Big Brother UK 2016: Well, that was fucking awkward

Ooh tonight's show looks good! Lucky Andy's the newscaster and not getting outside info, hey?
Oh Evelyn, if Alex hasn't kissed you by now, he really doesn't want to kiss you. Marco wasn't backward in coming forward with Laura (and now Emma), was he?
Jayne is needling Jason about evicting Ryan and Jackson is standing up for Jason 'he had his reasons.' STFU Jackson. You keep backing the wrong horse.
Alex's denim headband: eek. Laura, stop pushing the Alex and Evelyn thing through a fake dream. It's desperate. 'My best friend fancies you!' Alex: 'From school to marriage.' Yep, from the cradle to the grave. Bring on your funeral speech.
Why has Jackson got a flea in his ear about Jayne? Shurrup.
This task looks fun, with Andy being a news reporter. He is cringetastic. Ha, Emma was dumped by her boyfriend after disappearing for 20 hours with Marco. Laura: 'You little shit!' Why is Laura bothered? What about Bernardo! They were probably just smoking crack.
Laura has lovely gnashers. I've never noticed them before. Jackson nommed Laura, not even interesting.
Ooh 'Andy stabbed Jason in the back' news. I think this is a good way of mixing up the shitstir task but I think they could have used stronger material. Andy is 'struggling to recall the conversation.' Ha, I bet. Jason not impressed. Mind you, how can you tell, his face is always in Mount Rushmore mode. Loved Andy going, 'Well that was fucking awkward.' at the end.
Haa now they're showing Jackson a tweet accusing him of fake crying, ha. Outside contact! Jackson: 'Crying in front of hundreds and thousands of people... maybe even millions.' No, right first time.
Andy: 'Jackson, what is your accent?' Hahaha. Jackson can both do street slang and speak eloquently.  Andy's busting out the whole 'let me finish.' Jackson is now being accused of playing the hero. Jackson is UTC. He's sweating physically and metaphorically. Andy then said, 'We're both sitting here sweating our arses off.' Not very professional. Andy is apparently: 'Better than Piers Morgan.' In what way, exactly?!
Andy: cue card fail. He could take a few tips from Chenbot.
Jayne is the outside reporter and advocating 'tits and teeth.' Well, I have both of those. They are having to pick between fake and real news stories. Brexit chat! Asking Alex's opinion on Brexit, hahaha. Good luck, Jayne. Ha, they all think we voted Remain. Andy's Brexit shock face was quite funny. Wait til he finds out about Grindr.
None of the housemates think David Cameron has stepped down after Brexit. Jayne thinks 'anyone would be better than the pig fucker as Prime Minister.' OK, she didn't say 'pig fucker.'
Jason: 'Andy knows more than what we do' about the news. True. But so does Jett Riviera.
Jackson's reaction to Theresa May being Prime Minister. 'We got a girl as Prime Minister? That's never happened before.' I think Andy is doing literal facepalm on the desk. How could you forget the Iron Lady. I know all those people dancing on her grave didn't.
Andy called David Cameron a 'pack of gammon.' Bit disrespectful to pigs, really.
They are now showing them Lateysha on BOTS calling Jason and Andy gameplanners. Jason: 'If the people on Bit on the Side think I'm a gameplayer, that's up to them.' Thanks for that, Jason. They do.
Feels like a bit mean to have this task based around news, hosted by Andy, when we all know the biggest news is that his boyfriend is a cheating rat. I think Andy will feel quite embarrassed and played when he comes out and it's a bit ssssssnaky of Big Brother to do it.
They are quoting Hughie's DR about Jason, lol. 'Not even horrible in an entertaining way.' Ha, they played what Jason said about Laura, too. And then what Laura said about Alex. Boom! It was like a baton of bitchery passing along. Laura was right, Alex doesn't care less about her.
Jason: 'Can I ask a question? How do you play a game in here?' Lol. Typical gameplanner tactic! Andy seems to know a lot about it.
Jason: 'If they want to see me explode, I'll explode but they'd better have ten security men on the other side of that wall.' Psycho pants. Jason to Andy: 'Don't waste your breath, no disrespect.' God, what a grumpy old sod. Jason is going to 'kick off at one person.' Who?
Jackson is also boo-hooing in the DR because of his street/posh accent woes. Bad atmosphere!
Ugh, I hate face paints. Annoying. Andy likes face paints? Weird.
Jason wants to leave and doesn't want to give 'any more camera time.' He wants to 'do things his own way' and he wants 'some dignity.' Good luck with that. Dignity in (not) leaving the Big Brother house is not that catchy.
Jason has decided to stay. 'Andy you've always talked and it's never been a problem.' Except when he backstabbed you, ha.
This episode started well but has gone boring. Jackson vs Jayne: who cares?
Jason and Jackson are so terrified of public perception. If you know yourself, you don't give a fuck what the public thinks of you, because you know you're alright. So this tells me they are both true gamers.
OMG Alex looked so disgusted when Evelyn cuddled up to him. I think he basically recoiled. She had to kiss him first too, and it lasted like one second. Tragic. Just tell her you're not interested, mate. Cos this is not going to sound good in your eulogy.