his 'inflatable Rome' story though. Henry the 8th was secretly gay was good, too. World War 2.5. World War 3 we haven't had yet, haha.
So they are saving one person. Why are people cheering Jason? Charlie and Chelsea gets booed to fuck and Jason gets cheered. IT MAKES NO SENSE. 'Get Charlie out'? Why? Fans of dogs? She's not done anything wrong, except been a clinger.
Andy won the mission and got ingredients to make chilli con carne for the house. Not much of a reward, is it? I don't even know
Jayne wants a pot of jam, bread and a teabag or she's going to leave. She's not going to leave, is she?
Jayne: 'I don't want to open up a village fete or turn on the Christmas lights.' Where exactly? 'Please don't speak to Big Brother that way.' Big Brother is treating her like she's five. But she is acting like she's five.
Alex just waved his arse at Sam and Lateysha for no reason. He is a walking arse. Imagine if Laura had just done that, they would be baying for whore blood on Twitter. Yet the plank does it and everyone swoons. Kill me now.
Laura has found a manky bit of fudge and a used condom. WHY IS SHE SNIFFING IT? Whose is it?
Evelyn is covering up Chelsea's eye bags. I hope she's got a lot of makeup with her.
Why would anyone use a face mask in the Big Brother house? Jackson is remembering cracking onto Evelyn back in the day. How romantic.
Ryan has the all seeing eye tattooed on his hand. Do you think he's a truther? LOL Hughie just said Ryan was shit at giving blowies. Ryan: 'Whipped!' Hughie: 'Not by you.' Ha. Ryan is soooo lucky Hughie is in there, as Hughie makes Ryan bearable. His contrived DRs are only barely watchable.
God, this episode has been crap, and I also don't care who gets evicted, so it really is a lose/ lose.
Aw, Charlie crying at chants to get her out. That's sad, she's not that bad. Chelsea is way worse.
Charlie is out! They never even got to show it on the screens. Jason looking all sad! Motherfucker. At least she'll get over him now. It makes no sense, Chelsea and Jason are complete cunts, Charlie is alright. Aw, they're going to show her his nom in the interview.
Oooh she did blank him on her way out! Good girl. Fuck him, sausage fingered prick.
Charlie mentions 24 hours in a day. Standard. Editing. Check.
Emma gleefully showing the noms. All Charlie's noms were Jason-related.
I liked Charlie putting Jason on blast. Why are the crowd piping up? STFU. At least we don't have to sit through this boring manufactured storyline anymore.
Emma defending Jason by saying he just wants to be liked. No, he just wants to look good. There's a difference.
I feel sorry for Charlie that her whole storyline was Jason because he's not that interesting, but also, neither is she. Substandard housemates.
That was such a boring episode which equates to a boring blog. Don't blame me, blame Endemol. BRING ON THE ANNIHILATION.